Organised

Here's a picture of one of my dresser draws I'm so proud of.

So I think I've been blocked even just stepping foot in my study. I really have med school PTSD. My goal for this week is to get it sorted before I go back to work on Monday.

In other news, my dog hates me because I keep promising him a run but it's been too wet and cold outside for me.

The Simple Life

It's so amazing how my psyche has changed while I've been on holidays from work and study. I'm really enjoying the simple things in life such as hanging out with friends, and colour-coding the coat hangers in my wardrobe.

I still haven't organised my study room like I wanted to, but my dressing table draws are amazing. I got little plastic baskets from the cheap shop and labeled them.

Now, after having a friend over to play Zumba on Wii, I'm chilling with my furry babies.

Shopping

At some point during my holidays I bought this tshirt. Now when I see it it makes me laugh - it's so BAD! Yes, the cat's bowtie is bedazzled with rhinestones!

I don't think I initially realised how bad it was. Anyway it will do for my new obsession - yoga.

Night out

Had a great night out last night with great friends. First we went to see some of our fellow ambos that play in a coverband at country pub. Then we went into the latest and greatest club in town. Good times.

I didn't drink too much and I got to dance a lot. This morning I had green tea and did my new yoga workour on Wii. That is a change from my old life of eating Maccas. I really want to keep up this new me. I feel way better.

So I have been considering whether to put off my Nepal/Tibet trip, but when I told me friend she told me off. So I've decided I AM going. And today I've been looking through my Lonely Planet guides at some cool stuff I can do over there including, of course, yoga!

Nice day

Did the yummy-mummy thing today (well, I'm a mum of my dog and cat) and power-walked the 6km around the lake with my girlfriend, followed by a nice salmon lunch with a glass of white. Lovely. The cafe is right on the lake so it's the perfect weekday hangout for the mums with their Jeep prams.

Now I am just having some tea before getting ready for a big night out on the town!

All this fun and relaxation will make it difficult to go back to work and study.

The Super-Fly

This fly deserves his own blog post.  He survived the fly-equivalent of a tsunami in my shower.  I saw him too late last night on the bottom of the shower, so I thought I'd make it a quick painless death and washed him down the drain.  Well this morning, I saw him crawling out of the drain soaking wet.  I figured he wanted to live so I put a bit of tissue in front on him and he jumped straight on it - smart.  Now he's drying out on my bathroom windowsill.  Maybe he'll double his life expectancy and live another day.

In other not so weird news, I went for my first 5km since I got sick.  It went well.  The dog ran good and only embarrassed me twice on the main road.  I thinking a half by the end of the year, but not sure the Melbourne Marathon will be the right timing due to my travel plans in September and my sisters hens and wedding in Oct.  So I'm thinking Aug or Nov/Dec, and a full by early next year.

Limitless

One of the problems with living in a small rural town is I have to drive 40km to my car dealership for a service and new tyres.  I have a little system now - I get them to drop me off at the mall and I do a bit of shopping and watch a movie - today was the same.  Today I got a mani-pedi, ate a curry lunch, browsed many stores, spent a little (too much) money, then went and watched Limitless.  I really liked it.  It was totally my kind of film, except for the violence.  It was about getting the most out of your day, the perils of addiction, and the theory of what comes up must come down.

So I related it a lot to studying medicine.  The addiction part does not only apply to drugs, but any pharmaceutical, or anything addictive at all, and in my case - sugar and caffeine.  And also it applys to studying medicine - I mean the lead character is so addicted to intellectual high-performance but he has difficulty maintaining it at a constant.  I don't want to ruin the ending but I was satisfied and encouraged by it.

While I've been on leave I feel like my brain has been on an intellectual holiday.  In fact, I'm watching The Kardashians right now.  I'm so glad I watched that movie today as I think I got a lot out of it in terms of pushing yourself but also finding moderation to order to maintain a high-level.  I think I can certainly apply it to my marathon training as well, and virtually all areas of life.

So this is not some big revelation to me but it was nice to watch that movie.  Despite it's Hollywoodness, it was about a million times better than the last one I saw: Barney's Version.

So after all that I am really motivated again and kind of can't wait to start next term.

Chew

So I'm feeling good about my decision to drop the masters studies.  I love the saying "bite off more than you can chew, then chew like hell" but sometimes you need to know when you're about to choke!

Anyway, I feel a bit more well-balanced and I'm getting over my superficial-fixation.

That's about it for now.  Just chilling before work and med studies start up again.


PS  I didn't do my study room today because my sister came over, but I will before I go back to work for sure.

Mid-Masters crisis

I just withdrew online from my Masters units.  I'm so disappointed.  I can't do it right now.  I've been sitting at my laptop all weekend looking at this stuff I have to do and I can't do it.  I'm exhausted from work and the med degree and being sick and ....everything! 

The bad thing is I missed Census date by a week, and I don't want to think about the money I've just wasted on fees - I really don't.  The good thing is I just got sent my Graduate Certificate of International Health certificate and academic transcript, as I've completed enough for that cert so far.  At this point, I kind of feel happy to have a loose end tied up if I ended it here.  I'm not sure when I'll go back to the MIH.  It may even be after the MBBS, or it might just be next semester but only one unit.  The point is it's all a journey and this Voyager needs a break before the next mountain.

Right now is one of the first times I feel I can actually relate to people when they say "Oh, I could never go back to study - I've done enough!".  I actually feel slightly traumatised in my study room from this med degree.  I think I need to rearrange all the furniture in here before next term to move the stale energy around a bit.  At least I have spent the first week of annual leave (before I got sick) spring cleaning my house which I think will make a big difference next term in being organised and therefore staying on track.  Too bad I have not started in the study yet.

I want to grieve the loss of this Masters dream right now, but I know I shouldn't feel sorry for myself because I need to get my shit together and focus on getting this med degree.  It's not just the study-load and the stress of studying medicine, it's finding the money for the tuition fees and now after a year I'm starting to resent how much it is eating into my lifestyle.  For some reason all I want to do atm is go shopping and get my hair done and do the most superficial stupid stuff that is possible in this world. I can only put it down to my brain (or ego or whatever it is) just going "Enough of this serious stuff already!  Read more Famous magazine and less New England Journal of Medicine!"

Actually, I did get a hair cut last week - the first time in 2 years.  I was sitting in the salon chair thinking "I want to be a hairdresser again!"  And then I started thinking about if I should work casually as a hairdresser instead of as a paramedic when I do my clinical modules.  Seriously!

Sometimes I question why I'm doing this to myself, and I feel right now I need to take the next two weeks I have left of annual leave and really find that motivation again.  After being only one year into this 5 year battle, this is starting to scare me a little.

Anyway, I apologise for the tone of this post because it sounds so self-centred and superficial, but it's an honest reflection of where my head it at right now.  You would think after getting a lovely email update from New Hope about my sponsor family in Cambodia about how the 3 eldest children have moved hours away to find work for $1 a day, I would be able to put things in perspective, but, no.

I'm back

I'm back on board after being so so sick this week with mega tonsillitis.  It has been going around the town, and as an ambo who normally gets tonsillitis at the drop of a hat, it wasn't hard to predict this was going to happen.

I'm fairly resilient against flu and gastro, but tonsillitis is my Achilles heel.

So I couldn't even be bothered blogging, much less studying.  Today I decided to have a look at what Masters stuff is due, and OMG, something was due yesterday, another thing is due Monday, and then another is due on the 11th.  I don't really want to spend my holidays studying.  Id' much rather be sleeping, eating, exercising, and drinking, but seeing how much more difficult it was to work and study med only a few weeks ago, I know I can easily do this and still sleep, eat, exercise, and drink.  Oops, I almost forgot my other favourite holiday pass-time - shop.

Here's uan update on my life:

• Work - none!  I'm on holidays and loving it.
• Study - see above.  Can't wait to go back to studying med next term.  Kind of wish I had more spare time/energy/motivation to revise respiratory properly, but oh well.  Still gald I' doing the MIH as I keep thinking of my dream goal to work OS.
• Marathon - no run for a week due to illness.  Walked the dog slowly today and did yoga.  Thinking run on Monday.  Will reassess fitness and everything next week.  I didn't make the 5km x-country on the weekend.  I was so disaapointed about that, but what can you do.
• House - amazingly clean thanks to holidays. Garden needs help.
• Lovelife - still no comment.
• MoH - we're doing flowers now after sorting the wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses.

