The turn around

Here's the run-down of what I did today:

• Sat at the work desk in a numb state for about 4 hours. Did about 3 pages of reading. Felt no challenge in it whatsoever.
• Got a phone call from my academic advisor and vented to her about my frustration with the proctor. She said she would try to help me but she must take grades off me for not attending the classes. Felt like I was on the verge of crying re both issues.
• Did a bit more study out of shear force - have no passion for it at all. Wonder to myself what on Earth am I doing wasting my time and money.
• Decided I desperately needed a creative outlet asap and couldn't wait until the end of term. Did some sewing at work and released the right hemisphere of my brain. This immediately inspired me.
• Got distracted looking at some weird hippie websites and found one about Automatic Writing. Had a go at it and think it went well thanks mainly to my experience in meditating. My answer to the question "Should I become a doctor?" and "Am I dong the right thing with my life?" was "If it is what you want to do". Hmmm... thought it wasn't supposed to be wishy-washy. Then I asked "What should I do with my life?" and the answer was "Be a good doctor and a good person". Interesting. Had a feeling then that I knew what I needed to do - be a good doctor and a good person. Also had a creepy feeling of presence in the empty work building. Thought I could see shadows and light bending, and the lights above me began flickering on and off. 
• Got freaked out and told my spiritual guides I wasn't ready to meet them yet. I'm scared the wrong people will come through due to me being a paramedic. I think I might need to find some assistance with this in the future.
• Decided I needed to tap into my spiritual side a bit more (but without communicating to "the other side") - found out about a movie called May I Be Frank. Also watched this YouTube clip about the same guy. Realised I am detoxing a lot of emotional baggage due to changing to a vegan diet. This explains a LOT.
• Feel rejuvenated. I know I am on the right path with veganism and the way in which I wish to live my life in the future.
• Told the BF what happened to me today and he joyfully reminded me that he did say over the weekend that I was feeling restless because I hadn't eaten meat. He felt satisfaction in being right. I felt satisfaction in him being able to gauge my feelings so accurately, even if he didn't really know what they were.
• There was also a part in the second video about Frank saying the hippies at the cafe really "saw" him (in the Avatar "I see you" sort of way). This reminded me about the feelings I had in Cambodia where helping people came so naturally and easily. I can't really explain how at this stage. Maybe because my life there was not so superficial. Or maybe because the Khmer people felt I saw them...?
• There was also a part about being human, ie not super-human, which reminded me my BF always says "You're not Vulcan". 

So what does this all mean? Well, for my personal life, it means I am on an extraordianry journey. In my professional and study life it means it is easier to do what I do when it comes from the right place. I feel less pressure on myself in med school because I am not doing it (entirely) for myself.

I'm not sure I can eloquently put into words the "shift" feeling I'm having right now, but I do intend to build upon it and keep going.