PT course

I just received my first assignment for the PT course and it is a big one!  They say it takes 20-40 hours and I believe them!  Although the 20% on anatomy is easy for me, the rest is foreign territory.  However, every question has a reference to it, so it wont be hard to go through and find the answers.  The part where there's a case study and you have to devise a workout plan for the client looks time consuming.  I expect it will take me about 2-3 weeks to find the time to fill the whole assignment out and at that pace I should have the whole Cert IV done in 8 months I think, so about Jan/Feb next year.

I had my first lecture for the term today.  It was good having it at 1pm and not 6am.  I feel pretty good and like I'm on-the-ball a bit more this term, so I better not get too complacent.

I also managed to log a workout this am, so that was nice.  In my new gym.  Works well, despite the TV being so tiny.  I still have to beautify the room a bit more and make it even more appealing to be in there - almost zen-like.  It's good I don't have to shut the blinds anymore (or move the couch) in fear of my neighbours seeing me!  I just have a semi-fernery (which I'm working on improving) to gawk at me.

New gym

I've finally converted the spare room into my gym/workout space.

MSS Day 1, Week 1

Today is my first day back at med school.  Whoo-hoo.  It feels like I had such a massive break and I'm glad to be back.

I have, however, woken up with what seems to be the beginning of the flu.  Either that, or I ran a marathon overnight that I wasn't aware of and stuffed my frontal sinuses full of cotton wool at the same time.

Great.

Someone at work just had a week off with the flu, so I hope I don't get it as bad.  Bad, bad timing.

Yesterday I blocked out my entire day (for today) with when to get up, have breakfast, workout, 3x 2-hour study blocks, grocery shopping, beauty/pre-bed routine etc etc.  If only my Google calendar had the function to move everything down by 2 hours because that's how long I slept in this morning.  I have a really full-on week so I thought I might try and get on top of my sleep banking. 

I did a pathetic workout this morning.  I just got the New York City Ballet Workout DVD.  Man, I didn't realise how dated that thing was.  Geez.  But it was good and I can see a lot of the TAM theories in there.  TAM is definitely better though, and I'll do that tomorrow.

I got an email saying my PT books have been shipped so I can expect them during the week.  I really hope it complements what I'm doing and doesnt' distract too much.  Maybe it will help knit my study and fitness lives a little.

Now I have to go study because my first lecture is tomorrow!

Art and stuff

Well Thursday night my friend came over.  She lives about 4 hours drive away!  And I did her hair on Friday as I used to be a hairdresser in a former life and she never goes to hairdresser's or ever dyes her hair until just a few weeks ago and just need some advice and tweaking.  It was actually quite enjoyable to do a bit of hair again, although I was so slow at putting in the foils etc. It took hours.

She left in the afternoon and I got a darn migraine.  I was just thinking a few days ago that I hadn't had one in awhile.  The acupressure points my biochemistry lecturer taught me helped keep it to a minimum, but it still rendered me useless and unable to go into work.  The pressure points, btw, are for the kidney merdian if you produce too much serotonin and need to help excrete it.  The points are between the sternoclaivcular joints and where the first rib joins the manubrium.  Mmm... not sure what you'd call that.  I guess it's the first intercostal space immediately lateral to the manubrium.  You'll have to Google that if you're not anatomically minded.

The photo above is of a painting called "Anguish" by Albery Schenck from ~c. 1880 and is in the National Gallery of Victoria in Melbourne.  I went in there yesterday for something to do and came across this painting, which I recognised as I think it's fairly famous/popular.  And I really like it and want a print for my house.  It kind of inspired me to paint again.  I have one painting I did about a year ago and I'm destroyed everything else I've ever done in typical crazy artist fashion.  Anyway, the feeling of my painting is similar to that of Anguish (but not as good, obviously) and I want to do a few more and have a collection.  The one I have done already was inspired by the bitter Winters we have here out in the rural areas near Melbourne.  I really hate the cold, but I'm starting to feel more and more that the Summers are better if you also have the dichotomy of the Winters.  It's neither good nor bad, it just is the other side of the same coin.  Pretty deep life stuff, eh?  I can be a little emo sometimes if I try.

Med - I officially start the term tomorrow, being the 30th of May, but Samoa is a day behind! 

MSS

So I'm doing the musculoskeletal system this term, and I just paid the final instalment of my deposit to do the Cert IV in Personal Training which means they're about to send me the course.  I hope the first part of the PT course is A+P because it will work in well with the MSS module.

So far, I've been trying to memorise the anatomy of the joints of the upper limbs.  I generally don't find gross anatomy very stimulating.  I like physiology and pathophysiology probably best.  I might try and rank the disciplines just for fun:

Physiology>pathology>pharmacology>histology>biochemistry>immunology>gross anatomy>genetics>embryology>research>behavioural science

One good things is I already know a fair bit of anat from my paramedic degree, so it's just about filling in some blanks and adding a bit more to my repertoire.

One thing I've already learnt today - the sternoclavicular joint has a range of movement much greater than I ever considered (about 30o in any direction).  Another good thing is that now when I have patients with dislocated shoulders, I know a bit more about what's going on, and why that doc I worked with once at the music festival wouldn't reduce the patient's shoulder without an xray first.

