Hospitals

Waiting at the hospital for my partner to finish writing his case sheet. I'm a mixture of exhausted, bored, hungry, and fed-up.

Wish I could be bothered reading the textbooks in the doctors lounge.

Trying to hang in there.

Finish in about 52 hours and 10 minutes

Getting smashed

I just got my ass kicked at work this weekend and it's still not over.  I'm basically simply trying to survive. I feel if I got left alone today at work I might have enough energy tonight to do a workout.  Maybe.

Last night on-call I had a good interesting cardiac patient (young person with atypical chest pain with a previous history of arrhythmia but a very poor historian, presenting in sinus tachycardia), and an interesting foreign body trauma patient as well.  All I can say it, be careful where you leave your knitting needles.  Two patients only, but they took over 7 hours due to long transport times and waits at the hospitals and of course the lovely paper work.

My house is so ferral - my dishes are still in the sink from making my TAM food two days ago.  Foul.  So that's the first thing on my To Do list today, then general housekeeping.  I must get these done before the new week starts so maybe, just maybe, I can start fresh and get back into working out.

The TAM diet is not going well.  I don't mind the food so much, but its not satisfying enough and I find my energy levels are low.  I felt much better on the Venice Nutrition.

Anyway, I feel so tired but I'm maintaining my new set point weight.  I am hoping to regroup and attack that plataeu again.

Two weeks until I go back to med school.  I had a read through my USMLE Step 1 book on Kindle in the ambulance last night but I really want to go through my work guidlelines during the week too..

So much to achieve.

Blogger and reignighting enthusiasm

Blogger is back up finally, so I just published some posts I've written over the past few days.

Last night we finished at about midnight.  I got to bed by 1am.  It is freezing here atm.  The heater went off but the fan kept going in my ducted heating and I couldn't reset the controller on the wall.  So at about 3am I had to put a coat and boots on and go outside with a penlight torch and reset the fuses so I could turn the fan off.

This morning I was happy the heater came on without any problems as it was freezing!  I was due back at work at 8am.  I quickly started to do some dishes and take out the rubbish but y pager went off and that was it.  I only just got back to branch now (about 5pm).  I just had something to eat and now I'm hoping to rest tonight (I'm on-call again).  I still have a really back neck and all I want to do is take Temazepam and red wine, but I will settle for resting my heavy head on the couch under the heater for about 2 hours.

No workout again, and I ate the TAM diet today and yesterday except for one meal each day.  Yesterday it was chicken burritos at the dinner party, and tonight, alas, it was a Quarter Pounder meal on the return from our 250km round trip.  I was hoping to have my cheat meal on the weekend some time anyway.  I will try and save my cheat meal for Saturdays now so I can keep better track and not feel so guilty about it.  I think my last one was last Saturday night...?

So I'm wondering how I can possibly do the TAM and fit it in with my work because right now I'm failing.

My last job today was a very sick respiratory patient that required a doctor escort. It was excellent because I told the doc I was a med student and he grilled me a bit in the back of the ambulance on the trip on the way down.  It was good.  I felt like a real med student again.  He told me he was the head of the emergency department of another large regional hospital and that I wouldn't have a problem getting a job despite studying offshore.

I hope he is right.

(Edit: Oh darn, my pager just went off gain....)

Tired

My nap turned into going to bed at 7.30pm, then at 7.45pm realising I was supposed to be at a dinner party. By 8.05pm I was dressed and at the party with a bowl of chocolate pudding that I had made for the TAM diet!

We got called out then cancelled by midnight.

So no workout logged yesterday and I have woken to such a messy house - how did this happen? I'm on duty again today so we'll see what I can squeeze into my day.

Dead-tired

We got smashed all day today at work. I'm so glad I had my food pre-prepared and quickly grabbed the containers and put them in my new cooler bag. They didn't taste too bad afterall.

Blogger is down so I have to save these posts for now.

So it's 7pm, I just got home, I have one TAM meal left (apple and blueberry for before bed) and I can't be bothered working out. I'm exhausted and I have a headache. I haven't had a rest day for 5 days so I think i'll take one now although it's not scheduled until Monday. I don't want to but i'm so tired and I'm oncall tonight. Maybe i'll try and have a nap and see what happens.

Blenders, capris, and DVDs

My DVD player died this morning straight after I did my cardio. I have wanted a second one for a while for the spare room i'm hoping to turn into a gym. I thought it would be about $100 but it was only $45 so I bought a blender as well. Then my friend told me I can play DVDs on my Wii... Oh well, at least I now have two players. Just need another TV and stand.

I'm really happy with my muscular definition so now I need to shed some more fat to see it better.

Now with my new blender I can do the week 1 TAM diet. I bought all the ingredients for a week and it was about $90. Not bad, eh?

This arvo I quickly whipped up the first 3 meals for the next 2 days but I need to do more tonight while i'm oncall if we're not too busy (as well as do my muscle workout). I think all of them can be frozen quite well.

Also, I got a pair of workout capris/leggings from Target for only $20 so i'm quite happy about that but can't wait to get some more nicer workout gear. Will have to wait though....

My workout space

Meta Day 2

Woke up on a real downer this morning. Not sure if it's hormonal (I think it is - I have that "fat, ugly bitch" self-talk going on) or what. I haven't heard back from uni about next term and I seem to have a lot of financial stress atm. Not even feeling optimistic about this TAM program or my ability to keep breaking through this plataeu which feels like a tight elastic band - it's moving but needs constant force.
And....my neck is still sore.
I decided to do the muscular workout first today but I needed an hour to talk myself into doing my cardio. I think on my days off I'll do cardio first then muscular back-to-back so it gets done. I did the cardio but it was a poor performance. My mood lifted for about 10 mins during the cardio but that was it.
I'm feeling guilty about not following her diet. I don't have a blender for starters. I think I'll give it a few more days, maybe the first 10 days and see how I feel. I would prefer to double the cardio to an hour than eat pureed food for a week at a time.
So how to cure this mood: a). Drugs - chocolate, sugar, alcohol, natural endorphines from exercise or sex, b). Distraction -movies, shopping, visit friends, c). Perspective - think about people in a much worse situation and realise my life isn't that bad, d). Achieving a goal - cleaning, organising study. Not sure which I'll go for.
Sorry about this low post. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Meta Day 1

Since my total freak-out in early Feb, in March I started working out and eating healthy and as of today I have lost 4kg and 2% body fat  in to months and have gone below my normal "set point".  I'm not sure if that sounds like much, but to me it means all my clothes in my wardrobe fit nice again, and even one pair of jeans I put on yesterday are too loose.  If Ionly lost another 4kg and 2% body fat I would be pretty much at my ideal - the best body I've never had (as Tracy would say).

I got my Metamorphosis Hipcentric today and after taking my measurements and "before" photos I've just done my first Meta workout.  I couldn't decide whether to do cardio or strength first and it kind of threw me off.  Normally, people say to do strength first, but meta doesn't explicitly state which to do first but it seems to be suggesting cardio first.  It is more important to do cardio everyday, so maybe it's putting the importance of it first.  Oh I don't know.  It's annoying.  The diet is so prescriptive yet something like this really bugs me.

I've had a look at the diet and I wont be following it.  It's too small!  I feel my body will continue losing weight following my current diet which is modified Venice Nutrition.  I might try a few recipes because I likes the ones from the BC which some seem similar. 

My modified Venice Nutrition diet is based around the blood sugar stabilisation of eating every ~3hours and eating a balanced meal of protein, carbs, and fats.  I make sure to have both low and high GI carbs in the same meal (eg brown rice and strawberries), and I have slightly reduced the protein portion from about 140grams to about 100grams per meal, and if there are a lot of non-starchy veges in the meal (ie spinach, tomato) then I add that portion on top of the carbs - ie they don't count.  I also absolutely do not want to eat "fake" sweeteners as I read a few studies where the test mice actually gained weight, compared to the ones that had "real" sugar.  And I also knew a very experienced body-building trainer who swore every client of his that ate "sugar-free" lollies etc still held weight.  That's enough convincing for me on top of the suspected carciongenic nature of artificial sweeteners.

I pretty much don't eat dairy except my 2 pieces of dark chocolate every night (85% coco) and have added bread back in at once or twice a week (I had a very upset tummy after not eating bread for a week and then eating it, so I want to be able to eat it still) but its always wholemeal.  I also eat as many spices as possible (against TAM recommendations).

Anyway, I'm happily following the Meta workouts.  I kind of felt ripped off on the arms section and I miss doing the Mat Workout DVD, but the legs are all done in the all-fours position (aka doggy-style) so I think this is working them.  I hope its enough because doing the Mat I got really good tightness of the tricep bingo wings so far, so I hope it continues.  The Mat is also about 45mins and the Meta strength (or "transform") workout is only 30mins.  Hmmm....  I really like the cardio DVD, but I think I prefer the Mat and PDS strength workout so far, but I'lll stick with Meta for now and decide whether I'm going to renew it with the continuity program later.

