FT4

TCM school today. Got up early and did the Michelle Bridges toning DVD for 30 mins only (I slept in until 7m), got my new bronze Polar FT4 delivered by courier at 8.30am, started school at 10am, handed in my last essay for the semester at 2pm, got the last of my groceries as per the 12wbt shopping list at the Fitzroy Coles at 3pm, home with no work, no homework, minimal housework, and feeling ridiculously relaxed by 5pm. Having a nice cup of chamomile tea while figuring out my new watch.

Tonight on the menu - I need to attempt to cook tempeh for the first time in my life, on a nice bed of mash sweet potato (yum! - good for the Spleen in TCM) and baby spinach (another fav of mine). I have frozen cauliflower and chickpea curry for school tomorrow (and a second batch for the BF), except this time I'll take my own cutlery as there were about 100 knives and no forks or spoons in the school's dining area today.

I might:

• have a bath
• watch a movie
• prepare my workout gear for tomorrow
• do some laundry

I have exams to prepare for and some biochem to look at but I refuse to do any study at home these days. I do it all at school or at work. It's amazing how much I get done these days....

I can hear the biochem calling me but I must resist!

Fresh

My potted herbs in my kitchen.

Pharmacognosy

I just learnt a new word - "pharmacognosy". I'm not sure how to pronounce it yet, but it may be what I've been looking for. I'm going to start teaching myself some basic plant medicines and post them on my Lotus Jewel Health website which I've neglected during this exam period at TCM school.
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In other news, I feel slightly more positive today about my workout and nutrition. I ate 200cal too many yesterday, but I had forgotten about the link to the Snacks page the 12wbt program provided and I ended up eating chocolate because I didn't know what else to eat. Two tiny Timeouts and I was over. Apart from that, everything went on-track.

I did this mornings workout after breakfast which helped somewhat.
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I've pretty much finished my Chinese Literacy assignment for Thursday. It feels weird to be reading and writing in Chinese but I kind of like how the characters are pictures of the description of the word. Reading pinyin (Chinese words written in Roman alphabet) is fairly easy with a few pronunciation exceptions.

Then, I only have two exams to cram prepare for.
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I still haven't done my application for transfer to IUHS. I feel so lazy about not doing that. But I think I'll still put it off until after exams.

First day of 12wbt

Today is the first day of the 12wbt. Already I've run into some obstacles and hiccups. I was going to rant about them here but I'm feeling a bit down and I think it would only perpetuate my mood.

I'll give a brief overview:
Interrupted sleep+++
Slept in
No money to get all of the groceries
No food weighing scales at work
Didn't print the Intermediate workout and only had the 1/2 marathon one (which wasn't going to work today)
Did my workout not knowing what exactly I was supposed to be doing and go frustrated without having a goal

I did 40mins cardio and I've just checked I only need to do some ad stuff and I've done the Beginners group workout for today. So that is ok. I'll do Intermediate tomorrow.

I did my measurements last night before bed and I have a lovely "before" photo to take tonight.

I feel very supported by my BF but not so much by a few of my friends.

Yep, low mood today so I'll leave it here for now.



Starting weight (14/05/12): 67kg (BMI 24.6)
Current weight: 66.0kg

Goal weight 1: 65kg

Goal weight 2: 63kg

Goal weight 3: 61kg

Goal weight 4: 59kg

End goal weight: 57kg (BMI 20.9)

Ultimate goal weight: 54kg (BMI 19.8)

Early workout

So I got rudely awoken by my pager at 05:09 this morning. Doh. My alarm clock is one of those where the light gradually comes on before the alarm so you wake up "more naturally". I think it works. I set the light for 30 mins before. It's starts fairly dim then gets more intense. Then my alarm is birds chirping. There's other sounds but to me they all sound like night-time of going to sleep sounds like rain falling, waves crashing etc. Going to bed at 9:30pm also helps a lot too. So anyway I was partly starting to wake up anyway.

As I was up already and partly dressed before we got cancelled, I figured I'd come to work and do my workout really super-early. I ran 1km intervals then 1km flay-out run on the treadmill (I hate the treadmill). I had to do the 1km run for the 12wbt fitness test. You're not supposed to do it on a tready but I didn't have any other options as I'm back at work and it's dark before and after work and my town has an unsafe level of lighting (broken ankle material) and I don't have a head-torch yet. Oh yeh and I don't get lunch breaks like regular people as I'm a paramedic. So I had to make a judgement call on that one, I'll do it on the road on my first day off in sunlight.

Now I'm off to study my work CPGs before starting on my Chinese Literacy and Terminology assignment.

Things to do today

I just got back from the BF's. I took the train back which took about 4.5hours. I trundled my suitcase down the road home, but I got to go past my favourite foal and Shetland pony that are currently living on an acre spare block in the town. They are so friendly. I love to feed them the long green grass they can't reach over the fence.

My dog is currently naked after he busted out of his collar like the Incredible Hulk busting out of shackles. I, the BF, the dog, and the BF's dog were all at the end of our 4.5km run on Monday when they went silly and the dog decided he needed to go and chase some poor innocent sheep. He will be nude until tomorrow. I was going to oder him a reflective collar from eBay but now I think he needs a strong chain.
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I almost finished my History essay on the train so I just have to do that today and hand it in tomorrow at TCM school.

Today, I also have to do my fitness test for the 12wbt. This is what is (roughly) involved;

• 1km run time trial
• pushups - as many as possible
• sit-ups - different levels of difficulty
• "wall-sit" (holding the squat position against a wall for as long as possible
• flexibility test

Then Michelle gives you ranges and if you, for example, do 21-35 pushups then you're in the Intermediate  Group. Participants are divided into Beginner, Intermediate, and Advanced (and then there's the Lean and Strong group for those who don't actually want to lose weight).

