Last post

So, this will be my last post before I delete this blog.

Basically, I'm trying to spend more time away from the computer and doing other things like getting back into my artistic side, gardening, and getting my health back into the optimal range.

Originally this blog was to chronicle my journey through med school, especially for anyone else who was interested. But due to the monotony of med school (!) I am bored with my own posts atm.

Everything is going really well in my life in all areas and things are looking even bettering the future.

Ok thanks for reading and good luck.

Take care!

How to juice

How to juice with Joe Cross

So after just watching an interview with Joe Cross, he mentioned something that I never really considered before - if you get your nutrients and even calories without non-soluble fibre, our bodies will flip into the "famine" state. Interesting. Above is a link on "how to juice" but I think it's fairly easy to figure out on one's own.

This is based on the theory that our bodies are designed to store energy (as fat) in times of feast, and to use energy (burn fat) in times of famine. So if our bodies think we are in famine, we should lose weight.

Also, I only have a blender and checked that blenders and juicers are not the same thing. Juicers extract that non-soluble fibre I just mentioned. So I just ordered the cheapest one I could find online at  http://www.appliancesonline.com.au/  and it should arrive on Monday.

New phone

I dropped and killed my Samsung Galaxy II. I was so looking forward to getting the Nexus, but it's $735. I recently took my insurance off my phone plan to save money. Doh. So I asked today (on my fatigue break I drove to the major town) what was the cheapest smart phone, and I can't believe the Samsung Galaxy Mini (pictured above) was only $135! Wowzas!

Happy outcome.

Also while I was up there I dropped into the organic cafe which has a mini grocery dept as well and picked up some organic fruit and veges and a few other bits and pieces. I tried not to spend too much. I thought I would eat everything and then if I needed more I could probably drop in and grab more stuff after taking patients to the hospital near by. I'm trying not to waste so much.

I couldn't do my quiz again last night but I'm not expecting to be able to any more. I have been asked to take my computer into to be checked that it isn't faulty. As it is a brand new iMac and works perfectly for everything except the proctor, and I have spoken to and run diagnostics with the proctor company several times, I don't think I will be spending my money on this before the end of this term anyway. I kinda need my computer for, like, classes and writing my presentation and study and....

The turn around

Here's the run-down of what I did today:

• Sat at the work desk in a numb state for about 4 hours. Did about 3 pages of reading. Felt no challenge in it whatsoever.
• Got a phone call from my academic advisor and vented to her about my frustration with the proctor. She said she would try to help me but she must take grades off me for not attending the classes. Felt like I was on the verge of crying re both issues.
• Did a bit more study out of shear force - have no passion for it at all. Wonder to myself what on Earth am I doing wasting my time and money.
• Decided I desperately needed a creative outlet asap and couldn't wait until the end of term. Did some sewing at work and released the right hemisphere of my brain. This immediately inspired me.
• Got distracted looking at some weird hippie websites and found one about Automatic Writing. Had a go at it and think it went well thanks mainly to my experience in meditating. My answer to the question "Should I become a doctor?" and "Am I dong the right thing with my life?" was "If it is what you want to do". Hmmm... thought it wasn't supposed to be wishy-washy. Then I asked "What should I do with my life?" and the answer was "Be a good doctor and a good person". Interesting. Had a feeling then that I knew what I needed to do - be a good doctor and a good person. Also had a creepy feeling of presence in the empty work building. Thought I could see shadows and light bending, and the lights above me began flickering on and off. 
• Got freaked out and told my spiritual guides I wasn't ready to meet them yet. I'm scared the wrong people will come through due to me being a paramedic. I think I might need to find some assistance with this in the future.
• Decided I needed to tap into my spiritual side a bit more (but without communicating to "the other side") - found out about a movie called May I Be Frank. Also watched this YouTube clip about the same guy. Realised I am detoxing a lot of emotional baggage due to changing to a vegan diet. This explains a LOT.
• Feel rejuvenated. I know I am on the right path with veganism and the way in which I wish to live my life in the future.
• Told the BF what happened to me today and he joyfully reminded me that he did say over the weekend that I was feeling restless because I hadn't eaten meat. He felt satisfaction in being right. I felt satisfaction in him being able to gauge my feelings so accurately, even if he didn't really know what they were.
• There was also a part in the second video about Frank saying the hippies at the cafe really "saw" him (in the Avatar "I see you" sort of way). This reminded me about the feelings I had in Cambodia where helping people came so naturally and easily. I can't really explain how at this stage. Maybe because my life there was not so superficial. Or maybe because the Khmer people felt I saw them...?
• There was also a part about being human, ie not super-human, which reminded me my BF always says "You're not Vulcan". 