And as another totally random thought, I'm watching Cesar Milan "The Dog Whisperer" and I've decided there are a few male humans that should be neutered to help their personality.  Seriously!

It's here

Finally, my TAM Meta has arrived....

Metamorphosis!

I've just seen online that my TAM Meta cleared Australian customs yesterday afternoon!   So exciting!  That means it might hopefully arrive tomorrow, but should definately make it during the week!  Woop-woop!  That's about 2 weeks from ordering to arriving in Oz if anyone was wondering.  I already have my PDS so I don'r really need it need it but I can't wait all the same. 

One step back

I've woken with a wry neck.  It's so bad.  All day.  So, so bad.  It's still sore now.  Too sore to workout.  Too sore to even cook dinner.  So I haven't worked out for nearly a week!!!!!!

Here's what happened:

Wednesday - Unplanned cheat meal, but good workout.  Planning to take my next cheat meal on Monday.
Thursday - Did my first TAM PDS workout.  F-ing love the results and think I've cracked the plateau!
Friday - got flogged at work.  Got up out of bed (a bit late as late call-out Thurs night and out until 4am) straight away (about 1pm) and didn't get back in until midnight.  No workout possible. 
Saturday - Needed to vacuum before I worked out on the floor - it had been neglected for over a week now.  Half way through vacuuming I get a job.  Get flogged with back-to-back patients and don't make it back until 5.30pm.  My lower back is killing from all the patient lifting and hours and hours stuck in the ambulance.  Decided I need the night off and the next day to rest my back.  Friend says she's going out and is picking me up at 6pm!  Have 30mins to get ready.  Have a few wines with dinner (which immediately relieves the pain - best muscle relaxant).  Dinner = cheat meal+++
Sunday - hangover.  Recovering from night before.  Too wasted to workout.  Just enough healthy food in the house to eat resonably well.  Feel ok about the cheat meal and feel it has not been an obstacle and happy with my progress.
Today - Get called at 7.30am (still in bed) to ask if I want to work OT.  Don't want to but I need to to pay for my med school fees.  Realise my neck is stiff - try and stretch it under the hot water in the shower and make it much worse to the point where I can't even put my hair up for work.  Still go in anyway with a lavendar-scented teddy-bear wheat heatpack on top of my paramedic uniform.  No chance of working out.  Too sore to even prepare food.  Manage to get a fairly healthy lunch at the cafe but snacking on the only food at work - chocolate. 

So there you go.  That's how easily one can be derailed.  I feel like I've lost a whole week and have gone back up to my plateau set point (the new one which is about 1kg under the old one).

I have enrolled to do my Personal Trainer certificate.  I think it wont take much time as the anatomy and physiology should be pretty basic.  I had a quick look at one of their online tute supplement videos and it was like "the cell wall is a semi-permeable membrane...", and "here are examples of synovial joints...".... ok, I think I will be right with the assesments without too much brain strain.

So I kind of fantasise about having a second job as a personal trainer, but being really high-end boutique, very personalised, like a 3 or 6 month program and not just being paid to kick someone's butt - that is so 5 years ago.  I also hope it will encourage me to stay looking good as it will be expected of me.  I've never been someone who anyone would say "oh yeh, she really looks like and athelete", so the challenge is captivating.  And mainly I'm hoping to encourage myself to keep going with this whole fitness thing - to make it a serious part of my ingrained, everyay life - and that, I believe, is worth the ivestment in PT course tuition fees.  I might even avoid my predestined path of diabetes.  Again, this is the rationalising I am a master at.  Truely.

I go back to work tomorrow night so I hope to get fully back on track tomorrow when I wake up (without a wry neck).

Stamps of shame

I went out last night and woke up hungover with the evidence (nightclub entrance stamps).

One of the unexpected benefits of being in good shape is the ability to bounce back after a big night out.

I had my (another) cheat meal last night. We went out for dinner first and I finally got to eat the pizza i've been fantasising about since I broke through my plateau. Even as I was eating it I was thinking "oh my metabolism can smash through this easily". I also had a massive slice of baci cake, but I had to have a side of salad as my taste buds couldn't handle such a big change.

Even now i'm hungover I still craved healthy food today.

Breaking it

We worked late last night (finished at 4am) so I didnt eat before bed (i did at 1am). Just woke up now at 1pm feeling weak and shaky.

Having my leftover dinner from 2days ago of vege soup with about 100g of chicken and green tea.

I haven't organised any other meals for the rest of the day yet.

Buuuuttt... I finally broke mt plaetaeu! Not sure how far I can move before my next one but I'm guessing about one more kilo at this stage.

I go back to work in 45mins so I'm going to do my workout at 6.30pm while on-call (provided we don't get a job).

My TAM Perfect Design Series (PDS) arrived today and I have a parcel waiting for me at the post office which might be my meta. Either way, I'm off BC DVDs from now but will try to keep taking inspiration from the book and diet plan.

I haven't heard back from my med school bursar which is a little worrying as term starts in 3 weeks.

Work and working out

We had a horrible job last night - a road fatality.  I didn't know the victim, and it looked very quick which is good, but the patient was too young.  There is nothing worse than someone having a horrible, prolonged, painful death in my opinion, which was not the case for this poor person - it was instant.  But being too young is always terrible. 

So, I am pretty hardened in the job.  These sort of things don't affect me as much as they used to.  I remember my first road fatality and I really felt I needed the rest of the night off to decompress.  I talked about it a lot afterwards.  But this job didn't even really come into my mind once it was over and I slept easily (I drifted off to sleep thinking about working out and food - the second half of this post) but even still, I would have to admit to having intrusive thoughts today.  They aren't disturbing in anyway, thankfully.  It's just that I barely ever think about a job once it's done - but this morning I found myself looking for a mention of the incident in the news and seeing cars on the road today that looked like theirs.  It seems that it has affected me in some way.

My work partner and I were talking tonight about who called in the job becasue we still remember that if you're not exposed to this sort of thing often it can really traumatise you.  But we didn't find out who found the victim, but I hope to catch up with the local copper and find out the story to have some closure.

So that's work.

Working out - my new obsession.  I'm so friggin sore today - I feel wrecked all over in the deepest musclular areas I haven't felt before in my life.  Luckily Tracy mentions all this in her BC book I have now.  Excitingly - my Beginners Cardio arrived this morning from eBay.  Yay!  I was really happy to do some new choreography for my cardio.  The DVD, though, doesn't have a flow - it's in four sections of learning then performing.  In her other dance cardio DVD I had (and lost) there was a learning chapter, then a performing non-stop chapter, so once you learnt it you could just go straight to it.  Ugh.

I went to bed hungry last night because I decided to give TAM BC diet a crack.  It's quite fine - not as bad as I thought.  I think because I've been gradually eating cleaner and cleaner over the past 2 months it wasn't so hard to adapt.  I definately have increased the servings - so the same thing for breakfast but twice.  The worst part is is how long they take to prepare.  Not good for a paramedic working call.  I could prepare ahead (I did for half the meals today) but that's an evening in itself.  Well maybe I'm just not used to being a Master Chef.  Infact, I'm learning at lot as I go.  Basically, think of me a a Bachelor and you'll have a good idea of my culinary skills.  I'm a bit worried now as I have nothign prepared for tomorrow and I haven't even looked at the meals.  Luckily, I have some vege soup and grilled chicken left.

New boots

I got my new pair of elasticated-sides work boots from uniforms, and they are really tight around the ankle. And I don't even have cankles. Need to wear them in more.

More on working out

So on top of tiredness and a sore throat, I also have some sort of stomach bug today. Ew.

I did my TAM muscles already sans arms and plan to do arms and cardio at 6.30pm.

I don't like the TAM BC as much cause I much prefer moving with a DVD, but it's good to shake things up while I'm waiting for Meta to arrive.

Because I'm sick I wondered if I was getting enough veges in my diet. Also, my appetite is way down so I'm thinking I might actually give the TAM diet a go. I just got back from the supermarket and my fridge now looks like the photo. I also just read the funny slogan in a fitness magazine which crosses the areas of my life of fitness, medicine, military, and humanitarian rights.

Love it.

Back at work

I'm back at work for another 5 days of day shift plus call and I already feel terrible.  I was so tired last night from TAM BC Day 1 (Tracy Anderson Method 30-day BootCamp) I went to bed at 9.30pm.  Then, I had to get up again at midnight to eat (chicken and orange juice) and I had a really sore throat that kept me awake and didn't go back to sleep until 1.30am.  The I was up at 6.30am for work.

I've done my personal administration for the morning (check the ambulance, checking work emails, work calendar, time sheet, stores order etc) I feel so tired now I can't decide whether to try and nap or do TAM muscle (saving cardio for on-call time as I get so sweaty) before we get our first job (it's still only 8.30am).  I am really looking forward to the workout but I know I wont do well if I'm this tired before I start.

