Hi,
I'm back!
So...what has happened since my last post...
I had my second baby. A gorgeous baby boy. He's just so sweet and handsome, calm and very very strong! Wow! We call him Hulk Baby or Bam Bam. He's just perfection. I received my medical school diploma the day after he was born. It was a strange and amazing week!
He has only just started sleeping well at 6 months old, and with having a 3-year-old on top, it means I've been the perfect example of exhausted. Complete baby-brain has prevented me from attempting any form of study, revision, AMC or internship prep, until now. Given this situation, I have deferred my internship until 2019. I hope I get something next year.
So I will be focusing on AMC prep now. I hope to sit AMC Part 1 before May/June in case any mid-year offers become available (unlikely). I think I might need longer to pass it. I'm now dealing with the consequences of only putting in minimal effort at medical school basically since my first child was born. I had a feeling I'd need a catch-up year but having a baby on top means I'm practically having two catch-up years. I worry this won't be good when I apply for a job. I plan to try and do some observer shifts in the second-half of the year to accomodate for this. I worry I won't be able to fit everything in as I also want to go back to work casually for some extra money.
My daughter commences 3-year-old kinder next month, just two days a week, 9-2. We have arranged for our infant son to attend daycare on the same days to allow me time to study. Currently, I get not more than an hour or two per day, and that is highly interrupted and unproductive. My kids sleeping patterns overlap in the middle but it means at least one is awake for 16-18 hours a day. You don't need a PhD in mathematics to figure out I'm already running on empty and can't stay up to study when they are asleep. I'm ok to live day-to-day as a mum like this, but as a doctor preparing for registration exams and needing my brain to fire on all cylinders, this is less than ideal.
My husband will take care of the kids solo on the weekends this year so I can go to the library but the opening hours are limited at only 9 hours for the entire weekend. So, to do the maths, if all goes to plan, I will have 19 hours per week allocated to study. Most people study full-time, as in 40-50 hours, for 3-6 months to pass AMC. This makes me even more worried.
So I'm worried. In a nutshell. In a worried nutshell.
Then add on top of that "mum guilt." The fighting of the biological desire to be there for my babies 24/7. The wanting to play Lego and make snacks above medicine is a strong force. Intellectually I know better. I know they can thrive on two days paid care a week, I know they can thrive on hubby being the stay at home parent while I kick-start my medical career. I know this because I've done it already with thee lest child and she is just a fantastic kid.
I know they kids will have amazing opportunities as they grow with my income that medicine can provide.
My daughter's kinder is also the school both children will attend until they are 18 (graduated secondary school). It is a very good (read: expensive) school. It makes the worry about everything worth it. I follow the school on social media and when I see the older students are in Spain or France on exchange, participate in sports such as equestrian or cross-country skiing, travel to Ireland to learn traditional dance, and that half of the students graduate with scores in the top 20% of the country (i.e. admissions access to the majority of university courses), I know it is all worth it.
I'm back!
So...what has happened since my last post...
I had my second baby. A gorgeous baby boy. He's just so sweet and handsome, calm and very very strong! Wow! We call him Hulk Baby or Bam Bam. He's just perfection. I received my medical school diploma the day after he was born. It was a strange and amazing week!
He has only just started sleeping well at 6 months old, and with having a 3-year-old on top, it means I've been the perfect example of exhausted. Complete baby-brain has prevented me from attempting any form of study, revision, AMC or internship prep, until now. Given this situation, I have deferred my internship until 2019. I hope I get something next year.
So I will be focusing on AMC prep now. I hope to sit AMC Part 1 before May/June in case any mid-year offers become available (unlikely). I think I might need longer to pass it. I'm now dealing with the consequences of only putting in minimal effort at medical school basically since my first child was born. I had a feeling I'd need a catch-up year but having a baby on top means I'm practically having two catch-up years. I worry this won't be good when I apply for a job. I plan to try and do some observer shifts in the second-half of the year to accomodate for this. I worry I won't be able to fit everything in as I also want to go back to work casually for some extra money.
My daughter commences 3-year-old kinder next month, just two days a week, 9-2. We have arranged for our infant son to attend daycare on the same days to allow me time to study. Currently, I get not more than an hour or two per day, and that is highly interrupted and unproductive. My kids sleeping patterns overlap in the middle but it means at least one is awake for 16-18 hours a day. You don't need a PhD in mathematics to figure out I'm already running on empty and can't stay up to study when they are asleep. I'm ok to live day-to-day as a mum like this, but as a doctor preparing for registration exams and needing my brain to fire on all cylinders, this is less than ideal.
My husband will take care of the kids solo on the weekends this year so I can go to the library but the opening hours are limited at only 9 hours for the entire weekend. So, to do the maths, if all goes to plan, I will have 19 hours per week allocated to study. Most people study full-time, as in 40-50 hours, for 3-6 months to pass AMC. This makes me even more worried.
So I'm worried. In a nutshell. In a worried nutshell.
Then add on top of that "mum guilt." The fighting of the biological desire to be there for my babies 24/7. The wanting to play Lego and make snacks above medicine is a strong force. Intellectually I know better. I know they can thrive on two days paid care a week, I know they can thrive on hubby being the stay at home parent while I kick-start my medical career. I know this because I've done it already with thee lest child and she is just a fantastic kid.
I know they kids will have amazing opportunities as they grow with my income that medicine can provide.
My daughter's kinder is also the school both children will attend until they are 18 (graduated secondary school). It is a very good (read: expensive) school. It makes the worry about everything worth it. I follow the school on social media and when I see the older students are in Spain or France on exchange, participate in sports such as equestrian or cross-country skiing, travel to Ireland to learn traditional dance, and that half of the students graduate with scores in the top 20% of the country (i.e. admissions access to the majority of university courses), I know it is all worth it.