One good thing about getting sick though, is that I've kicked most of my caffeine and sugar addictions, and virtually all dairy.  Yay.  I wanted to anyway but when I got sick I couldn't stomach anything really, so I detoxed my guts a bit and am trying really,really hard to put only good "clean food" in my mouth.  Feeling much better for it.  My favourite is soda water with lemon juice, green tea, roast chicken (no skin, obviously), brown rice, and green salad with olive oil, lemon juice and black pepper.

Sick as a dog....

.....back soon.

Metalicus

So right now I'm addicted to http://www.metalicus.com/ clothing.  They are basic, well tailored, and fit perfectly.  They go with everything and I've owned many over the years.  They last really well and you always get your money's worth.  If I had to sum up my style with one line of clothing, Metalicus would be it.

As I said in my last post, I just splurged on some new tops.  Well, I've just done it again with a new dress and another top and leggings and an under skirt.  I'm pretty tight with cash atm due to med school fees, but I would have to say the number one reason I'm studying at OUM and not a "traditional" medical school in Australia is due to money and lifestyle.  I want to maintain my lifestyle as much as possible.  I work so friggin hard and sometimes I think it's necessary to stretch the budget for yourself.  Don't tell OUM but I would seriously consider deferring for up to six months if push came to shove.  I want to keep my house (mortgage), to buy the nice organic foods, and to dress not like a student, but as a sophisticated woman.  I'm 32.  I was a student forever (it felt like) before ambulance.  I absolutely love medicine, and really really want to be a doctor.  But the present is so important to me.  It always has been, even before I was an ambo.

Apart from all that, I just connected my Wii to the internet.  I don't need an lovely Mac afterall.  I havent' sussed out how you save files etc, but most of my online time is not spent with saved files, it's with reading data.  A lovely big plasma screen will make things so much more enjoyable.  I also just traded in 8 Wii games for Zumba for Wii.  Good trade, I say.  The games I traded were rubbish, like Grey's Anatomy The Game - rubbish.

I'm now watching perhaps one of my favourite episode of ER - "A Long, Strange Trip" from the final season.  It has a character in it which was instrumental in developing trauma centres and modern Emergency Departments. I like it.  He is also aged and has dementia, and diagnoses cryptic TB.  Nice.  It was World TB Day yesterday.  I'm pretty obsessed with TB.

So.... how's my Masters going?  It;s not.  Geebus!!!  what am I going to do?  I don;t know yet, but whatever it is it wont happen until Monday now.....

Nerd

So what kind of nerd do you have to be to get more excited about the second-hand pharmacology text arriving in the mail than the $300 gorgeous Metalicus tops the day before? Answer: this kind of nerd.

I flicked through Lippincotts Pharmacology and I'm already excited because I like the way the meds are grouped in a way that makes sense to my brain for gestalting purposes. Yay!

My weaknesses are pharm, biochem, and anatomy. This text will/should gain me a lot of ground...

Just got Zumba Wii which is also very exciting seeing as the weather is already turning horrible and my desire to exercise outdoors is decreasing rapidly. It's making me think I might be besy aiming for the half marathon in Oct and training over Summer for the full at about this time next year....

My dog

My dog is so spoilt. We've been hanging out a lot this week since I've been on leave and trying hard to not to spend too much money at the shops.

I'm smart

I sat the Mensa test a few weeks ago and got my confirmation letter today stating that I'd passed.


So what does this mean?  Well to get into Mensa you need to prove you have an IQ in the top 2% of the population.  But IQ tests are flawed, and you would be misguided to think they were a measure of one's true intelligence as they have been proven to be linked to socio-economic status - that is, if you were fortunate enough to grow up in a situation where you had the opportunity to learn, you're more likely to have a higher IQ.

So why did I join?  In modern Western society I feel there is too much importance placed on looks and sporting ability.  I felt I needed to counter-act the balance in some way and maybe meet some nice people at the social events they have.  I also wanted to prove something to myself.  Studying at OUM is great, but there's always that lingering, annoying doubt about why wasn't I "good enough" to get into an Australian medical school.  Well, I'm not sure if I've talked about this here, but in actual fact I am "good enough" by the basis of my GPA and GAMSAT scores, I just didn't make the cut for the 3 grad-entry programs in my state in the 2 years I applied...  

So, yes, getting into med school is more competitive than getting into Mensa.  Whereas Mensa purely has a fairly static aptitude requirement, med entry is influenced by the number of applicants versus places in a given year.  The places are also influenced by government funding and the number of doctors required (but the later not as much as you'd think, as far as I'm concerned).  I'm not sure about numbers in other countries which are considered similar to Australia (US, UK, NZ, Canada), but I would hazard a guess that the number of places vs applicants vs general population would vary.  And let's not forget the thousands of doctors that come from overseas training where opportunity may be more influential than intelligence.

Funnily enough, though, I sat the ambulance service entry aptitude test three times before I went to uni to get my paramedic degree.  Entry used to be via the ambulance service and in-house training was conducted.  I calculated, while sitting on my break in between GAMSAT sections a few years ago, that it was more competitive to get into the ambulance service than into medicine, based purely on numbers alone.  And guess what?  I failed to meet the cutoff on one of those three attempts.  I wasn't smart enough, that year, to be a paramedic.  Now I am a paramedic, I see why intelligence is important in this job, but there are so many people that I doubt would have ever made the old cutoff that are now quite competent paramedics.  Experience, the right attitude, and willingness to continue learning are what I personally consider to be more important, even in life-or-death situations, than pure intelligence or past performance in school or anything else that is measured on medical entry applicants.

The question then is raised - what does the population expect of it's doctors?  Do they expect them to be in the top 0.5% of the population, or will the top 2% do?  We can't have all our geniuses in medicine, they need to be solving bigger questions to do with population health, medical science, and the environment to name a few.  What do I expect of my doctor?  Well, I expect my GP to listen, be genuinely concerned, to be a competent practitioner, and to be up-to-date with the latest research, and then finally I would like them to be experienced.  Intelligence is perhaps even after all of these things.  However, I conceded that these expectations maybe higher of my specialist, but to become a specialist you go through years of post-graduate medical training (as do GPs) and I would expect them to be quite bright in the world they work in.

There are so many aspects to this. 

My point really is - if you fail to get into med school, it by no means means that you wouldn't make a good doctor.  And if you really want to do it, don't give up.

Gunnado

I confess... I'm being a "gunnado". I was gunna lay out my running gear last night. I was gunna go for a run this morning. And I was gunna start my Masters study.... Instead I drank a bottle of red wine last night, slept in til noon, and am now watching Oprah.

Holi-da-y!

Woohoo!   I'm now on annual leave.  I just had my sister over and I tried on my bridesmaid dress which is quite acceptable.  My house looks so lovely and I can't wait to have it even more organised.

I'm just going for a rest now before studying MIH this afternoon.

I didn't have time for my run this morning and I'm so not motivated this afternoon.  So my trade-off is that I'll lay out my running gear today and go first thing in the morning.

Work

I took this photo through the windscreen of the ambulance while in Melbourne last night taking a patient into a hospital with specialist facilities.

Today is my last day of work before 4 weeks annual leave!  Hooray!  I just got off the phone with a fellow classmate who is ahead of me in the course.  She always gives me plenty of motivation to study hard (she kicks my butt into shape).  She is about to take her end of pre-clinical exam (USMLE Step 1 equivalent for OUM students not intending on practicing in the US) before starting her clinical placements in a few weeks.  I'm so excited to hear which rotations she's doing at which hospitals - both in Melbourne and in Samoa.  That will be me in two years time.

So hearing about her revising for the big exam made me think I really want to revise the last three module in these 4 weeks I have off.  That is, of course, on top of doing my Masters subjects (which I haven't started yet, btw).  Being my last day at work I'm determined to use today in getting everything here organised and I will start fresh with my studying and start back running again too.  My flu/cold thing has reduced to just slightly congested nasal sinuses and my energy has come back up to par.

Anyway, I'm really excited to look at my Masters stuff tomorrow and learn about biostatistics.  I know how much that will come in handy in my future dream career.  I have my folder with tabs all organised and the term calendar all printed out (with the due dates of exams and assignments), so this is a good place to start.

I sometimes get frustrated because I know exactly what I want to be doing and where, but at the same time I realise how lucky I am to have this job.  It's really great sometimes.

