Dropping out of TCM school

Oh, yeh, I've decided to drop out of TCM school.

I just want to focus on my western medicine degree and the herbal medicine masters and getting my lifestyle back.

The TCM degree is too intensive for what I'm willing to commit to it. It's too much for me to go into school on my days off work and realistically it will be very difficult indeed to hold a practice dual medical degrees.

Anyway, I'm sad to leave my wonderful TCM buddies (I haven't told them yet) and I was really enjoying acupuncture and looking at health in a different perspective, but I want to focus on western.

My future is in my hands

Despite the title, this isn't an update on which med school I've chosen to go with.

I had my palms read by a girl at TCM school. Turns out my suspicions were confirmed and there are a number of people with extraordinary talents in my class.

So apparently my palm(s) says something like - my career has completely changed from what I began out as (a hairdresser to paramedic/med student - confirmed), the person I am with now or just started seeing I will be with for life. I will have one or two children and possibly one is adopted. I will have a solid career in my current path but much later in life I will change course again but I will still use everything I have learnt from my current course.

Also, I will make changes to my health in the future which will provide me good health for the rest of my life.

I can deal with that.

another person in my class is a little bit psychic and I wanted to know about my Spirit Guide(s) and she said I had heaps and they were all good. I asked about the child one I felt I sensed once and she said it's an old soul and from a past life I lost a child. She then said in regards to West vs East that her spirit guides said I was to "swim in it". lol Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in it. But, yes, full immersion is a good way to describe my relationship with health care and study.

TCM/Western med confusion

So as I mentioned a while ago, in Chinese Medicine, the organ names are the same as in English but they describe totally different things. Great. Why not just leave them in their Chinese names and it would make it so much easier to not get totally confused. Here are a few examples (of TCM):

• The Heart houses the Mind
• The Spleen is involved in digestion and absorption
• The Urinary Bladder is involved in filtration and reabsorption of fluid
• The Brain and spine are full of Marrow

But, like I mentioned before, in Chinese med the names are in either in capitals or have a capital first letter denoting that the Heart, for example, is not the heart. The heart is that thing that beats in our chest and is transplanted in surgeries etc. The Heart, however, is much more than simply the heart. It is even more than simply the cardiovascular system. I am starting to think the Kidneys are more like the adrenals or perhaps the entire endocrine system, and the Spleen is the duodenum and spleen combined. I reckon teh Urinary Bladder is the entire renal system, and Marrow is more like cerebro-spinal fluid.

Confusing? Try being me.

So if anyone ones anyone that has studied both and any consolidation information please let me know as I'm finding it difficult to find resources. I am already a member of the Australasian Integrative Medicine Association.

I would love it if they would just say "Hey, we're going to only use the Chinese names now so noone gets confused" but that's not going to happen any time soon. I mean "Qi" is so much better than "life force" and we seem to be able to handle that. But that's because there is no English word for Qi in western medicine right now. Energetic medicine is looking into this as we speak so stay tuned.

Western med - really good and specific biological processes and isolating individual functions.

Chinese med - really good at observing the body as it relates to nature and putting together the smaller pieces of information to form a pattern of diagnosis.

Is it becoming clear why I want to do both?

IUHS app

I'm doing my IUHS application today. I don't know how many times I've stuffed up filling out the application form. I wonder if it's an automatic rejection if I put my surname as my first name and my first name as my surname. Fail.

Anyway, it's a bit exciting. All balls are in motion and are rolling now. I've even applied for the August 2012 intake after going through the tuition fees and dates etc. Jan 2013 is ok too. I'm just so keen to get back into it now.
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I had a fellow student at TCM school describe some symptoms of a family member and I was amazing even myself the stuff that came out of my mouth. It wasn't exactly something I'd been taught, but the way my mind could manipulate the new information (particularly that I leant in endocrinology) and formulate a reasonable hypothesis based on the information I was given. It really showed me how far I had come, especially being around people new into health care in the TCM course.
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And then yesterday we had a major road accident with a traumatic PEA arrest and another with major compound fractures and it required all of my emergency paramedic training to that point and it felt amazing to use my skills at their peak. In that moment I was, like "I so need to be an ER doc!".......

Meh

So, today I'm back at work. So far I've revised my revision from yesterday and I will be continuing to look at my CM Literacy stuff and Foundations stuff.

