"Oooh... two LADY paramedics...!"

"Oooh... two LADY paramedics...!"

I was going to put that in the "Overheard" category but I couldn't be bothered.

I hear this ALL the time when I work with another female paramedic, which is also quite regularly as there is currently 3 females and 1 male at my ambulance station. I feel like saying "Why, yes! I even have my manual driver's licence!" ffs

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Fruitarian life is going great. It is so easy when you get the ball rolling. I say again and again, it is the easiest "diet" I have ever been on. The hardest parts are:

• eating enough fruit calories
• having enough ripe fruit around the house

That's it!

Not a good look?

OVERHEARD NEAR THE AMBULANCE
An on-duty paramedic quickly stops at the local hardware store with the ambulance an in-uniform to buy a shovel for some lovely Spring-time gardening after work. As she walks out of the shop very proud of her purchase (as they had exactly what she was looking for), and with a little skip in her step as she walked to the ambulance she is asked buy a road-worker:

ROAD-WORKER

"Is that for when they don't wake up?"

PARAMEDIC

"We like to bury our mistakes...."

Things are not always as at first they first seem....

OVERHEARD IN THE AMBULANCE
Two Advanced Life Support road crews, one Community Emergency Response Team and one Intensive Care Ambulance were dispatched to a motorcycle versus vehicle accident involving one male patient with a compound (bones sticking out of skin) fracture to the lower leg. The third crew ("<CREW>")arrives on scene and provides the despatcher with a Sitrep ("situation report" aka update of the situation)...

CREW (ON RADIO)

"Despatch from <Crew>"

DESPATCH (ON RADIO)

"Go ahead <Crew>....."

CREW (ON RADIO)

"This is a patient with a broken TOE after falling from a 50cc in a backyard while wearing thongs. Cancel the Intensive Care Ambulance........."

Overheard in the ambulance

OVERHEARD IN THE BACK OF THE AMBULANCE
After quite a lot of coaching and coaxing by the paramedic to try and get the elderly female patient to use the penthrane inhaler correctly (penthrane is an analgesic methoxyflurane which is inhaled through the mouth using an inhaler which is confusingly shaped like a whistle.  It can also have some neurological side effects similar to drinking alcohol...) the patient finally got enough pain relief on-board.

ELDERLY PATIENT

"Thank yooooooou"

PARAMEDIC

"That's alright.  All I want to do is make you feel better."

ELDERLY

 

"I looooove yoooooooou...."

Overheard in a patient's house

OVERHEARD IN A PATIENT'S HOUSE

Paramedics attend the house of a very sweet, very elderly yet sprightly lady living home alone in a fairly remote rural area.  She had earlier called her doctor to tell him she felt unwell. The doctor then called for an ambulance to attend.

After assessment, the patient refuses transport to hospital.  The paramedics try to educate the patient on the phone number to use in case of an emergency.

PARAMEDIC

"So, if we leave you at home, and if you ever feel unwell, do you know the number to call the ambulance?"

ELDERLY PATIENT

"No..."

PARAMEDIC

"It's 000"

ELDERLY PATIENT

"Oh, is that it?  Just 000 and I can get you two to come to my house?"

PARAMEDIC 

"Yes"

ELDERLY PATIENT

"What if I feel well?  Can you just come over for a cup for tea?"



Overheard

This is my new section "Overheard" where I hope to put up some funny/interesting things I see and hear in the ambulance, emergency departments, and on the job in general.  This is my vain attempt at finding humour everyday in the job while working the on-call roster, and letting non-paramedics into the world of all the weird things our minds have to deal with on a daily basis. 

I'm trying to write it like a script for dramatisation.  Excuse me if it seems odd but I'm not a writer.  Of course all identifying information has been altered or removed completely and is written in good faith and laughing with the patients, not at them.

OVERHEARD IN THE EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT

NURSE AT TRIAGE

(talking about the football scores to the paramedic)

"They're not doing too well".

ELDERLY PATIENT

(lying on the bed in front of the nurse looking worried)

"Who? Me?"