Yesterday we worked so hard - 20 hours straight.  Well, I think we got two 20 minute breaks to eat.  This is not really ideal.  Not only did I eat absolute rubbish (there's not much healthy at petrol stations) but I also drank two Red Bulls and got to bed at about 3.30am, so I feel a bit out of it today.  We had a 10 hour break and now I'm back just for 5 hours today before I finish!  Yay!

Tonight I'll be putting the finishing touches on tidying my house before my sister comes over.  But then on my leave I will continue more spring cleaning.  I love the laundry and garage as everything that is remaining n there is organised and has some sort of useful purpose in my life.  Love it.

Also,, on my four weks off I have plenty of exciting social things organised so I might feel more like a well-rounded human being again.

Alought I'm not going overseas this time, I am so looking forward to this break!  I think I'm even more excited than if I was going somewhere :)

Studies

So anyway I just got a fright remembering that I've almost forgotten about my Master's studies.  Next week will be week 3.  I think.

As much as I want to clean and organise my house, I can't let my MIH studies get away from me because I think they aren't as difficult as med.  To be honest, it's all statistics so it isn't easy.

I finally got my term results for med and I'm sorta disappointed.  My overall grade as 85, which is one more than I'd expected, but it's only in the top 35% of the school for the term (other modules but same term).  I can't compare my score to others in my module because it doesn't allow for identification - there's only the student number listed.  So, I'm thinking maybe I aced my exam because it was easy afterall - it didn't just feel easy. I dunno - I thought my score would be in the top 25%, which it had been in the last few terms but with a lower overall mark.

Why do I care?  Well, it is an off-shore medical school.  Let's face it, most people would study on-shore if they could.  It wasn't just about my GAMSAT scores and GPA which made me decide to go off-shore, but at the end of the day, internship places are competitive and will be more so in the near future, and when competing with on-shore grads I need to be up there.

No time for laziness

Trying to Spring-clean my house this weekend. There is a lot to do.
My gardens in themselves would take a full weekend. Oh, wait, I forgot I was going to do it all on my annual leave! Instead I got distracted by the fact my sister is coming over on Monday and I'm trying to make everything all perfect for her arrival. Lol
Anyway I must gey back to the dishes and garbage and laundry.

Feeling better

I think this flu thing is going away,  I'm not so tired and sore and snotty.

So I've decided to stick to my original plan of having this term off med and doing my two Masters subjects.  As of Monday I have 4 weeks off work with no other plans.  I have been thinking about writing a sort of travel blog/journal/book which would be based around my area as a way of pretending I'm away on a holiday, but I've now decided to use my time off work to: sleep, garden, exercise, clean, and get my house super-organised.  How exciting does that sound?  I'll also go away for a few days with my friends down to the beach, do some other girly stuff like mani-pedis, and catch up with any friends which haven't disowned me yet.

I just spent the last two hours fully scrubbing the guest bathroom and organising all the stuff in the cupboard under the sink into little tubs.  It's so pretty.  Can you tell I've been working with a Type-A all week?

What to study now?

The med school bursar contacted me today and said I could enrol in the next term, starting on Monday, and that I would be in the gastrointestinal system module.  Geez, that is tempting.  I have planned to have this next term off from studying med and to do two of my Masters subjects before going back to med at the end of May.  But oh how I'd love to get this medical degree done and be an intern already.

I keep thining about doing my intership in Samoa.  I really want to be doing international health.  I think I'll do some clinical rotations there before I make any final decisions.

I'm feeling a little burnt-out at work atm.  I hope it's just because I need a break compounded with having the flu.  People that call ambulances and use them as a taxi service really annoy me atm.  Normally I just brush it off as part of the job, but lately ithasreallybeen getting to me.  Gone are the days when people would call and ambulance for a life-threatening emergency only.  Even if there is no other means by way to get up off the floor or get themselves to the GP, or even take some panadol before you call an ambulance for back pain!  Seriously. 

Yup, I'm burnt-out.

In idle

I'm stuck in idle right now, just finishing my last few shifts before annual leave, waiting for my res module results, and waiting for this flu to go away.

Funky

The funky diner where I'm having lunch today. I'm at head office doing a training day so I'm somewhere new and exciting for lunch.

Music Festival

I worked last night at the Golden Plains Music Festival in Meredith.  It was so much fun (as usual).  I love the music and the chilled-out crowd having a great time in their festival boots and funny clothes.  There where quite a few people dressed as teddy bears etc or as other things such as in surgical scrubs.  I even saw one man walking around nude during the night.

I had more fun in the First Aid tent then I would have out in the crowd I reckon because I got to work with an ED reg and a final year med student who were both more than willing to teach me a few things.  I stayed behind to be taken through and assisted with sutures. It's not a big procedure but I haven't seen it be done on a live patient before. The patients had a classic vaso-vagal (faint) which was quite funny so it was lucky they were sitting on the edge of the stretcher and just had to be guided back.  What was interesting was the med student said we had to wait til he recovered and ask his permission to proceed.  I was like "quick let's suture him up before he wakes up again".  Interesting.

We didn't have too many serious patients.  Most people just require the first aid services of St John for things like minor burns, grazes, and ant bites.  Some people forget their asthma reliever medication, and some people get soft tissue injuries from being in a human pyramid!

I also worked with a crit care nurse I've worked with many times before and she told me she's done the gamsat and wants to do med....but.... and there's always that "but".  That's about 5 people I know and work with around here who have personally approached me about OUM and studying med.  All her excuses, as the other people's, were perfectly reasonable.  And maybe she will start when these things are taken care of.  And I did the same thing myself - I put off starting for two years.  Anyway, my point is there will always be blockages and "but"s, so if you're one of those people maybe you should think about if you want to be one of those people that "wants" to do med or "is" doing med.

The exam recap (and comparison to AMC/USMLE)

So I think if I wanted to know about a new med school like OUM I would want to know how well they prepare you for licencing exams in Australia and the US.  So far I can make a good comparison with the biochem, cardiovascular, and respiratory sections.

Firstly, the AMC (Australian Medical Council) licencing exam is similar to USMLE Step 2CK and CS - there are two parts to it and you only do it once you've finished the whole med degree.  There is little to no focus on biochemistry as a separate discipline, for example, and the MCQ exam focuses on internal medicine, surgery, psychiatry, OBGYN, and paediatrics.  They release two books to help IMGs prepare for the AMC licencing exam and I have looked at the cardio and resp internal medicine questions and they seem fairly easy - I would say of similar difficulty to the OUM exams.  Then there's a section which is like a multiple MCQ where there may be more than one correct answer and you must choose one or ALL that apply.  Tricky.  And these ones are centred more on the way medicine is practiced in Australia.  For this reason they recommend doing most clinical rotations in Australia.

For the USMLE comparison I only have had access to USMLEWorld Step 1 Qbank  They say if you get 60-70% then you will get a good score on the USMLE Step 1.  I got about 60-70% on the cardio and resp sections before I did my OUMexams and I got 80-85% on them.  So, I would say, in that regard that the OUM exam must be fairly similar to the USMLE.  However, I haven't attempted the biochem questions yet and I do very poorly there.  I feel I will need to really take a lot of time to cover biochem, genetics, behavioural, and more embyol as it isn't adequately covered with the OUM modules.  However, OUM does provide "lectures" on these things as links to PowerPoint presentation that you are somehow meat to do in your own time.  I will do this, but I feel orry for fellow students that don't cover this stuff as it's not part of their core learning.

Time will tell, I suppose, but so far I think OUM does provide adequate preparation for the licencing exams but just like anything in life you only get out what you put in.  And if anyone thinks they can coast through a medical degree and into internship then they are mistaken.

Reset and recover

I spent the rest of the week since my big exam getting flogged at work.   Then I finally had a free day yesterday which combined all my favourite things - sleep-in as long as I wanted, run with dog, bath, clean house again (finally), pedicure with my bestie, then out for tea, cocktails and dancing.  Yep, it was a great day.

I have today off but am feeling totally shagged and I have a big day tomorrow at work at the music festival "Golden Plains" at Meredith, so I'm just chilling out today, although I do admit I was reading through some almostadoctor.com respiratory notes in the bath.  I really miss not having study to do, even though I'd be too tired today anyway.  Weird.  I guess it's a habitual thing.  I have the Masters stuff to study anyway so I might gently look through that tonight on the couch.  Too bad it's so darn dry.  I like learning the epidemiology stuff but much prefer clinical.