Right now I'm thinking I'd love to do a Personal Trainer course, but who am I kidding, really?  On top of medicine after I just had a meltdown and withdrew (late!) form my Masters subjects.  Of course, PT wouldn't be enough - I'd have ot get a cert in nutrition too - but that wouldn't be enough either - I'd have to get the Diploma of Nutritional Medicine and the Diploma of Fitness or something like that.  I think I should encourage myself just to stick to my current over-stuffed schedule for now.

TAM-sore

This morning I did Day 1 from the TAM bootcamp (30-day method), and, wow, did it kick my butt.  I'm so used to the mat workout, even though it's still challenging, but this morning the 15 new moves really hurt - in a good way.  Tracy describes the pain as like having the flu.  It's a non-descript muscular pain.  Normally we're used to our large muscle groups hurting from physical strain, but her method purposely targets the "accessory" muscles - they're the muscles that aren't primarily used to perform an action, but can be recruited to help out if the primary muscle get exhausted, such as when a tired asthmatic starts using the SCM (neck) muscles.

The only time I have seen anything else like this method is the core-strength idea of Pilate's and yoga, and the "stability" training the personal trainers sometimes throw in, like doing pushups on a balance board.  Well, TAM takes this to a whole new level and is purposely designed to get the female body looking tight and as tiny as possible but still with great definition.  Which woman wouldn't want that?

I consider Tracy Anderson to be a genius, albeit maybe a slightly manic one (but aren't they all - I'm talking to you Isaac Newton).  She got obsessed with trying to get that ballet-dancer look and went on a personal mission to apply to it any female body type that came her way.  Being a female can be difficult - there's the apple, the pear, the hour-glass, added on top of the endo/meso/ectomorph body types, and let's not even talk about hormones and pregnancy.  A feel Tracy may have genuinely cracked the riddle and has at the very least added to the human collective knowledge.  She deserves an honorary PhD in my book.

So, yeh, I love her.  I say again, though, I have reservations about the diet plans of hers I have seen thus far.  I guess no-one and no-thing perfect.

Right now, after working out for 2 months with 1 month of TAM (muscle work only), I think my body might currently look the best it's even looked post-puberty.  And now I'm here, I want more.  And I can see how it can be done and I know what I have to do, so I'm going for it.  My aim is to get to a place I can maintain for life, which is about 5kg lighter from where I am now.  This might now sound like much on paper, but remember I have never been that light before since probably about Year 8 (13-14 years old).  I'm about 3kg heavier than in Year 8 now, but from Year 9 onwards I was within 1kgof what I am now.

When I visited Mum and Dad in Tasmania in January/February and did that Wineglass Bay hike, I was horrified at not only how I looked and how much I weighed (almost maximum ever, but I tried to ignore it) but mostly how unfit I was doing a hike that old people and children were doing.  It was disgusting to me.  Right now I'm going through the photos of that hike and have chosen some lovely "before" photos of myself and I am seriously shocked to look at them.  I had been hiding a lot of it under my work overalls, but in a singlet and short - eew.  I thought I was getting away with it, and I wasn't.

I always thought people who prioritised working out and had goals to "look good" were very vain and superficial.  It took studying med to realise that it is as much a worthy goal and becoming a doctor.  Controversial!  My body is my vehicle through life so, sorry, if I want a Ferrari instead of a VW Beetle.  And to be a good doctor you need to be fairly confident, and feeling confident about how you look and feel goes a long way.  I think I had just ignored it because I thought I was stuck with the body I had - the pretty but a bit chubby girl.  I now have hope.

As well as the new muscle routine, I did 20 minutes of her high-impact, high-intensity dance aerobics.  It was really basic choreography compared to her other DVD I have (had - I can't find it).  I was supposed to do 20 minutes high-intensity then 20 minutes low-intensity (step-touching instead of jumping).  After the first 20 minutes I was dead and just pend another 10 minutes playing with my dog in the backyard.

I go back to work tonight so I hope I can maintain this commitment and motivation.

Tracy Anderson

I just got Tracy Anderson's 30-day Method book today from Amazon. I'm really into the "TAM" right now, although I have more than a few reservations about her diet plan.

I did her dance cardio today for 20mins after my 1-hour mat workout. Tomorrow I start the 30-day workout for real, but using the Venice Nutrition diet instead (and all the other elements of Venice Nutrition such as sleep and stress control).

I've ordered the TAM Metamorphosis 90-day plan but I don't know how long it will take to arrive from the States, so the timing should be quite good.

I can't wait to pass on my TAM mat workout to my sister who is getting married in 5 months, then the 30-day method when my Meta arrives.

So, yeh, I'm pretty obsessed with TAM right now, but I just really like it. I even rearranged the furniture in my lounge room to accomodate my workouts (until I can get my dojo/gym ready). Yoga and running are on the back-burner for now.

I have exactly 4 weeks until I start med school again and it has seemed to have taken forever. It's perfect timing for me now to do this bootcamp as my world is organised and ready.

Med

I miss med school!  Want to go back already.  I don't miss the stress, sleep deprivation, sugar-overload, etc, but I miss learning what I need to know to become a doctor.  I have slowly, slowly been reading through my Lippincott's Pharmacology to prepare myself with a better foundation in this very important area of medicine.

Royal

I guess sometimes it's worth waiting for your Prince Charming

It's over

Finally, my working week is over.  I am so happy.  I kind of fell off the workout/diet wagon over the last few days and I can't wait to get a proper night's sleep tonight and kick-off again tomorrow.

I'm really tired.  I have tried to rest as much as possible and eat well but I've still ended up with a sore throat and enlarged posterior cervical lymph nodes which is my sign that I'm run down.  My feet are even too sore to think about doing any sort of standing workout.  But I am hopeful I can get things back on track tomorrow.

I ate all those muffins already except for the two I gave my partner at work.  But, the good thing is, even though I craved those carbs, when it came to dinner time, I actually craved the balanced meals from Venice Nutrition, and have actually eaten well for 80% of the day anyway.

Muffin top

I just made some banana and walnut muffins from receipes off the Venice Nutrition website. I forgot my soy protein powder at work - drats, so they are to be eaten with a side of protein, like a protein shake (made with water). I also swapped milk for rice milk and artificial sweetener for honey, and I used gluten-free white flour and organic brown flour. So, yes, I'm quite happy with the result. From the photo you can see I already ate one - yum.

I don't really cook, and I don't bake. I really can't remember the last time I used my oven. Seriously. Maybe a year ago.

I enjoy making food when I know there's beautiful ingredients in them. My little local supermarket is a bit limited, but I can usually be creative and find the basics and the odd organic ingredient.

Maybe these muffins will help me lose my muffin top...

Tracy Anderson

So lately I've started doing my Tracy Anderson DVD workout.  I've had that DVD for about 2 years and have always thought it was great.  I find it gets me the best results for sure.  I'm not really into her cardio because I find it takes a lot of time to learn the choreography and needs too much space than my lounge room can provide, hence I've been happy doing my Zumba.

I thought I would look at her website again to see if she has released anything else, and OMG the website is totally revamped and there are heaps of ways I can give my money to Ms Anderson.  I just ordered her Metamorphosis program and I wish there was an express post option because I would have paid anything to have that right now. 

My muscles grow really quickly as I'm a mesomorph/endomorph so I get really fast results with any sort of strength training.  I've done the TA Mat DVD most days for the past fortnight and my abs and arms look awesome, if I do say so myself.  My hips and legs are tighter, but I can only occasionally glimpse the definition as I still have too much fat there, but thanks to Mark MacDonald's book, that is starting to finally shift slowly, slowly.

Last time I looked at TA's diet plan I was a bit horrified.  I can't live off that little food, especially when I workout.  I will be interested in seeing what it looks like these days.

Going back to work has really stuffed up my routine.  Being on-call, and most significantly, getting called-out really wrecks my sleeping habit - to sleep at night for at least 8 hours.  I know I am a ten-hour person, but I'd be happy with 8 during my working week then sleep bank on days off.  Last night I only got 6 and when my pager went off I was like a zombie after working 7am to 2am (the next morning).  Then we were busy all day.  I got home at 6.30pm and had a 2-hour nap, then finally a shower (!), dinner, and 1-hour TA Mat workout and now it's 9.45pm and I'm on-call overnight and back on-duty at 7am, which means if I wan 8 hours sleep (providing I don't get a call-out) I need to be in bed by.... oh crap... now.

I can already see when I start back studying I'm going to need a lot more hours in my day.....

ANZAC Day

Today I'm working but we were able to put on our "good" uniforms and go down the main street of my little town and participate in the ANZAC Day parade.  In the photos you can see we (me and my work partner and the local copper) formed up behind the CFA youth volunteers.

