Life is an illusion

I am currently pondering on the idea that life is an illusion. I mean, I can easily accept that perception of things is what creates our experience of reality, but how far does the illusion really extend?

If I can change things, like the scenario and outcome, of my dreams when lucid dreaming, how come I can't do that in the so-called "awake" stage?

I'm working through Atisha's Seven Points on Mind Training, and the second one is to treat all phenomena as if they are dreams. Clearly, they are not exactly the same thing as the dreams we experience in the sleeping state, so what's the go?

Anyway, I'm Googling the fruit out out of this and I hope to come up with some answers. I've even asked my Mensa friends. Maybe I'll ask the monks in some of the Buddhist groups I'm in!

Here's a link to more on this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality_in_Buddhism

And also: http://www.rinpoche.com/teachings/sevenpoints.htm

No playing doctor today, and feeding my dog a vegan diet

The GP I observe wasn't abe to have me today as he already had other medical students booked in.

That's ok becaue tonight I go and get officially recruited as a student doctor with St John's. Woohoo! Unfortunately, my uniform will probably be badged as "paramedic", but I'll know deep down inside that I'm a student doctor lol

Today: I have no other plans. I normallly do my workout first thing in the morning, but I felt a bit lazy today. As long as it's done before 6pm, so I'll plan to start it at 4:30. Until then it's food and Facebook.

Last night at the Buddhist Gompa was really good. I had my vegan meal (I couldn't have dessert as it had dairy in it) of pumpkin and lentil soup and a main of tofu noodle satay and a massive green salad. Delish. I had water with my meal and I heard another lady say she was going to have a cup of tea so she could stay awake during the lesson...Not sure that's a good idea. I am pretty anti-caffeine these days. Clean carbs are the new caffeine....

The Geshe spoke of how wisdom means love and compassion for others, but that this must start with ourselves; how we must not just eat what tastes good, but what is good for our bodies. We cannot love others without loving ourselves first. He also spoke of, basically, peer pressure and adopting the habits of those around us, and when our peers leave, the habits become ours and harmful to ourselves. He used drinking and smoking as examples, but to me it resonated with general modern living and this toxic food environment we live in.

I've also started my dogs on a transition to vegan diet. I thought it was mean at first, but then I read about how healthy it makes dogs, and how they can live to a really old age, I thought it was mean NOT to put them on a vegan diet. I think I wont make them strictly vegan, but their daily meals will now consist of about 90% fresh vegetables like steamed root vegetables and grated zucchini and carrot. My dog had watermelon for a snack this mornign for breakfast with me. He wasn't sure at first, but then he loved it and kept coming back for more. There are heaps of resources on the web to find out what foods are ok for dogs. Bascially, grapes/raisins/sultanas are bad, apple seeds, and tomatoes, garlic, and onions. Everything else seemed logical to me: no chocolate, no caffeine, no big pips from stone fruit (choking hazard). It's best to feed them root vegetables cooked, as you do to humans. They also need more fat in their diet than humans do, so coconut oil and peeanut butter seem to be a popular choice. Oh, macadamia nuts and avocadoes are out too.

Here's a link to the ASPCA guide.

Anyway, I'm probably going to find a good few recipes for them and stick to it, so it's not that difficult really. So far what I've been making them I could easily eat myself, so maybe I will do that in the future - make batches for all of us omnivores! (It's funny, I always thought humans were omnivores and dogs were carnivores, but now I think humans are herbivores and dogs are true omnivores...)

My update (and a long story about manifesting visualisations)

So, where am I at?

I'm back doing 100% high-carb, raw vegan lifestyle and feeling so good for it. It's difficult for the first few days as there is a little detox and water/sodium rebalancing, but I'm on the easy side of it now and find it very easy. I have realised I need a lot more calories than I originally thought as the minimum 2000-2500cal is really just for maintenance, and not for healing and a shift-working medical student that wants to go running and travelling the world person.

Health is my number one priority right now which also, apart from all the fruit, includes getting enough water, sleep, fresh air and sunshine. This can therefore take up a fair few hours of the day. We have been quite busy at work and my personal life is quite full atm therefore my studies haven't been all that they could be this week.

21 Dec 2012 is coming! Have you began to look at what you want to take in to the New World? No, Earth isn't going to blow up! It just is a prediction that it is the end of the Information Age and the beginning of the Enlightenment/Wisdom/Knowledge Age. Now is a good time to start considering what your life would look like if it came from a place of love and harmony.

Vision booking! I have a vision board but I've started a vision book now. Very exciting. I'm super-excited because I know how much they work! I have recently had another manifestation occur....

