I'm back studying at med school. Things are going ok so far, but my initial thoughts of having a more balanced life seem impossible now only a few weeks back. I'm beginning to wonder how other people do it.
I guess I'm already a little disheartened by my grades so far. Mostly, because I thought I was doing really good. In my mentor meetings I feel confident, like I know what I'm talking about. I read about the diseases and think "Oh yeh, I know this" and cross read other references and it all looks familiar, I actually complete the allocated readings, then all of a sudden it's quiz time and one week I do amazing, and then next really poorly. I can't make heads or tails of it.
I suppose all I can do is hope they will take me back into the MBBS program if the MD thing doesn't work out. I can't believe how negative I sound already. I guess this is a good warning to potential med students that it can be a real hit on the self esteem.
My parents are coming over from interstate to visit and I've basically had to tell them that I don't have time to spend with them. They're all like "Just one day together will be fine" and I'm seriously thinking "No, I don't even have one day". I have a really good mate's baby shower on the weekend, I promised my best friend I'd help her prepare for it by making the vegan food, and another party back in my bf's hometown and I'm basically cancelling on everyone. I feel dreadful.
To make matters worse, I feel I can't train and I'm still off work with a broken toe. Talk about feeling completely useless right now. At least I don't have major anxiety like last time or chronic fatigue.
To sum things up, I suppose things are not going well for me back at med school after all. They were last week and I didn't feel like blogging so excuse me while I vent now. I guess this is how I got into this blogging in the first place! If things keep going bad for me, then expect more posts. If you don't see any, then assume things are going well.
One positive thing is, I do have a really good academic advisor this time. She is very friendly, helpful, and supportive. Do you remember that the last one laughed at me (literally in my Skype-face) because I didn't have a solid microbio background? My new ones is all like: "Med students always put too much pressure on themselves. You can't know everything. It's ok not to do well in everything - you're still learning." I know some people prefer tough love, but I like the softer approach and gentle reassurance. I also like the fact she sounds like Oprah, although I haven't been exposed to many people with that type of accent in rural Australia.
Perhaps, one of the worst things is, I feel like I would make a really good doctor. I feel like I "get" things quickly and can work my way through diagnoses no problems. It's frustrating me that I'm stuck in the purgatory of pre-clinical.
That is all. Excuse my complaining. I'll try and end on a positive note, perhaps some sort of positive affirmation, each time to avoid the bad mental state I got myself in last time I was studying at med school. I don't want to get those grey hairs back again. It may not be original, as I need practice, but here goes:
I can do this. Whatever it takes, I have the ability.
Edit: My former mentor is mentoring me again, I've been told I have to repeat neuro at 50% tuition if I want to complete an MD (MD>75% vs MBBS>60% as I got 60) although they didn't offer it this term so I'm doing renal and seeing how I go (if I get 60-75 then I'd seriously consider changing back to MBBS if they will allow me - I haven't asked - and not worry about the USMLEs for now), and my tax return pretty much covered my tuition fees but I wasn't able to do a 12-month tuition plan until January so I have had to pay a whole module. Oh, and I broke my big toe during my taekwon-do tournament and have had the past 6 weeks off work!
I guess I'm already a little disheartened by my grades so far. Mostly, because I thought I was doing really good. In my mentor meetings I feel confident, like I know what I'm talking about. I read about the diseases and think "Oh yeh, I know this" and cross read other references and it all looks familiar, I actually complete the allocated readings, then all of a sudden it's quiz time and one week I do amazing, and then next really poorly. I can't make heads or tails of it.
I suppose all I can do is hope they will take me back into the MBBS program if the MD thing doesn't work out. I can't believe how negative I sound already. I guess this is a good warning to potential med students that it can be a real hit on the self esteem.
My parents are coming over from interstate to visit and I've basically had to tell them that I don't have time to spend with them. They're all like "Just one day together will be fine" and I'm seriously thinking "No, I don't even have one day". I have a really good mate's baby shower on the weekend, I promised my best friend I'd help her prepare for it by making the vegan food, and another party back in my bf's hometown and I'm basically cancelling on everyone. I feel dreadful.
To make matters worse, I feel I can't train and I'm still off work with a broken toe. Talk about feeling completely useless right now. At least I don't have major anxiety like last time or chronic fatigue.
To sum things up, I suppose things are not going well for me back at med school after all. They were last week and I didn't feel like blogging so excuse me while I vent now. I guess this is how I got into this blogging in the first place! If things keep going bad for me, then expect more posts. If you don't see any, then assume things are going well.
One positive thing is, I do have a really good academic advisor this time. She is very friendly, helpful, and supportive. Do you remember that the last one laughed at me (literally in my Skype-face) because I didn't have a solid microbio background? My new ones is all like: "Med students always put too much pressure on themselves. You can't know everything. It's ok not to do well in everything - you're still learning." I know some people prefer tough love, but I like the softer approach and gentle reassurance. I also like the fact she sounds like Oprah, although I haven't been exposed to many people with that type of accent in rural Australia.
Perhaps, one of the worst things is, I feel like I would make a really good doctor. I feel like I "get" things quickly and can work my way through diagnoses no problems. It's frustrating me that I'm stuck in the purgatory of pre-clinical.
That is all. Excuse my complaining. I'll try and end on a positive note, perhaps some sort of positive affirmation, each time to avoid the bad mental state I got myself in last time I was studying at med school. I don't want to get those grey hairs back again. It may not be original, as I need practice, but here goes:
I can do this. Whatever it takes, I have the ability.
Edit: My former mentor is mentoring me again, I've been told I have to repeat neuro at 50% tuition if I want to complete an MD (MD>75% vs MBBS>60% as I got 60) although they didn't offer it this term so I'm doing renal and seeing how I go (if I get 60-75 then I'd seriously consider changing back to MBBS if they will allow me - I haven't asked - and not worry about the USMLEs for now), and my tax return pretty much covered my tuition fees but I wasn't able to do a 12-month tuition plan until January so I have had to pay a whole module. Oh, and I broke my big toe during my taekwon-do tournament and have had the past 6 weeks off work!
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