Ok, back to Clinically Orientated Anatomy by Moore and Dalley and the shoulder joint I go....

Studying at work

This is the space I use at work to study.  Sometimes it's really ambulance focused, and sometimes it's doctor focused, but it's always medical.  The in-trays in the corner are not all mine and this is a common space, but it's great to have a nice large desk to use.  There is another desk next to this one where the PC is, so there are two desks in the office.  There's also a big kitchen table, and then another table again in the reliever's quarters, so there's always a space I can use.

Today I found out my fees made it to Samoa and I'm enrolled in the Musculoskeletal module!  I got access to the study material today and I've started looking at everything and marking out my lecture times on my Google calendar. 

This term there's 2 lecture times per week - one hour at 1pm on Tuesdays, and 2 hours between 5am and 7am on Wednesday mornings.  The Wednesday ones get marked on "participation" and are more like tutes - very interactive.  Even though they are way too early for me, it is ok because I start my day shifts at 7am and am more likely to make this time slot.  I guess I'll have to get used to getting up at 4am!  Eeek.  I hope there's no one in my class in Perth or they'll have to get up/stay up at 1am until 4am.  Yikes.

First case study - Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Never been so excited.

Working out

I finally did a workout last night.  I finshed day shift and started on-call at 6.30pm, so I went straight home and put on my workout gear, did the 2nd series of the TAM Meta muscular workout for the first time, which wasn't too bad and quite an enjoyable change, and as soon as I was finished I got a call-out which took me out until11pm.  Now I'm back at work at 7am.

Although I didn't do cardio, I'm happy I'm working out again.  My body is starting to feel less sluggish already.  I was a little disgusted at how my capris fit, but that's ok.  I'll get there again.  I'm feeling optimistic again.

I also ate about 50% on-track which I'm hoping to improve on today. 

It's only 8am and I'm abpout to hit the books already.

Feeling good.

Nothing much

I don't have much to report since the last post.  I'm at work, I'm sorting out things like transferring my tuition fees to Samoa, and getting my application together for the ADF.  I'm nearly ready now to start studying before we get a job.  First I'll start with the work guidelines, then move back to my pharm text again.

I think I'm doing musculoskelatal and I just can't wait to find out!  I see there's also neuro and GIT available this term. 

So far, the food I pre-prepared on Sunday is working well for me and I barely notice I'm eating so healthy.  I realise I can easily live on fruit and veges for my source of carbs (no need for bread, pasta, and mostly no rice) as long as I eat them at regular intervals, but I still have this terrible sweet tooth.  I'll try going back to the dark chocolate at night thing again or maybe try and make TAM recipe of chocolate pudding bu add more chestnuts and blueberries and less choc.

I don't miss dairy at all (except it's in the chocolate), and green tea is a good substitute for coffee.  I do crave coke occasionally but if I have it it just makes it worse.  I have no problem with craving fats, but I have a lot of "healthy" fats like red meat (lean, but still enough), olive oil, and sometimes avocado (we have an avocado shortage atm.  I assume it's to do with the cyclones up north).

No workout logged as yet, but it's only early.

Back

Friday night I unexpectedly had a big night - lots of fun, and then had to get up early the next morning ot meet my sister as we had tickets to see the Tutankhamen exhibition at the Melbourne Museum.

Then I only had just enough time for a power nap before heading out to a farewell party for someone from work who I will miss.  Everyone will miss him - he's great.

Then I couldn't sleep last night because I had a Redbull, my bodyclock was off, it was very stormy, and I kept thinking about the apocalypse that was due at midnight.  I really should ban myself from Redbull.

Tonight I started back on-call, but before that my sister talked about a girl on Dr Oz who prepares her whole week's food every Sunday and cuts up veges and puts them into Tupperware containers in the fridge.  So today I made soup out of all my old veges in the fridge from when I did my big TAM shop about 2 weeks ago.  I'm really pleased I've at least got my nitrition back on-track.

I also dropped 0.5kg without trying and my mood has lifted and I have energy again, so I'm just going to blame being female for that and try and get back on track during the week.  The damage isn't that great afterall.  I wish I had a few more days off, but nevertheless, I'll try and at least get in my muscular workouts.  I think the pressure of doing muscular and cardio every day was a bit much so I'll start off with alternating days and trying to do at least one.  Mind you, the TAM Meta workouts are only 30mins, so I really should be able to do both.  The cardio takes more planning due to sports bras and getting all sweaty.  I can do the muscular stuff in my work overalls if need be.

AN Abrams

Improving

Things in my world are back on the improve after this recent little lull.  I'm ready to exercise again, and I feel so stupid about getting so down about little things like house work, but I accept I am human. 

Speaking of humanity, I watched the movie 2012 for the first time last night and there was a character of (what seemed to be suggested but not specifically identified as) the Dalai Lama sitting in the Himalayas in his Tibetan-style house/monastery.  I guess it could have been Dharamsala in India where he now resides in exile but I felt like it was suggesting he was still in Tibet, er, sorry, that part of China formerly know as Tibet.  And,  yes, I have totally overlooked the fact that the movie has HHDL having the key to his own ute.  I guess I'm a little precious about the Dalai Lama and Tibet.  I feel like I need a bumper sticker that says "Free Tibet. Again". 