The Story

In high school there was this girl, DH, who was bullied quite a lot. She came from an under-privileged background, had the thickest glasses, the worst skin and hair, and to top it all of she had this very unattractive voice and she didn't come across too bright. Poor dear. She was an easy target. Unfortunately, although I don't consider myself a bully at all, I got swept along with it at times.

I used to dwell on the people that gave me a hard time at high school. I spent my early twenties using it for motivation to become successful so I could somehow prove something to them or myself, not that I'd ever see most of them again. Although now with Facebook, it is a little motivating again! Mostly now, however, I do things for myself and on my own life's journey without worrying about other people and their opinions.

So, anyway, as I used to dwell on my own tormentors  I one day had an epiphany that I, too, may have been someone else's tormentor  Then I remembered DH. It kinda haunted me for awhile, this idea that I could have been to someone what those horrible girls were to me. Actually, it haunted me for about two years. And about a year-or-so ago I started imagining bumping into DH and having a good ol' chat and somehow me finding a way to apologise for the years of misery I had contributed to her high-school life. In fact, I think I was sort of obsessed with this idea.

Then, at TCM school at the start of the year, there was a girl that sat in the front row. She sounded just like DH! I thought ot myself: "Is that HER?" But she was too young and had a different name. Maybe she changed her name? Maybe it's a sister? I mildly befriended this girl. She was a bit of a mess - her life was all over the shot and she seemed to be stuck in a victim-mentality to the point where ti was extremely frustrating to talk to her. But I persisted and I thought it was some-how righting the wrongs of my past doings.

Then, you wouldn't believe it! Last week I saw DH! Really, I did. I was at the hospital for work. It's a regional hospital about 100+ kms from our old stomping grounds. I heard this woman speaking and then she registered her details at the front counter and gave her full name. "OMG! It's DH!" I exclaimed to my inner self. Holy mackerel! She looked exactly the same, just fatter!

Then the weirdest things happened. I made eye contact with her and I had this sudden, overall feeling of contentedness  like everything was all right  There was no need to talk to DH, no need to apologise for being a stupid teenager. She was fine and living her new life, as was I. That was surprising.

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Anyway, that is the story. So be careful what you manifest, what you spend energy and time concentrating on because it will come to you. Perhaps with some delay. I find about 12 months to be a normal delay for this sort of thing.

Tips: don't use negatives such as "I don't want x" because all the universe hears is "x". So, don't say "I don't want to get cancer" instead say "I want to be healthy" etc.

Another tip: be very specific. I always said I wanted to be rich and then one day I was doing an assignment that pointed out that if I lived in Australia I was the top 5% richest people in the world. While that was good perspective in a lot of ways, what I really wanted was enough money to have the lifestyle I wanted without have to work for a wage.

Make sure it is what you really want. Do you really want a man with green eyes, or a man that looks at you with great love....?

Now to visualise and manifest that med school will be easy and enjoyable and that I will learn everything I need to be a knowledgeable and excellent doctor......

(Nb: I tagged this post "spirituality"as I believe getting in touch with one's intuition to be quite spiritual, however there is a lot of science supporting the thought patterns to actualisation relationship... Believe it or not!)

My future is in my hands

Despite the title, this isn't an update on which med school I've chosen to go with.

I had my palms read by a girl at TCM school. Turns out my suspicions were confirmed and there are a number of people with extraordinary talents in my class.

So apparently my palm(s) says something like - my career has completely changed from what I began out as (a hairdresser to paramedic/med student - confirmed), the person I am with now or just started seeing I will be with for life. I will have one or two children and possibly one is adopted. I will have a solid career in my current path but much later in life I will change course again but I will still use everything I have learnt from my current course.

Also, I will make changes to my health in the future which will provide me good health for the rest of my life.

I can deal with that.

another person in my class is a little bit psychic and I wanted to know about my Spirit Guide(s) and she said I had heaps and they were all good. I asked about the child one I felt I sensed once and she said it's an old soul and from a past life I lost a child. She then said in regards to West vs East that her spirit guides said I was to "swim in it". lol Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in it. But, yes, full immersion is a good way to describe my relationship with health care and study.

Aura

I got my aura photographed and read at the Mind Body and Spirit festival on the weekend. I was amazed at how accurately it represented me right now. For anyone that knows me or has been reading this blog, how much does this sound like me; *Large yellow "thinking/intelligence" aura over head meaning I think a lot *Orange aura to my right meaning I'm currently ambitious and highly driven *Purple aura to my left meaning a more spiritual side of me is coming in *Yellow aura over my heart indicating a good heart So, yeh, the lady reading it said something like "Are you in (internal) conflict right now?" She could tell my mind was grappling with the two sides of me - the scientific and the spiritual. When I explained how I'm studying western med and Chinese med and natural medicines she said the aura describes me trying to come to terms with them. Her sage wisdom was that I would eventually be able to find a way to make sense of the scientific and sporitual and have them coexist in my mind and that I'd be able to apply my combined knowledge in my own unique way. Excellent! So now I feel reassured that my path is, although slightly unconventional, at times hypocritical or conflicting, and perhaps hectic from the outside observer, is my path. So excited. Ok back to revision for my TCM foundations exam. I have two TCM books in front of me, a biochem text and a molecular bio text too for when I need to mix things up in my own special brew.