So what does this all mean? Well, for my personal life, it means I am on an extraordianry journey. In my professional and study life it means it is easier to do what I do when it comes from the right place. I feel less pressure on myself in med school because I am not doing it (entirely) for myself.

I'm not sure I can eloquently put into words the "shift" feeling I'm having right now, but I do intend to build upon it and keep going.

Still over it.

That is all.

Over it.

Had a lovely morning being Valentine's Day - it is all about who you spend it with for sure. As the BF and I are saving to build our new house and want to do a bit of travel soon and we don't want reject materialism/consumerism, we tend to do "quality time" activities instead of buying gifts. This morning was breakfast in bed and a nice massage for me before work. Lovely.

We also did some cool stuff in the city as our sort-of V-day-weekend. We went to the National Gallery of Victoria (free!) and walked the city streets on the warm Summer's night to a short-film festival put on by the United National Association about sustainability and transitioning to a greener world. We then went down Chinatown and had an interesting(!) cheap meal there, which my positive spin was something like "Well this mutton stew will be good practice for us when we go to Mongolia!" lol

Ever since one of the BF's horses bit him really hard on the arm, I've been scared of them. I'm scared of his cows too. I can handle the Shetland pony mostly. When we walk around his property I just anxious if I realise I'm in the same paddock as them and if they start walking or running towards us I freak out. When I hear jobs on the work radio about people being injured and even killed by their livestock I shudder. I have no idea how I'm going to handle living on a farm.

Veganism - I have been caught a few times "forgetting" that I'm vegan. I even nearly ate meat on the weekend - the chicken sandwiches looked so tasty! I managed to get a vegetable sushi roll but as I got halfway through it I realised there was mayonnaise in it. Darn. I'm back at home now so it should be easier again.

And my study - well, my motivation and enthusiasm is at an all-time low. I have 3 weeks left and I really can't be bothered. I am at risk of failing if I don't get my act together. I'm just so annoyed all the time at the remote proctor not working and the issues I have with trying to communicate with the faculty staff. I'm annoyed at the lectures being compulsory and my internet being unreliable and stressing about losing grades. I'm annoyed that the lectures are mostly the students talking and the stress of being put on the spot to answer questions I may not have read about as yet. I'm really annoyed that the quiz questions are commonly poorly written and so dis-jointed and often don't reflect the learning objectives of the week making me suffer losing valuable marks. 

Yeh, I'm over it.

Horn cabinet

This is my most excellent Horn cabinet Mum gave me. I set it up in the spare room and I have a new "For Mending" box. When this term is over I want to go through my wardrobe and change the things I never wear into things I do.

Vegan nutrition and a horrible day at the office

Well apart from a few accidental slip-ups including eating honey and stuff that contained whey, I think I've done pretty good for my first fortnight of veganism.  In fact - it's been really easy and really enjoyable. I feel really really good. It has helped me a lot to think about what I'm actually eating and to stop and make good nutritional, and where possible ethical, choices. I do wish I had more organic fruit and veges available to me, but I'll do my best for now.

