Morning tea

One good thing about night shift is that my BF makes me a cup or green tea in the morning...

Gratitude

I'm not sure if I do this enough but I want to express my gratitude to the universe and my community for allowing me the great honour of serving them as a paramedic.

Sometimes working with a negative person can make you react more strongly positive. Today I was reflecting on a certain someone I work with and was thinking "I can't believe they are not more grateful for the privilege we have of being invited into someone's personal crisis and how lucky we are to be giving opportunities sent to us every day to be able to help people". I mean, irrespective of the "It should be/shouldn't be"s, and the "what's wrong" voice we always have in our heads, I wonder how someone can't get so tired of their own complaints. I know I sure am.

A few weeks ago the BF and I were taking the dog for a walk when we literally stumbled upon a couple with a flat tyre. They didn't have the right tools to change the tyre. I was so happy to find them! I was thinking "Awesome! I get to help someone today! Yay!" It was so easy because my house was just around the corner, we had nothing planned that day except the walk, my BF is very handy with that sort of thing and certainly doesn't complain about a little hard work. It was perfect.

bother thing is, I had another nasty job the other night and it just makes me so much more grateful for the people that call an ambulance that aren't really having a medical emergency. I know it drives a lot of ambos batty, but I am glad to do the "easy" jobs most of the time and help people get to medical attention even if it's just because they don't have petrol in their car.

I have been thinking a lot about Lissa Rankins Whole Health Cairn as I try and heal myself from chronic tonsillitis and being chronically fatigued (I don't want to use the term "chronic fatigue" as I wasn't diagnosed and it wasn't affecting my ability to go to work etc just to do anything else and it was caused by doing too much). I have been thinking a lot about living ones truth and expressing oneself after watching an interview with Ellen about coming out and how she attributes her health and vitality in part to being openly herself.

I think Dr Rankins cairn is pretty-much spot-on. I would like to modify it a little to suit my own mind-map.

I know, it's pretty much identical to Dr Rankins but I was just going through it my mind before and I guess it's like a student's own notes. Mine is not as comprehensive - it's just a beginner's attempt.

So, the idea of the rock cairn is if any of the rocks underneath are unsteady, then the body with be the first rock to start swaying therefore if you begin having physical symptoms one should look at the other supporting rocks to create more stability and harmony. 

Reflections on Tibet

So, I went to Tibet last September. At the time, I was extremely unwell. Maybe it was from the altitude, or perhaps it was the fact my GP prescribed my 6x the dose of Diamox recommended for altitude sickness prophylaxis (which I learnt a little too late). Anyway, at that time I didn't blog as much as I wanted too. Also, the whole technology thing wasn't working too well in my favour.

This is a photo of me and my roomie Kellie. She has a travel blog Travelling Kellie. She is a travel writer so her blog is much better than mine, so see there for good info on our Tibet trip. The photo was taken at base camp on Mount Everest. This was on my bucket list. So was visiting Tibet. When I found out that base camp on the Nepal side was a two-week trek, and base camp on the Tibet side was a bus ride, Tibet started looking really good. Once we arrived at the tourist camp at Base Camp I started to feel very unwell. I couldn't eat, my face, hands, and feet were numb, I felt nauseous and dizzy. I thought I couldn't make it to the actual climbers base camp site a mere 3-minute bus ride or 30-minute walk.

I decided I would attempt the walk and take the mini-bus if necessary. During the walk with Kellie I began feeling much better indeed. Kellie was not well and it turns out she had a nasty sinus infection which, of course, with the constant change in altitude at the mountainous overpasses, the pressure in her head was causing her grief. A random black dog followed us the whole walk up. We decided he must have been a reincarnated sherpa here to see we got safely up the mountain to where you can see the photo.

The Tibet trip was with Intrepid, which I would recommend, however it is a difficult trip. The difficulty rating is 4/5 as is the culture-shock rating. I would have to agree with these. If I went back then I might be able to prepare myself better, mentally that is. Physically - it wasn't that demanding, ie you don't need to be really fit, but it is good to be quite healthy. I said at the time I would stay at better hotels, but it was then pointed out to me that we were staying at the best hotels in the towns. Yikes.