The mind is an addict

Reading something yesterday about the ego stuck with me: The mind is hyperactive and an addict. That's right, it's addicted to desire and wanting more. It's addicted to attaching meaning to things. And that's not all. It never stops.

So I read an interesting article about ego and addiction here by an ex-drug addict neuroscientist. If anything, I'm a workaholic for sure. And a studyaholic. But drug addiction allows an interesting look into the mind. And the concept of "ego fatigue" mentioned in the article: I totally get that. I have always said I can either diet or balance my budget, but I can't do both at once. Follow up on  this post on what happens when your limbic system is destroyed... It seems we can't have a limbicectomy and function as regular humans :(

When I did my neuro term at the start of the year and I read about the limbic system I thought "Thats' the ego!" Hahaha. That's the back-seat driver of our mind that attaches meaning to things that says "Something's wrong" when all you're doing is sitting watching tv (ie I am too lazy, I should be doing this or that, the neighbours are too noisy etc). It's that part that causes you to break your willpower and somehow convince you it was a good idea to eat a whole block of chocolate to yourself. No-wonder the yogis starve themselves to reach nirvana - they're breaking the limbic system's control.

Well, this is my theory from a 2nd year med student.

So, yeh, the ego is a hyper-active addict. So what to do? My best advice I can give is to take notice. Notice it is the ego and not the real "you", the spiritual being. As Osho said in the link I put in my last post, the ego is a reflection of how other perceive you and therefore how you perceive yourself, but it is not your true self. Meditation, of course, is a way of doing a workout for the mind and strengthening the brain's ability to make better decisions than simply reflex reactions.

so why am I harping on about ego so much atm? I believe it is the centre of everything. If ego fatigue occurs, and I can't save and diet at the same time let alone have a healthy study habit, and my health goes downhill as a consequence, then doesn't it make sense that we deal with the ego? Maybe it doesn't because how I've written it. Also, in Buddhist philosophy, controlling our mindset is the only way to achieve happiness.

The next problem: How do we find motivation if the limbic system is the source of our motivation?

This is the question I always have unanswered: can there be great achievers in the world without ego? Or are we all going to live off our own vege-patches and be merry in our simplicity? Can we even help people without ego, because it feels good to help people?

Sorry for the rhetorical questions. I hate rhetorical questions.

I'll have to give my interim answer right now as something along the lines of finding the middle way. That would be Easterner for moderation.....

Osho's ego

Here's a really great link to Osho's description of the ego:

http://deoxy.org/egofalse.htm

And everyone should read Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth. It's a must!

Ego talking

The sky looks wonderful this afternoon as the sun sets.


I spent the first 13.5 hours of today in bed. I was catching up from the last week of working call and studying etc.


Yesterday I bought Deepak Chopra's Wii game called Leela. It's meditation and mindfulness through play, or something like that. I really like it. It's about the seven chakras and I can't wait to make it up to the throat chakra level lol I think this game would be better for XBox Kinect so you can use your whole body instead of just the Wii controller, but nonetheless I'm still enjoying it. There's a play section and a still section where you meditate - guided meditation or silent meditation. It's awesome. You even get to create your own mandala as your avatar.

So after spending too much time in bed this morning I woke up with the most massive ego. I had a friend who swore if you lay in bed awake your ego gets too much of a chance to take hold. And so it was. I felt I needed the rest but whoa! After about 2 hours out of bed it finally subsided. I tried simply observing and trying to find the root cause of the disharmony. It was perhaps a simple case of stress i.e. a feeling of not enough resources to meet the demands which came from me feeling like I didn't get enough rest this weekend because the BF was over and I was working on-call etc.

I did some vacuuming and vented to the BF a little - blamed him of course. Pointed out it was his fault and also the injustices of our relationship i.e. he should come to mine more than I go to his because I work more hours than he does. Luckily he had no idea what I was on about and knew just to give me a minute or two to calm down. About 3 or 4 strangely auto-corrected vent-text messages later, I felt completely fine. Weird. Vacuuming helped a lot too, but I was still feeling off and guilty for having a rubbish breakfast.