But enough on that issue or I'm afraid I wont be let into China in September like what happened to Brad Pitt after he made Seven Years in Tibet.

Anyway, I finished my night shift at 9.30am this morning and I have nothing to do today except rest before my neighbour is taking me out for dinner tonight.

I'm writing this post on a mini-break from organising my study all ready for the new term.

Bring it on!

Clawing

I'm clawing my way back out of the mud. 

If my purpose in this life was to figure out money, then I think I'm definitely at risk of being reincarnated once again.

Anyway, I've managed to sort out a few things today although it's been a bit of a sad journey looking at my budget, and schedule, my commitments, my bad choices and poor decision.  But, I'm getting there.  I've gone through the "why am I do this to myself" conversation, and the "it would be worse if I was studying full-time on-campus and working part-time" reassurance conversation.

If, back in 2007 when I finished my paramedic degree and did the GAMSAT and got offered an interview to start in 2008 at an Australian med school, had I decided to take the plunge, I would be in 4th year now.  While that sounds great, if I think about everything I've done in the past three years I think I made the right decision.  If anything, I should have started at OUM sooner, but then again I wouldn't have bought this house. 

Thankfully, it looks like I'm going to be cleared for next term which starts in a week, so I can't bring this low energy into next term.  The bursar said I had to pay what I owed for last term, which is fair enough.  Although I don't really have that money right now, I was able to borrow it.

I've taken another OT shift tonight so I have to go get ready now.  Hopefully my next pay will go towards getting things squared away.

Failure

I'm feeling so negative today that I don't really want to post anything.

See last few days for summary.

Fees and money

I did an OT shift today at work.  Don't tell anyone but we didn't treat one single patient!  We're "didn't turn a wheel" as they say in ambulance.  It was great.  I spent the whole day studying my work protocols and the new changes they're bringing in.  I also looked again at bundle branch blocks as well as the pharm text.  And of course I gossiped with my girlfriend I was working with today.

The new OUM bursar contacted me today and I've replied and I'm still hoping this can be resolved.  I have been thinking a lot about money atm and have put in an application to the army for the graduate medical scheme.  I'm not sure how it will go considering it's really for Australians in Australian medical schools, but I'll try anyway. I think I'm an excellent candidate given my previous enlistment into the RAAMC (Royal Australian Army Medical Corps) and civilian achievements.  But I know the ADF doesn't like "grey" areas too much at all.  I'll keep you posted on that one.

Frustratingly, I feel I have undone so much of my hard work with my fitness in just the past week or two of injury and work.  I have been eating so poorly, I am saddened I have put so much rubbish back into my body when I was on such a good roll, just due to work demands.  There's nothing much I can do but start again, virtually from scratch.  It is completely disheartening as as much as I try, work and study make it virtually impossible.  I am feeling like a failure right now that I haven't figured it out. 

I'm hoping with a good night's sleep and a sleep-in tomrrow I might feel more optimistic and innovate a new plan for solving this problem.

OUM

So my medical school - Oceania University of Medicine - has just been through a restructuring process.  Now the Australian office has moved into Melbourne CBD and has a new contact for potential students and current Australian students.  I contacted this person yesterday and told her about my concerns with my tuition fees (I have not been invoiced the correct amount all year) and about enrolling in next term which starts on the 30th.  She told me there is now a new bursar in the US and the previous bursar in Samoa has not fully handed-over everything as yet.  She also said she'd get back to me within a day or two and confirm what is happening with me next term.  That's a good start and I feel I've done all which is obligated from my end.

Being rejuvenated with enthusiasm for studying med, this morning I've already downloaded a few of the additional lectures that are on OUM Moodle (website where all your lectures etc are accessed).  These are on subjects such as communication skills, ethics, dermatology, travel medicine etc.  They don't seem to fall in the other preclinical modules but obviously you need to know them.  My plan today is to make a separate folder for these additional lectures.  There's also other additional "live" lectures through the other program called Elluminate (that's the one where you imagine if Skype and Powerpoint had a baby).  These are about every fortnight and a guest speaker will talk on a specific disease or topic.  I really wanted to attend the one on polypharmacy but I couldn't due to work.  Ideally I'd attend all of them, but just like my good intentions to workout, eat well, save money, and keep my house tidy etc sometimes it doesn't quite happen.

Today my goal is to read Lippincott's Pharmacology at work (I'm doing OT today).  So far I've learnt a new word - "intrathecal" which means within a sheath, such as the spinal canal.  By the end of this med degree I should be able to speak quite a lot of Latin and Greek.

There's only two introduciton chapters (which I'm still stuck in) then you go right into the guts of it starting in drugs that affect the autonomic nervous system.

You know you're a bit nerdy when this excits you....

Working

Working.  What's new.

Work - Got rudely woken by a fantastic MVA job sent to my pager early this morning.  I wish my brain had been screwed on a bit tighter before starting the job, but it went ok anyway.  One learns how to do this job in one's sleep out of necessity.

I was beating myself up about my poor scene control skills, but my wiser and more experienced co-worker talked me down and was very nice at reassuring me that I'm good at what I do.  That was nice and generous of her. 