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Other things on my to-do list today: get uniforms ready for working week, get workout gear ready for week, get grocery shopping list from 12wbt (it's released tomorrow - perfect timing as I'm in Melbourne where the "good" groceries are), and finish this history essay.

Running

The scene of today's 3.5km cross-training run on hills and sand.

I didn't want to go but the BF motivated me. He said I'd feel better. He was right.

Ubud dreaming

Well I'm at working writing an essay for TCM but every now and then I like to Google Bali and have a look at what I might like to do over there.

Right now I'm looking at hotels. Budget would be good, but the pool in this photo would be excellent.

Ok back to writing my essay on the Chinese immigrants during the Gold Rush.

Bloody tonisilitis

I get up early one morning on my fatigue break and I get run down enough to get bloody tonisilitis again. Or according to my TCM doctor, I have a Blood deficiency. Great. Anyway I'm really upset. I have been working hard at getting myself well and motivating myself with running and I get so sick. It's really bad this time, my right side gums and neck is so painful. Ugh. I don't even have any spare time to get acupuncture so I don't know what I'm gonna do. Feeling quite glum.

Bali

Flights to Bali purchased! Yay! First two nights in Seminyak paid! Yay!

Looking at Ubud and Gili Islands too......

6 weeks til Bali

Oh I cannot wait! I can't believe I'm a 33-year old Aussie that's never been to Bali!

Things I want to do there:

• Sunshine
• Beach
• Surf
• Snorkel
• Dive
• Hike volcano
• Ride scooters
• Massage
• Cocktails in coconuts
• Sleep undisturbed throughout the night 
• Tree-top walk
• See temples
• Eat local cuisine

Marathon....in Antarctica

I think some time ago I talked about wanting to do a marathon. That goal sort of goal pushed aside and forgotten about with the commitments of med school and my fitness falling by the wayside. Well now the idea is in my mind again. It's just something I have to do for myself. But finding motivation is quite difficult...until yesterday. I worked with someone who just came back from running a marathon in Antarctica! There's a 4-year wait list but I'm putting myself down for the 2015 wait list and the 2016 confirmed list!

I tell ya, it is much more motivating to get up in this icy windy weather and run when you know you're preparing to run in Antarctica! My friend said it was about -2oC with a windchill factor of about -5oC. That's pretty much what it is here in Winter at night. I know this because I often have to refuel the ambulance in these conditions.

It's probably about 8oC today with a windchill to 5oC. It was that sideways stinging rain, and the hill I run up atm is nicknamed Windy Hill. I ran 3km today. My goal is to run 3km until I can do it non-stop, then increase to 4km and do this increasing consistently until I'm planning to do my first marathon next year. Depending on how much I enjoy it (or not) my rough goal is to maintain a good level of fitness and running until preparing for Antarctica.

So, it's quite expensive to get there. Around $7000 from America, so add another $2500 for flights from Melbourne. I've given myself a goal of saving $10k in 3 years (although I may have 4 years). So, yesterday, I opened a special savings account named "Antarctica" and my goal is to deposit $1 for every km I run from now on. Oh, and the other special condition is that it must be running continuously. So today for example I ran up to the top of the hill which was 1.5km and then I walked a bit then started running again (for a total of 3kms). So now I'm going to move $1.50 to that special savings account! Woo-hoo! I'm on my way!

I have to run on average 63km per week for 3 years (to save enough money). When people train for marathons they run about 100km per week. When I got up this morning I thought to myself, "I need to get some k's under my belt to get some savings!" So, you see, it's double-edged blade of motivation.

The idea of running a marathon in Antarctica is highly motivating for me. It's not just the Melbourne marathon, or New York or Paris... it's Antarctica! Yep, I need a BIG goal for big motivation and I've found it.

If it ain't rainin'...

...it ain't trainin'.


Sorry about the sideways picture again, but this was my run this morning in the cold and rain up Windy Hill and towards a rainbow!

Light-bulb moment in TCM

I had a light-bulb moment in TCM class last week that I am still thinking about now. Although I got told this at the start of class, I can't explain how good it is to finally get it now.

In TCM school we learn about the Heart, the Stomach, and the Spleen, the Blood, and the Marrow amongst other things. These all have an English translation from the Chinese work, i.e. Blood in Chinese is Xue. I wish they left the Chinese names because it would be easier.

I found out that the organs listed in TCM are always with a capital letter or have a capital letter abbreviation such as Stomach is ST. This is to distinguish it from the stomach as we understand it in the Western culture. "You're thinking like a Westerner" is what one of my lecturers keeps saying. How true.

Anyway, as I now write my essay on Essence, Qi, Blood, and Body Fluids I am so glad I found out about the capitalisation beforehand! Doh! Apparently there's something on this in the Maciocia text but I don't own that one yet as I bought the one from the required textbook list. Doh.

For example, the Spleen is much more like the duodenum in function. Maybe it is the duodenum. TCM doesn't care too much about which actually physical structure does what. Where Western medicine loves to specify and narrow-down, TCM seems to want to be concerned with the general picture.

Anyway, I am absolutely loving studying both. I really want to remain doing both. This inspires me to remain calm and not stress-out. I don't have enough stress to go around two different medical courses.

Well back to my essay writing. It's actually very easy and placid and enjoyable.

