I'm back.

Sorry about my absence.

I had a little freak-out.

Ok so I feel better now. I've sorted out my social media, AND decided I don't want to be a surgeon anymore lol

I got home from my last placement, and my daughter was acting distant toward me. I hated it. I hated it more than I want to be a surgeon. I want that closeness and bond with my child that only a more family-friendly medical career can provide. So there you go. GP-land for me. Maybe ED, depending.

So right now I'm back in the student accommodation ready for my FINAL clinical rotation! Woo-hoo! Amazing! It's in O&G.

I'm just sitting at my desk cutting off the fake nails I had put on for my wedding (PS I got married). Painted nails, and espcially aartifical nails, are a real no-no, but I havent had the chance to go get them soaked off so here I am cutting them really short and hoping noone will notice. They are a natural/nude colour. I will begin the painful process of actually tearing them from my nail bed tonight and see how far I get. There are bonded on tight!

Now I need to go cram for tomorrow. Apparently we have a full theatre list of gynae surgeries and I need to revise my female pelvic surgical anatomy knowledge.

Going away again. Sorry. Byes.

Hi peeps.

For the benefit for any regular readers out there, I wanted to let you know that I'm putting the blog on private for a while. Maybe an extended while.

The reason is that I'm going to be applying for doctor jobs soon enoguh and there is a certain societal expectation of the public persona of doctors, even though I've tried to keep this blog fairly anonymous. Given everything, I really can't afford to have any extra obstacles in my way.

I've taken a few other measures on the internet to try and build a professional persona. I'm almost digustedin myself for doing it, but I believe it's necessary. I'm getting married in a few weeks and I've decided to change my name (which will be before graduation from medical school) which allows me the luxury and opportunity to start afresh.

Anyway, I'll leave this here for a few days and then I'll go private for a bit.

Good luck to everyone!

So you want to be a surgeon

I have a problem. I want to be a surgeon.

It's problem because you have to be mentally a little bit, hmmm, mental to want to sacrifice all else for a career that is tough (very tough). It's also a problem for me becasue I've got a 2-year old daughter that I love being a mummy for. It's also a problem because surgical training programs are incredibly competitive to gain entry too and I'm, let's just say, not overly competitive in where I'm choosing to study medicine.

Where there's a will, there's a way, hey?

My Five Steps to achieving my/your goal is:

1. Visualise yourself achieving your goal
2. Find out what you need to do to achieve your goal, then repeat Step 1.
3. Find people that have already achieved your goal and do what they did, then repeat Step 1.
4. Find out if the people from Step 3 are available to be your mentor, either formally, informally, online stalker-type thing, or not.
5. Actually do the things in Step 2.

I've looked at the RACS website as to my Step 2 above and Oh. My. God. just getting INTO the surgical training program makes medical school look like a walk in the park. I can't believe I've been crying about how hard medical school is. It's true! The GAMSAT was the easiest exam of my medical career. Great.

Anyhoo, challenges only make us stronger, right?

....Right?

Getting closer to graduating!

The following is what I still need to do to graduate from medical school (it's getting closer!):

1. Complete surgical rotation (2.5 more weeks!)
2. Complete O+G rotation (8 weeks over xmas)
2. O+G exam
3. OSCE
4. Final Clinical Exam (MCQ)

I've also got a few log books etc to hand in. Pretty basic, but just time-consuming and annoying but hey it could be worse.

So how exciting!

I was able to arrange the surgery placement I needed, here at the same hospital, and got it sorted out very quickly and got asked what dates did I want, so here I am doing back-to-back with my 8 weeks IM (that I completed woo-hoo).

I moved rooms in student accommodation but it's in the same building. Last week, though, they had me in the doctors/med students house. Until that point I wasn't entirely sure why I was being housed with the nursing students, but I assumed it was something logisitcal. Now, although I still don't know why, I'm so glad I'm with the nursing students because the doctors house is horrible! I met with the lovely housing coordinator and she said "I'll make sure to have you in the nurses house over xmas" as it's summer and there's no aircon in the doctors house! Yuk!

Although I might be camping anyway....

I have just purchased a campervan :D This makes me very happy!

My lil fam and I did a campervan trip in New Zealand this time last year and loved it so much. I really wanted to get one of my own. Plus our extended families are spread all around Australia and I just love road trips. Especially while I'm a paramedic with lots of RDOs and annual leave and my fiance is a stay-at-home dad and our daughter is not at school yet. Such a greta opportunity to get away in the van when we can.

We've done a bit of camping before and lvoed it but it;s not as easy as just parking your van somewhere.

Anyway, I'm totally psyched and am thinking about a career in radiology so I can work from my laptop :D Not sure that is even a thing but the Plan B would be medical writing. Unfortunately, I don't reall ylike doing that so we will see!

So, my fam might come up and stay with me inthe campervan as it will be summer and there are really nice places to camp around where I'm doing my rotation. I am even excited about riding my bicycle to the hospital each day! I don't even ride a bicycle!

Apart from the eager anticipation of graduating, and the excitmnt over the future #vanlife, I am completely exhausted! I'm at work or placement 28 days of the month and it really not good for one's health at all. I would never, ever push on like this for an extended period of time. It's just not worth it.

So now to get an early night in my student dorm room before the ridiculously early start surgeons have (6:30am to get ward rounds done before theatre) and have a sleep uninterrupted by my little munchkin (although I miss her sososososo much).

What a journey!

Clinical placement update

Things have been going really good on this placement. The hospital is very friendly, as are the other students (both medical and nursing).

Staying in the student accommodation has been a very good experience for me. I am able focus being on a medical student and also rest when I need to (which you can't always do as a parent) which has enabled me to focus. I feel like I'm really keeping up with my local medstudent-peers and meeting expecations of the Interns and Registrars.