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I had my most horrible day in ambulance yesterday ever. We were driving back to branch when a dog got run over in front of us. I don't know much about canine medicine but he seemed to be decerebrate with obvious head trauma, was not reacting to outside stimuli, and had no pupil or no corneal reflex in my physical examination. He was still breathing though, but it seemed to be a sort of reflex. His owners came out - a lovely elderly couple - and they were very upset indeed. There is no vet in town and the dog was very old. I gave the owners the option of me calling the local copper to put him down using a bullet to the head. They decided to take that option. I was so upset. Much more than by human death. I had a nightmare last night as well. I went home and hugged my dog so tightly and I also couldn't help thinking about that baby emu my BF and I found with a terrible open leg fracture and also that worst night of my life when I agreed to go shooting. I have realised how much I love animals and reinforces my decision to go vegan. My BF is a little confused by this turn-around as it wasn't that long ago we were talking about raising our own cattle for food. He is supportive and has accepted the compromise that he can still eat meat, although he has really enjoyed and even requested some of my vegan dishes.

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I was driving home from the hospital in the ambulance late last night thinking about being vegan and thought to myself "why on earth didn't I do this earlier?" I guess I thought it would be really hard or I had somehow been convinced that I needed to eat meat to be healthy, but really as far as I can tell it's only vitamin B12 that I need to take as a supplement (which I have an awesome liquid multi in my fridge which I have as my little treat in sparkling mineral water and the body can store quite a lot of B12 anyway).  Other potential dietary insufficiencies include:

• Omega-3 - luckily for me, I absolutely love olive oil and avocados and attribute them to curbing my fat cravings and improving my skin.
• Protein - we only need about 100g a day which can easily come from the amount of tofu I seem to be newly addicted to. Other sources include: legumes, nuts, seeds.
• Iron - non-haem iron seems to be ok, especially when combine with the absorption enhancer vitamin C. Sources are again legumes, nuts, and seeds. Also, thankfully as I love it, watermelon has both iron and vitamin C.
• Vitamin D - sunshine or supplements.
• Iodine - as much as any other person - try to get table salt with iodine in it.
• Calcium - again soy, nuts and seeds and figs! Also in some fortified wholemeal breads and cereals.

So it looks like I'll be consuming a lot of soy from now on! Luckily, like I said, I'm addicted to it!

Change re lectures :)

Oh ye-ha! OUM just announced that, as of next term, the clinical lectures will not be compulsory to attend live! Yays!!! No more stressing over getting out of shifts, no more silly loss of marks due to work clashes, no more stupid, stupid 4am lectures!!!! Oh, my prayers have been answered.

The lectures will still be compulsory but students will have the option to watch the recordings at a time convenient for them! Wooo-hoooooo!!!!

They also formalised that MD students must get >75% to pass in each module. Less than 75% = failing and repeating. It will also state "fail" on the academic transcript which is scary. Thank Buddha that it's not >75% in the exams otherwise I'd be having a cow right now (although it seems I should really be trying to get >80% in the exams if I want to pass the IHE: In-House Exam which is the OUM hurdle before Step 1).

Oh yeh. Life is good.

PS Can't get into my quiz again. This term my success rate is 25%. Awesome (not).

Studying at work

Getting through Alzheimer's and other neurodegenerative diseases at work this week. Nb: I've changed desks because someone else needed "my" desk in the office. The change of environment has been enjoyable (but not quite as good as a holiday).

I'm also revising through FA Organ Systems which is getting more and more helpful as I have learnt more and more of which I can then revise. Funny that.

The QBank qs I looked through earlier weren't that helpful as my med school's exam questions seem to be getting less and less like the USMLE-style. Oh well, I'll use QBank next year when I'm studying for Step 1.

The honey problem

Today I was going to be so happy to have made it to two weeks as a vegan... until I remembered that I had been eating honey! D'oh! I didn't even think about until it at the time. I am a fan of maple syrup but I ran out and there was honey at work so..... Dang.