We've nearly honed in on the bridesmaid dresses and they aren't too painful.  I'll be trying mine on in about a week. Oooh - that reminds me!  How exciting - my workmate reminded me yesterday I only have one more week at work until four weeks annual leave!  Thank the Lord!!!

Post exam

So I am so happy to have my MBBS respiratory system exam out of the way. I now have 12 weeks before my next med term begins.

My MIH term started last week. Seeing as I just did the exam yesterday, I've just started looking at my MIH stuff today. I'm doing two subjects - "Research and Evaluation in International Heath" and "Heath Research Methods". They sound so similar to me right now, but I'm sure i'll figure it all out soon. The most important thing to do now is to figure out what I need to do to pass and when.

What to read?

Exam time

Thankfully there's a coffee shop in the building where my exam is. I have been in commute for 2 hours so have been revising and listening to podcasts. Now I have one hour here before going up.... Nervous.... Luckily there's a bathroom here too!

Edit: just finished. Killed it at 86%. Wowsers. I even surprised myself. Thank God for USMLEWorld.

Ambulance

So I have been busy at work last night and today and I'm so glad I swapped out of my shift tonight.

I've just done the last 15 pulm questions on USMLE World Qbank and am looking forward to repeating some tonight.

Right now I'm going through the cases and making a list divided into;

• Diseases
• Sciences (mainly phys, but also lab stuff)
• Drug
• Anatomy (as 23% f the exam is anat)

If any anomalies pop up I'll be sure to Google them on the train tomorrow on the way to the exam.

Also, thanks to my new love almostadoctor.com I have awesome free revision notes for my train trip, that will go in my First Aid for the USMLE text.  I wish I found Almost a Doctor earlier as it is a great site.

Now going to finish my list and watch the two final pharm lectures I got from Doctors In Training.

Distracting myself

About to go to bed.  So I did do about 30 or 40 Qbank questions and score pretty good now.  I have done all of the pulmonology ones except about 20 I think.  I don't know if it's just me but they seem to get more and more thinly related to pulm as I whittle down to the last few - I wonder if there's any sort of discrimination in this way?  That would certaily be smart technology.  I'm really happy to be watching the cumulative score line graph steadily rise to meet with other test-takers average.  Oh, to be average....

I found myself watching Doctors In Training pharm lectures by the end of the day.  The one on asthma and COPD meds was excellent, but it only covered one page of the FA text!  I just watched one on protein synthesis inhibitor ABs, but that was a bit of a waste of my 54 minutes and $12 (as it was not very well related to my module).  I have also orded two other pharmacology ones - one about mycobacteria and one about HIV anitvirals.  Can't wait to watch them tomorrow - it's so great to have a different voice and different perspective on these topics.  I was more excited to watch the one tonight than Big Bang Theory.  I'm quite happy about the quality, but am disappointed on the limited viewing availability (onne purchase = one watch).  At least they are affordable.

And, yes, I still need to asimilate the FA res chapter and go through my quizes, tasks, and learning objectives and I don't have enough time.  I have one day left and I'm working.  I wish I was this motivated during the term, but I just wasn't.  Even when I look back through the tasks to try and revise now they don't seem to gel with me.  I don't get it - what's the problem?  Is it because they're opened-ended and/or ambiguous?  Is it because they are asked in a way I would not ask the same question to myself when studying?  What's blocking me?

I think part of the problem as they are given to us in a mixed-up order - something to do with being randomly assigned questions or something.  I don't get it.  So even reading through the questions, there is no gestalting process happening from the get-go.  Then, the questions are not in line with the case study for the week, although they generally relate to one of the cases for the term, but are again or mixed up.  And, yes, I tried to rearrange them into a better order but it was time consuming and annoying. 

So I don't know why I've got such a bee in my bonnet about this.  I guess it annoys me that they sucked up so much time and are probably going to be so useless to me come exams.  Actually, I am interested to see that if on the exam there are more questions related to these darn task, or if I got more out of FA.  I'll get back to you on that one in less than 48 hours....  I may have to eat my hat...


.......
I just got out my CVS stuff to see if anything rang any bells re what was tested - FA, tasks, or cases, and I can't really remember!  I can't remember anything on the exam except that I had to do one or two phys equations because they gave us this funny whiteboard thing to use instead of paper.  I think I remember there was pretty well evenly space across the cases, so I think I really should have a look through the RES ones again tomorrow.   Geebus.  Oh, I remember a few clinical presentation and "name that disease" ...hmmmm....

One thing that has motived me in the past two days is that I read on the USMLE World website that there is a correlation between MCAT performance and USMLE Step 1 performance, and none in regards to school or mode of curriculum.  Seeing as my GAMSAT score was so on the lower end of average, I realise where my place is in the overall scheme of things.  When I started I knew I'd have to work hard to keep up, but then I started to coast a little.  It's good to be realistic.  I need to put in a lot more effort. 

Horizon

The end is on the horizon.  I take my RES exam in two days.  Between then ad now I have to work one night of call and one day shift.

I've got somesort of viral tonsillitis. Again.  Every time I get run down I get viral tonsillitis.  What is it with my pharynx?  I have been sleeping plenty and eating fairly well (for my standards) and yet I'm imploding.  I haven't been running to conserve energy.  I don't get it. My lecturer for biochem was a bit of an alternative medicine guru in his spare time and he told my to rub my thymus.   I'll give it a go. 

So today I'm about to do more Qbank, then I'll try and assimilate the res chapter of FA.  Then I absolutely must check with my cases studies that I've covered all the learning objectives, as some lie in other chapters of FA (ie HIV).  Then I need to print out my quizzes and tasks for the module and make sure I have read through them all by the end of tomorrow.  I really hope it's not too busy at work tonight or tomorrow.

Crap

Accident while trying to reach to apricot delights at the bottom...

Help

I didn't think I'd find myself crying out for help, all alone in my study, at the computer!  I was taking another mini-quiz on the USMLEWorld Qbank when it froze on me!  And just when I'd gotten 70% finally.

So I don't know if the questions are getting easier, if I'm getting my brain into gear for test-taking, or if I'm actually learning something, but my Qbank grades are going up rapidly.

When you order a subscription to access the Qbank you just get all of Step 1.  I am only using the pulmonology section atm, and I only used cardiovascular last term, but oh well, that's all I have time to access in 30 days anyway. For $100, it's well worth it in my opinion.  And they will be getting plenty more of my money in the coming years.

Doctors In Training is the organisation my uni recommends for USMLE prep.  DIT recommends doing 2000 Qbank questions, reading the First Aid for the USMLE 3 times, plus BRS phys and patho, as well as the first 7 chapters of Robbins Pathology, plus their 15-day course of course!  I'll be doing the first two (Qbank and FA), but only the relevant respiratory sections.  So, I wont be doing 2000 questions (I think there's only ~300 in pulm), but I will at least be doing every pulmonology question at least once before Tuesday.  Actually, I only have 50 to go, so I hope to go through them all twice.

I have read all of the respiratory section of FA, but I need to go through it again and this time try and remember it!  It's so dense.  I also have to look at other subjects that we covered such as HIV....

Anyway, enough blogging, I am motivated, I am on a good run (metaphorically, not literally), and I need to make the most of the next 4 days.....

(PS I have not been on a run yet this week and my dog hates me, and I have resorted back to my terrible ways with energy drinks and lollies - I almost forgot how good they were... Can't wait for this exam to be over as the skinny jeans are being put back in their draw for now.....)

Thank God

Thank God for:

• Red wine
• USMLE World Q Bank
• First Aid for the USMLE Step 1 (in print and Kindle)

If it wasn't for the above three things, I'm not sure I'd survive this revision week.

Problem child

My lecturer just sent me an email and he said I was his "problem child"!  hahaha  Well, I'm not sure it is all that funny, I don't want to be the problem child, but it's too late!  It's even funnier, because his native language is not English, to use such an expression.  It makes me concerned he has picked that term up from someone else in describing me.

I don't want to be anyone's problem child.

So, how did this happen?  Basically as described in previous posts - they changed the compulsory time commitments with NO notice, putting extreme pressure on my work commitments.  And, I guess, I was much less willing/able to budge than the other students.  Must be that Eureka Stockade blood in me.