Spiritually - it is an amazing place but the sad recent history has left a palpable mass in the atmosphere. I would consider my trip great for personally wanting to visit Tibet itself, and historically it was amazing, as was the culture, but spiritually I didn't feel exactly uplifted to be honest, although visiting Potala Palace and the Dalai Lama's summer palace was incredible. Perhaps the cold weather didn't agree with me or the harsh nature of the trip wasn't exactly relaxing. It was back in Kathmandu that I was able to appreciate the Tibetian culture in a bit more of a relaxing atmosphere. I've just realised that I'm probably the only person to ever describe Kathmandu as relaxing. Ok, Kathmandu is extremely hectic and busy and a sensory over-load, but it is a democracy, it's warm, where I was staying was comfortable, and there was no problem with altitude.

Sometimes it's just about being in the right pace at the right time and in the right moment. The thangka shop in Kathmandu was spiritually enlightening for me because I spent a good hour there talking about the meaning of the Tibetan paintings. A few moments in Bhutan were wonderful even though overall I didn't really like my guide, he did say a few things that have stuck with me including how the Bhutanese are taught a great deal about trees and nature and I wondered why we didn't place more importance on that in Western schools. I also learned a little more about reincarnation and that everything, even a leaf or a blade of grass, has a soul and can be reincarnated.

Med school

So I just got asked about OUM and I thought I'd put a blanket response here now that I sort of know what I'm doing kinda. I haven't officially dropped out from OUM yet. I wonder if any of the administration staff would ever stumble across this blog. I guess I haven't fully decided. I guess im AWOL. OUM offers a Master of Medicine for students who do the preclinical modules then do a research project. I'm a little annoyed at some of what's happening at OUM right now, but the honest truth is I'm dropping out due to money and time stress. If one of these things could be eliminated, then I might consider going back after a break. I totally flunked my last module as my brain checked out too early. I have been looking a lot at IUHS. It is very similar to OUM except about half the price. They take transfer students from other WHO-listed med schools, and they also offer credits. The thing is, for example, their cardiac and respiratory module is one combined module and at OUM it was two separate ones, so the six preclinical modules I've done at OUM would at best be about 3.5-4 at IUHS. There is also a transfer fee and I must graduate within 7 years of beginning at OUM if I transfer credits. I also have to sit their module exams to prove I'm up to their standard. They allow LOA but don't have that "minimum of three out of five modules per year" like OUM does which makes it slightly intimidating. So, with all these considerations, it's very likely that I'd simply begin my med degree again from the beginning with IUHS. I know that sounds painful but in the long run id be saving a significant amount of money and losing not that much time. I haven't applied yet and I haven't been accepted, I'm just thinking hypothetically. But the reality is even with the reduced tuition fees at IUHS, I'm not sure I want to continue pouring money into that career right now. Truthfully, I think I'll stick with TCM. This is mainly for lifestyle reasons. I do love med and western med does resonate with me in so many ways. But the again if I think of the kind of work I want to do, the lifestyle I want to have, then TCM is for me. Does that make sense? Hmph. In other and good news my health and well-being is going amazing. My energy levels are up, my throat looks pretty good, I feel happy and relaxed. I am enjoying learning about TCM philosophy. I have a lot of unanswered questions and I guess my biomedical mind has a lot of questions.

Wang Qingren

Today I'm writing part of my oral presentation on the Qing Dynasty, which was from 1644-1912. It was the last dynasty of emperors in China before the modern era. A TCM doctor by the name of Wang Qingren was quite important at that tie because he was the first to illustrate the anatomy of internal organs after viewing exposed carcasses during a period of plague. It is interesting to note that although internal anatomy was born out of China spontaneously (probably, although there were Westerners in China at that time), they are still not considered of major importance in TCM diagnosis and treatment as they are in Western medicine.