Nothing much

So, I didn't do much today so I'm not sure why I'm even writing this post.  I did do my workout, after a day off, but I didn't do the cardio I wanted to.  So blah.  Yep, I didn't do much....  I had two drinks last night and couldn't sleep properly, and I've already had 5x vodka, chambord, pomegranate, soda and limes, so I guess I might as well get set up for my dvd marathon now.  I go back to work tomorrow so I'm desperately trying not to feel guilty about only working out for an hour and a quarter and for eating a whole sugar-free 45g of dark chocolate, and of course the cocktails.  I also only did two OT shifts and turned down three, and I only did the dishes and bath today and didn't clean anything else.  I really could have scrubbed something I'm sure.

The world of the woman's mind is strange..... 

Study

Wow - this is the first time I've felt like studying since my exam in mid-March. I'm looking at my newest addition to my medical bookshelves, which is Lippincott's Pharmacology.

There are so many pharm questions in med exams, and right now I'm guessing a lot from recall and I can't seem to conceptually organise everything in my mind. I think pharm could easily be a stand-alone module, rather than mixed with the body systems (as is everything else except biochem, and I heard a rumor about a new research module).

So my goal is to read this text cover-to-cover. We'll see what really happens. I like the way the book is organised, which I think I mentioned before, so I'm kind of excited about it all.

I'm doing some OT again today so I hope to get enough downtime to read, vacuum my car, and do my banking. Workout will be this evening but possibly light as I'm feeling physically tired today.

Day off

Well I don't really have much to say today as I had the day off, but I'm loving days off right now.  All I did was workout, dye my hair, get some groceries, and go hangout with my friend at her place.


I miss studying medicine...

Addiction

I realised today I'm addicted to studying medicine.  My friend is studying advanced intensive care paramedic practice and asked me to proof read her assignment on infective endocarditis for her....  Well, the poor girl has red pen all over her assignment and then I was suggesting her to write about the empirical antibiotic therapy and how they work on the bacteria!  Seriously!  I think that was a bit overboard.  I was able to tell her about the modified Duke criteria which is essential when talking about IE diagnosis.  And then I really go into it, citing references she could use and latest journal articles.  Seems like all this med study is doing something to help me advance in the world of healthcare afterall.

Anyway, the major revelation was how addicted I am to it all.  I couldn't stop.  I actually miss study now and want to go back, especially seeing as I have a bit more control over my diet and exercise.  I'm back on my laptop with my glasses on.  Maybe I can actually step foot into my study room again this week.

Well, with my foot taped up I was able to do my Tracy Anderson Mat and walk for 20mins on the deadly (treadmill) at a 15% incline which was enough to get a sweat up.  So, if I'm not working tomorrow, I really need to go hard in the cardio intensity and increase the duration of the lower-intensity.  I have been thinking about when I would have my "cheat meal" this week - well it happened tonight.  My coworker wanted to go to the pub for dinner, so chicken kiev with chips and Coke then Crunchie for dessert is what happened.  At first I didn't enjoy the "dirty" food (as opposed to the clean eating I've been doing for the past 4 weeks), but then I got into it and got a real sugar-high, which I think contributed to going overboard on proof-reading my friends assignment!

Ready for action

My foot all padded with Melolin and tapped up for work

First OT

I'm doing my first overtime shift since coming back to work.  OT for me = med school tuition fees, so seeing as I'm all caught up on sleep so far, I'm happy to be here.  Today should pay for this week's fees.  Even though I'm not studying this term I still pay monthly across the year to try and make it easier.  Well, that is the theory.  IF only I could do 12 more OT shifts by the end of the week and I would be all caught up on school fees too.  Ugh.  I'm trying not to stress about it too much yet.  I still have both my kidneys to sell.

Luckily I've been fairly good with preparing food days ahead so after getting the phone call to come into work I was able to easily round-up my grub.  I also knew what I wanted to do for workout this am, so I grabbed my Tracy Anderson Mat Workout DVD, two 1kg weights, and skipping rope, and have my runners on.  We have a treadmill at work, so I'm hoping to do 30mins 15% incline walking, but, as usually, there's a "but".  I woke up with a big painful red lump under the ball of my left foot.  I'm not sure if it's a bite or if I walked on a stone and forgot.  I did stand on something sharp 2 days ago... ooh I hope it's not infected.  So I'm going to take a closer look at that before I begin.  I wont affect the Mat Workout, and I can put most of my weight on the right foot for skipping, but the walking might be difficult.  Ugh.

We had some good work yesterday so I'm glad to be back still.  I also bumped into my Mentor at the hospital and she was all like "When are we starting again!?"... It's so awesome to have a mentor that enthusiastic!

Back at work

Yesterday was my first day back at work. My first job was a flail chest with a pneumothorax. My call-out overnight was my favourite frequent-flyer drug-seeker (compared to the others).

I started off on a bad note by sleeping in (and not long enough) and missing my pre-work workout, but I made up for it with a nap and a big workout later in the day.

Win

He likes this one...

First day back

It's my first day back at work after 4 weeks off. Coupled with the early start (shift starts at 7am), I'm already feeling horrible. I couldn't sleep last night and I slept through my alarm and missed my workout this morning. I also forgot to bring my rice milk (I'm off dairy) as part of breaky. Ugh. Why me.

Hoping things will improve throughout the day.

My dog

My dog loves his toys. He loves it when I bring him home new ones from the op shop or supermarket. He certainly has his favourites. The last one I got him was this green "dental" ring. He hates it!

Update

Nothing really to report here. Went out last night and backing it up tonight. Looking forward to dancing! Last night I drank vodka, lime, and soda and I think it helped me feel better this morning than drinking my normal staple of cheap champagne.

Ramped up my workout today as I've realised I've plateued. I added more weights, high intensity intervals, then stepped up the intensity for my Zumba cardio session.

I've realised I love dancing and hate running, so I don't know how I'm going to consolidate this revelation in the future...

Fitness and sleep and stuff

So while I've had such a lengthy break from work, study, and travel, and am now near the end of the break, I am sooooo thankful I had this space to reorganise (most of) my house, take some time out for some beauty (haircut, mani-pedis, etc), to take care of "me", and mostly to get my fitness back on track.

I just bought the above book.  To be honest, it is restating a lot of the principles I already believe in but to hear Chelsea Handler rave on about it on her show Chelsea Lately, and it was only $5 on Amazon, I just had to get it and give it a read.  It has reinspired me to look at the way I'm eating and really step it up, which is worth $5 in itself.  It has also made me have a closer look at my workout routines and give that a shake up too. 

The most important think I got out of this book as the author states the number one most important thing for keeping in shape is sleep!  May favourite thing!  These four weeks has allowed me to simply sleep as long as I wanted, and after the first week of catching up on sleep-debt, I think I have been able to discover I'm a 10-hours a night person, and just how important it is for me to find those 10 hours.  It is a good foundation to take into work when I go back to shifts and on-call.  We only get 8 hour rest breaks between call-outs and starting back on-duty, which is a real problem.  Think about it - it often takes and hour from walkig through the front door to being asleepin bed, and it take me about an hour to get ready for work when I wake up.  I haven't got a solution to that problem as yet except for sleep banking.

My fitness is back to where I think it should never get below.  I've been really thinking about how I can work fitness into my everyday life, this includes working out and eating properly.

In the book he talks about at MFRK - mobile food readiness kit.  I so need one for my work bag to have in the ambulance.

As for my marathon training, I haven't been running much since I got my Zumba.  I absolutely LOVE dancing which means I enjoy my workouts - which is so important.  And the cardio from dancing is right up there with running, allowing me to at least work on my cardiovascular fitness all ready to take it out there on the road.  The weather is holding me back, so are the issues with my dog, but I know they are excuses and I need to get over it!

Bhutan

I just booked my trip to Bhutan in September! I'm so excited. Even happier that I don't have to pay the balance til tax return time!

Organised

Here's a picture of one of my dresser draws I'm so proud of.

So I think I've been blocked even just stepping foot in my study. I really have med school PTSD. My goal for this week is to get it sorted before I go back to work on Monday.

In other news, my dog hates me because I keep promising him a run but it's been too wet and cold outside for me.

The Simple Life

It's so amazing how my psyche has changed while I've been on holidays from work and study. I'm really enjoying the simple things in life such as hanging out with friends, and colour-coding the coat hangers in my wardrobe.

I still haven't organised my study room like I wanted to, but my dressing table draws are amazing. I got little plastic baskets from the cheap shop and labeled them.

Now, after having a friend over to play Zumba on Wii, I'm chilling with my furry babies.

Shopping

At some point during my holidays I bought this tshirt. Now when I see it it makes me laugh - it's so BAD! Yes, the cat's bowtie is bedazzled with rhinestones!

I don't think I initially realised how bad it was. Anyway it will do for my new obsession - yoga.

Night out

Had a great night out last night with great friends. First we went to see some of our fellow ambos that play in a coverband at country pub. Then we went into the latest and greatest club in town. Good times.

I didn't drink too much and I got to dance a lot. This morning I had green tea and did my new yoga workour on Wii. That is a change from my old life of eating Maccas. I really want to keep up this new me. I feel way better.