Week 1 down

One week down of eating healthy and exercising without counting calories or anything like that. Just generally getting my body prepared for the 12wbt beginning in about a week. I only lost 400g for what I thought was a good effort and therefore had a meltdown in my closet. I've eaten so friggin clean except Saturday night and exercised every day except Sunday. I guess I'll have to step it up. A lot. I'm willing to burn 600kcal a day as per the 12wbt so I've ordered my new heart rate monitor watch which counts calories burnt during exercise. If you don't have one that does that, here's a formula I found (for females)

((-20.4022+(0.4472xHR)-(0.1263xW)+(0.074xA))/4.184)x60xT
HR = average heart rate as beats per minute
W = weight in kilograms
A = age in years
T = time of exercise duration in minutes

Today my Michelle Bridges workout DVDs arrived so I have more options for working out at home and different to the Tracy Anderson ones I've been doing for the past few years.


Starting weight (14/05/12): 67kg (BMI 24.6)

Current weight: 66.6kg

Goal weight 1: 65kg

Goal weight 2: 63kg

Goal weight 3: 61kg

Goal weight 4: 59kg

End goal weight: 57kg (BMI 20.9)

Ultimate goal weight: 54kg (BMI 19.8)

Daily digest

It's quite difficult to design a house with one container already configured. I've tried so many different configurations and the best one I've come up with has as removing half an already plastered wall and tearing up carpet from one small room. Also, I'm having trouble fitting in a walk-in wardrobe in the master bedroom.

My BF said I didn't need a walk-in wardrobe and that I needed to let go of my ego. Damn I taught him too well. I understand in the beginning we will have limited space, but I'm designing our dream home here and my dream home have a walk-in wardrobe, even if it's my ego's dream.

Last night I was too dead tired to do any workout and I ran out of time. This morning I got up late at 6.30am and did a 30min workout on the Wii but it said I only burnt 100kCal. It was fun though. My BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) is 1440kCal, and if I have a sedentary day I would burn incidentally 1630kCal. I believe you need to be in a 500kCal deficit per day to lose 0.5kg/week. I think the 12wbt diet is around 1200kCal/day, meaning technically I would need to burn an extra 70kCal/day to lose 0.5kg per week (<30mins on the Wii), and 570kCal/day to lose 1kg per week. that's a massive difference. So, yeh, the 12wbt diet plus30mins of Wii a day = 0.5kg per week, or run for an hour a day would be -1kg/week.

Edit: Ok I just read the 12wbt forum and apparently I need to aim to burn 600kCal per day, so I guess I better get used to running as 3 hours on the Wii is a bit time consuming!

Anyway, I have to write my oral presentation for TCM history class so I better get cracking.

Our Container House

About 6 months ago the BF and I started thinking about building a second house. He has some land classified as rural living and is about 5 acres. What we really want is to work towards living a simple life that is fairly self-sufficient and low-cost and virtually debt-free. A massive mortgage is not what we want. We want to be able to take time off work and travel whenever we need to and not feel the stress of making enough for mortgage repayments. Living consciously and ethically with the environment in mind is also part of the plan. Renting out the one I'm currently in to ensure ourselves another asset for financial security.

 We started looking around at housing ideas and funnily enough we both we interested in the concept of converting shipping containers into homes. Containers are generally a standard shape and size (the come in 6m and 12m, and special heights too) and are designed to be modular, stackable, weather and vermin proof, cheap to manufacture, and have the strength in their corners thus allowing for doors and windows wherever. It is recycling of old containers and is extremely affordable. More and more people are doing it, and even in our shire, which makes is easier for us to convince the local authorities of our plans.

 So, just this weekend, the BF bought our first container! We will be using 12m containers of standard height, beginning with one and expanding as we go to eventually about 6-8, and maybe another for storage (shed). Our first container is partially converted into a dwelling already. It is roofed, floors, insulated and plastered, wired, plummed, partially painted, and has the kitchen carcas installed. We need to do a few things such as the kitchen doors and bench top, cooker, the entire bathroom, and the electrical switchboard, and then we're ready to move in! We want at least a second one before fully moving in and with timing of everything we may have am a bit more progress before we move in.

 So today I'm designed the finally layout and working backwards to our modular plan so we know where to position the first container, and then the second and so forth so as minimal changes need to be made once we've already done some work, ie we don't want to be ripping up the tiles we just laid a few months earlier. Also, I have the feng shui bagua to help me with the plan.

Pinyin

Chinese Pinyin song

Our literacy and terminology teacher at TCM school plays this at the start and during each break of class.

Hiking

The BF and I went on a lovely hike of Tarra Bulga National Park yesterday. It's an ancient forrest with giant gums towering above, and lush ferns growing like crazy underneath. The nice suspesion bridge in the picture is a nice addition to the walk.

It was raining a little but that added to the romance of the place - it was very rainforest-like.

I had my first experience hugging a tree which was interesting. I tried to feel and listen to the tree and notice it's qi. MY BF might have thought it was silly, but telling him about the power of harnessing qi in the martial art of Kung Fu certainly gained his interest.

☮

Even if I didn't enjoy TCM....

....I'd probably still come to class to be around the very intelligent, wise, warm, and kind people that are my classmates. Today we learnt about the formation of blood and qi, the relationship between the liver and spleen, and the relationship between the lungs and kidneys. Then in the history class we went through about the 200-600CE era in China. In preparation for the looming exam I've breifly revised what we've done in the Foundations of TCM class so far, here are the topics we've done per week; *yin and yang *five element theory *essence, qi, blood, body fluids *heart, lung *spleen, liver *kidney, original qi, Ming men *fu organs (stomach, small intestine, large intestine, urinary bladders, gallbladder, san jioa) *extraordianry organs (brain, bones, marrow, uterus, blood vessels, gallbladder) *cause of disease (environmental and emotional) *formation of blood and qi In my Resources page there is a link to Cat's TCM Notes. There she has put up her notes from her TCM course which are much better than I could provide at this time, for anyone that's curious to discover more of what I've been learning. I can't wait to get into TCM pathology though, so I can incorporate some more ideas into my Lotus Jewel Health wellness program. Today, for example, we spoke about blood stasis causing sharp localized pain, and the relationship between the kidneys and willpower, motivation, and energy. Chronic pain and lack of energy are two common medical complaints that are often not easily or well-treated, let alone cured, but western medicine alone. I got my nose pieced yesterday, on a sort of a whim, and I've occasionally forgot about it through the day, feeling a scratching feeling in my nose. They chilli I had at lunch also didn't help things when my nose started running. This weekend I'm staying at the BF's and we have a hike planned tomorrow so I'm looking forward to that and hope be able to post a photo. Also, he bought a portable home for us this week, so I get to see it in person and I am the desingated interior designer. He/we already had a flat, rural 5 acres it's going on so that's very exciting to have this progress with this other property of ours and to be another significant step closer to our dream of self-sustainability. It's only small, but it's livable and modularity suitable for extensions over time, space, and money!

