Hi.
I'm on my Internal Med 8-week placement. I just got here. It's a Sunday evening and I've arrived at the student accommodation. What a luxury to be provided with accommodation!
Still need to complete the following to graduate from med school:
1. This 8-week IM rotation
2. 8 weeks O+G in November
3. 4 weeks of surg (trying to arrange)
Plus these exams:
1. O+G
2. Final clinical exam (written) <<<<scary one
3. OSCEs
I hope to be part of the graduating cohort in March 2017.
Making a come-back.
At some point, a few weeks ago, I thought to myself "What if?....I felt as confident about medicine as I do about paramedicine?"
Just allowing that thought to possess my mind for a moment opened something up to me. I realised I don't enjoy medicine mostly because I don't feel confident doing it. Yes, all my other arguments for why I prefer ambulance work are still valid, but WHAT IF?
I've just had 4 weeks annual leave and started to do some mental-game work. I've been reading, researching, watching, and listening to various sources. I found a new mentor and met her for coffee at her house. She has been a doctor for longer than I've been alive and was very, very helpful for my mind-game.
See, my problem is clinical, but it stems from my mind. It is so hard to learn if you have no confidence in your ability. Well, for me anyways.... I've been hiding. Pretending I'm not a med student. Hoping it will all just go away and I can go back to being a stay at home mum.
Then, I started to think BIG. What if..... I didn't go into General Practice? What part of medicine REALLY scares me, that I can turn around and make it motivate me to do better.
Ok, so then I had a dream about it - about what specialty really scares me. I'm not going to say which just yet (too scary). But I woke enthused about medicine again. Like the fire in my belly was fuelled once again. I think I just needed a really big goal to go for. Even though getting into GP-land would be still an amazing accomplishment, there's something about it, even the way I talk about it, that doesn't excite me, and I think I really need that excitement right now. I may end up in GP-land but it's the aiming for something bigger and scarier that is going to get me through med school.
"You can't be a good mum, a good wife, and a good doctor all at the same time."
At first, that statement made me sad. I want to be all three. But then it transformed into something I really needed: to be let off the hook a little. It has allowed me to say to my fiancé (and daughter): "I'm sorry but I can't be a good mum and partner for the next 8 weeks." Of course my fiancé reassured me that I am a good partner and mother, but what I meant was that I have to put med school first for a little while. Even before them. Even though they mean more to me than anything.
It's sort of given me a bit of mental relief. I only have to be a good med student for the next 8 weeks.
So, I'm here, in my dorm room at the hospital. It's very comfortable. I'm SMASHING out the study. No distractions from work or home or what I "should" be doing. No watching the clock to get home early to see my munchkin. I'm here for the week and not going home until the weekend. That's that. I can completely focus on med school.
I'm realising I DO know stuff, and there is some stuff I don't know. The stuff I don't know was actually really great to find out because it made me realise that I DO know the other stuff after all.
I just hope I'm not SO far behind that I cannot come back. My new mentor reassures me that I am not That I WILL get through this and be a good doctor. I really needed someone to say that to me.
Now for 8 WEEKS OF POWER!
I'm on my Internal Med 8-week placement. I just got here. It's a Sunday evening and I've arrived at the student accommodation. What a luxury to be provided with accommodation!
Still need to complete the following to graduate from med school:
1. This 8-week IM rotation
2. 8 weeks O+G in November
3. 4 weeks of surg (trying to arrange)
Plus these exams:
1. O+G
2. Final clinical exam (written) <<<<scary one
3. OSCEs
I hope to be part of the graduating cohort in March 2017.
Making a come-back.
At some point, a few weeks ago, I thought to myself "What if?....I felt as confident about medicine as I do about paramedicine?"
Just allowing that thought to possess my mind for a moment opened something up to me. I realised I don't enjoy medicine mostly because I don't feel confident doing it. Yes, all my other arguments for why I prefer ambulance work are still valid, but WHAT IF?
I've just had 4 weeks annual leave and started to do some mental-game work. I've been reading, researching, watching, and listening to various sources. I found a new mentor and met her for coffee at her house. She has been a doctor for longer than I've been alive and was very, very helpful for my mind-game.
See, my problem is clinical, but it stems from my mind. It is so hard to learn if you have no confidence in your ability. Well, for me anyways.... I've been hiding. Pretending I'm not a med student. Hoping it will all just go away and I can go back to being a stay at home mum.
Then, I started to think BIG. What if..... I didn't go into General Practice? What part of medicine REALLY scares me, that I can turn around and make it motivate me to do better.
Ok, so then I had a dream about it - about what specialty really scares me. I'm not going to say which just yet (too scary). But I woke enthused about medicine again. Like the fire in my belly was fuelled once again. I think I just needed a really big goal to go for. Even though getting into GP-land would be still an amazing accomplishment, there's something about it, even the way I talk about it, that doesn't excite me, and I think I really need that excitement right now. I may end up in GP-land but it's the aiming for something bigger and scarier that is going to get me through med school.
My new mentor said something that really stuck in my mind
"You can't be a good mum, a good wife, and a good doctor all at the same time."
At first, that statement made me sad. I want to be all three. But then it transformed into something I really needed: to be let off the hook a little. It has allowed me to say to my fiancé (and daughter): "I'm sorry but I can't be a good mum and partner for the next 8 weeks." Of course my fiancé reassured me that I am a good partner and mother, but what I meant was that I have to put med school first for a little while. Even before them. Even though they mean more to me than anything.
It's sort of given me a bit of mental relief. I only have to be a good med student for the next 8 weeks.
So, I'm here, in my dorm room at the hospital. It's very comfortable. I'm SMASHING out the study. No distractions from work or home or what I "should" be doing. No watching the clock to get home early to see my munchkin. I'm here for the week and not going home until the weekend. That's that. I can completely focus on med school.
I'm realising I DO know stuff, and there is some stuff I don't know. The stuff I don't know was actually really great to find out because it made me realise that I DO know the other stuff after all.
I just hope I'm not SO far behind that I cannot come back. My new mentor reassures me that I am not That I WILL get through this and be a good doctor. I really needed someone to say that to me.
Now for 8 WEEKS OF POWER!