I also have to cook my 12wbt food and so a workout, although my motivation for this is low despite me reading my "Commitment" that I wrote to myself in the pre-season.

I'm also trying to sort out my application to IUHS that I've sort of put on the back-burner for a bit but now I need to get stuck into it.

I'm also dealing with buyers remorse after a stupid internet impulse purchase last night, but oh well. I'll have to suck it up.

PS I have a new label "med school". Before I was just using "study" but now I need the new label to differentiate between TCM school, the Masters, Western med school, and all the other things I'm doing.

Aura

I got my aura photographed and read at the Mind Body and Spirit festival on the weekend. I was amazed at how accurately it represented me right now. For anyone that knows me or has been reading this blog, how much does this sound like me; *Large yellow "thinking/intelligence" aura over head meaning I think a lot *Orange aura to my right meaning I'm currently ambitious and highly driven *Purple aura to my left meaning a more spiritual side of me is coming in *Yellow aura over my heart indicating a good heart So, yeh, the lady reading it said something like "Are you in (internal) conflict right now?" She could tell my mind was grappling with the two sides of me - the scientific and the spiritual. When I explained how I'm studying western med and Chinese med and natural medicines she said the aura describes me trying to come to terms with them. Her sage wisdom was that I would eventually be able to find a way to make sense of the scientific and sporitual and have them coexist in my mind and that I'd be able to apply my combined knowledge in my own unique way. Excellent! So now I feel reassured that my path is, although slightly unconventional, at times hypocritical or conflicting, and perhaps hectic from the outside observer, is my path. So excited. Ok back to revision for my TCM foundations exam. I have two TCM books in front of me, a biochem text and a molecular bio text too for when I need to mix things up in my own special brew.

Pharmacognosy

I just learnt a new word - "pharmacognosy". I'm not sure how to pronounce it yet, but it may be what I've been looking for. I'm going to start teaching myself some basic plant medicines and post them on my Lotus Jewel Health website which I've neglected during this exam period at TCM school.
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In other news, I feel slightly more positive today about my workout and nutrition. I ate 200cal too many yesterday, but I had forgotten about the link to the Snacks page the 12wbt program provided and I ended up eating chocolate because I didn't know what else to eat. Two tiny Timeouts and I was over. Apart from that, everything went on-track.

I did this mornings workout after breakfast which helped somewhat.
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I've pretty much finished my Chinese Literacy assignment for Thursday. It feels weird to be reading and writing in Chinese but I kind of like how the characters are pictures of the description of the word. Reading pinyin (Chinese words written in Roman alphabet) is fairly easy with a few pronunciation exceptions.

Then, I only have two exams to cram prepare for.
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I still haven't done my application for transfer to IUHS. I feel so lazy about not doing that. But I think I'll still put it off until after exams.

Light-bulb moment in TCM

I had a light-bulb moment in TCM class last week that I am still thinking about now. Although I got told this at the start of class, I can't explain how good it is to finally get it now.

In TCM school we learn about the Heart, the Stomach, and the Spleen, the Blood, and the Marrow amongst other things. These all have an English translation from the Chinese work, i.e. Blood in Chinese is Xue. I wish they left the Chinese names because it would be easier.

I found out that the organs listed in TCM are always with a capital letter or have a capital letter abbreviation such as Stomach is ST. This is to distinguish it from the stomach as we understand it in the Western culture. "You're thinking like a Westerner" is what one of my lecturers keeps saying. How true.

Anyway, as I now write my essay on Essence, Qi, Blood, and Body Fluids I am so glad I found out about the capitalisation beforehand! Doh! Apparently there's something on this in the Maciocia text but I don't own that one yet as I bought the one from the required textbook list. Doh.

For example, the Spleen is much more like the duodenum in function. Maybe it is the duodenum. TCM doesn't care too much about which actually physical structure does what. Where Western medicine loves to specify and narrow-down, TCM seems to want to be concerned with the general picture.

Anyway, I am absolutely loving studying both. I really want to remain doing both. This inspires me to remain calm and not stress-out. I don't have enough stress to go around two different medical courses.

Well back to my essay writing. It's actually very easy and placid and enjoyable.

Daily digest

It's quite difficult to design a house with one container already configured. I've tried so many different configurations and the best one I've come up with has as removing half an already plastered wall and tearing up carpet from one small room. Also, I'm having trouble fitting in a walk-in wardrobe in the master bedroom.