So I have been considering whether to put off my Nepal/Tibet trip, but when I told me friend she told me off. So I've decided I AM going. And today I've been looking through my Lonely Planet guides at some cool stuff I can do over there including, of course, yoga!

Nice day

Did the yummy-mummy thing today (well, I'm a mum of my dog and cat) and power-walked the 6km around the lake with my girlfriend, followed by a nice salmon lunch with a glass of white. Lovely. The cafe is right on the lake so it's the perfect weekday hangout for the mums with their Jeep prams.

Now I am just having some tea before getting ready for a big night out on the town!

All this fun and relaxation will make it difficult to go back to work and study.

The Super-Fly

This fly deserves his own blog post.  He survived the fly-equivalent of a tsunami in my shower.  I saw him too late last night on the bottom of the shower, so I thought I'd make it a quick painless death and washed him down the drain.  Well this morning, I saw him crawling out of the drain soaking wet.  I figured he wanted to live so I put a bit of tissue in front on him and he jumped straight on it - smart.  Now he's drying out on my bathroom windowsill.  Maybe he'll double his life expectancy and live another day.

In other not so weird news, I went for my first 5km since I got sick.  It went well.  The dog ran good and only embarrassed me twice on the main road.  I thinking a half by the end of the year, but not sure the Melbourne Marathon will be the right timing due to my travel plans in September and my sisters hens and wedding in Oct.  So I'm thinking Aug or Nov/Dec, and a full by early next year.

Limitless

One of the problems with living in a small rural town is I have to drive 40km to my car dealership for a service and new tyres.  I have a little system now - I get them to drop me off at the mall and I do a bit of shopping and watch a movie - today was the same.  Today I got a mani-pedi, ate a curry lunch, browsed many stores, spent a little (too much) money, then went and watched Limitless.  I really liked it.  It was totally my kind of film, except for the violence.  It was about getting the most out of your day, the perils of addiction, and the theory of what comes up must come down.

So I related it a lot to studying medicine.  The addiction part does not only apply to drugs, but any pharmaceutical, or anything addictive at all, and in my case - sugar and caffeine.  And also it applys to studying medicine - I mean the lead character is so addicted to intellectual high-performance but he has difficulty maintaining it at a constant.  I don't want to ruin the ending but I was satisfied and encouraged by it.

While I've been on leave I feel like my brain has been on an intellectual holiday.  In fact, I'm watching The Kardashians right now.  I'm so glad I watched that movie today as I think I got a lot out of it in terms of pushing yourself but also finding moderation to order to maintain a high-level.  I think I can certainly apply it to my marathon training as well, and virtually all areas of life.

So this is not some big revelation to me but it was nice to watch that movie.  Despite it's Hollywoodness, it was about a million times better than the last one I saw: Barney's Version.

So after all that I am really motivated again and kind of can't wait to start next term.

Chew

So I'm feeling good about my decision to drop the masters studies.  I love the saying "bite off more than you can chew, then chew like hell" but sometimes you need to know when you're about to choke!

Anyway, I feel a bit more well-balanced and I'm getting over my superficial-fixation.

That's about it for now.  Just chilling before work and med studies start up again.


PS  I didn't do my study room today because my sister came over, but I will before I go back to work for sure.

Mid-Masters crisis

I just withdrew online from my Masters units.  I'm so disappointed.  I can't do it right now.  I've been sitting at my laptop all weekend looking at this stuff I have to do and I can't do it.  I'm exhausted from work and the med degree and being sick and ....everything! 

The bad thing is I missed Census date by a week, and I don't want to think about the money I've just wasted on fees - I really don't.  The good thing is I just got sent my Graduate Certificate of International Health certificate and academic transcript, as I've completed enough for that cert so far.  At this point, I kind of feel happy to have a loose end tied up if I ended it here.  I'm not sure when I'll go back to the MIH.  It may even be after the MBBS, or it might just be next semester but only one unit.  The point is it's all a journey and this Voyager needs a break before the next mountain.

Right now is one of the first times I feel I can actually relate to people when they say "Oh, I could never go back to study - I've done enough!".  I actually feel slightly traumatised in my study room from this med degree.  I think I need to rearrange all the furniture in here before next term to move the stale energy around a bit.  At least I have spent the first week of annual leave (before I got sick) spring cleaning my house which I think will make a big difference next term in being organised and therefore staying on track.  Too bad I have not started in the study yet.

I want to grieve the loss of this Masters dream right now, but I know I shouldn't feel sorry for myself because I need to get my shit together and focus on getting this med degree.  It's not just the study-load and the stress of studying medicine, it's finding the money for the tuition fees and now after a year I'm starting to resent how much it is eating into my lifestyle.  For some reason all I want to do atm is go shopping and get my hair done and do the most superficial stupid stuff that is possible in this world. I can only put it down to my brain (or ego or whatever it is) just going "Enough of this serious stuff already!  Read more Famous magazine and less New England Journal of Medicine!"

Actually, I did get a hair cut last week - the first time in 2 years.  I was sitting in the salon chair thinking "I want to be a hairdresser again!"  And then I started thinking about if I should work casually as a hairdresser instead of as a paramedic when I do my clinical modules.  Seriously!

Sometimes I question why I'm doing this to myself, and I feel right now I need to take the next two weeks I have left of annual leave and really find that motivation again.  After being only one year into this 5 year battle, this is starting to scare me a little.

Anyway, I apologise for the tone of this post because it sounds so self-centred and superficial, but it's an honest reflection of where my head it at right now.  You would think after getting a lovely email update from New Hope about my sponsor family in Cambodia about how the 3 eldest children have moved hours away to find work for $1 a day, I would be able to put things in perspective, but, no.

I'm back

I'm back on board after being so so sick this week with mega tonsillitis.  It has been going around the town, and as an ambo who normally gets tonsillitis at the drop of a hat, it wasn't hard to predict this was going to happen.

I'm fairly resilient against flu and gastro, but tonsillitis is my Achilles heel.

So I couldn't even be bothered blogging, much less studying.  Today I decided to have a look at what Masters stuff is due, and OMG, something was due yesterday, another thing is due Monday, and then another is due on the 11th.  I don't really want to spend my holidays studying.  Id' much rather be sleeping, eating, exercising, and drinking, but seeing how much more difficult it was to work and study med only a few weeks ago, I know I can easily do this and still sleep, eat, exercise, and drink.  Oops, I almost forgot my other favourite holiday pass-time - shop.

Here's uan update on my life:

• Work - none!  I'm on holidays and loving it.
• Study - see above.  Can't wait to go back to studying med next term.  Kind of wish I had more spare time/energy/motivation to revise respiratory properly, but oh well.  Still gald I' doing the MIH as I keep thinking of my dream goal to work OS.
• Marathon - no run for a week due to illness.  Walked the dog slowly today and did yoga.  Thinking run on Monday.  Will reassess fitness and everything next week.  I didn't make the 5km x-country on the weekend.  I was so disaapointed about that, but what can you do.
• House - amazingly clean thanks to holidays. Garden needs help.
• Lovelife - still no comment.
• MoH - we're doing flowers now after sorting the wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses.

One good thing about getting sick though, is that I've kicked most of my caffeine and sugar addictions, and virtually all dairy.  Yay.  I wanted to anyway but when I got sick I couldn't stomach anything really, so I detoxed my guts a bit and am trying really,really hard to put only good "clean food" in my mouth.  Feeling much better for it.  My favourite is soda water with lemon juice, green tea, roast chicken (no skin, obviously), brown rice, and green salad with olive oil, lemon juice and black pepper.

Sick as a dog....

.....back soon.

Metalicus

So right now I'm addicted to http://www.metalicus.com/ clothing.  They are basic, well tailored, and fit perfectly.  They go with everything and I've owned many over the years.  They last really well and you always get your money's worth.  If I had to sum up my style with one line of clothing, Metalicus would be it.

As I said in my last post, I just splurged on some new tops.  Well, I've just done it again with a new dress and another top and leggings and an under skirt.  I'm pretty tight with cash atm due to med school fees, but I would have to say the number one reason I'm studying at OUM and not a "traditional" medical school in Australia is due to money and lifestyle.  I want to maintain my lifestyle as much as possible.  I work so friggin hard and sometimes I think it's necessary to stretch the budget for yourself.  Don't tell OUM but I would seriously consider deferring for up to six months if push came to shove.  I want to keep my house (mortgage), to buy the nice organic foods, and to dress not like a student, but as a sophisticated woman.  I'm 32.  I was a student forever (it felt like) before ambulance.  I absolutely love medicine, and really really want to be a doctor.  But the present is so important to me.  It always has been, even before I was an ambo.

Apart from all that, I just connected my Wii to the internet.  I don't need an lovely Mac afterall.  I havent' sussed out how you save files etc, but most of my online time is not spent with saved files, it's with reading data.  A lovely big plasma screen will make things so much more enjoyable.  I also just traded in 8 Wii games for Zumba for Wii.  Good trade, I say.  The games I traded were rubbish, like Grey's Anatomy The Game - rubbish.