Then I played Leela and I feel wonderful and inspired. I even feel motivated to have a good dinner.

I asked my very wise friend who is currently living in an ashram what was going on and she said what I feel is true - my ego is at the surface now because it's under threat. I'm not feeding it as much as I used to (well, I don;t think so) so it's beginning to stalk and circle like a wolf. I know what it's doing and it's no longer in control.

Of course, I've had my eye on my ego for about 7 years now, but it's still had almost complete control of the reins during this time.

Reflections on Tibet

So, I went to Tibet last September. At the time, I was extremely unwell. Maybe it was from the altitude, or perhaps it was the fact my GP prescribed my 6x the dose of Diamox recommended for altitude sickness prophylaxis (which I learnt a little too late). Anyway, at that time I didn't blog as much as I wanted too. Also, the whole technology thing wasn't working too well in my favour.

This is a photo of me and my roomie Kellie. She has a travel blog Travelling Kellie. She is a travel writer so her blog is much better than mine, so see there for good info on our Tibet trip. The photo was taken at base camp on Mount Everest. This was on my bucket list. So was visiting Tibet. When I found out that base camp on the Nepal side was a two-week trek, and base camp on the Tibet side was a bus ride, Tibet started looking really good. Once we arrived at the tourist camp at Base Camp I started to feel very unwell. I couldn't eat, my face, hands, and feet were numb, I felt nauseous and dizzy. I thought I couldn't make it to the actual climbers base camp site a mere 3-minute bus ride or 30-minute walk.

I decided I would attempt the walk and take the mini-bus if necessary. During the walk with Kellie I began feeling much better indeed. Kellie was not well and it turns out she had a nasty sinus infection which, of course, with the constant change in altitude at the mountainous overpasses, the pressure in her head was causing her grief. A random black dog followed us the whole walk up. We decided he must have been a reincarnated sherpa here to see we got safely up the mountain to where you can see the photo.

The Tibet trip was with Intrepid, which I would recommend, however it is a difficult trip. The difficulty rating is 4/5 as is the culture-shock rating. I would have to agree with these. If I went back then I might be able to prepare myself better, mentally that is. Physically - it wasn't that demanding, ie you don't need to be really fit, but it is good to be quite healthy. I said at the time I would stay at better hotels, but it was then pointed out to me that we were staying at the best hotels in the towns. Yikes.

Spiritually - it is an amazing place but the sad recent history has left a palpable mass in the atmosphere. I would consider my trip great for personally wanting to visit Tibet itself, and historically it was amazing, as was the culture, but spiritually I didn't feel exactly uplifted to be honest, although visiting Potala Palace and the Dalai Lama's summer palace was incredible. Perhaps the cold weather didn't agree with me or the harsh nature of the trip wasn't exactly relaxing. It was back in Kathmandu that I was able to appreciate the Tibetian culture in a bit more of a relaxing atmosphere. I've just realised that I'm probably the only person to ever describe Kathmandu as relaxing. Ok, Kathmandu is extremely hectic and busy and a sensory over-load, but it is a democracy, it's warm, where I was staying was comfortable, and there was no problem with altitude.

Sometimes it's just about being in the right pace at the right time and in the right moment. The thangka shop in Kathmandu was spiritually enlightening for me because I spent a good hour there talking about the meaning of the Tibetan paintings. A few moments in Bhutan were wonderful even though overall I didn't really like my guide, he did say a few things that have stuck with me including how the Bhutanese are taught a great deal about trees and nature and I wondered why we didn't place more importance on that in Western schools. I also learned a little more about reincarnation and that everything, even a leaf or a blade of grass, has a soul and can be reincarnated.

Becoming one with the Dao

So I just had to submit an assignment for one of my TCM subjects - it was to reflect on the Dao of Easter.

Lucky for me, I'm fairly intellectually connected with Buddhist philosophies, and the Dao can be readily transcribed into the language format I recognise.

So what is the Dao? Hmmm well I'm not really an expert but I'll try.

The Dao is everything, it is always, it is God, it is the universe. It's our soul and it's the common thread that binds us. It's the "flow" of the universe, the ebbs as well. If you're a scientific person, don't freak out now. It is the untangable. It is what we can all feel inside of us but it cannot be touched and cannot be described. If you are thinking right now: "What is this girl on about?" - that is your mind. The mad monkey. It too is part of the Dao but is no the Dao.

Many say the Dao cannot be named and many Buddhists think God should not be spoken of. Because it adds a label, and connotation. An emotional response to all the times the word "God" has been abused. The rejection when you think "Really? A man with a long white beard on a cloud?". It is not that. Maybe scientists might like to the think of the vast space between the quarks, or other quantum physics wonders.