The Michelle Bridges 12-Week Body Transformation

So I've signed up to do the Michelle Bridges 12-Week Body Transformation program (www.12wbt.com).

Four weeks of preseason started this week and our first task was to list all our regular excuses and to provide solutions for them all. I have it printed out stuck right under my alarm clock! I also helps that I have a bikini-clad trip to Bali in 9 weeks. It's also my 34th birthday (it looks way older to see it written down) a week after the 12wbt round ends, so that's good motivation too. And then of course Summer starts again. And I promised myself if I deferred this year of med school that I would use the extra free time to get my fitness (and budget) sorted out. I have to be true to my own word to myself otherwise it will be so demoralising.

I put on 10kg in a rapid 3 months when I met my new BF last year. I guess love is a powerful drug. I was also under incredible stress at med school and financially too, working too much and not getting enough sleep, and I also started on Implanon (I had that removed 2 weeks ago) so there's a few confounding factors. One positive thing I learnt was I still think I look attractive even after increasing by nearly 20% of my body weight. I don't have to be afraid of ugly fatness which means I'm wanting to lose weight to go towards something, not running away from something I'm terrified of happening. I just hat show tight my clothes are right now and if I'm going to buy a new wardrobe full of clothes, they will be size 8s or 10s, not 12s and 14s.

Even though the round starts in 4 weeks, I will begin exercising and eating healthy now anyway. Today was my first day of exercise in forever. I have today off (first "day" off in 7 days but working night shift tonight), the sun was out and the weather forecast said it might rain later. I was lying in bed thinking, oh no my ego's gonna start talking any minute so I just got up and out of bed and got organised. Even though my wardrobe is organised, I really need to lay out my workout gear the night before. At least my shoelaces on my runners were undone unlike usual.

The dog was happy and we only had one incident involving an alpaca and now I have rope burn on my hand and a mildly sprained ankle. He behaves better when running as opposed to walking so that's even more motivation for me to keep the pace up. We ran about 50% and walked about 50%. We ran to nearly the first corner, so next time will be making it to the corner.

We just did the smaller 2.5km loop but it's good to be back. On the run I was thinking about doing some resistance training but then I came home and got on the computer and now that idea's completely gone. I'll also have to set up the workout space again so I can get straight into it. Also, I don't have any groceries which really sucks as I'm so hungry.

So I'll be using this preseason time to do the 12wbt tasks but also to get my routine in place so I can start the actual round in full swing. The routine I mean is the laying out of workout clothes the day before, checking the weather forecast, getting the DVD player back in the front lounge room where there's space to workout, and getting over my dread of treadmills. Also, of planning and shopping for groceries with meal plans and planning my "free" meal for the week. Also, my glass of red at night needs to be replaced with herbal teas.

I'll be labelling my posts about my journey on the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation as "12wbt" so if you're just here to read about that aspect of my life and not all the other random musings about ego and boring detail about studying biochemistry, then on the side of the screen there's a pull-out tab and just choose labels and then 12wbt.

So, I will be posting my weights here which is embarrassing but it's to remain accountable and I will post them every Sunday until the end of the round on Sunday the 26th of August.

Current weight: 67kg (BMI 24.6)
Goal weight 1: 65kg
Goal weight 2: 63kg
Goal weight 3: 61kg
Goal weight 4: 59kg
End goal weight: 57kg (BMI 20.9)
Ultimate goal weight: 54kg (BMI 19.8)

Wish me luck!

Biochem lectures on YouTube

I've found a new series of really good biochem lectures for Step 1 on YouTube.

Dr Mungli

Can't wait for more from him :D

Medical school drop-out - undo, undo, undo

Giving myself the space to think about it, I don't want to quit western med school. So, I haven't dropped out, I've deferred.

What am I gonna do - Western or TCM? I really don't know. I wish they had a double-degree in both.

Until then stay tuned as we muddle our way through this together.....

Back to basic sciences

I'm having a refresher look at my biochem book again today. It's the Lippincott's Biochemistry Illustrated Review.

It's much more enjoyable the second time around and with no deadlines to speak of. This time I'm able to understand things before I move on, without having to photo-memorise huge chunks of information and hoping to regurgitate it at the exam.

That's about it. I'm acting-up in high-duties at work so I have a few tasks to do here. My To-Do list this week is looking big so I better get going.

Website development

So my new website Lotus Jewel Health is developing nicely but slowly. It takes so much work. I spent hours on my first blog post about Statins. I wanted to make sure it was just right.

I have spoken to two people about being contributing authors so I'm so excited about that. I'm also looking at a supplement product supplier right now. So cool.

So I think I'm gonna go back to western med school. As soon as I made my decision to let it go, I couldn't. I think Jan 2013 I will go back, meaning I've had about 9-10 months off.

Stay tuned for more.