I'm now watching perhaps one of my favourite episode of ER - "A Long, Strange Trip" from the final season.  It has a character in it which was instrumental in developing trauma centres and modern Emergency Departments. I like it.  He is also aged and has dementia, and diagnoses cryptic TB.  Nice.  It was World TB Day yesterday.  I'm pretty obsessed with TB.

So.... how's my Masters going?  It;s not.  Geebus!!!  what am I going to do?  I don;t know yet, but whatever it is it wont happen until Monday now.....

Nerd

So what kind of nerd do you have to be to get more excited about the second-hand pharmacology text arriving in the mail than the $300 gorgeous Metalicus tops the day before? Answer: this kind of nerd.

I flicked through Lippincotts Pharmacology and I'm already excited because I like the way the meds are grouped in a way that makes sense to my brain for gestalting purposes. Yay!

My weaknesses are pharm, biochem, and anatomy. This text will/should gain me a lot of ground...

Just got Zumba Wii which is also very exciting seeing as the weather is already turning horrible and my desire to exercise outdoors is decreasing rapidly. It's making me think I might be besy aiming for the half marathon in Oct and training over Summer for the full at about this time next year....

My dog

My dog is so spoilt. We've been hanging out a lot this week since I've been on leave and trying hard to not to spend too much money at the shops.

I'm smart

I sat the Mensa test a few weeks ago and got my confirmation letter today stating that I'd passed.


So what does this mean?  Well to get into Mensa you need to prove you have an IQ in the top 2% of the population.  But IQ tests are flawed, and you would be misguided to think they were a measure of one's true intelligence as they have been proven to be linked to socio-economic status - that is, if you were fortunate enough to grow up in a situation where you had the opportunity to learn, you're more likely to have a higher IQ.

So why did I join?  In modern Western society I feel there is too much importance placed on looks and sporting ability.  I felt I needed to counter-act the balance in some way and maybe meet some nice people at the social events they have.  I also wanted to prove something to myself.  Studying at OUM is great, but there's always that lingering, annoying doubt about why wasn't I "good enough" to get into an Australian medical school.  Well, I'm not sure if I've talked about this here, but in actual fact I am "good enough" by the basis of my GPA and GAMSAT scores, I just didn't make the cut for the 3 grad-entry programs in my state in the 2 years I applied...  

So, yes, getting into med school is more competitive than getting into Mensa.  Whereas Mensa purely has a fairly static aptitude requirement, med entry is influenced by the number of applicants versus places in a given year.  The places are also influenced by government funding and the number of doctors required (but the later not as much as you'd think, as far as I'm concerned).  I'm not sure about numbers in other countries which are considered similar to Australia (US, UK, NZ, Canada), but I would hazard a guess that the number of places vs applicants vs general population would vary.  And let's not forget the thousands of doctors that come from overseas training where opportunity may be more influential than intelligence.

Funnily enough, though, I sat the ambulance service entry aptitude test three times before I went to uni to get my paramedic degree.  Entry used to be via the ambulance service and in-house training was conducted.  I calculated, while sitting on my break in between GAMSAT sections a few years ago, that it was more competitive to get into the ambulance service than into medicine, based purely on numbers alone.  And guess what?  I failed to meet the cutoff on one of those three attempts.  I wasn't smart enough, that year, to be a paramedic.  Now I am a paramedic, I see why intelligence is important in this job, but there are so many people that I doubt would have ever made the old cutoff that are now quite competent paramedics.  Experience, the right attitude, and willingness to continue learning are what I personally consider to be more important, even in life-or-death situations, than pure intelligence or past performance in school or anything else that is measured on medical entry applicants.

The question then is raised - what does the population expect of it's doctors?  Do they expect them to be in the top 0.5% of the population, or will the top 2% do?  We can't have all our geniuses in medicine, they need to be solving bigger questions to do with population health, medical science, and the environment to name a few.  What do I expect of my doctor?  Well, I expect my GP to listen, be genuinely concerned, to be a competent practitioner, and to be up-to-date with the latest research, and then finally I would like them to be experienced.  Intelligence is perhaps even after all of these things.  However, I conceded that these expectations maybe higher of my specialist, but to become a specialist you go through years of post-graduate medical training (as do GPs) and I would expect them to be quite bright in the world they work in.

There are so many aspects to this. 

My point really is - if you fail to get into med school, it by no means means that you wouldn't make a good doctor.  And if you really want to do it, don't give up.

Gunnado

I confess... I'm being a "gunnado". I was gunna lay out my running gear last night. I was gunna go for a run this morning. And I was gunna start my Masters study.... Instead I drank a bottle of red wine last night, slept in til noon, and am now watching Oprah.

Holi-da-y!

Woohoo!   I'm now on annual leave.  I just had my sister over and I tried on my bridesmaid dress which is quite acceptable.  My house looks so lovely and I can't wait to have it even more organised.

I'm just going for a rest now before studying MIH this afternoon.

I didn't have time for my run this morning and I'm so not motivated this afternoon.  So my trade-off is that I'll lay out my running gear today and go first thing in the morning.

Work

I took this photo through the windscreen of the ambulance while in Melbourne last night taking a patient into a hospital with specialist facilities.

Today is my last day of work before 4 weeks annual leave!  Hooray!  I just got off the phone with a fellow classmate who is ahead of me in the course.  She always gives me plenty of motivation to study hard (she kicks my butt into shape).  She is about to take her end of pre-clinical exam (USMLE Step 1 equivalent for OUM students not intending on practicing in the US) before starting her clinical placements in a few weeks.  I'm so excited to hear which rotations she's doing at which hospitals - both in Melbourne and in Samoa.  That will be me in two years time.

So hearing about her revising for the big exam made me think I really want to revise the last three module in these 4 weeks I have off.  That is, of course, on top of doing my Masters subjects (which I haven't started yet, btw).  Being my last day at work I'm determined to use today in getting everything here organised and I will start fresh with my studying and start back running again too.  My flu/cold thing has reduced to just slightly congested nasal sinuses and my energy has come back up to par.

Anyway, I'm really excited to look at my Masters stuff tomorrow and learn about biostatistics.  I know how much that will come in handy in my future dream career.  I have my folder with tabs all organised and the term calendar all printed out (with the due dates of exams and assignments), so this is a good place to start.

I sometimes get frustrated because I know exactly what I want to be doing and where, but at the same time I realise how lucky I am to have this job.  It's really great sometimes.

Yesterday we worked so hard - 20 hours straight.  Well, I think we got two 20 minute breaks to eat.  This is not really ideal.  Not only did I eat absolute rubbish (there's not much healthy at petrol stations) but I also drank two Red Bulls and got to bed at about 3.30am, so I feel a bit out of it today.  We had a 10 hour break and now I'm back just for 5 hours today before I finish!  Yay!

Tonight I'll be putting the finishing touches on tidying my house before my sister comes over.  But then on my leave I will continue more spring cleaning.  I love the laundry and garage as everything that is remaining n there is organised and has some sort of useful purpose in my life.  Love it.

Also,, on my four weks off I have plenty of exciting social things organised so I might feel more like a well-rounded human being again.

Alought I'm not going overseas this time, I am so looking forward to this break!  I think I'm even more excited than if I was going somewhere :)

Studies

So anyway I just got a fright remembering that I've almost forgotten about my Master's studies.  Next week will be week 3.  I think.

As much as I want to clean and organise my house, I can't let my MIH studies get away from me because I think they aren't as difficult as med.  To be honest, it's all statistics so it isn't easy.

I finally got my term results for med and I'm sorta disappointed.  My overall grade as 85, which is one more than I'd expected, but it's only in the top 35% of the school for the term (other modules but same term).  I can't compare my score to others in my module because it doesn't allow for identification - there's only the student number listed.  So, I'm thinking maybe I aced my exam because it was easy afterall - it didn't just feel easy. I dunno - I thought my score would be in the top 25%, which it had been in the last few terms but with a lower overall mark.

Why do I care?  Well, it is an off-shore medical school.  Let's face it, most people would study on-shore if they could.  It wasn't just about my GAMSAT scores and GPA which made me decide to go off-shore, but at the end of the day, internship places are competitive and will be more so in the near future, and when competing with on-shore grads I need to be up there.

No time for laziness

Trying to Spring-clean my house this weekend. There is a lot to do.
My gardens in themselves would take a full weekend. Oh, wait, I forgot I was going to do it all on my annual leave! Instead I got distracted by the fact my sister is coming over on Monday and I'm trying to make everything all perfect for her arrival. Lol
Anyway I must gey back to the dishes and garbage and laundry.

Feeling better

I think this flu thing is going away,  I'm not so tired and sore and snotty.