Actually, it comes down to prioritising and if my uni/lecturer can't see that paying my bills and keeping my job is superior to making lectures, and I'm happy to wear the loss in 3 marks for the term in order to work 3 extra shifts, then I become a problem child in their eyes.  I think medical schools have some right in saying that medicine is really important and you need to be 100% committed, but at the same time it is not the be-all and end-all of everything.  I realise I'm bucking the trend here. 

My mentor says doctors can't take sickies.  Ever. Reading other med student/resident blogs I see that the hospital owns you.  I can see that this is going to be like the Army all over again.

So anyway I actually think my ability to see the bigger picture is what makes me a good ambo and what will make me a better doctor too.  There are some things in ife worth getting stressed over, and some things which are over-emphasised.  I also believe in being very thorough and meticulous, and I would never do anything half-assed, and I always make sure I'm not missing an important "red-flag", but there is always a time and place for prioritising in life and also - shock - in medicine.  I am also very competitive and I think I do work hard, I am the horse afterall (in Chinese horoscope).

Ok, maybe I'm being a little naive, but I have no real way of knowing until I get out there.  I lot of my colleagues say I'd make a great GP because I listen well, and I don't underestimate patients symptoms, and I always make sure I'm not missing something serious.  They are always impressed by my ability to remain compassionate in trying situations. Again, I just focus on what's important - my job to treat my patients.

I don't know.  Time will tell I guess.  Until then I have to hit the books and make sure I get a decent grade on this impending exam.  If I get a poor grade, then my lecturer was right.  If I get a good grade, then I'm never turning up to another lecture.  And if I get an average grade, then... I think I was lucky!

Differences

Some more insight into the differences between studying medicine and paramedics;
Paramedics - ..trachea, bronchus, bronchi -> terminal bronchi, alveoli.
Medicine - .... trachea, bronchus, bronchi -> terminal bronchi,  - > acinus =respiratory bronchioles, alveolar ducts, alveoli.
Paramedics - Trachea/bronchus - cartilage rings, bronchioles - smooth muscle, alveoli - single-cell thick.
Medicine - Trachea/bronchus - cartilage ringes, pseudostratified ciliated columnar epithelium, goblet cells, bronchioles - smooth muscle, ciliated, Clara cells, alveoli - Type I pneumocytes, Type II pneumocytes, macrophages, PLUS name that histological picture(s)....

New thing I learned today - bronchioles are only <1mm in diametre!  No wonder they get clogged up with secretions for poor people with asthma...

Lunch

Had a nice lunch with a friend at the local cafe - was supposed to be just a quick coffee, but the menu is so beautiful and a nice glass of red went down so well with it....  I only had half my glass and am now drinking an energy drink to level-out.  Feeling pretty good and ready to study....

On day 3 of 8 revision days. Not covering as much as I'd hoped (I'm nearly recovered from viral tonsilitis now), but things are sounding familiar as I read them.  Hope it's enough.....

PFPS

I have PFPS - patellofemoral pain syndrome - "runner's knees".  I blame work for making me sit in an ambulance for 9 hours two nights ago, after I had already done my 11 hour day shift.  Runner's World magazine lists PFPS as the top runner's injury and to remedy it by reducing mileage or running uphill only (ie on an incline of the tready), or to cross-train to rest the knees and build quad and hip muscle strength.  Looks like the WiiFit is going to get some use this week.

I have just completed my last shift for the week.  We have been busy at work and I have come home now, already tired, to begin my study for the day.  Ugh.  I still have those tasks to do before my online lecture in the morning, which, if I want 8 hours sleep before, I need to be in bed in 3 hours... which is not going to happen because my body-clock is set to nights.

Anyway, no use complaining, must get to it.

Happy anniversary

As I was sitting here trying to do the maths and find enough money to pay my tuition fees this month, I was wondering how much longer I could go on like this, that is, without much room in the budget to breathe.  And then I realised it's nearly my one year anniversary from starting studying med!

In March last year I went to Samoa for 8 weeks to do my Introduction to Medicine module.  I went so fast, I couldn't believe it.  It's so beautiful there, I could easily go back, and I hope to do so.  I estimate I have another 2.5 years of preclinical and just under 4 years in total left.  Wow.  To think I've already done a year, or 20%...

Here's an excerpt from my first entry into my journal I wrote while in Samoa (please understand I was at this point culture-shocked, jet lagged, home-sick, over-whelmed, and in an extremely hot and humid environment);

22nd March 2010 - Day 2
Dear Diary,
I'm finding it increasingly frustrating to try and study by any other means than via self-study of my Biochem text I brought with me.  I'm starting to believe I was learning more studying on my own at work, where I at least had reliable access to the internet and adequate lighting....
..... I am rather disappointed I came all this way only to be studying less effectively and more remotely. 
Trying to keep a positive attitude.  Now determined to study the text on my own....
.....I am enjoying the different experience in a friendly country and looking forward to returning home to my house and pets.
CJ

Ha!  I forgot how frustrated I was with the lack of aircon, good lighting, and very unreliable internet!  By the end of the 8 weeks I had totally adjusted to:
a)  Getting up early to study in the (only) cool part of the day (and by the end of the 8 weeks had acclimatised so much I wished I was in the non-aircon rooms with the ceiling fan only)
b)  Rearranged my room to try and squeeze the lamp onto my desk
c)  Gave up on using the internet as my source of information and replaced it with these things called "textbooks" in the uni library
d)  Found an internet cafe in town with a way better connection and speed than at the hotel or uni, and much cheaper.  Used it only for FB, emailing, and internet banking anyway!
I had also learnt to pre-study the day's material before I went to class, which I still try and do now and is such a life-saver.

Can't wait to look back at this time now and laugh...  so far away.....

Working and running and studying....

Part of my 4.5km loop

My whole life atm can be summed up into periods of working, running, studying, sleeping, eating, and MoHing.  That's about it.  Sometimes there's housework, and sometimes there's tv (I'm missing the Oscars right now), and even occasionally there's a shower or bath followed by rapid grooming, but that's about it.  So, yeh, I really enjoy my runs in the lovely fresh air and quiet country roads of my town.

Today is overcast and misty, but not too cold, and the air is still.  The rain makes the dust settle and the smell of grass, gum, and pine is lovely.  My dog got away from me again today when he saw the alpacas - they freak him out.  He didn't discover the electric fence between them as yet, and I hope he never does.  My mistake was that I was walking that section of the road and he is easily distracted when walking as compared with running.  I couldn't run very far at all today, I think due to working overnight and the >500km of driving the ambulance cramped up my legs a bit.  I've decided to try and rest my legs well before the next run because these poor performances are discouraging me.

Yesterday I finished the quiz and submitted it, 40 of the 50 pages of the case study, and 10 of the 17 tasks.  I will need today to finish them all and therefore will be a day behind my revision schedule already :(

Study and more study

Yep, I'm still studying.  Well, I had a day off yesterday, which I hadn't planned to, but things happen....

According to my schedule I must finish by the end of today:

• 50 page case study (ARDS)
• 10 question quiz and submit
• 17 questions tasks and prepare for lecture

I've probably done about half.  I'm starting to stress and just want to start revision already and reading through the respiratory chapter of my textbooks, but I must stick to the plan to make sure this week's tasks don't cross-over into next week.

I'm also at work, did I mention that?

Work's clinical guidelines are changing again, and at first I was concerned about re-learning new guidelines, but when I read through the summary I was happy because they are changing to be more in-line with "the rest of the world" medicine and allow for more clinical reason.  For eg Stemetil can now be used in severe vertigo, and not just motion sickness, air medevac and/or an alternative for Maxolon.  Vertigo is probably the most common indication for Stemetil we encounter in reality.  And if anyone has ever had really bad vertigo, then you'd understand why I really want to be able to give it to certain patients.  There are a number others which make clinical sense, which in the past I'd have to consult for.  This is good news for everybody.

I didn't go for a run yesterday either. I can't remember how many times I've gone this week.  I think twice, but maybe only once....?  I went on that hot day before I started call, on Thursday, and I must've gone either Monday or Tuesday, surely...  It feels weird to have gone 3 days since running.  I must try and go tonight when I start call.  The treadmill is sitting there but is not attractive...

Edit:  thanks to my former posts I realise I did 4.5km 5 days ago and 2.5km in high temperatures 3 days ago.  Time is jumbled.

Study... more....