The Consultant and seniour staff here at the hospital have all been very forward in suggesting that I would be welcome as a doctor here, although they do all admit the frustrating obstacles with the internship bottle neck and the problem where the hospital is not an accredited training facility (at the moment). I do believe this will change in the near futre as the workload increases in regional areas and the need to invest in workforce stability pressures the government and training colleges to have a rethink. Whether this changes in time for me, I'm not sure.

Lately, I have not been worrying as much about my medical career's future as I have in the past. I'm not sure why. I think maybe it's becasue things are seeming to be working out, I'm more reassured of my level of knolwedge and the welcoming I've had at this site, and perhaps it has been a change in mindset. Maybe it's got to do with my fiancé taking over the primary carer role for our daughter. Maybe it's the fact I listen to podcasts in the car on the way up here and have created a morning routine including saying positive affirmations.

Things just seem to be going my way in all areas of my life, not just medicine.

They say to do the hard things when times are easy, or as I say "Get ahead now while you can".

I feel reinvigorated with my passion for medicine once again. I don't know why.

At the moment, I want to be a GP. I want to work 9am-3pm (school hours) and maybe train as a GP/O+G, or a GP/EM or something like that. Whatever it is, I'll be one of those "good" GPs. I want to have my office decor reflecting my aesthetic (which is quite clinical anyway) and even do housecalls. I'd like to build a relationship with my patients and be one of those old-school family physcicians. I want to keep my training up so I can handle emergencies that come in. I see so many GPs can't place IVs because they never do them, or even interpret 12-lead ECGs. I want to be able to excise skin lesions without referring to a surgeon, and really look after my pregnant and paediatric patients, and even mental health.

This is funny as I rememebr when I did my Basic Clinical Skills workshop the female GP said she was getting out of General PRactice as female GPs do "tears, fears, and smears" Which I think is psych, the worried-well/worried mums, and women's health (PAP smears). Bizarre that those are the things I, once again, look forward to providing for my patient.

Anyway, time to make dinner back in the student kitchen...

Additt to last post

For some reason I felt like I really wanted to talk about the idea of wastage when switching to minimalism.

So, here are my thoughts:

• Things taking up space and time and hassle and that are of burden to your life have a negative value. 
• Discarding absolute junk, and donating the rest as an act of charity, is good. Sell items that still have some monetary value if you desire.
• Once youve done your initial purge, you shouldn't unnecessaarily over-consume to the same extend you have been before. This reduces life-long net waste.
• If you do bring new things into your house that align with your aesthetics, try and purge the same number of items.
• When you do purchase "stuff", you are more likely to do it intentionally, thus minimising waste of money, time, landfill etc. It is much easier to do this when you have less other stuff and therefore you know what you do and do not need.
• You are less likely to duplicate purchases as you already know exactly where everything is.

I think that was it.

Minimalism

Totally non-med school related (or is it...?)...

So I've been doing the KonMarie method of decluttering since January (about 6 months) and am a bit addicted to it. I reassured my fiance it isnt OCD because people with OCD don't want their obsessions/compulsions lol

Our home/my life has been decluttered quite nicely. I did recently write a post on digital decluttering. That went well also. I'm also trying to limited my daily social media use. Sometimes I'm successful, sometimes not.

So now I'm down to wanting to go minimalist. Apparently there are "no rules" when it comes to minimalism.

I have begun with theses steps (some of them are decluttering rather than minimailsm but his is what I've been doing over the past fortnight):

1. Clearing off all surface tops, ie kitchen bench. I threw away (donated) my knife block and the knives just live in the draw now. I've donated a number of ornaments in order to welcome more space.

2. Reducing draw contents to the bare essentials and using divders in the draw for more order. I got some from the opshop! And a new white collander to relace the blue crappy one.

3. I got a whole heap of glass containers from the opshop and have begun taking the things in my pantry out of their packets and putting them into the containers. Apparently the words on the packaging creates mental clutter. I really like the aesthetics we have achieved so far in doing this. Even my fiance was very surprised and happy with how it looks. I also got a spice rack from the opshop (a nice one) and soaked off all the labels. Yep, I just have to guess which spice is which haha but it shouldnt be that difficult.

4. Pens! omg why do I have so many pens! I donated all but four.

5. Wardrobe! Totally my favourite! I begun with "defining my personal style" lol That was achieved with the help of Pinterest, and by thinking about which clothes make me feel really good and why. Many of the minimalists I follow on YouTube like to wear basically just black and white and maybe grey. One had a good tip about not buying tshirts with prints on them.

Ok so "My defined style" is like a smart, tailored casual with a good fitted sleeve and waist, and a slight utilitarian feel/slight WWII era feel. I've settled on my colour palette and it is the monochromes of black, some white (slightly high-maintenance so not overly keen), greys, and also denim blue, earthy olive drab green, and some blush nude. Nudes look fab but they washout my complexion so I need to be careful with it.

Once I decided on the colour palette I discarded any clothes in my wardrobe that weren't in-sync. This may sound extreme but let's face it, it's difficult to put together an outfit when you've got too many colours to work with. How many times do you wear something because you haven't worn it for a while even though you don't actually like it?

There weren't many that had to go except a few aqua-greens (I love the colour but again washes out my complexion), and a few other pinks that were too intense for my taste and never got worn in reality. I also realised I only like clothes that have a nice texture fabric, that have a nicely finished neckline that isn't too deep (hello, boobs), and I also avoid animal products like the plague due to ethical beliefs.

Then I listed the activities I do most often and what clothing I need for them (ie work is sorted due to uniform, med school hospital placements, hanging out at home, going on hikes and mini-adventures, and date nights with the man ie dinner and movies). I listed the items I love wearing but need replacing with the appropriate colour palette.