My new website

I've been developing a website over the last few days. It's called Lotus Jewel Health. It's based on the theory of integrative medicine and promoting well-being. It's basically all the stuff I love and practice and study (!) in a site which I'm hoping will be an enjoyable place to visit at the very least, informative would be good, and maybe even helps people to access their own healing by empowering them with knowledge.

Yes, I am planning to monetories it, but ethically of course! I have never monetorised this blog, but the site is a professional endeavour. But, of course, it has to be something I'm really passionate about and enjoy doing. I'm not giving up my day job just yet. Ha!

The mind is an addict

Reading something yesterday about the ego stuck with me: The mind is hyperactive and an addict. That's right, it's addicted to desire and wanting more. It's addicted to attaching meaning to things. And that's not all. It never stops.

So I read an interesting article about ego and addiction here by an ex-drug addict neuroscientist. If anything, I'm a workaholic for sure. And a studyaholic. But drug addiction allows an interesting look into the mind. And the concept of "ego fatigue" mentioned in the article: I totally get that. I have always said I can either diet or balance my budget, but I can't do both at once. Follow up on  this post on what happens when your limbic system is destroyed... It seems we can't have a limbicectomy and function as regular humans :(

When I did my neuro term at the start of the year and I read about the limbic system I thought "Thats' the ego!" Hahaha. That's the back-seat driver of our mind that attaches meaning to things that says "Something's wrong" when all you're doing is sitting watching tv (ie I am too lazy, I should be doing this or that, the neighbours are too noisy etc). It's that part that causes you to break your willpower and somehow convince you it was a good idea to eat a whole block of chocolate to yourself. No-wonder the yogis starve themselves to reach nirvana - they're breaking the limbic system's control.

Well, this is my theory from a 2nd year med student.

So, yeh, the ego is a hyper-active addict. So what to do? My best advice I can give is to take notice. Notice it is the ego and not the real "you", the spiritual being. As Osho said in the link I put in my last post, the ego is a reflection of how other perceive you and therefore how you perceive yourself, but it is not your true self. Meditation, of course, is a way of doing a workout for the mind and strengthening the brain's ability to make better decisions than simply reflex reactions.

so why am I harping on about ego so much atm? I believe it is the centre of everything. If ego fatigue occurs, and I can't save and diet at the same time let alone have a healthy study habit, and my health goes downhill as a consequence, then doesn't it make sense that we deal with the ego? Maybe it doesn't because how I've written it. Also, in Buddhist philosophy, controlling our mindset is the only way to achieve happiness.

The next problem: How do we find motivation if the limbic system is the source of our motivation?

This is the question I always have unanswered: can there be great achievers in the world without ego? Or are we all going to live off our own vege-patches and be merry in our simplicity? Can we even help people without ego, because it feels good to help people?

Sorry for the rhetorical questions. I hate rhetorical questions.

I'll have to give my interim answer right now as something along the lines of finding the middle way. That would be Easterner for moderation.....

Osho's ego

Here's a really great link to Osho's description of the ego:

http://deoxy.org/egofalse.htm

And everyone should read Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth. It's a must!

Ego talking

The sky looks wonderful this afternoon as the sun sets.


I spent the first 13.5 hours of today in bed. I was catching up from the last week of working call and studying etc.


Yesterday I bought Deepak Chopra's Wii game called Leela. It's meditation and mindfulness through play, or something like that. I really like it. It's about the seven chakras and I can't wait to make it up to the throat chakra level lol I think this game would be better for XBox Kinect so you can use your whole body instead of just the Wii controller, but nonetheless I'm still enjoying it. There's a play section and a still section where you meditate - guided meditation or silent meditation. It's awesome. You even get to create your own mandala as your avatar.

So after spending too much time in bed this morning I woke up with the most massive ego. I had a friend who swore if you lay in bed awake your ego gets too much of a chance to take hold. And so it was. I felt I needed the rest but whoa! After about 2 hours out of bed it finally subsided. I tried simply observing and trying to find the root cause of the disharmony. It was perhaps a simple case of stress i.e. a feeling of not enough resources to meet the demands which came from me feeling like I didn't get enough rest this weekend because the BF was over and I was working on-call etc.

I did some vacuuming and vented to the BF a little - blamed him of course. Pointed out it was his fault and also the injustices of our relationship i.e. he should come to mine more than I go to his because I work more hours than he does. Luckily he had no idea what I was on about and knew just to give me a minute or two to calm down. About 3 or 4 strangely auto-corrected vent-text messages later, I felt completely fine. Weird. Vacuuming helped a lot too, but I was still feeling off and guilty for having a rubbish breakfast.

Then I played Leela and I feel wonderful and inspired. I even feel motivated to have a good dinner.

I asked my very wise friend who is currently living in an ashram what was going on and she said what I feel is true - my ego is at the surface now because it's under threat. I'm not feeding it as much as I used to (well, I don;t think so) so it's beginning to stalk and circle like a wolf. I know what it's doing and it's no longer in control.

Of course, I've had my eye on my ego for about 7 years now, but it's still had almost complete control of the reins during this time.

Morning tea

One good thing about night shift is that my BF makes me a cup or green tea in the morning...

Gratitude

I'm not sure if I do this enough but I want to express my gratitude to the universe and my community for allowing me the great honour of serving them as a paramedic.

Sometimes working with a negative person can make you react more strongly positive. Today I was reflecting on a certain someone I work with and was thinking "I can't believe they are not more grateful for the privilege we have of being invited into someone's personal crisis and how lucky we are to be giving opportunities sent to us every day to be able to help people". I mean, irrespective of the "It should be/shouldn't be"s, and the "what's wrong" voice we always have in our heads, I wonder how someone can't get so tired of their own complaints. I know I sure am.