TAM - Hmmm... so I'm not as tired today as I have been all working week but I still feel like I need a day off before I can regroup and relook at this fitness thing.  One of the reasons I wanted to do my PT ticket was to always make sure I made the time to keep in shape.  I'm starting to think of fitness as being like maintaining a clean house - it's always there, waiting to be done.  You can leave it for a few days or even a week, but then it gets ugly and takes a lot of work to get back on track.  You don't have to do much but the more you do, the better it looks.  It's not fun at times, but if you just get it done then you like what you see.  The difference between doing the minimal and looking extraordinary requires and exponential increase in effort - like climbing a mountain that keeps getting steeper.

My friend explained to me what climbing Mt Kilimanjaro was like - he said by the last day reaching the summit it was like it took 30 secs to take each step.  The progress what ridiculously slow due to the altitude.

Study - I'm missing study.  I just reviewed bundle branch blocks and wrote up a sheet for the clinical board on how to diagnose BBBs on a 12-lead ECG.  Most ambos don't really get into 12-leads as we only have 3-leads (in my ambulance service - except for the [Mobile] Intensive Care Ambulance paramedics) as we really only treat shockable rhythms and we call for MICA for other arrhythmias causing perfusion problems, ie bradycardia with hypotension, or SVT.  But really, we're not expected to DDx even SVT or ST-elevation.  But we do.

So, yeh, BBBs are not high on the priority of ECG diagnosis.  We're more about treating symptomatically, ie chest pain => acute coronary symptom protocol.  It is good for me starting out, in a way. because we are taught to really concentrate firstly on the patient's clinical presentation, and secondly on the other information like the "numbers" and the ECG.

It was good to go over ECGs again and just refresh on a few things.

Two weeks until term starts.....

Hours

Today I've started a new fortnightly "time sheet" where all our hours are added up for the fortnight and eventually paid to us.  The fortnight I've just worked added up like this:

On duty - 92 hours
On duty (overtime) - 9 hours
Call-outs - 22.5 hours
On-call - 90 hours

Yes, I'm serious.  I worked 123.5 hours in a fortnight and was on-call for another 90 hours on top of that.

I heard that interns used to work 60+ hour weeks.  Well, I would be well prepared for that if I had to do it, but I think in this day and age the ambulance service seems to be the only organisation that allows people to operate heavy machinery and treat critically ill patients in a state of sleep deprivation, hunger, and exhaustion.

But enough complaining.  Tonight and tomorrow are my last for the week (unless I take another OT shift).

So I haven't been doing any TAM or other form of workout at all.  If I get enough sleep tonight then tomorrow might be a possibility.  Until then I'm thinking of how I can incorporate exercise into my daily life while working this roster and , eek, studying medicine.

Agh... my pager just went off again....

Hospitals

Waiting at the hospital for my partner to finish writing his case sheet. I'm a mixture of exhausted, bored, hungry, and fed-up.

Wish I could be bothered reading the textbooks in the doctors lounge.

Trying to hang in there.

Finish in about 52 hours and 10 minutes

Getting smashed

I just got my ass kicked at work this weekend and it's still not over.  I'm basically simply trying to survive. I feel if I got left alone today at work I might have enough energy tonight to do a workout.  Maybe.

Last night on-call I had a good interesting cardiac patient (young person with atypical chest pain with a previous history of arrhythmia but a very poor historian, presenting in sinus tachycardia), and an interesting foreign body trauma patient as well.  All I can say it, be careful where you leave your knitting needles.  Two patients only, but they took over 7 hours due to long transport times and waits at the hospitals and of course the lovely paper work.

My house is so ferral - my dishes are still in the sink from making my TAM food two days ago.  Foul.  So that's the first thing on my To Do list today, then general housekeeping.  I must get these done before the new week starts so maybe, just maybe, I can start fresh and get back into working out.

The TAM diet is not going well.  I don't mind the food so much, but its not satisfying enough and I find my energy levels are low.  I felt much better on the Venice Nutrition.

Anyway, I feel so tired but I'm maintaining my new set point weight.  I am hoping to regroup and attack that plataeu again.

Two weeks until I go back to med school.  I had a read through my USMLE Step 1 book on Kindle in the ambulance last night but I really want to go through my work guidlelines during the week too..

So much to achieve.

Blogger and reignighting enthusiasm

Blogger is back up finally, so I just published some posts I've written over the past few days.

Last night we finished at about midnight.  I got to bed by 1am.  It is freezing here atm.  The heater went off but the fan kept going in my ducted heating and I couldn't reset the controller on the wall.  So at about 3am I had to put a coat and boots on and go outside with a penlight torch and reset the fuses so I could turn the fan off.

This morning I was happy the heater came on without any problems as it was freezing!  I was due back at work at 8am.  I quickly started to do some dishes and take out the rubbish but y pager went off and that was it.  I only just got back to branch now (about 5pm).  I just had something to eat and now I'm hoping to rest tonight (I'm on-call again).  I still have a really back neck and all I want to do is take Temazepam and red wine, but I will settle for resting my heavy head on the couch under the heater for about 2 hours.