Wang Qingren


I'm at work today. I also watched the movie Conviction, did some groceries, cooked up a lovely healthy lunch, and read a magazine.


It is ANZAC Day today. I kinda feel I've done of dawn services my time with 7 years in the Army, but I'm still remembering the Diggers today in my own way.


Now I'm going to transcribe some of my notes from yesterday before I go home on-call and I really want to mop my floors tonight but I also really need to do some painting too. I'm working on a blue throat chakra piece but I think I might make it a turtle theme...hmmm.....

My journey into the the history of TCM in Australia

Today I had the most amazing day researching for my TCM history essay. I'm looking at when TCM came to Australia with the Chinese miners during the gold rush era in the mid 19th century. I started at Soverign Hill in Ballarat where I had arranged an appointment. There was a lot of research done for the mock-up Chinese miner tents that are a recreation of life during the gold rush. One of the huts was a recreation of a Chinese herbalists store. What I found was very useful including some important dates and names and some interesting stories of European doctors adopting acupuncture as they saw anecdotal evidence of it working. After Soverign Hill I went to one of the sites where one of the Chinese villages used to be. It is now a housing development. I then went past Eureka Cntre, but it was closed for renovations. Then I went to the art gallery and there is kept the original Eureka flag which is amazing to see. It is huge! There are also a number of painting depicting the way Ballarat looked during the time of the gold rush and scenes from the Eureka rebellion. After that I went to the old cemetery where some of the Chinese miners were buried (although most had their remains sent home to China if possible). It had a small blue stone building for burning leafs or papers or something (excuse the poor research) and a few dozen stone markers with Chinese pictograph writing on them. So that was quite fun. Now just to write 2000 words...

Chinese in Ballarat

It's a beautiful day...

Don't let it slip away.

Missing Cambodia

This morning we had an early patient and refuelled the ambulance on the way back from the hospital at about 7am it kinda reminded me of being in Cambodia for some reason. It was mildly warm, the air was still, there were diesel fumes and the background noise of construction work.

We then stopped for coffee but unfortunately or fortunately I can't drink coffee anymore after abusing caffeine for the past two years studying. It makes me very nauseous, knocks me out like a strong sedative, and generally makes me feel ill. So I went for a lemongrass and ginger tea and wow did that smell really add to the feeling of Cambodia. The nice hotels and day spas seem to have lemongrass oils burning all the time. I love it.
--------
Since dropping out of med to do TCM I have freed up so much $$$$$ so now I can firstly repay my debts, secondly live comfortably without financial stress, and thirdly confidently plan my next holiday knowing I will have the funds.

So Bali it is. I'm in the planning stage which is so much fun to do , especially at work. It's my BF's first trip overseas so I don't want to overwhelm him too much but I guess I don't know what he would find good or not. I have never been to Bali so I don't really know what to expect either. Bali's not that big. We were going to/still might island hop a little, but I'm thinking about booking accommodation for the whole trip now, so we have a base. So I'm just decided whether I can handle being in Kuta or not. Thinking not. Luckily I have lots of friends that have been to Bali before and kinda get my style/energy.

Ubud is looking good.

Feng shui ba gua

Last night I looked at the feng shui ba gua and realized my house is almost perfect already! One thing I noticed is that my dining room is the creativity area and that's where I prefer to paint although the spare room is supposed to be for making a mess. Funny.

Thoughts on TCM terminology and using myself as a case study

I was thinking just before about what the patho terms in TCM mean in western world. I haven't even begun doing pathology at TCM school but I have my diagnosis as an example:

TCM diagnosis                  Western diagnosis
Heat in lungs                         Respiratory tract virus
Damp heat in tonsils            Suppurative bacterial infection in tonsils

Of course, in ancient times before the microscope and the germ theory, a virus would be described as "heat" and pus-forming disease as "damp-heat". To be honest, I don't care what it's called I just want it to be fixed. The rest of my diagnosis is what really interests me as it described qi and blood stagnation. This is where the yin-yang balance is out and is what ill prevent future attacks.