This was the fun part! I went to Target and Kmart (baby-free!) and went down every single aisle, considering my required colours, cut, fabric, and the clothes I actually need in my life. I didn't get distracted by "cute" clothes that weren't in-line with my desired wardrobe. For under $200 I virtually completed my wardrobe. I actually don't think I really require any more clothes now at all. I feel so liberated and free. I estimate I have around 50 items of clothing only now (sounds like more than it is: I challenge you to count your own), all of which I love. All of which go together and are real no-brainers. No stress about what goes with what, what looks good on or makes me look fat (losing weight also has helped this one), what suits me for which occasion. Seriously, who has time for that?

There are only one or two more things I'm thinking: ripped skinny jeans (I may just rip one of the pairs I own, plus I need to take int he waist band an inch to accomodate my large butt and small waist), new running shoes (might be on the xmas list), a new faux leather jacket (I have one I love but it's a bit broken and I'm on the lookout for its suitable replacement), and a blazer. I tried on one today but it didn't feel the right way so maybe that's not really what I want. I light jacket or some sort I think.

That's it! Amazing!

It will also be easier when I go to the opshop to search the garment racks with a clear vision of what I desire.

Digital declutter

*sorry about the typos - bit too busy to edit*

I am going through a major declutter this year. It all started back in January when I read Marie Kondo's book The Magic of Tidying Up. Since then, I've never stopped. I keep refining and refining. Now I'm on a mission to move from decluttered to minimalism.

A digital declutter is what I'm doing when I'm away from home (As I can't declutter my home when I'm away!). First I did my phone and deleted all the apps I didn't use. Then, the remaining apps I put all in one folder ("Apps") and moved it off the first home screen.  If I need to use an app I use the Search function.

Then, I turned off all the notifications for my apps and those annoying red update circles. The only notifications I get to my locked home screen are messages. I get notifications of FB posts once I've unlocked my phone.

I check my gmail ONCE per day now. I didn't bother emptying my inbox or anything as Gmail has such a good filter. I check FB way less often now and I'd love to get it down to once per day. I think I only check it more regualry than that when I'm bored, not because the app is controlling me.

Phone done.

Next, iPad. I did virtually the same as above, however my iPad 2 doesnt seem to have the search function so I had to keep the apps I wanted which were just the one's my daughter uses.

Finally, MacBook. I went into Finder and the Downloads and put everything in order of size. I deleted ones I didnt need. Then, with the larger files I wanted to keep (photos and ebooks) I opened Google Drive and moved them all over to there (drag and drop).

Then I organised the desktop into folders. That is all Iv'e onde on the laptop so far.

Next, Instagram. I started there as I knew it would be the quickest. First my Following list, I scrolled through and made sure I was folloing who I wanted to follow. The more people you follow, the more overwheling your feed becomes. I will just Search for hashtags and people as I wish but without following.   I am still following about 250 people.

Then, my IG profile. I changed my bio to just some symbols. Then, I went through all my photos and deleted the ones I felt no longer fit the overall theme I was wishing to create or were photos that didn't make me feel good for whatever reason.

IG done.

Now I'm onto Facebook. This is by-far the most time consuming for me.

First, I cheked my privacy settings to ensure they were as I want them to be. I tightened them a little.  Then I changed my Bio to just symbiols as per IG account.

Then I removed virtually all of my About details off my wall. I only have my Engaged To left.

Then, I went in and viewed my profile as the Public would see it. I was shocked at how many of my posted we set to Public. I didn't know where to start! I scrolled through my wall and started changing the settings to Friends Only but his is VERY time consuming. I vowed to check the privacy settings on all m y future posts as I post them to ensure this does not happen again.

Then I went into About and removed all those things such as Movie, Books, Pages Liked from my About section. On my wall I also hid my friends list.

Then,  I started going through my photo Albums. I deleted entire albums I no longer wanted, then started curating the others. I t not as overwhelming if you do it by Album. You can also download albums if you want to save them to a hardrive then delete it off Facebook. This is on my list of things to do.

On FB Timeline I regularly Hide from Timeline or I Don't Want To See this, which are options int he little arrow of top right corner of all News Feed boxes. I regularly Hide stuff that makes me feel bad in any way, anxious or disgusted, you know what I mean.

Friends list is a diffult one for me. I have a lot of contacts from work, medicine, netball etc and sometimes I want to be able to conact them via FB if necessary. I do Unfriend and Block when necessary, even if they ar a family member.

Finally, my own Profile Wall. This is by far the most time consuming. Scrolling down through year of posts takes ages to load and makes me feel motion sick. It's aslo something that if you do in small bits you have to scroll all the way back down to where you started each time. I think you can "jump" to certain years.  Some posts I delete and some posts I Hide From Timeline. I have to make sure I don't delete photos I dan't have saved elsewhere.

It is a work in progress.

Ok, I think that's my digital declutter summary.

Update and Making a come-back

Hi.

I'm on my Internal Med 8-week placement. I just got here. It's a Sunday evening and I've arrived at the student accommodation. What a luxury to be provided with accommodation!

Still need to complete the following to graduate from med school:

1. This 8-week IM rotation
2. 8 weeks O+G in November
3. 4 weeks of surg (trying to arrange)

Plus these exams:
1. O+G
2. Final clinical exam (written) <<<<scary one
3. OSCEs

I hope to be part of the graduating cohort in March 2017.


Making a come-back.

At some point, a few weeks ago, I thought to myself "What if?....I felt as confident about medicine as I do about paramedicine?"

Just allowing that thought to possess my mind for a moment opened something up to me. I realised I don't enjoy medicine mostly because I don't feel confident doing it. Yes, all my other arguments for why I prefer ambulance work are still valid, but WHAT IF?