No workout again, and I ate the TAM diet today and yesterday except for one meal each day.  Yesterday it was chicken burritos at the dinner party, and tonight, alas, it was a Quarter Pounder meal on the return from our 250km round trip.  I was hoping to have my cheat meal on the weekend some time anyway.  I will try and save my cheat meal for Saturdays now so I can keep better track and not feel so guilty about it.  I think my last one was last Saturday night...?

So I'm wondering how I can possibly do the TAM and fit it in with my work because right now I'm failing.

My last job today was a very sick respiratory patient that required a doctor escort. It was excellent because I told the doc I was a med student and he grilled me a bit in the back of the ambulance on the trip on the way down.  It was good.  I felt like a real med student again.  He told me he was the head of the emergency department of another large regional hospital and that I wouldn't have a problem getting a job despite studying offshore.

I hope he is right.

(Edit: Oh darn, my pager just went off gain....)

Tired

My nap turned into going to bed at 7.30pm, then at 7.45pm realising I was supposed to be at a dinner party. By 8.05pm I was dressed and at the party with a bowl of chocolate pudding that I had made for the TAM diet!

We got called out then cancelled by midnight.

So no workout logged yesterday and I have woken to such a messy house - how did this happen? I'm on duty again today so we'll see what I can squeeze into my day.

Dead-tired

We got smashed all day today at work. I'm so glad I had my food pre-prepared and quickly grabbed the containers and put them in my new cooler bag. They didn't taste too bad afterall.

Blogger is down so I have to save these posts for now.

So it's 7pm, I just got home, I have one TAM meal left (apple and blueberry for before bed) and I can't be bothered working out. I'm exhausted and I have a headache. I haven't had a rest day for 5 days so I think i'll take one now although it's not scheduled until Monday. I don't want to but i'm so tired and I'm oncall tonight. Maybe i'll try and have a nap and see what happens.

Blenders, capris, and DVDs

My DVD player died this morning straight after I did my cardio. I have wanted a second one for a while for the spare room i'm hoping to turn into a gym. I thought it would be about $100 but it was only $45 so I bought a blender as well. Then my friend told me I can play DVDs on my Wii... Oh well, at least I now have two players. Just need another TV and stand.

I'm really happy with my muscular definition so now I need to shed some more fat to see it better.

Now with my new blender I can do the week 1 TAM diet. I bought all the ingredients for a week and it was about $90. Not bad, eh?

This arvo I quickly whipped up the first 3 meals for the next 2 days but I need to do more tonight while i'm oncall if we're not too busy (as well as do my muscle workout). I think all of them can be frozen quite well.

Also, I got a pair of workout capris/leggings from Target for only $20 so i'm quite happy about that but can't wait to get some more nicer workout gear. Will have to wait though....

My workout space

Meta Day 2

Woke up on a real downer this morning. Not sure if it's hormonal (I think it is - I have that "fat, ugly bitch" self-talk going on) or what. I haven't heard back from uni about next term and I seem to have a lot of financial stress atm. Not even feeling optimistic about this TAM program or my ability to keep breaking through this plataeu which feels like a tight elastic band - it's moving but needs constant force.
And....my neck is still sore.
I decided to do the muscular workout first today but I needed an hour to talk myself into doing my cardio. I think on my days off I'll do cardio first then muscular back-to-back so it gets done. I did the cardio but it was a poor performance. My mood lifted for about 10 mins during the cardio but that was it.
I'm feeling guilty about not following her diet. I don't have a blender for starters. I think I'll give it a few more days, maybe the first 10 days and see how I feel. I would prefer to double the cardio to an hour than eat pureed food for a week at a time.
So how to cure this mood: a). Drugs - chocolate, sugar, alcohol, natural endorphines from exercise or sex, b). Distraction -movies, shopping, visit friends, c). Perspective - think about people in a much worse situation and realise my life isn't that bad, d). Achieving a goal - cleaning, organising study. Not sure which I'll go for.
Sorry about this low post. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Meta Day 1

Since my total freak-out in early Feb, in March I started working out and eating healthy and as of today I have lost 4kg and 2% body fat  in to months and have gone below my normal "set point".  I'm not sure if that sounds like much, but to me it means all my clothes in my wardrobe fit nice again, and even one pair of jeans I put on yesterday are too loose.  If Ionly lost another 4kg and 2% body fat I would be pretty much at my ideal - the best body I've never had (as Tracy would say).

I got my Metamorphosis Hipcentric today and after taking my measurements and "before" photos I've just done my first Meta workout.  I couldn't decide whether to do cardio or strength first and it kind of threw me off.  Normally, people say to do strength first, but meta doesn't explicitly state which to do first but it seems to be suggesting cardio first.  It is more important to do cardio everyday, so maybe it's putting the importance of it first.  Oh I don't know.  It's annoying.  The diet is so prescriptive yet something like this really bugs me.

I've had a look at the diet and I wont be following it.  It's too small!  I feel my body will continue losing weight following my current diet which is modified Venice Nutrition.  I might try a few recipes because I likes the ones from the BC which some seem similar. 