Today my tonsils have pretty much lost the pus now and look softer and very moist and quite vascular. I am very happy to see the pus gone indeed. It was freaking me out.

TCM herbs - Chai Hu

While I cook up another batch of my prescription TCM herbs, I'm going through my diagnosis sheet and trying to learn about a few herbs. I find this very interesting. I'll try and write up a bit of what I'm studying and learning out of interest and to solidify my own learning.

Today is Chai Hu -



Other names;

• Pharmaceutical: Radix Bupleuri
• Taxonomic: Bupleurum chinense, B. scorzoneraefolium
• English: Bupleurum, Chinese thorowax root

Used for shaoyang syndrome, to spread liver qi, and to raise spleen yang.

Precautions: interferon. Contraindications: liver cancer and hepatitis C.

Chemical composition

Triterpenoids (saikosaponin A, B, C, D, E; saikogenin F, G, E; saikoside), essential oils 0.06-0.16% (r-heptalactone, r-decalactone), carbohydrates, flavone, coumarin, organic acid.

Pharmalogical effects

• Analgesic and antipyretic

• Sedative

• Anti-inflammatory

• Hepatoprotective

• Cholagogic

• Antihyperlipidemic

• Immunostimulant

• Antibiotic

Ref:http://www.catstcmnotes.com/pages/Herbs/Singles%20Catalog/Release%20Exterior/WH/Chai%20hu.html

http://www.aompress.com/book_herbology/pdfs/ChaiHu.pdf

Chinese herbs

These are my fresh (dried) herbs from the Xiao Chai Hu Tang formula for my DDx of heat in lungs, damp heat - lingering pathogen, liver qi stagnation and heart and spleen qi and blood stagnation.

So this is what normal feels like

At home and feeling ridiculously refreshed. Feel almost normal again. Tonsils looking amazing. Life is good.

Back at work

It's my first day back at work from annual leave. It really didn't feel like four weeks off at all. I came in early and all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed now that I know I must go to bed before 11pm for my spleen, and I was so uncertain of my roster I was waiting for a third person to turn up and for someone to day "Hey, you're not due back until next week!"

It feels weird today for two reasons:
1. My house mate finally moved in permanently/full-time over the weekend making today the first day at work with her at home. I don't have to worry about my dog escaping, being lonely and bored, or generally getting into trouble. I can be at work and just be at work. The HM (house-mate) works part-time atm and most of her hours are over the weekend.
2. I'm not studying western med. Normally I'd get into work and get straight into the books, always having that persistent looming feeling over my head that I have an ovewhelming amount of study to do. I have TCM study to do, but it doesn't feel in the least bit overwhelming.

Today I've cleared my inbox, organised my TCM study folder, and revised a bit on the 5 phase elements and the timings of the qi moving through the body. I'm happy I can "drop" my western med now as it will make it easier to learn the TCM stuff, although I certainly do use my current understanding of things to make sense of the new stuff, ie 3-5am is the time qi moves to the lungs and this is the time we most frequently see severe respiratory problems in ambulance ie APO.

I also cooked up my herbs and my coworker didn't mind the smell. They didn't taste too bad even after my TCM student practitioner warned me twice how bad they would taste.

Now the countdown begins to my next lot of annual leave - in 12 weeks :D

Medical school drop-out

I decided today. While driving to the cinema. To see Hunger Games. Which was worth it for Lenny. But I digress.

For 8 weeks I've been wrestling in my mind between western med and TCM. The reasons are varied and this post is the second person I've told (after the BF). So many considerations were made, but one of the biggest clenchers was I imagined myself winning the lottery and what would I do.

Most importantly I'm really happy. I was going to give myself the year to decide, but honestly I'm glad to have mad a decision so I can focus and move forward.

Maybe I'll go back one day, maybe not. Maybe I'll finish the last 4 units to graduate with a Masters of Medicine, maybe not.

I'm not against western med, it's just not the journey I need to be on right now. Maybe I'll post more of the details in reflection later. I did want to talk about how I'm leaving with my head held high, a Distinction average, knowing if I wanted to do it I could and that the decision to leave is made freely and not because I've failed or can't cut-it.