A few weeks ago the BF and I were taking the dog for a walk when we literally stumbled upon a couple with a flat tyre. They didn't have the right tools to change the tyre. I was so happy to find them! I was thinking "Awesome! I get to help someone today! Yay!" It was so easy because my house was just around the corner, we had nothing planned that day except the walk, my BF is very handy with that sort of thing and certainly doesn't complain about a little hard work. It was perfect.

bother thing is, I had another nasty job the other night and it just makes me so much more grateful for the people that call an ambulance that aren't really having a medical emergency. I know it drives a lot of ambos batty, but I am glad to do the "easy" jobs most of the time and help people get to medical attention even if it's just because they don't have petrol in their car.

I have been thinking a lot about Lissa Rankins Whole Health Cairn as I try and heal myself from chronic tonsillitis and being chronically fatigued (I don't want to use the term "chronic fatigue" as I wasn't diagnosed and it wasn't affecting my ability to go to work etc just to do anything else and it was caused by doing too much). I have been thinking a lot about living ones truth and expressing oneself after watching an interview with Ellen about coming out and how she attributes her health and vitality in part to being openly herself.

I think Dr Rankins cairn is pretty-much spot-on. I would like to modify it a little to suit my own mind-map.

I know, it's pretty much identical to Dr Rankins but I was just going through it my mind before and I guess it's like a student's own notes. Mine is not as comprehensive - it's just a beginner's attempt.

So, the idea of the rock cairn is if any of the rocks underneath are unsteady, then the body with be the first rock to start swaying therefore if you begin having physical symptoms one should look at the other supporting rocks to create more stability and harmony. 

Reflections on Tibet

So, I went to Tibet last September. At the time, I was extremely unwell. Maybe it was from the altitude, or perhaps it was the fact my GP prescribed my 6x the dose of Diamox recommended for altitude sickness prophylaxis (which I learnt a little too late). Anyway, at that time I didn't blog as much as I wanted too. Also, the whole technology thing wasn't working too well in my favour.

This is a photo of me and my roomie Kellie. She has a travel blog Travelling Kellie. She is a travel writer so her blog is much better than mine, so see there for good info on our Tibet trip. The photo was taken at base camp on Mount Everest. This was on my bucket list. So was visiting Tibet. When I found out that base camp on the Nepal side was a two-week trek, and base camp on the Tibet side was a bus ride, Tibet started looking really good. Once we arrived at the tourist camp at Base Camp I started to feel very unwell. I couldn't eat, my face, hands, and feet were numb, I felt nauseous and dizzy. I thought I couldn't make it to the actual climbers base camp site a mere 3-minute bus ride or 30-minute walk.

I decided I would attempt the walk and take the mini-bus if necessary. During the walk with Kellie I began feeling much better indeed. Kellie was not well and it turns out she had a nasty sinus infection which, of course, with the constant change in altitude at the mountainous overpasses, the pressure in her head was causing her grief. A random black dog followed us the whole walk up. We decided he must have been a reincarnated sherpa here to see we got safely up the mountain to where you can see the photo.

The Tibet trip was with Intrepid, which I would recommend, however it is a difficult trip. The difficulty rating is 4/5 as is the culture-shock rating. I would have to agree with these. If I went back then I might be able to prepare myself better, mentally that is. Physically - it wasn't that demanding, ie you don't need to be really fit, but it is good to be quite healthy. I said at the time I would stay at better hotels, but it was then pointed out to me that we were staying at the best hotels in the towns. Yikes.

Spiritually - it is an amazing place but the sad recent history has left a palpable mass in the atmosphere. I would consider my trip great for personally wanting to visit Tibet itself, and historically it was amazing, as was the culture, but spiritually I didn't feel exactly uplifted to be honest, although visiting Potala Palace and the Dalai Lama's summer palace was incredible. Perhaps the cold weather didn't agree with me or the harsh nature of the trip wasn't exactly relaxing. It was back in Kathmandu that I was able to appreciate the Tibetian culture in a bit more of a relaxing atmosphere. I've just realised that I'm probably the only person to ever describe Kathmandu as relaxing. Ok, Kathmandu is extremely hectic and busy and a sensory over-load, but it is a democracy, it's warm, where I was staying was comfortable, and there was no problem with altitude.

Sometimes it's just about being in the right pace at the right time and in the right moment. The thangka shop in Kathmandu was spiritually enlightening for me because I spent a good hour there talking about the meaning of the Tibetan paintings. A few moments in Bhutan were wonderful even though overall I didn't really like my guide, he did say a few things that have stuck with me including how the Bhutanese are taught a great deal about trees and nature and I wondered why we didn't place more importance on that in Western schools. I also learned a little more about reincarnation and that everything, even a leaf or a blade of grass, has a soul and can be reincarnated.