So why do philosophical and religious writings have to be so vague? It is like poetry - the essence is between the lines.

Reconnecting with the Dao is actually easy. So is achieving enlightenment. The process is easy, but the discipline to sit and meditate for 1 minute is difficult, thanks to the Mad Monkey. What is it then? It is the present. The now. Right now. Connect with that. That is all that is and all that ever will be.

Geez I'm starting to sound like Osho.

Ok, so in normal English language, just sit and think about this present moment. Only the present. Not what happened yesterday or what you need to do tomorrow or even after reading this. Be still. Be silent. And feel at one with the universe. This is it. Feeling it and knowing it is all there is. Welcome to enlightenment.

Ok I suck at this.

Anyway, once you know enlightenment, you see the world as one with you. The idea of karma becomes more obvious. Of course hurting another with hurt me - they are me and I am them. Ok, sounding biblical again.

The turn around

Here's the run-down of what I did today:

• Sat at the work desk in a numb state for about 4 hours. Did about 3 pages of reading. Felt no challenge in it whatsoever.
• Got a phone call from my academic advisor and vented to her about my frustration with the proctor. She said she would try to help me but she must take grades off me for not attending the classes. Felt like I was on the verge of crying re both issues.
• Did a bit more study out of shear force - have no passion for it at all. Wonder to myself what on Earth am I doing wasting my time and money.
• Decided I desperately needed a creative outlet asap and couldn't wait until the end of term. Did some sewing at work and released the right hemisphere of my brain. This immediately inspired me.
• Got distracted looking at some weird hippie websites and found one about Automatic Writing. Had a go at it and think it went well thanks mainly to my experience in meditating. My answer to the question "Should I become a doctor?" and "Am I dong the right thing with my life?" was "If it is what you want to do". Hmmm... thought it wasn't supposed to be wishy-washy. Then I asked "What should I do with my life?" and the answer was "Be a good doctor and a good person". Interesting. Had a feeling then that I knew what I needed to do - be a good doctor and a good person. Also had a creepy feeling of presence in the empty work building. Thought I could see shadows and light bending, and the lights above me began flickering on and off. 
• Got freaked out and told my spiritual guides I wasn't ready to meet them yet. I'm scared the wrong people will come through due to me being a paramedic. I think I might need to find some assistance with this in the future.
• Decided I needed to tap into my spiritual side a bit more (but without communicating to "the other side") - found out about a movie called May I Be Frank. Also watched this YouTube clip about the same guy. Realised I am detoxing a lot of emotional baggage due to changing to a vegan diet. This explains a LOT.
• Feel rejuvenated. I know I am on the right path with veganism and the way in which I wish to live my life in the future.
• Told the BF what happened to me today and he joyfully reminded me that he did say over the weekend that I was feeling restless because I hadn't eaten meat. He felt satisfaction in being right. I felt satisfaction in him being able to gauge my feelings so accurately, even if he didn't really know what they were.
• There was also a part in the second video about Frank saying the hippies at the cafe really "saw" him (in the Avatar "I see you" sort of way). This reminded me about the feelings I had in Cambodia where helping people came so naturally and easily. I can't really explain how at this stage. Maybe because my life there was not so superficial. Or maybe because the Khmer people felt I saw them...?
• There was also a part about being human, ie not super-human, which reminded me my BF always says "You're not Vulcan". 

So what does this all mean? Well, for my personal life, it means I am on an extraordianry journey. In my professional and study life it means it is easier to do what I do when it comes from the right place. I feel less pressure on myself in med school because I am not doing it (entirely) for myself.

I'm not sure I can eloquently put into words the "shift" feeling I'm having right now, but I do intend to build upon it and keep going.

Nasty work

It's my last 2 hours at work for the week, it's 30oC, and I cannot wait to get home and get the barbie fired up (and the sav blanc opened).

I'm feeling good about this week and the study I've done at work. We weren't very busy this week so it made it a little easier. I also managed to catch up with some friends from uni (paramedic degree) and it's always great to do so.

I'm feeling a little sooky this afternoon as I overheard a nasty job unfold down at the beach. These types of things always make me want to go home and hug my loved ones and not let go. Life is so precious. My other superficial worries don't seem as bad this afternoon as they did this morning.

The Wheel of Life and how I got into buddhist philosophy

I'm really stuck on this Wheel of Life.  I find it absolutely fascinating and amazing that it almost so perfectly describes the human experience.

I keep thinking about it because I've already learnt so much from it and situations continually arise in which I can self-reflect and use the Wheel to help me kind of self-analyse what is going on.

Wikipedia actually (as usual) has a nice summary (search Wheel of Life and it will take you to "Bhavacakra which is the real name for it).