My BF said I didn't need a walk-in wardrobe and that I needed to let go of my ego. Damn I taught him too well. I understand in the beginning we will have limited space, but I'm designing our dream home here and my dream home have a walk-in wardrobe, even if it's my ego's dream.

Last night I was too dead tired to do any workout and I ran out of time. This morning I got up late at 6.30am and did a 30min workout on the Wii but it said I only burnt 100kCal. It was fun though. My BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) is 1440kCal, and if I have a sedentary day I would burn incidentally 1630kCal. I believe you need to be in a 500kCal deficit per day to lose 0.5kg/week. I think the 12wbt diet is around 1200kCal/day, meaning technically I would need to burn an extra 70kCal/day to lose 0.5kg per week (<30mins on the Wii), and 570kCal/day to lose 1kg per week. that's a massive difference. So, yeh, the 12wbt diet plus30mins of Wii a day = 0.5kg per week, or run for an hour a day would be -1kg/week.

Edit: Ok I just read the 12wbt forum and apparently I need to aim to burn 600kCal per day, so I guess I better get used to running as 3 hours on the Wii is a bit time consuming!

Anyway, I have to write my oral presentation for TCM history class so I better get cracking.

Even if I didn't enjoy TCM....

....I'd probably still come to class to be around the very intelligent, wise, warm, and kind people that are my classmates. Today we learnt about the formation of blood and qi, the relationship between the liver and spleen, and the relationship between the lungs and kidneys. Then in the history class we went through about the 200-600CE era in China. In preparation for the looming exam I've breifly revised what we've done in the Foundations of TCM class so far, here are the topics we've done per week; *yin and yang *five element theory *essence, qi, blood, body fluids *heart, lung *spleen, liver *kidney, original qi, Ming men *fu organs (stomach, small intestine, large intestine, urinary bladders, gallbladder, san jioa) *extraordianry organs (brain, bones, marrow, uterus, blood vessels, gallbladder) *cause of disease (environmental and emotional) *formation of blood and qi In my Resources page there is a link to Cat's TCM Notes. There she has put up her notes from her TCM course which are much better than I could provide at this time, for anyone that's curious to discover more of what I've been learning. I can't wait to get into TCM pathology though, so I can incorporate some more ideas into my Lotus Jewel Health wellness program. Today, for example, we spoke about blood stasis causing sharp localized pain, and the relationship between the kidneys and willpower, motivation, and energy. Chronic pain and lack of energy are two common medical complaints that are often not easily or well-treated, let alone cured, but western medicine alone. I got my nose pieced yesterday, on a sort of a whim, and I've occasionally forgot about it through the day, feeling a scratching feeling in my nose. They chilli I had at lunch also didn't help things when my nose started running. This weekend I'm staying at the BF's and we have a hike planned tomorrow so I'm looking forward to that and hope be able to post a photo. Also, he bought a portable home for us this week, so I get to see it in person and I am the desingated interior designer. He/we already had a flat, rural 5 acres it's going on so that's very exciting to have this progress with this other property of ours and to be another significant step closer to our dream of self-sustainability. It's only small, but it's livable and modularity suitable for extensions over time, space, and money!

Wang Qingren

Today I'm writing part of my oral presentation on the Qing Dynasty, which was from 1644-1912. It was the last dynasty of emperors in China before the modern era. A TCM doctor by the name of Wang Qingren was quite important at that tie because he was the first to illustrate the anatomy of internal organs after viewing exposed carcasses during a period of plague. It is interesting to note that although internal anatomy was born out of China spontaneously (probably, although there were Westerners in China at that time), they are still not considered of major importance in TCM diagnosis and treatment as they are in Western medicine.


Wang Qingren


I'm at work today. I also watched the movie Conviction, did some groceries, cooked up a lovely healthy lunch, and read a magazine.


It is ANZAC Day today. I kinda feel I've done of dawn services my time with 7 years in the Army, but I'm still remembering the Diggers today in my own way.


Now I'm going to transcribe some of my notes from yesterday before I go home on-call and I really want to mop my floors tonight but I also really need to do some painting too. I'm working on a blue throat chakra piece but I think I might make it a turtle theme...hmmm.....

