As if it wasn't obvious from the pattern of my recent posts, but I have been suffering from a fair bit of stress lately and that has started to creep over into the realm of anxiety. I completely blame my job, and more specifically the on-call roster, and also myself for working too much. I do enjoy the stress. If I'm not pushing myself I feel bored. I don't think you need to be a doctor to figure out this might not be entirely healthy.
I like to chill-out too, though. Preferably on a beach with a cocktail that is served in a coconut with a straw and one of those little umbrellas. I also like to sleep a lot. And I love my bubble-baths and TV. I've often considered putting a TV in my bathroom above the bath.
But my anxiety was starting to affect my composure and ability to study this week. I was feeling too on-edge to absorb anything and I didn't even want to think about studying. I had even gotten to that point where nothing seemed to be going right. I even stubbed my toe and bumped my funny bone.
It's kind of embarrassing to admit all this and as a med student I don't want anyone to think I can't hack it or I don't have what it takes. But it would also be portraying a false image to pretend that med students and doctors are perfect, robot-like identities that don't succumb to human emotions. I hate people who are fake.
Anyway, fortunately for me but not for them, I am not the only one I know going through this so I was put onto this great DVD by Glenn Harrold.
It is a relaxation DVD that uses hypnosis and I have to say it works a treat. Actually, I went through all this before I went to Samoa last year, and then again when I came back from Samoa. Before I went to Samoa I emailed the accommodation to make sure they had a DVD player as I got so dependant on this DVD. I tried my friend's Valium once and it only made me have worse rebound symptoms. Excercise is great too, and eating Low GI, but this DVD is like my Valium. I probaby don't have to mention to avoid caffeine and alcohol. I also read my Dalai Lama book (in the bath) and the first chapter is on stress and also helped. I feel SOooooo much better today.
The quiz last night - I did it, felt confident,..... then got 0%! I nearly died (this was before I did my hypnosis). I thought "No friggin way. I know I got these right". I then realised what might have happened - I had let the timer run out without pressing the "submit" button. Seems so obvious now, but I was thinking that if I didn't press submit, and let my timer run out, then it would just accept my last answers (which is a MCQ bullet-point format). I emailed the curriculum coordinator and he sorted it all out. I got 100%!!! I also then asked him to look at my 2nd quiz, and, sure enough, I was supposed to get 80%!!! So for my quizzes so far I have go 95% correct. One more to go... Hopefully it will end up being an easy 30 marks for the module.
Things are starting to turn around.
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