Med school

So I just got asked about OUM and I thought I'd put a blanket response here now that I sort of know what I'm doing kinda. I haven't officially dropped out from OUM yet. I wonder if any of the administration staff would ever stumble across this blog. I guess I haven't fully decided. I guess im AWOL. OUM offers a Master of Medicine for students who do the preclinical modules then do a research project. I'm a little annoyed at some of what's happening at OUM right now, but the honest truth is I'm dropping out due to money and time stress. If one of these things could be eliminated, then I might consider going back after a break. I totally flunked my last module as my brain checked out too early. I have been looking a lot at IUHS. It is very similar to OUM except about half the price. They take transfer students from other WHO-listed med schools, and they also offer credits. The thing is, for example, their cardiac and respiratory module is one combined module and at OUM it was two separate ones, so the six preclinical modules I've done at OUM would at best be about 3.5-4 at IUHS. There is also a transfer fee and I must graduate within 7 years of beginning at OUM if I transfer credits. I also have to sit their module exams to prove I'm up to their standard. They allow LOA but don't have that "minimum of three out of five modules per year" like OUM does which makes it slightly intimidating. So, with all these considerations, it's very likely that I'd simply begin my med degree again from the beginning with IUHS. I know that sounds painful but in the long run id be saving a significant amount of money and losing not that much time. I haven't applied yet and I haven't been accepted, I'm just thinking hypothetically. But the reality is even with the reduced tuition fees at IUHS, I'm not sure I want to continue pouring money into that career right now. Truthfully, I think I'll stick with TCM. This is mainly for lifestyle reasons. I do love med and western med does resonate with me in so many ways. But the again if I think of the kind of work I want to do, the lifestyle I want to have, then TCM is for me. Does that make sense? Hmph. In other and good news my health and well-being is going amazing. My energy levels are up, my throat looks pretty good, I feel happy and relaxed. I am enjoying learning about TCM philosophy. I have a lot of unanswered questions and I guess my biomedical mind has a lot of questions.

Wang Qingren

Today I'm writing part of my oral presentation on the Qing Dynasty, which was from 1644-1912. It was the last dynasty of emperors in China before the modern era. A TCM doctor by the name of Wang Qingren was quite important at that tie because he was the first to illustrate the anatomy of internal organs after viewing exposed carcasses during a period of plague. It is interesting to note that although internal anatomy was born out of China spontaneously (probably, although there were Westerners in China at that time), they are still not considered of major importance in TCM diagnosis and treatment as they are in Western medicine.


Wang Qingren


I'm at work today. I also watched the movie Conviction, did some groceries, cooked up a lovely healthy lunch, and read a magazine.


It is ANZAC Day today. I kinda feel I've done of dawn services my time with 7 years in the Army, but I'm still remembering the Diggers today in my own way.


Now I'm going to transcribe some of my notes from yesterday before I go home on-call and I really want to mop my floors tonight but I also really need to do some painting too. I'm working on a blue throat chakra piece but I think I might make it a turtle theme...hmmm.....

My journey into the the history of TCM in Australia

Today I had the most amazing day researching for my TCM history essay. I'm looking at when TCM came to Australia with the Chinese miners during the gold rush era in the mid 19th century. I started at Soverign Hill in Ballarat where I had arranged an appointment. There was a lot of research done for the mock-up Chinese miner tents that are a recreation of life during the gold rush. One of the huts was a recreation of a Chinese herbalists store. What I found was very useful including some important dates and names and some interesting stories of European doctors adopting acupuncture as they saw anecdotal evidence of it working. After Soverign Hill I went to one of the sites where one of the Chinese villages used to be. It is now a housing development. I then went past Eureka Cntre, but it was closed for renovations. Then I went to the art gallery and there is kept the original Eureka flag which is amazing to see. It is huge! There are also a number of painting depicting the way Ballarat looked during the time of the gold rush and scenes from the Eureka rebellion. After that I went to the old cemetery where some of the Chinese miners were buried (although most had their remains sent home to China if possible). It had a small blue stone building for burning leafs or papers or something (excuse the poor research) and a few dozen stone markers with Chinese pictograph writing on them. So that was quite fun. Now just to write 2000 words...

Chinese in Ballarat

It's a beautiful day...

Don't let it slip away.

Missing Cambodia

This morning we had an early patient and refuelled the ambulance on the way back from the hospital at about 7am it kinda reminded me of being in Cambodia for some reason. It was mildly warm, the air was still, there were diesel fumes and the background noise of construction work.

We then stopped for coffee but unfortunately or fortunately I can't drink coffee anymore after abusing caffeine for the past two years studying. It makes me very nauseous, knocks me out like a strong sedative, and generally makes me feel ill. So I went for a lemongrass and ginger tea and wow did that smell really add to the feeling of Cambodia. The nice hotels and day spas seem to have lemongrass oils burning all the time. I love it.
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Since dropping out of med to do TCM I have freed up so much $$$$$ so now I can firstly repay my debts, secondly live comfortably without financial stress, and thirdly confidently plan my next holiday knowing I will have the funds.

So Bali it is. I'm in the planning stage which is so much fun to do , especially at work. It's my BF's first trip overseas so I don't want to overwhelm him too much but I guess I don't know what he would find good or not. I have never been to Bali so I don't really know what to expect either. Bali's not that big. We were going to/still might island hop a little, but I'm thinking about booking accommodation for the whole trip now, so we have a base. So I'm just decided whether I can handle being in Kuta or not. Thinking not. Luckily I have lots of friends that have been to Bali before and kinda get my style/energy.

Ubud is looking good.

Feng shui ba gua

Last night I looked at the feng shui ba gua and realized my house is almost perfect already! One thing I noticed is that my dining room is the creativity area and that's where I prefer to paint although the spare room is supposed to be for making a mess. Funny.

Thoughts on TCM terminology and using myself as a case study

I was thinking just before about what the patho terms in TCM mean in western world. I haven't even begun doing pathology at TCM school but I have my diagnosis as an example:

TCM diagnosis                  Western diagnosis
Heat in lungs                         Respiratory tract virus
Damp heat in tonsils            Suppurative bacterial infection in tonsils

Of course, in ancient times before the microscope and the germ theory, a virus would be described as "heat" and pus-forming disease as "damp-heat". To be honest, I don't care what it's called I just want it to be fixed. The rest of my diagnosis is what really interests me as it described qi and blood stagnation. This is where the yin-yang balance is out and is what ill prevent future attacks.

Today my tonsils have pretty much lost the pus now and look softer and very moist and quite vascular. I am very happy to see the pus gone indeed. It was freaking me out.