Chinese in Ballarat

Thoughts on TCM terminology and using myself as a case study

I was thinking just before about what the patho terms in TCM mean in western world. I haven't even begun doing pathology at TCM school but I have my diagnosis as an example:

TCM diagnosis                  Western diagnosis
Heat in lungs                         Respiratory tract virus
Damp heat in tonsils            Suppurative bacterial infection in tonsils

Of course, in ancient times before the microscope and the germ theory, a virus would be described as "heat" and pus-forming disease as "damp-heat". To be honest, I don't care what it's called I just want it to be fixed. The rest of my diagnosis is what really interests me as it described qi and blood stagnation. This is where the yin-yang balance is out and is what ill prevent future attacks.

Today my tonsils have pretty much lost the pus now and look softer and very moist and quite vascular. I am very happy to see the pus gone indeed. It was freaking me out.

TCM herbs - Chai Hu

While I cook up another batch of my prescription TCM herbs, I'm going through my diagnosis sheet and trying to learn about a few herbs. I find this very interesting. I'll try and write up a bit of what I'm studying and learning out of interest and to solidify my own learning.

Today is Chai Hu -



Other names;

• Pharmaceutical: Radix Bupleuri
• Taxonomic: Bupleurum chinense, B. scorzoneraefolium
• English: Bupleurum, Chinese thorowax root

Used for shaoyang syndrome, to spread liver qi, and to raise spleen yang.

Precautions: interferon. Contraindications: liver cancer and hepatitis C.

Chemical composition

Triterpenoids (saikosaponin A, B, C, D, E; saikogenin F, G, E; saikoside), essential oils 0.06-0.16% (r-heptalactone, r-decalactone), carbohydrates, flavone, coumarin, organic acid.

Pharmalogical effects

• Analgesic and antipyretic

• Sedative

• Anti-inflammatory

• Hepatoprotective

• Cholagogic

• Antihyperlipidemic

• Immunostimulant

• Antibiotic

Ref:http://www.catstcmnotes.com/pages/Herbs/Singles%20Catalog/Release%20Exterior/WH/Chai%20hu.html

http://www.aompress.com/book_herbology/pdfs/ChaiHu.pdf

Chinese herbs

These are my fresh (dried) herbs from the Xiao Chai Hu Tang formula for my DDx of heat in lungs, damp heat - lingering pathogen, liver qi stagnation and heart and spleen qi and blood stagnation.

Back at work

It's my first day back at work from annual leave. It really didn't feel like four weeks off at all. I came in early and all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed now that I know I must go to bed before 11pm for my spleen, and I was so uncertain of my roster I was waiting for a third person to turn up and for someone to day "Hey, you're not due back until next week!"

It feels weird today for two reasons:
1. My house mate finally moved in permanently/full-time over the weekend making today the first day at work with her at home. I don't have to worry about my dog escaping, being lonely and bored, or generally getting into trouble. I can be at work and just be at work. The HM (house-mate) works part-time atm and most of her hours are over the weekend.
2. I'm not studying western med. Normally I'd get into work and get straight into the books, always having that persistent looming feeling over my head that I have an ovewhelming amount of study to do. I have TCM study to do, but it doesn't feel in the least bit overwhelming.

Today I've cleared my inbox, organised my TCM study folder, and revised a bit on the 5 phase elements and the timings of the qi moving through the body. I'm happy I can "drop" my western med now as it will make it easier to learn the TCM stuff, although I certainly do use my current understanding of things to make sense of the new stuff, ie 3-5am is the time qi moves to the lungs and this is the time we most frequently see severe respiratory problems in ambulance ie APO.

I also cooked up my herbs and my coworker didn't mind the smell. They didn't taste too bad even after my TCM student practitioner warned me twice how bad they would taste.

Now the countdown begins to my next lot of annual leave - in 12 weeks :D

Medical school drop-out

I decided today. While driving to the cinema. To see Hunger Games. Which was worth it for Lenny. But I digress.

For 8 weeks I've been wrestling in my mind between western med and TCM. The reasons are varied and this post is the second person I've told (after the BF). So many considerations were made, but one of the biggest clenchers was I imagined myself winning the lottery and what would I do.

Most importantly I'm really happy. I was going to give myself the year to decide, but honestly I'm glad to have mad a decision so I can focus and move forward.

Maybe I'll go back one day, maybe not. Maybe I'll finish the last 4 units to graduate with a Masters of Medicine, maybe not.