I've just had 4 weeks annual leave and started to do some mental-game work. I've been reading, researching, watching, and listening to various sources. I found a new mentor and met her for coffee at her house. She has been a doctor for longer than I've been alive and was very, very helpful for my mind-game.

See, my problem is clinical, but it stems from my mind. It is so hard to learn if you have no confidence in your ability. Well, for me anyways.... I've been hiding. Pretending I'm not a med student. Hoping it will all just go away and I can go back to being a stay at home mum.

Then, I started to think BIG. What if..... I didn't go into General Practice? What part of medicine REALLY scares me, that I can turn around and make it motivate me to do better.

Ok, so then I had a dream about it - about what specialty really scares me. I'm not going to say which just yet (too scary). But I woke enthused about medicine again. Like the fire in my belly was fuelled once again. I think I just needed a really big goal to go for. Even though getting into GP-land would be still an amazing accomplishment, there's something about it, even the way I talk about it, that doesn't excite me, and I think I really need that excitement right now. I may end up in GP-land but it's the aiming for something bigger and scarier that is going to get me through med school.

My new mentor said something that really stuck in my mind

"You can't be a good mum, a good wife, and a good doctor all at the same time."

At first, that statement made me sad. I want to be all three. But then it transformed into something I really needed: to be let off the hook a little. It has allowed me to say to my fiancé (and daughter): "I'm sorry but I can't be a good mum and partner for the next 8 weeks." Of course my fiancé reassured me that I am a good partner and mother, but what I meant was that I have to put med school first for a little while. Even before them. Even though they mean more to me than anything.

It's sort of given me a bit of mental relief. I only have to be a good med student for the next 8 weeks.

So, I'm here, in my dorm room at the hospital. It's very comfortable. I'm SMASHING out the study. No distractions from work or home or what I "should" be doing. No watching the clock to get home early to see my munchkin. I'm here for the week and not going home until the weekend. That's that. I can completely focus on med school.

I'm realising I DO know stuff, and there is some stuff I don't know. The stuff I don't know was actually really great to find out because it made me realise that I DO know the other stuff after all.

I just hope I'm not SO far behind that I cannot come back. My new mentor reassures me that I am not That I WILL get through this and be a good doctor. I really needed someone to say that to me.

Now for 8 WEEKS OF POWER!

What if you don't want to be a doctor anymore? (Reasons I love being a paramedic)

Final year at medical school, yet SO not interested in leaving my current job as a paramedic and starting my medical career. SO NOT.

I've been toying with the idea that I don't want to be a doctor anymore. Well, at least, I'm not sure I want to ever practice clinical medicine.

Overall, I've really not been enjoying my placements. I find medicine "cool" and really interesting to learn about, but the reality of the "job" of being a doctor is much less desirable than my current role as a paramedic. Her are the reasons why I love being an ambo:

• you work autonomously (with your partner)
• you get "out" on the road
• you have the priveldge of coming into someone's home during a crisis
• you get to see someone in their natural habitat and how they live
• you get to drive fast with flashing lights
• you get fresh air
• you have a compltely new environment every shift/case you attend
• you have NO idea what your day is going to bring
• people trust and respect paramedics more than doctors (according to news polls)
• generally, it is one patient at a time and they get your full attention
• you only get "stuck" with patients for around an hour at a time or less (usually)
• I like wearing the uniform
• I feel more like myself at work
• other paramedics are generally really good people to be around
• the roster provides a better lifestyle for me (5 days on/5 days off)
• the annual leave is amazing (10 weeks per year, plus the ability to timebank)
• the wage is good compensation for the work we do and provides a level of living that I am happy with
• I'm happier at work than on placements (this may be due to being a student doctor)
• I'm good at my job
• I know my job so well now that it is easy, yet still stimulating
• I like having to use the level of inititive that can only be required in the pre-hospital environment
• pre-hospital medicine is an evolving field that has really exciting prospects for the future
• you get downtime
• I can get other personal errands done at work
• the work does not come home with me (although my pager sometimes does on-call)
• minimal paperwork
• recent pay increase
• you can go as deep into the clinical side of the job as you want (or not)
• I can work-out during work time

That is all for now.

Elective 1 done

Finished off Elective 1 a week ago. Phew!

I haven't recieved my supervisors report back as yet, but I've completed my log book.

I had been hoping to do another placement this "block" (my work roster is organised  but lack of in 4-week bloacks and that's how my mental calendar thinks) but I've been so mentally exhausted from my last placement, plus juggling work and mummy-duties, has made me just put that on the back-burner for now.

I paid another $2000 in tuition therefore leaving me only $1000 to go! Woohoo!

Clinical placements update

I have only TWO placements to finalise; both with promising leads. And only THREE exams left!

My FINAL steps before graduating are:

1. Elective 1 (in progress)
2. Surgery 4 weeks (currently arranging)
3. Elective 2 (currently arranging)
4. IM 8 weeks (booked)
5. O+G 8 weeks (booked)
6. O+G clerkship exam (written exam)
7. Final Clinical Exam (written exam)
8. Final OSCE (practical exam)
9. Pay remaining $3000 tuition

That's it!

What to do when you're really BEHIND at medical school

I feel behind. I am behind. I am overwhelmed. I am unable of forming sophisticated sentences.

I've just started brainstorming what to do in my situation and thought I'd share it in a post. I tried Googling what to do without success so maybe this will help some...



CJ's Damage Assessment and Strategy Tool for Medical Students that are Behind


1. Assess the damage

• take a long, hard look at yourself
• find an objective way to measure where you are and where you should be
• try to analyse why this happened. How can you prevent further damage?
• what is the gap? How long will it take to rememdy?

What I did: Used the MedBullet.com self-assessment exams to see how far behind I am and in which areas.