Other things that have tricked me - whey is a milk by-product - of course! Doh again. Gelatin has snuck into my lollies - geez. And apparently wool is a no-no too, which, I guess makes sense. Luckily I love cotton.
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Last night we did get called out so I only got to bathe and vacuum - no workout, study or quiz attempting. I couldn't get out of bed early enough to attempt it this morning during the end of my on-call period. Tonight is the night.

Better but nauseated

Well I am feeling a bit better today after deciding not to go too hard on myself or dwell in the past and to get my bum into gear and do some hard-core study this week. I also remembered that since we only have 6 case studies per 8 week term now (instead of the previous 8) that I actually have 2 whole weeks for revision before the final exam.

I have actually enjoyed, as usual, my studies today and yesterday. I am not enjoying the constant pressure of the lectures, quizzes, mentor meeting etc. I guess I can compare it a lot to when I was a paramedic student and graduate paramedic, and geez I really feel like I need a break. Holidays are in about 6 weeks so I can't friggin wait (not that I'm going anywhere).

After studying all day at work (I read about the different types of dementia and about the limbic system) and having some interesting patients, my plans for tonight at home are (if I don't get any call-outs) to do a quick work-out and vacuum, and then attempt this quiz even though the thought of it makes me feel nauseated.

I might even do some QBank if I feel as good as I do now (and the ongoing issues with the remote proctor doesn't suck the life out of me)...

Code Red and ravenous

I'm at Code Red. I feel anxious and stressed. I worked until 3:30am this morning and just couldn't attend my lecture. I was also under-prepared and so friggin tired from the weekend. I feel like I've lost the plot and I don't know where to start.

It is really not helping that I've been on a diet. Cutting out refined sugars is NOT helping! I know it will be better for me in the long-run but I wish I had waited until after the end of this term. Now I've done really well to get my BMI from 24 to 23 I don't want to undo all this hard work.

I'm quite ravenous after my morning run, lack of sleep, and lack of food (I had watermelon for breakfast). Completely cranky. I should really end this rant here.
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Off to go figure out my damage-control plan for this term...


EDIT: Sorry for this terrible post. I had some more breakfast and feel much better. I shouldn't be allowed in public so hungry.

Reality: I only missed one lecture. It's best not to miss any, but it's no the end of the world. I normally miss 2-3 every term and I have decided previously that this is acceptable collateral damage to continue working full-time. Also, I normally have lulls in each term, that was mine. Now to stop complaining and start taking action.

Back to reality

Back home and it's back to reality. My time with the BF was basically like a big party as per usual. As the BF pointed out though, we only party on my two weekends a month so somehow that makes it ok.

I'm at Code Organge. I feel so behind, do disorganized, and so at risk of getting very bad grades. My plan is to look at FA for the Step 1 tonight and get my act together for next week. Next week is only week 5 so it's not a complete disaster...yet.

Weekend

Another awesome weekend at the BF's. Currently doing some neuro reading on the couch while he watches Valkyrie.

Had the most hilarious and random night last night at one of the old local pubs here. It has been purchased and run by an old Greek couple that don't really care if they make money or not as they are just land-banking for their kids. The BF and I were the only two people in there and we were priviledged to some Greek home-cooking tapas and stories of how they met in Greece in the 50's and their 31-day boat trip out to Australia in the 60's, amoungst other great stories.

Ok back to spinal cord reflexes.

Failure to launch

So I trundled my little hybrid bag all the way to the station only to find out my fare would be $48!

I've decided to drive...

Samoa's private hospital

In Apia, the capital of Samoa, there are two hospitals - the public and the private. When you are a tourist, or one of the few wealthy Samoan, you definitely want to use the private hospital. It seems the private hospital, Medcen, is having a little difficulty right now.