My modified Venice Nutrition diet is based around the blood sugar stabilisation of eating every ~3hours and eating a balanced meal of protein, carbs, and fats.  I make sure to have both low and high GI carbs in the same meal (eg brown rice and strawberries), and I have slightly reduced the protein portion from about 140grams to about 100grams per meal, and if there are a lot of non-starchy veges in the meal (ie spinach, tomato) then I add that portion on top of the carbs - ie they don't count.  I also absolutely do not want to eat "fake" sweeteners as I read a few studies where the test mice actually gained weight, compared to the ones that had "real" sugar.  And I also knew a very experienced body-building trainer who swore every client of his that ate "sugar-free" lollies etc still held weight.  That's enough convincing for me on top of the suspected carciongenic nature of artificial sweeteners.

I pretty much don't eat dairy except my 2 pieces of dark chocolate every night (85% coco) and have added bread back in at once or twice a week (I had a very upset tummy after not eating bread for a week and then eating it, so I want to be able to eat it still) but its always wholemeal.  I also eat as many spices as possible (against TAM recommendations).

Anyway, I'm happily following the Meta workouts.  I kind of felt ripped off on the arms section and I miss doing the Mat Workout DVD, but the legs are all done in the all-fours position (aka doggy-style) so I think this is working them.  I hope its enough because doing the Mat I got really good tightness of the tricep bingo wings so far, so I hope it continues.  The Mat is also about 45mins and the Meta strength (or "transform") workout is only 30mins.  Hmmm....  I really like the cardio DVD, but I think I prefer the Mat and PDS strength workout so far, but I'lll stick with Meta for now and decide whether I'm going to renew it with the continuity program later.

And as another totally random thought, I'm watching Cesar Milan "The Dog Whisperer" and I've decided there are a few male humans that should be neutered to help their personality.  Seriously!

It's here

Finally, my TAM Meta has arrived....

Metamorphosis!

I've just seen online that my TAM Meta cleared Australian customs yesterday afternoon!   So exciting!  That means it might hopefully arrive tomorrow, but should definately make it during the week!  Woop-woop!  That's about 2 weeks from ordering to arriving in Oz if anyone was wondering.  I already have my PDS so I don'r really need it need it but I can't wait all the same. 

One step back

I've woken with a wry neck.  It's so bad.  All day.  So, so bad.  It's still sore now.  Too sore to workout.  Too sore to even cook dinner.  So I haven't worked out for nearly a week!!!!!!

Here's what happened:

Wednesday - Unplanned cheat meal, but good workout.  Planning to take my next cheat meal on Monday.
Thursday - Did my first TAM PDS workout.  F-ing love the results and think I've cracked the plateau!
Friday - got flogged at work.  Got up out of bed (a bit late as late call-out Thurs night and out until 4am) straight away (about 1pm) and didn't get back in until midnight.  No workout possible. 
Saturday - Needed to vacuum before I worked out on the floor - it had been neglected for over a week now.  Half way through vacuuming I get a job.  Get flogged with back-to-back patients and don't make it back until 5.30pm.  My lower back is killing from all the patient lifting and hours and hours stuck in the ambulance.  Decided I need the night off and the next day to rest my back.  Friend says she's going out and is picking me up at 6pm!  Have 30mins to get ready.  Have a few wines with dinner (which immediately relieves the pain - best muscle relaxant).  Dinner = cheat meal+++
Sunday - hangover.  Recovering from night before.  Too wasted to workout.  Just enough healthy food in the house to eat resonably well.  Feel ok about the cheat meal and feel it has not been an obstacle and happy with my progress.
Today - Get called at 7.30am (still in bed) to ask if I want to work OT.  Don't want to but I need to to pay for my med school fees.  Realise my neck is stiff - try and stretch it under the hot water in the shower and make it much worse to the point where I can't even put my hair up for work.  Still go in anyway with a lavendar-scented teddy-bear wheat heatpack on top of my paramedic uniform.  No chance of working out.  Too sore to even prepare food.  Manage to get a fairly healthy lunch at the cafe but snacking on the only food at work - chocolate. 

So there you go.  That's how easily one can be derailed.  I feel like I've lost a whole week and have gone back up to my plateau set point (the new one which is about 1kg under the old one).

I have enrolled to do my Personal Trainer certificate.  I think it wont take much time as the anatomy and physiology should be pretty basic.  I had a quick look at one of their online tute supplement videos and it was like "the cell wall is a semi-permeable membrane...", and "here are examples of synovial joints...".... ok, I think I will be right with the assesments without too much brain strain.

So I kind of fantasise about having a second job as a personal trainer, but being really high-end boutique, very personalised, like a 3 or 6 month program and not just being paid to kick someone's butt - that is so 5 years ago.  I also hope it will encourage me to stay looking good as it will be expected of me.  I've never been someone who anyone would say "oh yeh, she really looks like and athelete", so the challenge is captivating.  And mainly I'm hoping to encourage myself to keep going with this whole fitness thing - to make it a serious part of my ingrained, everyay life - and that, I believe, is worth the ivestment in PT course tuition fees.  I might even avoid my predestined path of diabetes.  Again, this is the rationalising I am a master at.  Truely.

I go back to work tomorrow night so I hope to get fully back on track tomorrow when I wake up (without a wry neck).

Stamps of shame

I went out last night and woke up hungover with the evidence (nightclub entrance stamps).

One of the unexpected benefits of being in good shape is the ability to bounce back after a big night out.