2. Forgive yourself so you can put the past behind you and move on

• whatever the cause of your situation, forgive yourself. In my situation, I spent too much time being a "mum" and not enough time being a "med student". I am not a bad person for doing this. It is ok. If you saw how cute my child is you'd understand. I made an error, likely becasue I want to be a good mum, and I have learned from it and am moving forward. This does not make me a bad person
• I also overestimated my knowledge and underestimated how much study I need to do. It happens. I have reassessed that my strategy is not working. I am making a new strategy
• accept this is life
• you are not a bad person
• you can still be a good doctor
• you are forgiven

Meditated. Had a wine. Doodled in my BuJo. Put the past behind me.

3. Create a new strategy

• be realsistic
• detail your strategy in as many steps as possible
• talk to others about their strategies and their advice (and take it with a grain of salt)
• what is your end-goal? Maybe its just to graduate, maybe it's to pass the AMC. Maybe you need a Leave of Absence.
• consider a tutor
• consider a new resource

Used the MedBullets study guide and tailoered it to my own schedule. Committed to reaing a chapter of Kumar's Clinical Medicine a night. Committed to watching a clinical YouTube video per day. Every day.

4. Prioritise strategy

• mistake are learning opportunities ONLY if you LEARN from them

Studying every day has become a non-negotiable now. 

Med School notes page plus clinical placements

I've added another page to this blog (see tabs at top) called "Med School notes". These are jpegs of my revision notes I'm doing for my clerkship and final clinical exam.

My revision is consisting of med school lectures and now mainly MedBullets.com which I thoroughly recommend.

My four weeks IM placement is finished. It went really well. I managed to juggle my ambulance shifts and placement. One bad thing, which became a good thing, is Bubs got bronchiolitis and was too sick for childcare so my partner had to take time off work to care for her. During that time we both decided it would be best if he took the rest of the year off work to care for Bubs and support me so I can continue juggling work and med school. So far, it has been working out really well for all three of us. I also just happened that I got a substantial pay rise at work so we don't really need both of us to be working at this point in time and are able to have one of us at home looking after the home front. Bubby does like childcare but not full-time, so perhaps she can still go casually or join a playgroup instead. Not sure yet. We're just playing it by ear at the moment. My partner is enjoying have time off work too.

Exciting: I got an email from a hospital saying they can take me for 16 weeks! Wows! It's a regional hospital about a 2.5-hour drive from home, which is completely fine because that's driveable and I can commute of my days off. I was worried I'd have to move away from home for months, so this is a good outcome. This is exciting and excellent news. It means I only have, really, four weeks of surgery to find and then that's it for clinical placements! Wow!

So my mentor said she might be able to help with the surgery, otherwise, there are five potential hospitals that I can chase up, and in fact that is my job to do today.

Things are going really well for me right now. The only thing that is bothering me is that OUM is only holding the OSCE and final clinical exam twice a year. This is very frustrating. It means that if I finish my placements a month after the OSCE, I have to wait another five months before I can sit the next one and graduate. This is what is looking like to be my situation with the OSCE in Dec and my projected completion time of January. How annoying. I have asked to do it early, but they are pretty strict with students needing to have completed all their placements first. So stay tuned for more on this one.

Planning and bullet journaling

If you want to multi-task, maximise efficiency, and generally succeed in life: I reckon it is a lot easier if you're good at managing your time, and managing time is easier if you plan ahead. I like to use my planner (I've been using the ManifestationPlanner.com this year) for planning.

I have recently discovered a system of planning called Bullet Journalling. This morning I spend a few hours planning out the coming weeks and months to juggle placements and work (and running a household, paying tuition fees, and looking after a toddler, etc).

This morning, I also listened to the first half of the Audible book "The Miracle Morning". I have actually already read it before but it was so good that I have decided to listen to it again. 

Not much to add

I don't really have much to add at this time to the blog but I thought I would post seeing as Bubby is napping and I have the laptop open.

I downloaded the Grammarly app, which I can thoroughly recommend. The free version is good.

I have been nominated for the OUM Students Association. I'll update how it goes over the next week or so. I don't really have the time to do it but there is a group of Australian students that are very driven to improve the course and circumstances for students. That requires people to put their hand up for nomination and to represent the other students There was a hole -> I stood in it.

I'm HATING having Bubby in full-time care atm, but what can I do? It's only for another 6 months this year so really I need to keep a good perspective and devote myself to making the most of the time I do have at home and to make sure this investment in my education pays off long-term.

I'm still using my Law of Attraction planner and can thoroughly recommend it, or at least, the Bullet Journal method (please Google). Maximum time efficiency is what is required in med school, especially if still working and/or raising children.

IM placement

I'm in week 2 of my IM placement and it's going really good.

The others (students, interns, registrars, consultants) have been very friendly and accepting of me as an "outsider", or "elective" med student, especially seeing as they rarely get international electives at the particular hospital where I am training.

My knowledge: there are gaps, but they're not HUUUGGE huge. Just bigger than I'd like. Not so embarrassing that my position as a final year medical student is questioned. Not at all. Well, not to my face.

Some things I have been doing have been seen as more advanced than expected for an average medical student and that has made me feel a lot better about myself. Those things include: writing the progress notes during ward rounds, reading the obs/drugs charts, placing IVs, and being eager to learn more than the bare essentials. Some med students do that, but it's not expected until intern year.

Some things that make me look a bit behind include my lack of in-depth knowledge on certain pathophysiology and pharmacology questions. Some of the rarer diseases, I also don't know as well as the local medical students. When it comes to the more common stuff, I think I have a really good grasp on the basics, thanks mostly to my paramedic background. For example, the Intern asked the Consultant why she didn't start her Type 1 Diabetes Mellitus patient on metformin (a Type 2 DM drug).

I am learning a lot about how ward rounds work, I went to an M+M session (morbidity and mortality), am generally keeping up with the discussion about patients and their management, and generally not looking TOO stupid. Whew.