Samoan government plans to use the private hospital to avoid overseas treatment
Private hospital collapsed due to patient debts

FML

Well I did end up doing a workout last night as well. I also watched tv (Fashion Police) and didn't do any study at all.  I tried to do my quiz this morning but my internet wouldn't work. I still have it hooked up to the LAN (that works) and I haven't figured out the wireless router as yet as it works on my phone and iPad. I run a diagnostic and it asks for a PPoP address or something like that - I have no idea what it is asking for. Ugh...

I had my mentor meeting and I felt slightly more prepared than last time but still feel like I don't know anything at all and like the biggest dumbass medical student she has ever come across. My motivation in waning and I'm day-dreaming of the end of this term.

I also had my first time of going out for food as a vegan. I had called ahead, but it turns out the gnocchi has egg in it, so I had to have a change of plans. The beef salad without the beef or dressing sounded so incredibly boring after I had planned for the extra calories for the week. I ended up going with a vege coconut curry and rice which was delicious. I used my new My Diet Coach app and nearly fell off my chair when I calculated the calories. Holey-moley. That, with a glass of Coke, means I am over my daily calorie budget. Great. I can workout for an hour and not eat for the rest of the day and get back to 0 balance.

Kitty managed to get her arm (yes, I do refer to the front legs of quadrupeds as "arms") stuck through her collar which terrified me into thinking she might do this and get stuck somewhere never to be seen from again. I will try making another smaller hole to tighten the collar a bit more. Poor Kitty.

Well, that is all. I guess I better stop complaining and get back into trying to study. FML.

Furniture mahjong

Just moved and thoroughly cleaned a whole bedroom on my own. No need to workout today.

The BF

So.... I said I'd never talk about my love-life on here, but someone has become a major part of mine and it's hard to keep things separated. I've typed then deleted a number of posts mentioning him which never got published, but today I had to re-jig my schedule to accommodate my BF. Typical. LOL

My darling BF (boyfriend), who is atm in my mind the most wonderful person in the world, lives some distance from me. We have been seeing each other about 7 months now and we've just decided to try and spend our weekends together every week, in sort of a part-time living together arrangement until other arrangements have been made. This does severely impact my study schedule, but for two months I've been trying to get my study all done during the week and it seems to have been working well so far. I've also attended online lectures at his place and studied there as well, and he is so sweet and doesn't mind watching a some revision videos on the couch with me at home. Cute. He totally gets how important medicine is to me and wants to be as supportive as possible and not selfish like so many blokes are.

He is a social worker and works in Child Protection for the Government and is wanting to do post-grad psychology and become a clinical psychologist. He grew up on a farm and has those lovely country good-values and utter brut strength which is so attractive in a man (as well as his pure good-looks). So that is him.

It's all shiny and new and wonderful.

But I digress.

I can either drive or catch the country "fast-train" (in Australia, the fast-train is about 0.30x the speed of the Japanese Shinkansen) to his. Driving is a tiny bit quicker and both probably cost about the same as my car is so economical on fuel. I personally prefer the train because I can study on it, eat and drink, there's a bathroom on board (it's a long trip), and I can even sleep on it if I need to. I find it less exhausting. Remember that I drive long distances for a living!

Anyway, I've had to change my study schedule, but like I said, it is fluid as is life - things are constantly changing.

Also, I'm glad I can talk about my BF now because we are planning to build our sustainable house on his land that he already owns - 5 acres in the bush. The project is moving slowly but we have a long deadline of the end of next year which takes a lot of pressure off. Currently we are up to having it surveyed etc so I am sure I will start another page on here about the progress of the house once we break ground.

And.....lastly, my new housemate is finally sort-of moving in this weekend! Well, she is setting up her room and will be staying here on the weekends I'm away at the BF's, which is two a month. I have to clear out that room (it's currently my guest room. My gym will be the new guest room and the front living room will double as work-out space) today - there's not much in there, just two single beds and extra bed linen etc in the cupboards. She will move in permanently when she sorts out her job and hours etc.

The dog is very excited to have his best friend, my housemate, alternating weekends with his other best friend, my BF.

So, as usual, it's all very exciting! I love my life!