Ego talking

The sky looks wonderful this afternoon as the sun sets.


I spent the first 13.5 hours of today in bed. I was catching up from the last week of working call and studying etc.


Yesterday I bought Deepak Chopra's Wii game called Leela. It's meditation and mindfulness through play, or something like that. I really like it. It's about the seven chakras and I can't wait to make it up to the throat chakra level lol I think this game would be better for XBox Kinect so you can use your whole body instead of just the Wii controller, but nonetheless I'm still enjoying it. There's a play section and a still section where you meditate - guided meditation or silent meditation. It's awesome. You even get to create your own mandala as your avatar.

So after spending too much time in bed this morning I woke up with the most massive ego. I had a friend who swore if you lay in bed awake your ego gets too much of a chance to take hold. And so it was. I felt I needed the rest but whoa! After about 2 hours out of bed it finally subsided. I tried simply observing and trying to find the root cause of the disharmony. It was perhaps a simple case of stress i.e. a feeling of not enough resources to meet the demands which came from me feeling like I didn't get enough rest this weekend because the BF was over and I was working on-call etc.

I did some vacuuming and vented to the BF a little - blamed him of course. Pointed out it was his fault and also the injustices of our relationship i.e. he should come to mine more than I go to his because I work more hours than he does. Luckily he had no idea what I was on about and knew just to give me a minute or two to calm down. About 3 or 4 strangely auto-corrected vent-text messages later, I felt completely fine. Weird. Vacuuming helped a lot too, but I was still feeling off and guilty for having a rubbish breakfast.

Then I played Leela and I feel wonderful and inspired. I even feel motivated to have a good dinner.

I asked my very wise friend who is currently living in an ashram what was going on and she said what I feel is true - my ego is at the surface now because it's under threat. I'm not feeding it as much as I used to (well, I don;t think so) so it's beginning to stalk and circle like a wolf. I know what it's doing and it's no longer in control.

Of course, I've had my eye on my ego for about 7 years now, but it's still had almost complete control of the reins during this time.