Apart from the hands-on and clinical observing experience, this rotation has (so far) given me the boost in motivation that I really needed to get me back into the books and focused on up-skilling myself in the areas I need to improve. The first half of med school is all about keeping up with the pace of the course; been told what to study and when. The second half is all about (finding and) attending placements, consolidating knowledge, and filling in the gaps as you go along.

So, today is exactly six years since my first day of medical school! Wow! So I always knew it would take me five-and-a-half to six years to do a four year course. The reason being: the first two years I did part-time. This was always my strategy from the beginning (financial, mostly). It turns out that it is probably going to take me seven to seven-and-a-half years! GASP!

**Goes into cardiac arrest

Killing 17 birds with one stone - my current study plan

Here's my current plan of attack:

• study all day at work. Also, catch up on rest, sleep, meal prepping, and laundry and work. Also, clean car at work. Also clean boyfriend's car at work. 
• do placements when not at work. Try not to look like you've had no days off. 
• tell placements that placement is your priority. Tell work that work is your priority. Family is actually your priority.
• make sure to go through all the points you jot down in your mini-notebook while on placement in case you get asked the same question again. Looking dumb once is forgivable; looking dumb twice for the same topic is embarrassing.
• cross-reference the topics you need to study for IM exam with AMC MCQ prep material, Tally and O'Connor, and OUM set readings. 
• try not to cry.

I'm making my own hand-written notes and if I'm successful, I'll upload them somewhere.

OUM student conference Melbourne 2016

The conference was amazing. I really enjoyed meeting my fellow students. I am so proud to be a part of this group of extraordinary people. Now when I say I am n OUM student, I hold my head up high with pride.

The keynote speaker was Dr Johannes Wenzle and he is an expert in the Australian Medical Council exam that IMGs need to take to practice in Australia. I learned so much from just one weekend.

I took my daughter along for the Sunday session, which was a significant distraction, however, I still go a lot out of it.

That's all I really have to comment right now. Maybe I'll post about it later.

OUM Students Conference 2016 - pre-reading

Just some pre-conference pre-reading.... About 50 pages.

The students conference is on this weekend in Melbourne. 

Finance secured

Woohoo.

I've just received a phone call from the bank notifying me that I have been approved the money I need to pay for the remaining fees for the course!

Yay!

The financial stress of medical school has, overall, been more intense than the study load, job uncertainty, and placement-finding combined.

This is great news.

The repayments are completely affordable (spread over five years but I hope to have it all paid off within two years) and is a major milestone for me.

Australians are not entitled to any sort of student loans for overseas courses. Australian-based courses, such as medical degrees, are supported with either Commonwealth Supported Places, FEE-HELP loans, or a number of other government-supported schemes.

Studying medicine at OUM, for Australian students, is a huge financial commitment. Students cannot continue with their study unless they are up-to-date with their dues, paid module-by-module. I'm not sure how much I have paid in total (the fees changed - decreased, in fact - half-way through), but I think I have just bought myself a $136,000 degree over the past six years. Very competitive in the realm of medical degrees, but scary when I think of what else I might've done with that sort of cold hard cash.

I am very proud of myself for earning, and borrowing, that money over the past six years. Who knew I had that sort of economic potential.

Anyway, I have said before and still firmly believe that education is the best form of investment one can make. It's an even better investment if the odds are that that education can increase your earning potential enough to recoup the financial investment and even have greater returns.

So, I'm going to divulge some slightly personal information to you to show you how I did in the hope of assisting others:

• Completed the first two years of tuition over 4 years. Paid a monthly payment plan of about $1800 for 4 years (about $86,000)
• Refinanced my house for the first half of the clinical placements (about $25,000)
• Loan for final clinical fees ($25,000)

So, you need to bear in mind that I have continued to work full-time for the majority of my degree. The first four years we tough but I managed. I was also paying a brand-new mortgage off at the same time. Also about $1800 per month. I earn about $4000 per month, so simple maths shows I was pretty short on cash. I worked overtime whenever I could and got pretty burnt-out in the process. I also travelled and managed to make a bit of extra cash here and there to maintain a lifestyle I liked. 

I actually took a personal loan out at one point to help as I got behind. I paid that off about two years ago. When I took maternity leave, that is when things got really financially tough. I was able to refinance my home which increased my mortgage repayments which I am still, literally, paying for now. The best thing about this FINAL loan is that this is it. No more tuition fees coming next year to compound on the top of the financial pressure. I can take the full five years to repay it if I want. 

Ok, I hope me telling you all my personal financial business helps someone. I remember when I started I thought to myself that I had NO IDEA how I would afford everything but I just took a leap of faith, and worked really hard, got a little creative, begged, borrowed, and...refinanced. Somehow, it happened.

(I never did win the lottery, though...)  

Preparing for clinical placements

Here are some tips from University of Newcastle:

https://www.newcastle.edu.au/about-uon/governance-and-leadership/faculties-and-schools/faculty-of-health-and-medicine/resources/for-students/student-placement-information/the-placement-experience

HOW SHOULD I ACT ON PLACEMENT?

At all times you should demonstrate professional behaviour and comply with all attendance requirements, actively participate in learning experiences, and demonstrate respect for peers, supervisors and patients / clients. You should:

• be punctual
• dress professionally for your placement and adhere to any School or Facility specific dress codes (like uniforms)
• demonstrate cultural awareness and sensitivity
• display UON student identification card (with photograph) or School-specific placement cards (with photograph) as directed by your School
• adhere to the rules, regulations and by-laws of the placement facility
• show consideration in regards to the rights and properties of others
• meet the statutory and / or facility requirements regarding privacy and confidentiality
• refrain from any form of misconduct such as:
  • inappropriate behaviour and /or language
  • knowingly performing procedures beyond your level of learning
  • demonstrating intimidation
  • argumentation and disrespect

In some placement facilities mobile phones may interfere with the effective operation of electronic equipment. Just in case, make sure your mobile phone is switched off before attending a placement facility unless otherwise informed.