So someone asked me the other day how I got into buddhism.  I'm not sure.  I think I really started thinking about it in first year uni when we got taught about mind-body connectedness and we were given an example of a mouse entering a room full of people and how all the different people might react differently to the mouse.  The mouse is the same mouse, but our perception creates our reality.  From understanding this concept I was able to understand the Four Noble Truths (which I have blogged about in a previous post). But basically it's about finding happiness by dealing with your own inner perceptions, not the outside world.

Then, I had a question about karma.  I kind of intuitively knew karma was real.  I mean, whenever I've done something good to someone or been nice to them I've always felt better and then seemed to have people be nice to me too.  Then I thought a lot about Newtons Third Law, which to summarise, that all actions have equal and opposite reactions.  Therefore, if I'm putting positive actions and words out into the universe, I therefore must get positive actions and words back to me.  But that's a little difficult to prove outside of physics.  And some people have karma from past lives they have to deal with first.  This is why you might feel you have to work a lot harder to begin with in life.  All I know is the more I show kindness and generosity to people, the more I seem to get it back in return.

Then, I had a big question mark about reincarnation.  Seriously?  I used to be a cat?  Or Joan of Arc?  Then I read somewhere that reincarnation can occur in your current life.  I explain it like this to my girlfriends: "You know how you seem to date the same guy over and over again?"  That's reincarnation. You haven't learnt how to deal with your attachment to assholes, and that the nice guy is the one you should go for.  This is the reincarnation of the lesson in life you need to learn before you can move on.  It's obviously not just limited to dating.  It's also in your career progression, dealing with personalities, dealing with money, etc etc.

And somehow, over time, I've come to accept that life reincarnation is possible.  If I think back I think that started to happen as I started to practice meditation.  And by "practice" I mean "put into practice" rather than "try hard to learn how to do it".  Like enlightenment, meditation happens when you stop trying and start simply being.  But that's another lesson.  When I first started meditating I felt a connectedness to the universe.  When all my thoughts, fears, and worries settled back down into the background, the "mad monkey" (which is what they call the constant and continual chatter in your mind) hushes for a second or two, you honestly can't help but feel connected to the universe.  Like the soul feels strong again, and the soul feels connected without time or space barriers.  This is how I really knew the soul existed.

Incidentally, I've been reading Stephen Hawkins The Universe in a Nutshell recently and he talks about time perhaps having no dimensions.  Being infinite.  Like space.  But, again, I think that is for another conversation or this post will become it's own book.

Then, I asked on this recent trip, "What about the problem that 90% of all the humans that have ever lived are living now"?  Where do all the souls come from?  Well, I got explained by my Bhutanese guide that we might have been a tree or just a seed.  We don't know.  But we were and always have been part of this universe and we will be yet again reborn into samsara (this is the sanskrit word for the cycle of rebirth, which, is not ideal!)

So, samsara.  Samsara is what is depicted in The Wheel of Life in a symbol form.  Which I like, because I believe I am introverted and I therefore find pictures really helpful as my mind thinks in pictures.  I was interested to read that historically they think Buddha himself drew the first Wheel to help explain ordinary people understand his teachings.  I'm ordinary I guess.  And further on in Wikipedia it says it was put on temple walls to help teach "more simple-minded farmers and cowherds"!  Well, I wont be too insulted. I happen to like farmers.

Anyway, where was I ......?  Here's what Wikipedia says:

The meanings of the main parts of the diagram are:

1. The images in the hub of the wheel represents the three poisons of ignorance, attachment and aversion.
2. The second layer represents karma.
3. The third layer represents the six realms of samsara.
4. The fourth layer represents the twelve links of dependent origination.
5. The fierce figure holding the wheel represents impermanence.
6. The moon above the wheel (top left in the image at right) represents liberation from samsara or cyclic existence.
7. The Buddha pointing to the moon (top right in the image at right) indicates that liberation is possible.

So, in my own journey of understanding things, I get the "hub" of ignorance, attachment and aversions.  In fact, I think its a lovely neat summary, rather than all the other twelve deadly sins and the like.  Everything comes from ignorance, attachment, and aversion.  And, in fact, attachment and aversion are due to ignorance and vice-versa.

Karma - ok I think we accept that now.

The six realms of samsara (or segments as I described in my last Wheel of Life post) are interesting.  Very interesting indeed.  Especially the jealous, lucky, and greedy realms.  They call these realms the demon, god, and hungry ghost realms, but I think my translation is a bit more accurate for everyday English.  So it's interesting that the lucky realm is the most "comfortable" life but it's not the way to enlightenment.  The "human" realm is, which I thought previously (as I wrote in my last Wheel post) that is was the enlightened segment, but actually it's the human realm where one can work towards enlightenment.  This is better than the :lucky" realm because people in "lucky" are so preoccupied with their comfortable life and defending themselves from the jealous realm, that they forget to practice the path to enlightenment.  And according to The Buddhist Society, these people are in serious risk of being reborn not as a human, but as a lesser being such as an animal where it will take a very long time to work up enough karma to get back up.