I'm not against western med, it's just not the journey I need to be on right now. Maybe I'll post more of the details in reflection later. I did want to talk about how I'm leaving with my head held high, a Distinction average, knowing if I wanted to do it I could and that the decision to leave is made freely and not because I've failed or can't cut-it.

Mostly I'm proud I listened to my inner voice, my inner guide, my spirit. It took me on a slightly different path than originally planned, but hey that's the exciting thing about life. Just because I'm 33 doesn't mean I can't overhaul my ego which was "I'm a med student" for the past 2 years. That takes guts, man.

I'm looking forward to taking what I've learnt And living my calling and my dream of being a healer.

Being swayed

So the longer I study TCM, the more I'm being swayed into that career.

Frankly, I find studying western med to be generally stressful and bad for my health. At best I'd call it interesting. Of course I love treating patients and healing, and the human body fascinates me. But I'm finding TCM is satisfying much of these pursuits.

No final decision has been made on my behalf as yet.

Throat chakra

Today my only goal is to finish cleaning/organizing/decluttering the spare room. It's the room where the sewing machine is and the spare bed for guests. I also have the cupboards in there full with artwork, bed linen, paints, and sewing fabric. It also houses my Band Hero drum set which I'm trying to decide whether to keep or not.

So, anyway, I've decided to give myself only an easy goal of finishing the spare room today and also to relax and continue dropping guilt. I have found out the throat chakra is damaged by thwarted creativity and guilt. Both of which have been pathological in my life, especially in the last two years while studying med. I will also try and do something purely creative tonight - maybe paint or sew. And not just sewing for repairs.

In good news, the space seems to be clearing up for me to go back to western med. My financial health is well on its way to recovery, and certainly my emotional and spiritual health is going very well on the emergence of this last shift. My personal are extremely healthy. Now just for my tonsils to clear up and I'll be stronger than ever. I guess being on annual leave for 4 weeks is also quite helpful.

I wish I could report that the Chinese herbs have cured my tonsils (it's mainly just my right tonsil) but it has not. The acupuncture is brilliant but the effects seem to be short lived. Perhaps regular acupuncture may have an accumulative effect. To be honest, i havent been 100% compliant with the herbs.

The TCM student practitioner said for every year of disease it's one month for recovery. Well, this last bout is about a year, so a month to recover, but in reality I've had this for 15 years, so I'm accepting that it might take a year to cure. I have another appointment on Friday so we will see what I get dealt this time.

Becoming one with the Dao

So I just had to submit an assignment for one of my TCM subjects - it was to reflect on the Dao of Easter.

Lucky for me, I'm fairly intellectually connected with Buddhist philosophies, and the Dao can be readily transcribed into the language format I recognise.

So what is the Dao? Hmmm well I'm not really an expert but I'll try.

The Dao is everything, it is always, it is God, it is the universe. It's our soul and it's the common thread that binds us. It's the "flow" of the universe, the ebbs as well. If you're a scientific person, don't freak out now. It is the untangable. It is what we can all feel inside of us but it cannot be touched and cannot be described. If you are thinking right now: "What is this girl on about?" - that is your mind. The mad monkey. It too is part of the Dao but is no the Dao.

Many say the Dao cannot be named and many Buddhists think God should not be spoken of. Because it adds a label, and connotation. An emotional response to all the times the word "God" has been abused. The rejection when you think "Really? A man with a long white beard on a cloud?". It is not that. Maybe scientists might like to the think of the vast space between the quarks, or other quantum physics wonders.

So why do philosophical and religious writings have to be so vague? It is like poetry - the essence is between the lines.

Reconnecting with the Dao is actually easy. So is achieving enlightenment. The process is easy, but the discipline to sit and meditate for 1 minute is difficult, thanks to the Mad Monkey. What is it then? It is the present. The now. Right now. Connect with that. That is all that is and all that ever will be.

Geez I'm starting to sound like Osho.

Ok, so in normal English language, just sit and think about this present moment. Only the present. Not what happened yesterday or what you need to do tomorrow or even after reading this. Be still. Be silent. And feel at one with the universe. This is it. Feeling it and knowing it is all there is. Welcome to enlightenment.

Ok I suck at this.

Anyway, once you know enlightenment, you see the world as one with you. The idea of karma becomes more obvious. Of course hurting another with hurt me - they are me and I am them. Ok, sounding biblical again.