WHAT ARE THE PATIENT / CLIENT RIGHTS?

All patients/clients have a right to free and informed consent. You must always ask a patient/client for their consent to see them, talk with them, undertake a physical examination, access their patient/client notes or be involved in their care. You need to make sure that the patient/client understands that you are a student.

While most patient/clients are generous and will allow you to interact with them, some patients/clients may decline consent. It is expected that you will respect this decision.

It is an expectation that all students obtaining consent are familiar with the process and are aware of particular circumstances which influence the provision of informed consent. These include the patient's culture, language barriers or impact of medical or psychiatric illness. You should review your course notes for specific guidance or discuss the relevant issues with your Course Coordinator or placement supervisor.

Patient information is confidential. You should not identify a patient in any documentation or assignments. Any form of copying or photographing of patient information is not permitted. Each Health Facility will have a policy about the process of accessing a patient's record.

From RCH:

http://www.rch.org.au/studentorientation/2_preparing_for_placement/Preparing_for_placement/

Preparing for Practice

In order to get the most out of your placement at RCH it is important to:

• Be prepared - have a good understanding of the situation and gather as much information as possible. E.g. read the Unit Record; speak to other professionals involved; know the names of the parents and patient; know the medical condition of the child; organise an interpreter if required.
• Know your role - negotiate with your supervisor prior to meeting the family what your role and responsibilities will be: e.g. are you there to observe, should you contribute etc.
• Be respectful - Demonstrate respect and give your full attention in the meeting. Be aware of how your presentation, (Nonverbal behaviours) is perceived by others.
• Have a purpose - So that you can feel confident in the questions you ask; know what information you are trying to retrieve and what you can offer the family; don't feel embarrassed if you don't know the answer or feel that the topic requires a higher level of experience/knowledge - let them know you will find out and then check with your supervisor. 
• Be honest - introduce yourself as a student and don't be offended if the family would prefer to work with a qualified professional. This is a teaching hospital and most of our famlies are aware of that.
• Respect confidentiality and privacy - read, understand and sign the confidentiality and privacy agreement given to you at the beginning of your placement. Close the curtains or doors when discussing personal information with families; utilise private spaces where required and possible and obtain consent to share personal information with other agencies.

These are the videos I'm watching for IM:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YkHXtiSsuc&list=PLpy31mWaA4A4YVv4uIo11P8mA8tScc6SJ

plus my OUM ones on Moodle (same topics but far more boring).

Updates

I've just added an email address (profile) so people can contact me if they have any questions.

I've also added a FAQ page (tab at the top) and will add to it as people ask me questions.

Internal Medicine pre-placement panic

My heart sank just now as I see in my calendar that I begin my IM rotation in 2 weeks. I really do not feel prepared. If it wasn't the local hospital I'm trying to impress, and the home of my mentor, then I wouldn't care so much.

I asked my colleagues what to read before I go in and they said:

• pneumonia
• diabetes
• hypertension
• COPD/asthma

Maybe a few others.

When I read this topics I think of yeh, I get it, but my mind isn't in driving mode. It's in passenger mode. I'm not in the midst: oh what would I prescribe and how much. I don't know how to explain it. It's past my bedtime.

Ok another post about my pre-placement panic and what I'm doing about it tomorrow (I hope).

Can having a baby make you smarter?

It turns out YES!

Mothers often complain about baby-brain but I wonder if it's simply sleep- and rest-deprivation, and not being used to multitasking to such a high degree, dealing with stressful events, and having your routine (including sleep) completely out of whack. There's also the skill of being interrupted ever 5 seconds and remaining sane. That's a tough one.

I really feel that being a paramedic has prepared me for being a mother in all of the above ways.

And, as I think I blogged about in an earlier post, after having my first baby I felt I had gotten smarter and did an online IQ test where I scored much higher (about 10 points) than in previous attempts.

I also have a reduced requirement for sleep, a more profound sense of being present, and the ability to  make more rationale decision to prioritise (such as saving versus spending on things I don't need). My home is much cleaner and more organised.

They negative effects of becoming s mother, for me, is the deep feeling of fear. If anything happens to my child, it scares the absolute crap out of me. I suppose that is somewhat normal, especially for someone who has seen way too much scary shit at work.

Retrain your brain to find Netflix boring and textbooks interesting

^^This is what I have done.

Today, I'm at work. I have a mild headache from working on-call. I want to just relax, so I watch a little Netflix on my laptop. A few minutes in and I'm bored. I find it SO hard to find a show I actually like. I'd rather be reading textbooks or intellectual articles on the internet.

Dammit.

I never used to be this way.

However, if you take enjoyment from activities that ADD VALUE to your life, then I reckon you're onto a winner. Learning for enjoyment has got to be one of the best ways to spend leisure time if you are after an investment into your future. Investing into your mind, health, and spirit are the best investments that can be made (in my humble opinion).

Today I'm reading Cecil's Textbook of Internal Medicine and the Oxford Handbook of Clinical Medicine in preparation for my IM rotation coming up.

I have also been reading articles about Justin Wolfers, the Economist, and trying to think of how applying economic principles to my everyday life may be of benefit.

What is an ILIan?

So, I posted a few weeks ago that I was going to try and raise my IQ.

It is actually really difficult to find 20 minutes a day for something you're not very passionate about; that is not in your Top 3 goals for the day.

Sadly, so many competing priorities get left behind as I am busy with being a great mum, a great partner, and maintaining the household and providing 3x daily nutritious meals for the three of us. Oh yeh then there's work, med school, and other pursuits.