So, yes, the realms are transient, day-to-day, minute-to-minute depending where in your life you currently are.  And the Wheel, held in the mouth of death or "impermanence" is a mirror to remind us humans what it's all about, the bigger picture, and not to get distracted for too long.

I have thinking about this Wheel a lot.  About my jealousy towards the privileged people that got to go to a top school, got into med school straight away, and haven't had to work as hard as I have to get to the same place.  And then I have been thinking today a lot about the current Occupy Wall Street movement as there is an Occupy Melbourne movement gearing up.  Are we in the jealous realm?  We did, afterall, help plant those seeds in which those big Fat Cats now eat the fruit.  And, are we also in the lucky realm in Australia, the top 0.5% of the wealthiest people on the planet?  Have we forgotten?  Are we preoccupied?  Or are we the "hungry ghosts" that just want more and more?  Is one flat-screen tv per household no longer satisfying?

Many questions.  But the main thing is, when I feel jealousy or hatred towards the lucky people, I know where I'm coming from.  I'm coming from jealousy realm.  And that is born out of either ignorance, attachment or aversion.

And finally, the outer circle.  The twelve links of dependant origination.  The "human activities" I think I described it as, as that's what it kind of looks like.  Well, I have just learnt today that they are actually:

1. Lack of knowledge
2. Construction volitional activity (I think this is work or crafting stuff)
3. Consciousness
4. Name and form (I think this means physical being)
5. Contact (ie with other humans)
6. The six senses (the mind gets its own sense)
7. Pain
8. Thirst
9. Grasping
10. Coming to be (this is the coupe having sex, ie conception)
11. Being born
12. Old age and death

These twelve sections are part of what makes the wheel go round, but I have to study this outer layer a bit more in depth before I can fully understand its pertinence.  I believe that the six realms are internal causes of suffering, but the outer twelve are external causes.  This is why I thought they were simple activities of daily living.  Mmmm so much more to learn.

Ok I think this concludes today's lesson.  I'm teaching myself, rather than trying to preach so I hop ethis doesn't annoy anyone too much.

Just part of my "about stuff' in which this blog is supposed to be about.  My life and stuff.

Now to cease avoiding this friggin essay.....

Thangkas

So ive started to become slightly obsessed with Buddhist thangkas. They are these painting depicting different things, sometimes a buddha or a tara, but my favourite ones are The Wheel of Life, Buddha's Life, and the Mandala (Kalachakra Mandala).

The picture is The Wheel of Life. The detail and craftmanship alone is amazing. It takes a master with 15 years experience around 40 hours to paint one around 60x90cm. Using a single yak hair, the add the gold paint carefully.

Looking into the paintings, there's always something to see. The Wheel of Life has a number of components, but to summarise, the six segments represent the six states of existance in life. There's the hell-like experience where I just noticed a man with a rope around his neck and another man coming at him with an axe!

There's the animal-level which I believe literally represents being an animal (reincarnation, remember) but i'd guess it might also represent humans living like animals as well, in a sort of unconcious state, perhaps,driven only but basic emotions like fear and anger. But I see no humans in that segment.

Then there's the area which I think is like greed because all the people arw fat. I heard it described as the people that are never satisfied and spend all their time consuming. I think that could translate into the capitalist West easily.

Then there's the two inter-related segments where one is the "sowing" and the other the "reaping". The people who sow are jealous of those who get to reap. I see the sowers have their bows and arrows out against the reapers. The reapers seem to have a luxurious segment, like the rich, but they have to deal with the jealously from the sowers. This diachotomy would well represent the rich versus the poor.

Then finally there is the heaven-like segment. I assume one needs to achieve enlightenment first.

Affluenza

I learnt a new word today.

Osho and getting over myself

So I've come to the point where I just can't handle my own crappy mood anymore.  I just have to get over myself.  Sure I'm tired, sure I have a lot of stress at work, but that can be neutralised with the right mindset. 
I get Osho.com things sent to my Facebook.  Today's came at just the right time.  I heard a saying once: "When the student is ready the teacher will appear".  Today I was ready.  It's not a new theory or philosophy, its more about remembering to be conscious of one's own mindset, remembering to try and "witness" the mad monkey of the mind rather than getting swept along with it, and remembering that mind and consciousness are separate things.  The consciousness is the real "I" (or soul, if you like) and the mind is something different, as is the body.