Mostly I'm proud I listened to my inner voice, my inner guide, my spirit. It took me on a slightly different path than originally planned, but hey that's the exciting thing about life. Just because I'm 33 doesn't mean I can't overhaul my ego which was "I'm a med student" for the past 2 years. That takes guts, man.

I'm looking forward to taking what I've learnt And living my calling and my dream of being a healer.

Being swayed

So the longer I study TCM, the more I'm being swayed into that career.

Frankly, I find studying western med to be generally stressful and bad for my health. At best I'd call it interesting. Of course I love treating patients and healing, and the human body fascinates me. But I'm finding TCM is satisfying much of these pursuits.

No final decision has been made on my behalf as yet.

Amusing myself

So I'm reading the June 1867 Australian Medical Journal as there was a citation I'm following on what seems to be a wild goose chase while I gather some research for my TCM assignment I'm writing (it's on the introduction of TCM to Australia during the gold rush era).

Anyway, I found a few interesting articles, but this one made me laugh:

UNREASONABLE PATIENTS
An inquest held at Richmond on the 31st ult. is significant in tis suggestiveness of the many annoyances to which medical men may be subjected by inconsiderate and unreasonable patients.


Nice.

There's also some questions from the University of Melbourne's medical degree if you want to have an attempt to answer them.....

Art therapy

So I didn't do any painting yesterday as I promised myself, but I did read a little bit of The Web that has No Weaver.

But today when I got up I got cracking on finishing the second painting you can see above, the yellow one. I call it "Grays" or "Lesser Coverts". The top one is called "Myrniong" or "Anguish".

Myrniong or Anguish was began last Winter. I wasn't exactly in a happy head-space. I died my hair black and was feeling slightly emo. I went to the National Gallery of Victoria where they have Anguish by Schenck (see below)

It resonated with me in a goth kind of way. Then, I was driving through Myrniong and it was the most depressing weather and that's where this piece was born. The white area where the sun highlights behind clouds is sort of meant to be halo-like around the bird's head. The background is meant to be a landscape.

The birds - well, birds kind of creep me out. There is a statue in the Docklands (Melbourne) that I really like and I find it a bit creepy.  Here it is:

Grays or Lesser Coverts came about from the scientific anatomical drawings you find in the old Gray's Anatomy texts and also from other biology sketches. I stuck with the bird theme again. Lesser Coverts is one of the labels of the bird's anatomy and I kind of liked it as it made me thinks of "coverting" or "hiding" but not completely. Just slightly hiding from the world, which is kind of what I need to do some times.

The flame yellows and oranges are like a wild bushfire and are moving across the canvas in this slightly engulfing fashion.

Yep, my paintings have two names. I guess that's the kind of crazy thing that an artist would do.

I would call my style a mix of impressionism, abstract, and graphic. I try my very best to draw inspiration from my feelings about things, but not to directly copy anything while I'm creating, I let my brush go where it wants to go. I use acrylic paint on canvas.

So on my bucket list, one of my goals is to have an art exhibition. Maybe this year I'll have enough pieces to fill the little local gallery. I currently have second layer of number three drying as we speak. I'm very excited about this one. It's a different vibe to the first two.

Relaxation space

My favourite room in the house

Spare room sorted

The dog thinks this is his room now. I don't blame him. The sun through the window on a winter's afternoon is wonderful.

Road trip

This is down at Cape Bridgewater in Victoria, Australia. It is called the Petrified Forest, even though it isn't really a petrified forest.

Throat chakra

Today my only goal is to finish cleaning/organizing/decluttering the spare room. It's the room where the sewing machine is and the spare bed for guests. I also have the cupboards in there full with artwork, bed linen, paints, and sewing fabric. It also houses my Band Hero drum set which I'm trying to decide whether to keep or not.

So, anyway, I've decided to give myself only an easy goal of finishing the spare room today and also to relax and continue dropping guilt. I have found out the throat chakra is damaged by thwarted creativity and guilt. Both of which have been pathological in my life, especially in the last two years while studying med. I will also try and do something purely creative tonight - maybe paint or sew. And not just sewing for repairs.