So I've decided to stick to my original plan of having this term off med and doing my two Masters subjects.  As of Monday I have 4 weeks off work with no other plans.  I have been thinking about writing a sort of travel blog/journal/book which would be based around my area as a way of pretending I'm away on a holiday, but I've now decided to use my time off work to: sleep, garden, exercise, clean, and get my house super-organised.  How exciting does that sound?  I'll also go away for a few days with my friends down to the beach, do some other girly stuff like mani-pedis, and catch up with any friends which haven't disowned me yet.

I just spent the last two hours fully scrubbing the guest bathroom and organising all the stuff in the cupboard under the sink into little tubs.  It's so pretty.  Can you tell I've been working with a Type-A all week?

What to study now?

The med school bursar contacted me today and said I could enrol in the next term, starting on Monday, and that I would be in the gastrointestinal system module.  Geez, that is tempting.  I have planned to have this next term off from studying med and to do two of my Masters subjects before going back to med at the end of May.  But oh how I'd love to get this medical degree done and be an intern already.

I keep thining about doing my intership in Samoa.  I really want to be doing international health.  I think I'll do some clinical rotations there before I make any final decisions.

I'm feeling a little burnt-out at work atm.  I hope it's just because I need a break compounded with having the flu.  People that call ambulances and use them as a taxi service really annoy me atm.  Normally I just brush it off as part of the job, but lately ithasreallybeen getting to me.  Gone are the days when people would call and ambulance for a life-threatening emergency only.  Even if there is no other means by way to get up off the floor or get themselves to the GP, or even take some panadol before you call an ambulance for back pain!  Seriously. 

Yup, I'm burnt-out.

In idle

I'm stuck in idle right now, just finishing my last few shifts before annual leave, waiting for my res module results, and waiting for this flu to go away.

Funky

The funky diner where I'm having lunch today. I'm at head office doing a training day so I'm somewhere new and exciting for lunch.

Music Festival

I worked last night at the Golden Plains Music Festival in Meredith.  It was so much fun (as usual).  I love the music and the chilled-out crowd having a great time in their festival boots and funny clothes.  There where quite a few people dressed as teddy bears etc or as other things such as in surgical scrubs.  I even saw one man walking around nude during the night.

I had more fun in the First Aid tent then I would have out in the crowd I reckon because I got to work with an ED reg and a final year med student who were both more than willing to teach me a few things.  I stayed behind to be taken through and assisted with sutures. It's not a big procedure but I haven't seen it be done on a live patient before. The patients had a classic vaso-vagal (faint) which was quite funny so it was lucky they were sitting on the edge of the stretcher and just had to be guided back.  What was interesting was the med student said we had to wait til he recovered and ask his permission to proceed.  I was like "quick let's suture him up before he wakes up again".  Interesting.

We didn't have too many serious patients.  Most people just require the first aid services of St John for things like minor burns, grazes, and ant bites.  Some people forget their asthma reliever medication, and some people get soft tissue injuries from being in a human pyramid!

I also worked with a crit care nurse I've worked with many times before and she told me she's done the gamsat and wants to do med....but.... and there's always that "but".  That's about 5 people I know and work with around here who have personally approached me about OUM and studying med.  All her excuses, as the other people's, were perfectly reasonable.  And maybe she will start when these things are taken care of.  And I did the same thing myself - I put off starting for two years.  Anyway, my point is there will always be blockages and "but"s, so if you're one of those people maybe you should think about if you want to be one of those people that "wants" to do med or "is" doing med.

The exam recap (and comparison to AMC/USMLE)

So I think if I wanted to know about a new med school like OUM I would want to know how well they prepare you for licencing exams in Australia and the US.  So far I can make a good comparison with the biochem, cardiovascular, and respiratory sections.

Firstly, the AMC (Australian Medical Council) licencing exam is similar to USMLE Step 2CK and CS - there are two parts to it and you only do it once you've finished the whole med degree.  There is little to no focus on biochemistry as a separate discipline, for example, and the MCQ exam focuses on internal medicine, surgery, psychiatry, OBGYN, and paediatrics.  They release two books to help IMGs prepare for the AMC licencing exam and I have looked at the cardio and resp internal medicine questions and they seem fairly easy - I would say of similar difficulty to the OUM exams.  Then there's a section which is like a multiple MCQ where there may be more than one correct answer and you must choose one or ALL that apply.  Tricky.  And these ones are centred more on the way medicine is practiced in Australia.  For this reason they recommend doing most clinical rotations in Australia.

For the USMLE comparison I only have had access to USMLEWorld Step 1 Qbank  They say if you get 60-70% then you will get a good score on the USMLE Step 1.  I got about 60-70% on the cardio and resp sections before I did my OUMexams and I got 80-85% on them.  So, I would say, in that regard that the OUM exam must be fairly similar to the USMLE.  However, I haven't attempted the biochem questions yet and I do very poorly there.  I feel I will need to really take a lot of time to cover biochem, genetics, behavioural, and more embyol as it isn't adequately covered with the OUM modules.  However, OUM does provide "lectures" on these things as links to PowerPoint presentation that you are somehow meat to do in your own time.  I will do this, but I feel orry for fellow students that don't cover this stuff as it's not part of their core learning.

Time will tell, I suppose, but so far I think OUM does provide adequate preparation for the licencing exams but just like anything in life you only get out what you put in.  And if anyone thinks they can coast through a medical degree and into internship then they are mistaken.

Reset and recover

I spent the rest of the week since my big exam getting flogged at work.   Then I finally had a free day yesterday which combined all my favourite things - sleep-in as long as I wanted, run with dog, bath, clean house again (finally), pedicure with my bestie, then out for tea, cocktails and dancing.  Yep, it was a great day.

I have today off but am feeling totally shagged and I have a big day tomorrow at work at the music festival "Golden Plains" at Meredith, so I'm just chilling out today, although I do admit I was reading through some almostadoctor.com respiratory notes in the bath.  I really miss not having study to do, even though I'd be too tired today anyway.  Weird.  I guess it's a habitual thing.  I have the Masters stuff to study anyway so I might gently look through that tonight on the couch.  Too bad it's so darn dry.  I like learning the epidemiology stuff but much prefer clinical.

We've nearly honed in on the bridesmaid dresses and they aren't too painful.  I'll be trying mine on in about a week. Oooh - that reminds me!  How exciting - my workmate reminded me yesterday I only have one more week at work until four weeks annual leave!  Thank the Lord!!!

Post exam

So I am so happy to have my MBBS respiratory system exam out of the way. I now have 12 weeks before my next med term begins.

My MIH term started last week. Seeing as I just did the exam yesterday, I've just started looking at my MIH stuff today. I'm doing two subjects - "Research and Evaluation in International Heath" and "Heath Research Methods". They sound so similar to me right now, but I'm sure i'll figure it all out soon. The most important thing to do now is to figure out what I need to do to pass and when.

What to read?

Exam time

Thankfully there's a coffee shop in the building where my exam is. I have been in commute for 2 hours so have been revising and listening to podcasts. Now I have one hour here before going up.... Nervous.... Luckily there's a bathroom here too!

Edit: just finished. Killed it at 86%. Wowsers. I even surprised myself. Thank God for USMLEWorld.

Ambulance

So I have been busy at work last night and today and I'm so glad I swapped out of my shift tonight.

I've just done the last 15 pulm questions on USMLE World Qbank and am looking forward to repeating some tonight.

Right now I'm going through the cases and making a list divided into;

• Diseases
• Sciences (mainly phys, but also lab stuff)
• Drug
• Anatomy (as 23% f the exam is anat)

If any anomalies pop up I'll be sure to Google them on the train tomorrow on the way to the exam.

Also, thanks to my new love almostadoctor.com I have awesome free revision notes for my train trip, that will go in my First Aid for the USMLE text.  I wish I found Almost a Doctor earlier as it is a great site.

Now going to finish my list and watch the two final pharm lectures I got from Doctors In Training.

Distracting myself

About to go to bed.  So I did do about 30 or 40 Qbank questions and score pretty good now.  I have done all of the pulmonology ones except about 20 I think.  I don't know if it's just me but they seem to get more and more thinly related to pulm as I whittle down to the last few - I wonder if there's any sort of discrimination in this way?  That would certaily be smart technology.  I'm really happy to be watching the cumulative score line graph steadily rise to meet with other test-takers average.  Oh, to be average....

I found myself watching Doctors In Training pharm lectures by the end of the day.  The one on asthma and COPD meds was excellent, but it only covered one page of the FA text!  I just watched one on protein synthesis inhibitor ABs, but that was a bit of a waste of my 54 minutes and $12 (as it was not very well related to my module).  I have also orded two other pharmacology ones - one about mycobacteria and one about HIV anitvirals.  Can't wait to watch them tomorrow - it's so great to have a different voice and different perspective on these topics.  I was more excited to watch the one tonight than Big Bang Theory.  I'm quite happy about the quality, but am disappointed on the limited viewing availability (onne purchase = one watch).  At least they are affordable.