I had my (another) cheat meal last night. We went out for dinner first and I finally got to eat the pizza i've been fantasising about since I broke through my plateau. Even as I was eating it I was thinking "oh my metabolism can smash through this easily". I also had a massive slice of baci cake, but I had to have a side of salad as my taste buds couldn't handle such a big change.

Even now i'm hungover I still craved healthy food today.

Breaking it

We worked late last night (finished at 4am) so I didnt eat before bed (i did at 1am). Just woke up now at 1pm feeling weak and shaky.

Having my leftover dinner from 2days ago of vege soup with about 100g of chicken and green tea.

I haven't organised any other meals for the rest of the day yet.

Buuuuttt... I finally broke mt plaetaeu! Not sure how far I can move before my next one but I'm guessing about one more kilo at this stage.

I go back to work in 45mins so I'm going to do my workout at 6.30pm while on-call (provided we don't get a job).

My TAM Perfect Design Series (PDS) arrived today and I have a parcel waiting for me at the post office which might be my meta. Either way, I'm off BC DVDs from now but will try to keep taking inspiration from the book and diet plan.

I haven't heard back from my med school bursar which is a little worrying as term starts in 3 weeks.

Work and working out

We had a horrible job last night - a road fatality.  I didn't know the victim, and it looked very quick which is good, but the patient was too young.  There is nothing worse than someone having a horrible, prolonged, painful death in my opinion, which was not the case for this poor person - it was instant.  But being too young is always terrible. 

So, I am pretty hardened in the job.  These sort of things don't affect me as much as they used to.  I remember my first road fatality and I really felt I needed the rest of the night off to decompress.  I talked about it a lot afterwards.  But this job didn't even really come into my mind once it was over and I slept easily (I drifted off to sleep thinking about working out and food - the second half of this post) but even still, I would have to admit to having intrusive thoughts today.  They aren't disturbing in anyway, thankfully.  It's just that I barely ever think about a job once it's done - but this morning I found myself looking for a mention of the incident in the news and seeing cars on the road today that looked like theirs.  It seems that it has affected me in some way.

My work partner and I were talking tonight about who called in the job becasue we still remember that if you're not exposed to this sort of thing often it can really traumatise you.  But we didn't find out who found the victim, but I hope to catch up with the local copper and find out the story to have some closure.

So that's work.

Working out - my new obsession.  I'm so friggin sore today - I feel wrecked all over in the deepest musclular areas I haven't felt before in my life.  Luckily Tracy mentions all this in her BC book I have now.  Excitingly - my Beginners Cardio arrived this morning from eBay.  Yay!  I was really happy to do some new choreography for my cardio.  The DVD, though, doesn't have a flow - it's in four sections of learning then performing.  In her other dance cardio DVD I had (and lost) there was a learning chapter, then a performing non-stop chapter, so once you learnt it you could just go straight to it.  Ugh.

I went to bed hungry last night because I decided to give TAM BC diet a crack.  It's quite fine - not as bad as I thought.  I think because I've been gradually eating cleaner and cleaner over the past 2 months it wasn't so hard to adapt.  I definately have increased the servings - so the same thing for breakfast but twice.  The worst part is is how long they take to prepare.  Not good for a paramedic working call.  I could prepare ahead (I did for half the meals today) but that's an evening in itself.  Well maybe I'm just not used to being a Master Chef.  Infact, I'm learning at lot as I go.  Basically, think of me a a Bachelor and you'll have a good idea of my culinary skills.  I'm a bit worried now as I have nothign prepared for tomorrow and I haven't even looked at the meals.  Luckily, I have some vege soup and grilled chicken left.

New boots

I got my new pair of elasticated-sides work boots from uniforms, and they are really tight around the ankle. And I don't even have cankles. Need to wear them in more.

More on working out

So on top of tiredness and a sore throat, I also have some sort of stomach bug today. Ew.

I did my TAM muscles already sans arms and plan to do arms and cardio at 6.30pm.

I don't like the TAM BC as much cause I much prefer moving with a DVD, but it's good to shake things up while I'm waiting for Meta to arrive.

Because I'm sick I wondered if I was getting enough veges in my diet. Also, my appetite is way down so I'm thinking I might actually give the TAM diet a go. I just got back from the supermarket and my fridge now looks like the photo. I also just read the funny slogan in a fitness magazine which crosses the areas of my life of fitness, medicine, military, and humanitarian rights.

Love it.

Back at work

I'm back at work for another 5 days of day shift plus call and I already feel terrible.  I was so tired last night from TAM BC Day 1 (Tracy Anderson Method 30-day BootCamp) I went to bed at 9.30pm.  Then, I had to get up again at midnight to eat (chicken and orange juice) and I had a really sore throat that kept me awake and didn't go back to sleep until 1.30am.  The I was up at 6.30am for work.

I've done my personal administration for the morning (check the ambulance, checking work emails, work calendar, time sheet, stores order etc) I feel so tired now I can't decide whether to try and nap or do TAM muscle (saving cardio for on-call time as I get so sweaty) before we get our first job (it's still only 8.30am).  I am really looking forward to the workout but I know I wont do well if I'm this tired before I start.