Doing some study this morning at work.  Feeling not too far behind, which is a nice change.  We didn't get any call-outs last night so I got almost 8 hours sleep in-a-row!  Unfortunately for me, this week's case is very difficult. It's about ARDS (Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome) and there's lots of lab values to interpret, plus I have no experience in an ICU, therefore no experience with ventilators and ICU drugs etc.  I'm way out of my comfort zone.

Then I flicked ahead through the case to the unit material and the first line was: "The heart and lungs are vital organs situated in the thorax protected by the rib cage".  !!!!  It's the end of the respiratory module, I think I know where the lungs are.....  Funny.  I find most of the provided unit readings are 90% super-basic with the odd fact dispersed throughout,so it's a matter of skimming before heading to the textbooks for further reading.  That is, of course, when I'm not frantically trying to finish the tasks before next week's lecture.

This is the last case study for the term.  I'm scared I have to study and cram so much before the exam.  I sent in my quiz without trying or looking up answers, I just thought it was overdue so who cares and I still got 9/10.   Maybe I feel like I'm doing bad because it's so difficult, but really we're being prepared really well by our lecturer with all these compulsory tasks.  Unfortunately, I wont know until after the exam, which will be too late, so I wont be taking any chances with my exam prep, which commences in 3 days....

My run yesterday was reduced to the 2.5km, which I think my dog was so grateful for because he was running way behind me on the last part of the loop.  It was just too hot.  And near the end I looked down at my watch and got so excited because it read: 15:35, and my goal is 2.5km in 15 minutes, then I realsied that that was the time of day, not minutes:seconds as I had forgot to start my stop watch :/ 

Edit: ARDS is now known as Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome.

New book

Finally got the latest version of Kumar and Clark's Clinical Medicine. Ordered it from abebooks.com. Check it out...

I love this book. I'm so happy. It's way more exciting to me then buying a new dress. I think I'm definitely in the right profession, if I had any doubt...

Off to squeeze in a run before work (in 30oC heat).

Today

Today I have the day off work but I had to get up at 5am for my lecture, that I didn't realise I needed to be prepared for until late last night (!).  Not that I can sleep before midnight anyway, but luckily I had just gone through that topic (lung cancer) with my mentor a few hours earlier and had unwittingly covered a few of the essentials.  Luckily again, my question was semi-easy and I had semi-recalled reading about that topic.  Wowsers.

My question was: "Classify lung cancer, including prevalence of different types and 'typical' patients at risk".  One thing is for sure, if I still smoked now, I would certainly quit after this week.  Last term doing cardiovascular I was reading about dilated cardiomyopathy caused from excessive alcohol intake, and I am now really scared to drink more than 3 drinks a week, although the grueling study schedule plus the marathon training I've been doing doesn't allow for much more than that anyway.

This afternoon I finally sent my missing tasks to my lecturer.  I think the student-teacher relationship is like any good relationship - it's all about communication.  I let him know as far in advance as possible what was going on and if I could have the chance to make up for lost grades.  Even, embarrassingly, I had to admit to missing last week's lecture due to sleeping through my alarm. That does not look good, but it was the truth :/

Now, I am going to squeeze 30 minutes of gardening in as my friend gave me some plants not in pots about 3(!) days ago, and if I don't get them into the ground, they are sure to die on my nature strip, and when he walks his dog past my place I'm sure he will be annoyed.

Tonight, I am catching up with a friend for a few hours to nurture both our sanities from our hectic lives.  I do feel guilty leaving the books, but it is the one night off I have this week and I need it.

Slow learner

From thisisindexed.com

I'm going to try for the loop on the right from now on....

Homework

My cat ate my homework

Same ol'...

.. same ol'.

Went for a 4.5km run for the first time with the dog today.  He ran like a champ and kept me going on the back stretch.  I'm running really, REALLY slow so I'll have to work on speed some time before the proper 5km event next month otherwise I'll be finishing behind the people doing the 10km event....

I have yet again somehow managed to muck up my school timetable and am yet again in panic mode..  Seriously, wont this term just end already?

MoH duties continue and don't seem to be slowing down any time soon.

I did an practice test with USMLE World Q Bank tonight - just the respiratory ones, and I got 55%.  I know that sounds horrible, but at 75% I would be extremely happy and believe I can achieve that before my exam as it is slightly easier, but has more curve-balls, than the USMLE prep exams seem to.  By curve-balls I mean that, for example, last term it was cardiovascular, and then up popped questions on epidemiology/statistics eg what the difference between cohort and control studies - wtf?

Met my mentor at the hospital down in the ED for the first time today.  It was excellent and what I really needed to focus on why I'm sacrificing so much time, money, and grey-hairs to my studies right now.  Although I felt like a total waste-of-space, it was a nice start.  Plus (almost) everyone in the ED already knows me from ambulance work and are really friendly.  couldn't ask for anything more, really.

Complaining

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny." - Unknown

Sorry, but I don't know said the above quote as I stole it from my friend's FB status update.

hmmph

I worked today and did housework and that was about it.  I cant wait until holidays from study so I can do more around the house.

I'm suffering from insomnia at the moment, despite being the healthiest I've been in ages.  I eat really good, no soda, max one coffee every few days, alcohol only once a week, and good exercise and sleep (when I get it).  My body clock is set to be awake at night instead of the day, but I guess that's not overly surprising considering I do most of my call-outs at night.

I have two things due for med school today and I haven't done them yet.  I think I can certainly send in one thing today I have finished but just need rewording, and the other thing is the quiz which I have sent in a day late every week for the whole term, so why change that now in the second-last week!

I did some light weights yesterday, which have already noticeably tightened up my arms, but boy does it ever ramp up my appetite!  Analysing the way my body works, I think I might do weights only once or twice a week, and keep the running to three times a week.

I'm finding that at work my med studies are coming into play all the time.  I don't think I've annoyed my co-workers much yet by bringing up ideas that fall outside the normal paramedic practice.  Certainly, I'm not treating my patients any differently, but it is interesting to be able to start to interpret labs, go through a differential diagnosis including diseases which are no life-threatening/of concern to ambulance, look at ECGs more deeply, and to understand more about what investigation will likely be done at the hospital. 

Awful

Just has a terrible run. Fatigued from work, I decided not to take the dog and try for my PB... I also have a sore shoulder from him pulling on the leash. I ran into head-winds on the uphill part and it killed my ears. My legs felt as though they had no muscles in them and that my shoes had concrete in them.

So I decided I'd at least power-walk portions that I couldn't run... Then I got to the turnoff and decided if my intensity was low, I'd have to up the duration. In the end I walked/ran my new 4.5 km loop. At least I got a good sweat up and have experienced something like what it might feel like somewhere along a marathon.

Note to self - run every second day and have a coffee before if fatigued from call-outs.

Dog

So I wanted to try doing my 2.5 without my dog to see what my serious time would be before I go up to 4.5km. But when I put on my runners he got so excited I couldn't disappoint him. Might have to come up with a plan...

Quote of the day

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." - George Bernard Shaw

Learning technique

Once I did this short French course which came on a CD and used visualisation to remember nouns in particular.  You'd take the word in French, think of a similar sounding word in English, then visualise the two together for 10 seconds.  It's kind of like how those guys who remember the order of 200+ playing cards have a character or a story for each card then remember the story.

So, anyway, I get a daily "med term" on my iGoogle homepage.  A lot of the ones I don't know are the names of medical conditions, often genetic ones, and usually rare.  I've started seeing the term, trying to think of a person with that name, surname, or something similar.  Anyway, it's a little bit wicked but the med term I had today I immediately thought of an old uni lecturer with the same name, and when I saw the condition caused mental retardation and a disfigured face, I had to laugh.  Won't forget that one in a hurry :)

Running

I had a good run yesterday before my mentor session. I beat my time on the 2.5 km loop. I think I might do it without my dog tomorrow (or maybe even today) to see what kind of time I can get if I dont have to stop at every tree or lamp post! I'm aiming for 15mins before I start doing the 4.5km loop next week. I want to get close to doing 5km in 30mins before the x-country event in late March.

I'm going to download some more iTunes today.  Need to start making a run playlist...

Today I'll be finishing last week's tasks and also finish reading this week's case and then: guess what? I'm finally up-to-date! Wow!

10/10

Yes!  I finally got a 10/10 on my weekly quiz.  It was the easiest so far because it was clinically and physiologically focused, which are my strong suits, and the questions themselves seemed more straight forward.  It's good to get one 10.