And, yes, I still need to asimilate the FA res chapter and go through my quizes, tasks, and learning objectives and I don't have enough time.  I have one day left and I'm working.  I wish I was this motivated during the term, but I just wasn't.  Even when I look back through the tasks to try and revise now they don't seem to gel with me.  I don't get it - what's the problem?  Is it because they're opened-ended and/or ambiguous?  Is it because they are asked in a way I would not ask the same question to myself when studying?  What's blocking me?

I think part of the problem as they are given to us in a mixed-up order - something to do with being randomly assigned questions or something.  I don't get it.  So even reading through the questions, there is no gestalting process happening from the get-go.  Then, the questions are not in line with the case study for the week, although they generally relate to one of the cases for the term, but are again or mixed up.  And, yes, I tried to rearrange them into a better order but it was time consuming and annoying. 

So I don't know why I've got such a bee in my bonnet about this.  I guess it annoys me that they sucked up so much time and are probably going to be so useless to me come exams.  Actually, I am interested to see that if on the exam there are more questions related to these darn task, or if I got more out of FA.  I'll get back to you on that one in less than 48 hours....  I may have to eat my hat...


.......
I just got out my CVS stuff to see if anything rang any bells re what was tested - FA, tasks, or cases, and I can't really remember!  I can't remember anything on the exam except that I had to do one or two phys equations because they gave us this funny whiteboard thing to use instead of paper.  I think I remember there was pretty well evenly space across the cases, so I think I really should have a look through the RES ones again tomorrow.   Geebus.  Oh, I remember a few clinical presentation and "name that disease" ...hmmmm....

One thing that has motived me in the past two days is that I read on the USMLE World website that there is a correlation between MCAT performance and USMLE Step 1 performance, and none in regards to school or mode of curriculum.  Seeing as my GAMSAT score was so on the lower end of average, I realise where my place is in the overall scheme of things.  When I started I knew I'd have to work hard to keep up, but then I started to coast a little.  It's good to be realistic.  I need to put in a lot more effort. 

Horizon

The end is on the horizon.  I take my RES exam in two days.  Between then ad now I have to work one night of call and one day shift.

I've got somesort of viral tonsillitis. Again.  Every time I get run down I get viral tonsillitis.  What is it with my pharynx?  I have been sleeping plenty and eating fairly well (for my standards) and yet I'm imploding.  I haven't been running to conserve energy.  I don't get it. My lecturer for biochem was a bit of an alternative medicine guru in his spare time and he told my to rub my thymus.   I'll give it a go. 

So today I'm about to do more Qbank, then I'll try and assimilate the res chapter of FA.  Then I absolutely must check with my cases studies that I've covered all the learning objectives, as some lie in other chapters of FA (ie HIV).  Then I need to print out my quizzes and tasks for the module and make sure I have read through them all by the end of tomorrow.  I really hope it's not too busy at work tonight or tomorrow.

Crap

Accident while trying to reach to apricot delights at the bottom...

Help

I didn't think I'd find myself crying out for help, all alone in my study, at the computer!  I was taking another mini-quiz on the USMLEWorld Qbank when it froze on me!  And just when I'd gotten 70% finally.

So I don't know if the questions are getting easier, if I'm getting my brain into gear for test-taking, or if I'm actually learning something, but my Qbank grades are going up rapidly.

When you order a subscription to access the Qbank you just get all of Step 1.  I am only using the pulmonology section atm, and I only used cardiovascular last term, but oh well, that's all I have time to access in 30 days anyway. For $100, it's well worth it in my opinion.  And they will be getting plenty more of my money in the coming years.

Doctors In Training is the organisation my uni recommends for USMLE prep.  DIT recommends doing 2000 Qbank questions, reading the First Aid for the USMLE 3 times, plus BRS phys and patho, as well as the first 7 chapters of Robbins Pathology, plus their 15-day course of course!  I'll be doing the first two (Qbank and FA), but only the relevant respiratory sections.  So, I wont be doing 2000 questions (I think there's only ~300 in pulm), but I will at least be doing every pulmonology question at least once before Tuesday.  Actually, I only have 50 to go, so I hope to go through them all twice.

I have read all of the respiratory section of FA, but I need to go through it again and this time try and remember it!  It's so dense.  I also have to look at other subjects that we covered such as HIV....

Anyway, enough blogging, I am motivated, I am on a good run (metaphorically, not literally), and I need to make the most of the next 4 days.....

(PS I have not been on a run yet this week and my dog hates me, and I have resorted back to my terrible ways with energy drinks and lollies - I almost forgot how good they were... Can't wait for this exam to be over as the skinny jeans are being put back in their draw for now.....)

Thank God

Thank God for:

• Red wine
• USMLE World Q Bank
• First Aid for the USMLE Step 1 (in print and Kindle)

If it wasn't for the above three things, I'm not sure I'd survive this revision week.

Problem child

My lecturer just sent me an email and he said I was his "problem child"!  hahaha  Well, I'm not sure it is all that funny, I don't want to be the problem child, but it's too late!  It's even funnier, because his native language is not English, to use such an expression.  It makes me concerned he has picked that term up from someone else in describing me.

I don't want to be anyone's problem child.

So, how did this happen?  Basically as described in previous posts - they changed the compulsory time commitments with NO notice, putting extreme pressure on my work commitments.  And, I guess, I was much less willing/able to budge than the other students.  Must be that Eureka Stockade blood in me.

Actually, it comes down to prioritising and if my uni/lecturer can't see that paying my bills and keeping my job is superior to making lectures, and I'm happy to wear the loss in 3 marks for the term in order to work 3 extra shifts, then I become a problem child in their eyes.  I think medical schools have some right in saying that medicine is really important and you need to be 100% committed, but at the same time it is not the be-all and end-all of everything.  I realise I'm bucking the trend here. 

My mentor says doctors can't take sickies.  Ever. Reading other med student/resident blogs I see that the hospital owns you.  I can see that this is going to be like the Army all over again.

So anyway I actually think my ability to see the bigger picture is what makes me a good ambo and what will make me a better doctor too.  There are some things in ife worth getting stressed over, and some things which are over-emphasised.  I also believe in being very thorough and meticulous, and I would never do anything half-assed, and I always make sure I'm not missing an important "red-flag", but there is always a time and place for prioritising in life and also - shock - in medicine.  I am also very competitive and I think I do work hard, I am the horse afterall (in Chinese horoscope).

Ok, maybe I'm being a little naive, but I have no real way of knowing until I get out there.  I lot of my colleagues say I'd make a great GP because I listen well, and I don't underestimate patients symptoms, and I always make sure I'm not missing something serious.  They are always impressed by my ability to remain compassionate in trying situations. Again, I just focus on what's important - my job to treat my patients.

I don't know.  Time will tell I guess.  Until then I have to hit the books and make sure I get a decent grade on this impending exam.  If I get a poor grade, then my lecturer was right.  If I get a good grade, then I'm never turning up to another lecture.  And if I get an average grade, then... I think I was lucky!

Differences

Some more insight into the differences between studying medicine and paramedics;
Paramedics - ..trachea, bronchus, bronchi -> terminal bronchi, alveoli.
Medicine - .... trachea, bronchus, bronchi -> terminal bronchi,  - > acinus =respiratory bronchioles, alveolar ducts, alveoli.
Paramedics - Trachea/bronchus - cartilage rings, bronchioles - smooth muscle, alveoli - single-cell thick.
Medicine - Trachea/bronchus - cartilage ringes, pseudostratified ciliated columnar epithelium, goblet cells, bronchioles - smooth muscle, ciliated, Clara cells, alveoli - Type I pneumocytes, Type II pneumocytes, macrophages, PLUS name that histological picture(s)....

New thing I learned today - bronchioles are only <1mm in diametre!  No wonder they get clogged up with secretions for poor people with asthma...

Lunch

Had a nice lunch with a friend at the local cafe - was supposed to be just a quick coffee, but the menu is so beautiful and a nice glass of red went down so well with it....  I only had half my glass and am now drinking an energy drink to level-out.  Feeling pretty good and ready to study....

On day 3 of 8 revision days. Not covering as much as I'd hoped (I'm nearly recovered from viral tonsilitis now), but things are sounding familiar as I read them.  Hope it's enough.....

PFPS

I have PFPS - patellofemoral pain syndrome - "runner's knees".  I blame work for making me sit in an ambulance for 9 hours two nights ago, after I had already done my 11 hour day shift.  Runner's World magazine lists PFPS as the top runner's injury and to remedy it by reducing mileage or running uphill only (ie on an incline of the tready), or to cross-train to rest the knees and build quad and hip muscle strength.  Looks like the WiiFit is going to get some use this week.

I have just completed my last shift for the week.  We have been busy at work and I have come home now, already tired, to begin my study for the day.  Ugh.  I still have those tasks to do before my online lecture in the morning, which, if I want 8 hours sleep before, I need to be in bed in 3 hours... which is not going to happen because my body-clock is set to nights.

Anyway, no use complaining, must get to it.