In good news, the space seems to be clearing up for me to go back to western med. My financial health is well on its way to recovery, and certainly my emotional and spiritual health is going very well on the emergence of this last shift. My personal are extremely healthy. Now just for my tonsils to clear up and I'll be stronger than ever. I guess being on annual leave for 4 weeks is also quite helpful.

I wish I could report that the Chinese herbs have cured my tonsils (it's mainly just my right tonsil) but it has not. The acupuncture is brilliant but the effects seem to be short lived. Perhaps regular acupuncture may have an accumulative effect. To be honest, i havent been 100% compliant with the herbs.

The TCM student practitioner said for every year of disease it's one month for recovery. Well, this last bout is about a year, so a month to recover, but in reality I've had this for 15 years, so I'm accepting that it might take a year to cure. I have another appointment on Friday so we will see what I get dealt this time.

Becoming one with the Dao

So I just had to submit an assignment for one of my TCM subjects - it was to reflect on the Dao of Easter.

Lucky for me, I'm fairly intellectually connected with Buddhist philosophies, and the Dao can be readily transcribed into the language format I recognise.

So what is the Dao? Hmmm well I'm not really an expert but I'll try.

The Dao is everything, it is always, it is God, it is the universe. It's our soul and it's the common thread that binds us. It's the "flow" of the universe, the ebbs as well. If you're a scientific person, don't freak out now. It is the untangable. It is what we can all feel inside of us but it cannot be touched and cannot be described. If you are thinking right now: "What is this girl on about?" - that is your mind. The mad monkey. It too is part of the Dao but is no the Dao.

Many say the Dao cannot be named and many Buddhists think God should not be spoken of. Because it adds a label, and connotation. An emotional response to all the times the word "God" has been abused. The rejection when you think "Really? A man with a long white beard on a cloud?". It is not that. Maybe scientists might like to the think of the vast space between the quarks, or other quantum physics wonders.

So why do philosophical and religious writings have to be so vague? It is like poetry - the essence is between the lines.

Reconnecting with the Dao is actually easy. So is achieving enlightenment. The process is easy, but the discipline to sit and meditate for 1 minute is difficult, thanks to the Mad Monkey. What is it then? It is the present. The now. Right now. Connect with that. That is all that is and all that ever will be.

Geez I'm starting to sound like Osho.

Ok, so in normal English language, just sit and think about this present moment. Only the present. Not what happened yesterday or what you need to do tomorrow or even after reading this. Be still. Be silent. And feel at one with the universe. This is it. Feeling it and knowing it is all there is. Welcome to enlightenment.

Ok I suck at this.

Anyway, once you know enlightenment, you see the world as one with you. The idea of karma becomes more obvious. Of course hurting another with hurt me - they are me and I am them. Ok, sounding biblical again.

Truth

One of my TCM lecturers said the other day (paraphrasing): "When I came to Australia from China, I was surprised when I was told you (wwetserners) believe there is only one version of the truth."

So, excuse the non-linear format this blog has taken as I go through a journey this year.

I may have said in a previous post, I'm taking a year off to discover whether I want to continue with medicine. And when I say medicine I mean western biomedicine. I certainly want to continue being a healer and develop my capacity. My reason for questioning is multi-dimensional.

So, as I go through my journey, I may post a few random thoughts.

One of them reasons I've had to take a step back is to find "the middle way". Working full time shift work on call in a stressful job, doing 30+ hours overtime a fortnight, and studying a medical degree primarily by distance, and paying a mortgage, let's just say I was well away from the middle.

Ok so that's my random thought for now.

Back to watching the Q and A show with a debate on atheist versus theist. Interesting.

Road trip

Im recently back from my road trip. We had such a great time and is was so good not to think about work or study for a week. The weather was beautiful also, and I almost felt like I got the summer I never had. It is now more like winter at home.

I'll ry and post some photos later.