Update and Making a come-back

Hi.

I'm on my Internal Med 8-week placement. I just got here. It's a Sunday evening and I've arrived at the student accommodation. What a luxury to be provided with accommodation!

Still need to complete the following to graduate from med school:

1. This 8-week IM rotation
2. 8 weeks O+G in November
3. 4 weeks of surg (trying to arrange)

Plus these exams:
1. O+G
2. Final clinical exam (written) <<<<scary one
3. OSCEs

I hope to be part of the graduating cohort in March 2017.


Making a come-back.

At some point, a few weeks ago, I thought to myself "What if?....I felt as confident about medicine as I do about paramedicine?"

Just allowing that thought to possess my mind for a moment opened something up to me. I realised I don't enjoy medicine mostly because I don't feel confident doing it. Yes, all my other arguments for why I prefer ambulance work are still valid, but WHAT IF?

I've just had 4 weeks annual leave and started to do some mental-game work. I've been reading, researching, watching, and listening to various sources. I found a new mentor and met her for coffee at her house. She has been a doctor for longer than I've been alive and was very, very helpful for my mind-game.

See, my problem is clinical, but it stems from my mind. It is so hard to learn if you have no confidence in your ability. Well, for me anyways.... I've been hiding. Pretending I'm not a med student. Hoping it will all just go away and I can go back to being a stay at home mum.

Then, I started to think BIG. What if..... I didn't go into General Practice? What part of medicine REALLY scares me, that I can turn around and make it motivate me to do better.

Ok, so then I had a dream about it - about what specialty really scares me. I'm not going to say which just yet (too scary). But I woke enthused about medicine again. Like the fire in my belly was fuelled once again. I think I just needed a really big goal to go for. Even though getting into GP-land would be still an amazing accomplishment, there's something about it, even the way I talk about it, that doesn't excite me, and I think I really need that excitement right now. I may end up in GP-land but it's the aiming for something bigger and scarier that is going to get me through med school.

My new mentor said something that really stuck in my mind

"You can't be a good mum, a good wife, and a good doctor all at the same time."

At first, that statement made me sad. I want to be all three. But then it transformed into something I really needed: to be let off the hook a little. It has allowed me to say to my fiancé (and daughter): "I'm sorry but I can't be a good mum and partner for the next 8 weeks." Of course my fiancé reassured me that I am a good partner and mother, but what I meant was that I have to put med school first for a little while. Even before them. Even though they mean more to me than anything.

It's sort of given me a bit of mental relief. I only have to be a good med student for the next 8 weeks.

So, I'm here, in my dorm room at the hospital. It's very comfortable. I'm SMASHING out the study. No distractions from work or home or what I "should" be doing. No watching the clock to get home early to see my munchkin. I'm here for the week and not going home until the weekend. That's that. I can completely focus on med school.

I'm realising I DO know stuff, and there is some stuff I don't know. The stuff I don't know was actually really great to find out because it made me realise that I DO know the other stuff after all.

I just hope I'm not SO far behind that I cannot come back. My new mentor reassures me that I am not That I WILL get through this and be a good doctor. I really needed someone to say that to me.

Now for 8 WEEKS OF POWER!

Med School notes page plus clinical placements

I've added another page to this blog (see tabs at top) called "Med School notes". These are jpegs of my revision notes I'm doing for my clerkship and final clinical exam.

My revision is consisting of med school lectures and now mainly MedBullets.com which I thoroughly recommend.

My four weeks IM placement is finished. It went really well. I managed to juggle my ambulance shifts and placement. One bad thing, which became a good thing, is Bubs got bronchiolitis and was too sick for childcare so my partner had to take time off work to care for her. During that time we both decided it would be best if he took the rest of the year off work to care for Bubs and support me so I can continue juggling work and med school. So far, it has been working out really well for all three of us. I also just happened that I got a substantial pay rise at work so we don't really need both of us to be working at this point in time and are able to have one of us at home looking after the home front. Bubby does like childcare but not full-time, so perhaps she can still go casually or join a playgroup instead. Not sure yet. We're just playing it by ear at the moment. My partner is enjoying have time off work too.

Exciting: I got an email from a hospital saying they can take me for 16 weeks! Wows! It's a regional hospital about a 2.5-hour drive from home, which is completely fine because that's driveable and I can commute of my days off. I was worried I'd have to move away from home for months, so this is a good outcome. This is exciting and excellent news. It means I only have, really, four weeks of surgery to find and then that's it for clinical placements! Wow!

So my mentor said she might be able to help with the surgery, otherwise, there are five potential hospitals that I can chase up, and in fact that is my job to do today.

Things are going really well for me right now. The only thing that is bothering me is that OUM is only holding the OSCE and final clinical exam twice a year. This is very frustrating. It means that if I finish my placements a month after the OSCE, I have to wait another five months before I can sit the next one and graduate. This is what is looking like to be my situation with the OSCE in Dec and my projected completion time of January. How annoying. I have asked to do it early, but they are pretty strict with students needing to have completed all their placements first. So stay tuned for more on this one.

Not much to add

I don't really have much to add at this time to the blog but I thought I would post seeing as Bubby is napping and I have the laptop open.

I downloaded the Grammarly app, which I can thoroughly recommend. The free version is good.

I have been nominated for the OUM Students Association. I'll update how it goes over the next week or so. I don't really have the time to do it but there is a group of Australian students that are very driven to improve the course and circumstances for students. That requires people to put their hand up for nomination and to represent the other students There was a hole -> I stood in it.

I'm HATING having Bubby in full-time care atm, but what can I do? It's only for another 6 months this year so really I need to keep a good perspective and devote myself to making the most of the time I do have at home and to make sure this investment in my education pays off long-term.

I'm still using my Law of Attraction planner and can thoroughly recommend it, or at least, the Bullet Journal method (please Google). Maximum time efficiency is what is required in med school, especially if still working and/or raising children.