Here's an excerpt from today's Osho teaching;

The whole Eastern methodology can be reduced to one word: witnessing. The whole Western methodology can be reduced to one thing: analyzing. Analyzing, you go round and round. Witnessing, you simply get out of the circle. - Osho

(Nb:  Dont't get too wrapped up on East vs West - it's just a generalisation.) 

And here's the Buddhist Four Nobel Truths (which I really need to print out and put on my wall or tattoo on my hand);

1. Life means suffering
2. The origin of suffering is attachment
3. The cessation of suffering is attainable
4. The path to cessation of suffering (the Eightfold path)

It's good to point out here that some people think the translation of "suffering" in English is probably more close to "stress" or "uneasiness" and is meant to describe the difficulty we humans have to just be content.  There is always some attachment or aversion - to want happiness and comfort and avoid sadness and pain.

Thankfully, points 3 and 4 exist.  I think the first 3 points are universal, but the forth is probably left up to interpretation.  Not everyone needs to practice a Bodhisattva's life to rise above suffering, in my opinion.  But generally, the Eightfold path describes the "middle-way" theory which is closely aligned to the Western saying "everything in moderation" and also is studded with acting ethically and with integrity and, of course the most important cornerstone of Buddhism, "mindfulness" which includes the practice of meditation.




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Last night was the tipping point.  Stress at work+++ and I just thought to myself "this can't go on.  I can't change the system.  I just have to deal with it".  When I started in the job I wasn't so focused on how things "should" be.  I just went along with it, did the jobs I got despatched to, did my bit, took them to the nearest ED, and that was that.  Now I've been in the job 3.5 years I see things, faults, all the time. 

Patient such-and-such that waited too long for an ambulance thanks so reasons x, y, and z, who's myocardium died, and now is a cardiac cripple.  Patient so-and-so that was misdiagnosed because facility x is set up like a hospital but really doesn't have the appropriate facilities and the doctor that was on-call didn't bother to see the patient in-person but gave instructions to the nurse over the phone.  And what about the patient that got left at home because the paramedic got too confident with their diagnosing abilities and decided to go on probability diagnosis and not look foolish at the ED than rule out that 1% Red Flag diagnosis which ended up nearly killing the patient.

I can't get stressed out about these things.  But I guess if I'm going to try and live by the Eightfold path I need to try and contribute to bettering the system.  I know I can't fix it completely.

How can I do this?  This may call on all my wisdom and creativity.  Stay tuned.

PT couse and internal chatter

Well I finally submitted section 1 of the first assignment for my personal trainer course.  I'm not sure how long it took - probably longer than it feels - but I'm happy that the ball is rolling along in the right direction albeit slowly.  Not bad me thinks for the hours I'm working and, oh yeh, that medical degree I'm doing too.

So in my med degree the modules are fairly independent from one-another, that is, there is no sort of pre-requisite in the pre-clinical module from one module to another (except the first one in biochemistry) and the learning is sort of more horizontal than vertical.  This is all fine, except I'm in my second year and I feel as clueless as I did last year.  I'm just starting to realise it's because I'm not necessarily building on past terms, one on top of the other, it's more of a building side-by-side, and accumulation of breadth at constant incredibly scary depth. I've been doing practice USMLE World question and I'm, like, "I don't know anything!"  but it's really I don't know anything about the musculoskeletal system (yet).

Well with section one of the PT course submitted at least I can relax and I wont feel bad if I completely leave the next section until this med term is over - in 4 weeks!  Eek!

Don't tell anyone, but we didn't do a single job today at work (I was on over-time, "the perfect crime" as my work colleague put it)!  Not one!  And after a great amount of sleep-bank deposits yesterday I studied from 7am to 6.30pm tonight!  I'm so proud of myself.  Then I just did about 30 mins on that PT assignment to get it submitted.  Feeling like I accomplished something today.

Well, only two months until I go on my trip now.  I changed shifts today with someone who went to Nepal two years ago so I got chatting to him and a good lead on a good tour guide in Kathmandu (for the first week where I still have nothing planned and plan to keep it unplanned until I get there as the rest of my itinerary is already mapped out).  Then I got on eBay and had an interesting discussion with myself on whether North Face clothing was worth the money and whether I would be a victim of marketing/consumerism/capitalism if I bought a North Face down jacket.   The internal jury is still out on that one.  Standby....

Practicing Buddhism seems to have increased how much I notice my internal chatter, so don't be alarmed if you're not used to listening to the internal chatter.  The say the difference between a mad person and a sane one is mad people talk out-loud.  I'm also still deciding whether talking to my pets is crazy or not.  At least I'm not talking to the wall...