Six hours later.....I just did my pimping session, which went for 6 hours, with one 5 min break, which I was unprepared for!  I thought it was on Friday.  Ooops.  Luckily my question was on PE which I luckily know something about through paramedic practice.  Then straight after that I did my presentation (picture shows notes/new scrap paper).  It went ok.  Sooo glad that's out of the way.  I'm just getting used to the pimp sessions now and the term is nearly over.  Oh well, I think there will be more of it to come in my medical career....

Life update;

Res exam - starting to think maybe I know more than I think and I was just comparing myself to last term, expecting to be more advanced.  I hope res is not considered an "easy" module, or I'm screwed.

Med - looking forward to the next term off to revise everything so far and get myself back to the level I want to be at.

Masters - still think I'll try and do it on my break.  I still want it and I don't want to have to wait until I'm 55 to be able to do the sort of work I want to do overseas.  Need to double-up and make up for lost time.  Got my welcome email a few days ago.  Need to quickly have a look at that and get some folders ready to hit the ground running after the exam.

Marathon - stupidly put my run off to the afternoon yesterday and it never happened.  Going to have a nap now (only had 4 hours sleep) and have a run before I go an meet my mentor tonight.  Have to do it today.  Plan this week is to maintain my 2.5km with 3 runs and beat my time on Sunday if I'm not on a call-out with work, or Monday morning.  4.5km starts next week.

Travel - Still only have my September trip planned and to look forward to.  Maybe some hiking during March break for a few days only.  As for next year, I'm considering doing a cruise with my friends that goes to Christmas Island and Indonesia!  Looks great.

Love life - Not going to mention it on this blog.  Sorry.  Private.

Social life - Maintaining it.  Just.  Thankfully I have a few friends that don't take it personally when I ignore them for periods of time.  Have a girls dinner tonight.  Trying to socialise once a week.

MoH (Maid of Honour) - I'm also getting used to the organza, satin, and sequins and have another wedding dress try-on with my sister next week.  This time one store is a place where I would even consider myself if I was shopping for big white dresses.  The dresses there are vintage-inspired and made of gorgeous silks and Chantilly lace.

Work - Going good.  Can't believe how many res patients I'm having this term.  If I do repro next term I will be sure to deliver a baby.....

Today

Today I got up at a reasonable time and did, and then sent, my quiz for last week's case study in.  I should have done it last night at the latest, but like I mentioned earlier, my schedule is constantly two days behind since week one.  Oh well, it's done now and there are only two more to do for the whole term.  The other problem I have is when I'm gong through the quiz I take a lot of time to learn why the answer is correct or incorrect, particularly as a fraction of them turn up again in the final exams.  Learning that anaerobes are the most common pathogen found in aspirative pneumonia is great, but I have just learn what the difference between gram positive and gram negative bacteria are, let alone which genomes fall into which category and which of those are cocci or bacilli, and which are aerobic obligates and which are anaerobes..  One can see how I can get easily side-tracked.

I can't adequately explain how long 8 weeks can feel to me right now.  Normally with working weird shifts at work time flies, but when I'm studying med, the time lasts forever.  It's probably to do with the large amount of information I'm absorbing in a small amount of time.  And as Albert Einstein theorised (and then it was later proved) time is relative to the observer (thankyou, Dr Hawking).  In my meagre mind I think this is partially why time seems to speed up as you get old.  One year when you're 10 is 10% of your whole life, but when you're 100 it's only 1%.  Yep... I'm good at maths too....

Then I drove about 30km in a round-trip to the bank as the Post Office wasn't able to deposit cash for me.  Then I got back into the study for a short time and got recalled into work for 4 hours.  Then I came back, made some dinner, and here we are now.  Deciding whether to go for a run or finish my friggin presentation to send off ready to get up at stupid o'clock again to present it.

Ugh.

However, I told my co-worker today that I want to stop complaining so much, or rather I want to stop thinking everything annoys me all the time.  He said "You never act annoyed" just after I told him how so-and-so really annoys me when they do such-and-such.  Maybe it's because I don't have an overtly emotional response to my annoyance, but I would like to retrain my mind to stop perceiving everything as irritating or frustrating and think of it as "just is".  I'm good at the big obstacles, I'm just not so good at the small annoynces.  Yet.

My favourite thing....

...in the whole wide world.

Kindle

So, I've just spent an hour in bed reading my newly downloaded usmle books on Kindle on my new phone. I think this is a good thing!  Although I wasn't actively studying like I do all set up in my study room, it was still good to flick through the e-pages this morning in bed, and also last night on the couch.

Anyway I have to get up now and lock myself in my study for the day to;
-finish my presentation slides to send to my lecturer
-complete my weekly quiz and email it
-make inroads on two sets of weekly tasks, one from last week and mostly from this week

............
I've just been to the cafe to get my large frappe and I'm ready to rock.

I had about 12 hours sleep last night which is usualy on my first day off for the week to repay my sleep debt from being on-call.  So I'm feeling good.  Then I went into my kitchen and found the below picture which looks like a snail has been walking along my ceiling last night!  How did a snail get in my house, and where is it?  I do leave my backdoor open a lot for fresh air and for the pets to not annoy me to come in and go out all day, and it has been raining a lot ths Summer.  It made me smile.

Balance

Just had an awesome, encouraging run after work. Now I have the night off and need to study but really feel like watching tv. Don't worry, I will be doing the former...

Ah, the technology...

I'm posting from my new phone! Wow. I'm so technological.

I also mapped my running route on MapMyRun and now know my distance of my next two preferred routes! Google maps does the same thing. I also got myself a Polar watch today so I have no excuses!

Med studies - I'm finishing off my presentation on lung transplant and really wishing I had a more current edition of my Harrison's.

Getting my act together

So, I think I have finally got my act together, and it really couldn't have happened sooner.  I'm actually enjoying studying again and am sad I have wasted so many weeks.  I am glad I will have next term off to revise because I really want to study harder now!  LOL  How things change. 

Right now I'm reading about lung surfactant and finding it way cool.  I also need to attribute some of my turn-around to another fellow classmate that emailed me.  Even though she is in the US and not my study partner, she offered help and gave morale support and that really goes a long way to build the confidence to stop that little voice in my head that likes to tell me I'm going to fail.  When meditation failed me, an unexpected friendship and small show of compassion went a long way.

I still haven't decided about the MIH (Masters of International Health), as I mentioned in my last post, because I so want to take my medical studies into that field eventually.  Afterall, it is international health that pushed me into med in the first place.  Census date is still some time off so I don't have to make any decisions now.  I might even just cut back to one subject per semester, but again I'll wait and see how I feel after I finish this med term.  It's funny after studying med I think MIH subjects will be so much easier.  I'm also hoping that as time goes by I will be able to keep a more even keel in med studies because I know that when I start my clinical placements that there will be little room for "off days".

Good news - I finally got my new phone after my last one was destroyed on a job in the floods.  I feel like I've rejoined the 21st century!

Still overwhelmed

I'm in the world of being overwhelmed.  It's really my fault for dropping the ball.  I would consider my next few weeks as being damage control.  If I start now (week 5 of 8) I should be able to minimise the damage.

I had a phone call with a fellow classmate which was the equivalent of "pull you head in" and "this is medicine".  Tough love.  Love her for it.

I'm sticking to my plan I did yesterday.  So far.  And I've just typed out all the learning objectives for each week which was good to just remember all the topics I have already covered and that I have learned something.  In the revision week (week 8) I'll use them to revise thoroughly.

In other news, I'm considering dropping my Masters studies.  I think I need the term off to revise what I've so far studied in medicine to do well in the USMLEs.  This is difficult to swallow, and I haven't decided 100% as yet.  Even though it's not as difficult as med, I think I need a break so I don't lose motivation in my next module.

Organisation

When I feel overwhelmed with study, like what happens when you get behind, I like to break everything down into little chunks and plan it out day-by-day on my calendar.  I did that this morning.  I have already achieved half of today's plan.  So, so far it's working well.

I think I should be able to make up for lost time if I really put my head down now. 

My mentor told me about how she had trouble staying focused for a term when she was back in med school.  I really love it when people I look up to are generous enough to share their pitfalls with their juniors.  I really respect that, and I find it is those I respect the most who are the most willing to admit these things.  Perhaps it's to do with feeling comfortable enough with their abilities to admit their failures. 

Anyway, I hope I can not make this a habit and get myself together to finish this term with a respectable grade and be a model student next term.