Right now I'm thinking I'd love to do a Personal Trainer course, but who am I kidding, really?  On top of medicine after I just had a meltdown and withdrew (late!) form my Masters subjects.  Of course, PT wouldn't be enough - I'd have ot get a cert in nutrition too - but that wouldn't be enough either - I'd have to get the Diploma of Nutritional Medicine and the Diploma of Fitness or something like that.  I think I should encourage myself just to stick to my current over-stuffed schedule for now.

TAM-sore

This morning I did Day 1 from the TAM bootcamp (30-day method), and, wow, did it kick my butt.  I'm so used to the mat workout, even though it's still challenging, but this morning the 15 new moves really hurt - in a good way.  Tracy describes the pain as like having the flu.  It's a non-descript muscular pain.  Normally we're used to our large muscle groups hurting from physical strain, but her method purposely targets the "accessory" muscles - they're the muscles that aren't primarily used to perform an action, but can be recruited to help out if the primary muscle get exhausted, such as when a tired asthmatic starts using the SCM (neck) muscles.

The only time I have seen anything else like this method is the core-strength idea of Pilate's and yoga, and the "stability" training the personal trainers sometimes throw in, like doing pushups on a balance board.  Well, TAM takes this to a whole new level and is purposely designed to get the female body looking tight and as tiny as possible but still with great definition.  Which woman wouldn't want that?

I consider Tracy Anderson to be a genius, albeit maybe a slightly manic one (but aren't they all - I'm talking to you Isaac Newton).  She got obsessed with trying to get that ballet-dancer look and went on a personal mission to apply to it any female body type that came her way.  Being a female can be difficult - there's the apple, the pear, the hour-glass, added on top of the endo/meso/ectomorph body types, and let's not even talk about hormones and pregnancy.  A feel Tracy may have genuinely cracked the riddle and has at the very least added to the human collective knowledge.  She deserves an honorary PhD in my book.

So, yeh, I love her.  I say again, though, I have reservations about the diet plans of hers I have seen thus far.  I guess no-one and no-thing perfect.

Right now, after working out for 2 months with 1 month of TAM (muscle work only), I think my body might currently look the best it's even looked post-puberty.  And now I'm here, I want more.  And I can see how it can be done and I know what I have to do, so I'm going for it.  My aim is to get to a place I can maintain for life, which is about 5kg lighter from where I am now.  This might now sound like much on paper, but remember I have never been that light before since probably about Year 8 (13-14 years old).  I'm about 3kg heavier than in Year 8 now, but from Year 9 onwards I was within 1kgof what I am now.

When I visited Mum and Dad in Tasmania in January/February and did that Wineglass Bay hike, I was horrified at not only how I looked and how much I weighed (almost maximum ever, but I tried to ignore it) but mostly how unfit I was doing a hike that old people and children were doing.  It was disgusting to me.  Right now I'm going through the photos of that hike and have chosen some lovely "before" photos of myself and I am seriously shocked to look at them.  I had been hiding a lot of it under my work overalls, but in a singlet and short - eew.  I thought I was getting away with it, and I wasn't.

I always thought people who prioritised working out and had goals to "look good" were very vain and superficial.  It took studying med to realise that it is as much a worthy goal and becoming a doctor.  Controversial!  My body is my vehicle through life so, sorry, if I want a Ferrari instead of a VW Beetle.  And to be a good doctor you need to be fairly confident, and feeling confident about how you look and feel goes a long way.  I think I had just ignored it because I thought I was stuck with the body I had - the pretty but a bit chubby girl.  I now have hope.

As well as the new muscle routine, I did 20 minutes of her high-impact, high-intensity dance aerobics.  It was really basic choreography compared to her other DVD I have (had - I can't find it).  I was supposed to do 20 minutes high-intensity then 20 minutes low-intensity (step-touching instead of jumping).  After the first 20 minutes I was dead and just pend another 10 minutes playing with my dog in the backyard.

I go back to work tonight so I hope I can maintain this commitment and motivation.

Tracy Anderson

I just got Tracy Anderson's 30-day Method book today from Amazon. I'm really into the "TAM" right now, although I have more than a few reservations about her diet plan.

I did her dance cardio today for 20mins after my 1-hour mat workout. Tomorrow I start the 30-day workout for real, but using the Venice Nutrition diet instead (and all the other elements of Venice Nutrition such as sleep and stress control).

I've ordered the TAM Metamorphosis 90-day plan but I don't know how long it will take to arrive from the States, so the timing should be quite good.

I can't wait to pass on my TAM mat workout to my sister who is getting married in 5 months, then the 30-day method when my Meta arrives.

So, yeh, I'm pretty obsessed with TAM right now, but I just really like it. I even rearranged the furniture in my lounge room to accomodate my workouts (until I can get my dojo/gym ready). Yoga and running are on the back-burner for now.

I have exactly 4 weeks until I start med school again and it has seemed to have taken forever. It's perfect timing for me now to do this bootcamp as my world is organised and ready.

Med

I miss med school!  Want to go back already.  I don't miss the stress, sleep deprivation, sugar-overload, etc, but I miss learning what I need to know to become a doctor.  I have slowly, slowly been reading through my Lippincott's Pharmacology to prepare myself with a better foundation in this very important area of medicine.