Anyway, I was decluttering some more (I can totally recommend Marie Kondo's method) and stumbled across an old test I did for special university entrance and it has allowed me membership with Intertel! Yay! That is the high IQ society for people who score in the 99th percentile or above.

So, anyway, it's not Triple Nine Society (aka TNS, 99.9th percentile) but it's a double nine society lol

Taking little wins where I can.

A member of Intertel is also sometimes known as an ILIan.

The test score I used placed me in the 99.8th percentile. Just a small 0.1% increase would be enough for TNS membership. It correlates with an IQ of 143. My goal was for 146 for TNS. I think this is a reasonable gain I could expect from proper nutrition, hydration, rest, sleep, and brain training.

From Wikipedia:

Some societies, including widely known societies such as Mensa, accept the results of standardized tests taken elsewhere. Those are listed below by selectivity percentile (assuming the now-standard definition of IQ as a standard score with a median of 100 and a standard deviation of 15 IQ points).

• Top 2 percent of population (98th percentile; 1 person out of 50; approximately IQ 130):
  • Mensa International – as of January 2014, ~110,000 members from ~100 countries; annual dues for American Mensa are $70 (dues differ by country).
• Top 1 percent (99th percentile; 1 out of 100; approximately IQ 135):
  • Intertel – as of January 2014, 1,300-1,400 members; annual dues are $39.
• Top 0.1 percent (99.9th percentile; 1 out of 1,000; approximately IQ 146):
  • Triple Nine Society – as of January 2016, 1,700 members from 50 countries; annual dues are $10.
• Top 0.003 percent (99.997th percentile; 1 out of 30,000; approximately IQ 160):
  • Prometheus Society – as of January 2014, ~120 members; annual dues are $50.
• Top 0.0001 percent (not reliable with current tests):
  • Mega Society – as of January 2014, 26 members

Life lessons

A couple of interesting things happened to me this week. One is that I bought my first Louis Vuitton handbag and first pair of LouBoutin shoes. If you are like my boyfriend and have no idea what this means, well it means that these are luxury items. Think of Mercedes in the car market and transpose that into handbags and shoes.

Here's the thing: the bag is good, but not THAT good. I like it. I bought it preloved and I'm so glad I did because there is no way it is worth the original $1800 price tag. Also, I am so bloody self-conscious carrying it. I don't like leaving it lying around just in case someone thinks its worth more than it is. Then there's the worry that people will think I bought it new and was so wasteful with my money.

The shoes: they're not that good either. I prefer the ones I got from the opshop. I don't know what brand those ones are but I like them. I'm reselling the shoes as they don't fit properly anyway. I am also glad I bought them pre-loved and not the original $1500 price.

So far my experience of these items is not what I thought it would be.

Then, today, I saw a post on Facebook that asked you to "choose" any one of a number of special gifts. By far the most popular was the ability to know the number of every scratch card (to get rich), and the second-best popular was to have the worlds highest IQ. Now, being in Mensa (and potentially Triple Nine Society) and knowing some super-dooper intelligent people with genius IQs, I know that having the world's highest IQ is not the "magic bullet" that people think it may be. People think they would be able to learn everything, to know everything, and to therefore make really good decisions and figure everything else out to get what they want. Not so. People are more than just rational thinking machines. And having the world's highest IQ doesn't necessarily make learning things about life simple.

That got me thinking about whether being rich isn't actually as good as some people think it might be.

So I Googled it. Turns out that being rich isn't the "magic bullet" some people think it may be.

Once I heard a saying that went something like: Money isn't important unless you don't have any.

I have being participating in a manifestation course (like the principles of The Secret). I am an avid vision-board maker. I bought a Law of Attraction Planner (I think it helped me secure my latest clinical placements).  I know people think it is a bunch of mumbo-jumbo, but what it does do is make you really focus on what you want. What you ACTUALLY want. These exercises made me think about whether I wanted to manifest that mansion on the hill nearby. The truth is: no, no I wouldn't want to live in that mansion. It's too big, too much maintenance, and draws too much attention. I already feel the house I live in is more than big enough for the three of us. Any bigger and I'd need staff. I don't want "staff" in my personal home. AS it turns out, I LOVE my house that I currently am in. I want to do more to the garden and buy new curtains, but overall I love it.

After I manifested my Louis Vuitton bag and LouBoutin shoes, I have realised I need to be careful what I wish for. I am grateful for them as they have made me realise the joy I thought they would bring me didn't happen. It makes me able to imagine if I did have that expensive luxury car: would I be constantly worried where I parked it? I heard a surgeon's Audi got keyed at the hospitals. It drew too much attention.

So, where to from here?

I truly believe that sometimes you have to go off course to know when you're on the right one. I think that's how heat-seeking missiles and sniffer dogs work.

I was manifesting 2016 as the year of luxury and celebration. I may need to rethink what this means to me.

Anyway, no big conclusion or pearls of wisdom; just some rambling.

Placements booked!

So, very exciting. I booked a 4-week IM placements and another 4-week EM placement (which I will do as an elective "rural emergency medicine").

I start IM in 4 weeks. I have been on annual leave and at home with the baby so not studying happened for me. I can get that done at work. I have 16 work days until my placement commences so in that time I need to get well enough prepared to make the most of my placement, feel more confident in myself as a medical student and future doctor, and not make a fool out of myself.

EM begins after a 4-week break between the two.

Both are local hospitals! YES! That means I can juggle being a mum and a paramedic without having to travel away from home.

Both hospitals have hinted that they can potentially give me more rotations. Both hospitals have internship programs that I'd LOVE to get once I graduate and pass AMC.

After these placements I still, therefore, have to find another 24 weeks of hospital placements before I can graduate.