In marathon news, I only ran for 1km (!) on the treadmill today at work.  I hate treadys.  I went and saw my friend and co-worker at lunch and she said we should do the Emergency Service Games 5km cross-country next month.  Don't tell everyone, but last year there were so few competitors that almost every age class was guarenteed a place in the medals... sshhhhhh...  And it would be a good medium-term goal for marathon prep.  So, i have to build on 1km to 5km before some time in next month.

While considering all of the above, I will also keep mindful of the below quote which the Dalai Lama's Facebook page sent me today;


The more you think about your own self, the more self-centred you are, the more trouble even small problems can create in your mind. The stronger your sense of ‘I’, the narrower the scope of your thinking becomes; then even small obstacles become unbearable. On the other hand, if you concern yourself mainly with others, the broader your thinking becomes, and life’s inevitable difficulties disturb you less.- Dalai Lama

Motivation

It was my experience in Cambodia which motivated me to go to med school, and now I hope to draw on that experience now as I have a lack in motivation.

Studying for an exam isn't as motivating for me as studying for a future patient that may need my help and has no-one else to help them.  Volunteering in the clinic I had only a local Khmer ex-Army doctor to help me.  It was frustrating to not have more ability and be limitied by only my paramedic experience (which doesn't really help much in the area I was volunteering in).  Now, in the final few weeks of the term, I hope to take this attitude with me to the books and try and resurrect this resipratory module.

Welcome to hell

I've just been to hell and back today.  Well, my definition of hell - the Bridal Dress shop!  I went and tried to be the very best MOH (Maid of Honour), but it was more than me.  I fear I may have failed.  It was just all those sequins, satin, and organza. And the shop women's perfumes were toxic - in the bad, asphyxiating way.

In other news, I go back to work in less than an hour.  It's always so hard to get back into the rhythm of feeling like a robot with a an old battery which wont hold charge.

And in the best part of my day today, I went for my first marathon training run this morning and it went encouragingly well.  My dog loved it.

New shoes

Bought a new pair of runners today.  So needed them.  When I went in and said that I have worn Asics for ages and looked down at the pair I had on, I mentally calculated that they must have been at least 9 years old!  OMG!  That's a bit extreme.  I do have a slightly newer pair than them, but they are at work in my locker, and they too must be over 3 years old.  No good for preparing for a marathon.
So how did Day 1 of my marathon preparation go?  Fail.  No run.  I was still hungover from my sister's engagement party last night.  But I did buy some new runners.  This is not looking good.

Another life saved

As a paramedic, I like to say "another life saved" at the end of each job, but I'm being sarcastic 99% of the time.  99% of the time our work is not in any way life-saving.  If you replaced "life" with "taxi fare", then the statement would become more accurate.  Never-the-less, I still like helping people.

But tonight I just got a message from some surgeon somewhere in a big hospital in the big city.  It came via the patient themselves, who was told to pass on this very message, and then through another paramedic, who the patient initially thought was me (they were very sick the last time we met), that I "saved their life".  Nice one.  I didn't do much, and I wasn't working solo so I can't take all the credit, and I would like to think the average ambo would make the same decision in the same circumstances, but it is still very nice to hear.  It's nice to know that sometimes the decisions we make all day every day sometimes add up to something good.
:)

An engagement

My sister had her engagement party yesterday afternoon in Melbourne.  They booked out the whole lovely courtyard at the Hotel, with private, open, bar, gazebo, and good freinds, family, and food!  The weather was perfect.  It was pretty much a perfect day in all.

Home again

I made it back home yesterday afternoon.  Spent most of the day traveling back, then the evening just getting everything sorted out.

The flight was good - it's not very long- but I did have some dramas going through security as I bought 3 pairs of big metal hoop earrings and they kept trying to tell me I had a big pair of scissors in my handbag.  Ugh.  At least it was my handbag and not my carry-on which would have taken a lot longer to convince them.  They seemed pretty sure that I had scissors.

I got home to find my garage had been flooded in the big storm, which was the tail-end of Cyclone Yasi.  It's amazing to think a cyclone can affect the weather more than 2000km away.  It had already drained out and there wasn't much it damaged, but I need to closer inspect my golf bag.  Some of my garden got washed away too, but I'm glad it didn't come up just another few centimetres otherwise it would have been in my front door!  My house it located higher than the town, which is 1000m above sea level, so I am assuming that the water was from the downpour itself, and not being washed down from anywhere else.

So,I do think this is due to climate change, but I didn't think we'd see weather as extreme as this for a few more decades.  Goes to show, that in a battle between humans and Mother Earth, we're going to lose.

Rabbit

Happy Lunar New Year!  I have always thought the Solar-Lunar calendar made much more sense than the Roman one, but anyway...  It's the year of the Rabbit!  One of my ex-boyfriends told me I looked like a rabbit once...  So, my friend turned 42 last year and ran a marathon (42km) to mark the occasion.  For some reason it has really stuck in my head.  I met a new friend and he is turning 42 this year and I told him he should run a marathon.  He said no.  Then my other friend is training for the Iron Man and I keep thinking these people are crazy.  Thinking, thinking, thinking.  And I've been complaining for ages I just can't get any motivation to exercise.  And it's the year of the rabbit... and I think you might know where this is heading.

So, I'm putting it out there. I want to run a marathon this year.

I'm not a runner.  My body is in no way built to run a marathon.  Didn't Oprah run a marathon once?  And I've been worried about my diet and risk of diabetes and when I did the hike yesterday I realised that if I don't get fit now, I'll never be fit.

I used to be in the Army.  I was my fittest then.  And still then I didn't feel fit.  I used to like running about 4 or 5 km cross-country, but not 42km flat.

My friend took 6 months to prepare, but she was already pretty fit before she started. My rough plan is to work towards the Melbourne Marathon in October.

Ok so I am really scared thinking about it.  It will be a lot of work, and right now my calves are killing just sitting here.  But because it seems just so impossible right now is exactly the reason why I want to do it.  I am also aware that I have just had 2 weeks off work and my body is in a routine which I don't normally have the luxury of.  Sometimes work is so crazy that I eat, work, and sleep only.  No tv, no housework.  Just come home, go to bed, and go back to work again.  I do, however, have a deadly-treadly at work.

I'm frightened.  I have overcome pain and boredom before, but not at the same time of extensive periods.  Do people listen to their iPod during marathons?

Hiking and stuff

Just got back from 2 days out touristing on the other side of the island.  I left after my 4.5hr online lecture/MCQ tute/oral assessment session I do on Wednesday mornings this term.  It went ok.  I'm getting more used to them now and am doing a lot more preparation before sessions which helps a lot.  It's different (almost the reverse) of how I have learnt in the past, where you would go to the lecture to be taught a subject, then go home and look over the handouts again.

So, I got to tick another one off on my list of "things to do" which is to hike through Freycinet NP to Wineglass Bay.  There are no roads there, and apart from boat, you must walk over a small mountain range on a very well-made, yet slightly challenging path.  It takes about 2.5hrs return, but the mandatory rest on the beautiful beach adds a bit more time to the journey.

I had picked up some supplies at the Red Bridge Cafe in Campbell Town the day before and have been inspired to buy a dehydrator, ever though I hear they are not cheap.  I had vegetable chips (dehydrated slices of sweet potato, taro, swede, carrot, and green beans with sea salt), then some dried fruit and apricot delights.  They were so nice on the trail and down on the beach.  I filled my water bottle up with the tap from the tank water at the car park, but I don't feel sick yet. I would recommend doing that back at the National Park info centre.

Gaiters

Just came back from a short morning walk, testing out my new gaiters.  Not sure if I have them on the right feet, but they did the trick.  It was easy to get a sweat on this morning as it's lovely and humid - plenty of butterflies around.  It must be nearly 30oC already at 10am.  It rained last night so all the plants are green and turgid.
Have a whole day of study in front of me today, which is a continuation of last night, preparing for my weekly grilling in my online lecture tomorrow morning at stupid-o'clock.  It's all about immunocompromisation and pneumonia these two weeks in a double case-study.  I also just found out I can watch the recorded lectures, not just listen to the podcasts.  Glad I found that out now and not at the end of the year.

So I've realised that as a paramedic I found cardiovascular easy and respiratory difficult.  I can't see any other systems getting any easier for me.  And, yes, yet again, it is just one reason why I'm really enjoying my studies.