TCM herbs - Chai Hu

While I cook up another batch of my prescription TCM herbs, I'm going through my diagnosis sheet and trying to learn about a few herbs. I find this very interesting. I'll try and write up a bit of what I'm studying and learning out of interest and to solidify my own learning.

Today is Chai Hu -



Other names;

• Pharmaceutical: Radix Bupleuri
• Taxonomic: Bupleurum chinense, B. scorzoneraefolium
• English: Bupleurum, Chinese thorowax root

Used for shaoyang syndrome, to spread liver qi, and to raise spleen yang.

Precautions: interferon. Contraindications: liver cancer and hepatitis C.

Chemical composition

Triterpenoids (saikosaponin A, B, C, D, E; saikogenin F, G, E; saikoside), essential oils 0.06-0.16% (r-heptalactone, r-decalactone), carbohydrates, flavone, coumarin, organic acid.

Pharmalogical effects

• Analgesic and antipyretic

• Sedative

• Anti-inflammatory

• Hepatoprotective

• Cholagogic

• Antihyperlipidemic

• Immunostimulant

• Antibiotic

Ref:http://www.catstcmnotes.com/pages/Herbs/Singles%20Catalog/Release%20Exterior/WH/Chai%20hu.html

http://www.aompress.com/book_herbology/pdfs/ChaiHu.pdf

Chinese herbs

These are my fresh (dried) herbs from the Xiao Chai Hu Tang formula for my DDx of heat in lungs, damp heat - lingering pathogen, liver qi stagnation and heart and spleen qi and blood stagnation.

So this is what normal feels like

At home and feeling ridiculously refreshed. Feel almost normal again. Tonsils looking amazing. Life is good.

Back at work

It's my first day back at work from annual leave. It really didn't feel like four weeks off at all. I came in early and all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed now that I know I must go to bed before 11pm for my spleen, and I was so uncertain of my roster I was waiting for a third person to turn up and for someone to day "Hey, you're not due back until next week!"

It feels weird today for two reasons:
1. My house mate finally moved in permanently/full-time over the weekend making today the first day at work with her at home. I don't have to worry about my dog escaping, being lonely and bored, or generally getting into trouble. I can be at work and just be at work. The HM (house-mate) works part-time atm and most of her hours are over the weekend.
2. I'm not studying western med. Normally I'd get into work and get straight into the books, always having that persistent looming feeling over my head that I have an ovewhelming amount of study to do. I have TCM study to do, but it doesn't feel in the least bit overwhelming.

Today I've cleared my inbox, organised my TCM study folder, and revised a bit on the 5 phase elements and the timings of the qi moving through the body. I'm happy I can "drop" my western med now as it will make it easier to learn the TCM stuff, although I certainly do use my current understanding of things to make sense of the new stuff, ie 3-5am is the time qi moves to the lungs and this is the time we most frequently see severe respiratory problems in ambulance ie APO.

I also cooked up my herbs and my coworker didn't mind the smell. They didn't taste too bad even after my TCM student practitioner warned me twice how bad they would taste.

Now the countdown begins to my next lot of annual leave - in 12 weeks :D

Medical school drop-out

I decided today. While driving to the cinema. To see Hunger Games. Which was worth it for Lenny. But I digress.

For 8 weeks I've been wrestling in my mind between western med and TCM. The reasons are varied and this post is the second person I've told (after the BF). So many considerations were made, but one of the biggest clenchers was I imagined myself winning the lottery and what would I do.

Most importantly I'm really happy. I was going to give myself the year to decide, but honestly I'm glad to have mad a decision so I can focus and move forward.

Maybe I'll go back one day, maybe not. Maybe I'll finish the last 4 units to graduate with a Masters of Medicine, maybe not.

I'm not against western med, it's just not the journey I need to be on right now. Maybe I'll post more of the details in reflection later. I did want to talk about how I'm leaving with my head held high, a Distinction average, knowing if I wanted to do it I could and that the decision to leave is made freely and not because I've failed or can't cut-it.

Mostly I'm proud I listened to my inner voice, my inner guide, my spirit. It took me on a slightly different path than originally planned, but hey that's the exciting thing about life. Just because I'm 33 doesn't mean I can't overhaul my ego which was "I'm a med student" for the past 2 years. That takes guts, man.

I'm looking forward to taking what I've learnt And living my calling and my dream of being a healer.

Being swayed

So the longer I study TCM, the more I'm being swayed into that career.

Frankly, I find studying western med to be generally stressful and bad for my health. At best I'd call it interesting. Of course I love treating patients and healing, and the human body fascinates me. But I'm finding TCM is satisfying much of these pursuits.

No final decision has been made on my behalf as yet.

Amusing myself

So I'm reading the June 1867 Australian Medical Journal as there was a citation I'm following on what seems to be a wild goose chase while I gather some research for my TCM assignment I'm writing (it's on the introduction of TCM to Australia during the gold rush era).

Anyway, I found a few interesting articles, but this one made me laugh:

UNREASONABLE PATIENTS
An inquest held at Richmond on the 31st ult. is significant in tis suggestiveness of the many annoyances to which medical men may be subjected by inconsiderate and unreasonable patients.


Nice.

There's also some questions from the University of Melbourne's medical degree if you want to have an attempt to answer them.....

Art therapy

So I didn't do any painting yesterday as I promised myself, but I did read a little bit of The Web that has No Weaver.

But today when I got up I got cracking on finishing the second painting you can see above, the yellow one. I call it "Grays" or "Lesser Coverts". The top one is called "Myrniong" or "Anguish".

Myrniong or Anguish was began last Winter. I wasn't exactly in a happy head-space. I died my hair black and was feeling slightly emo. I went to the National Gallery of Victoria where they have Anguish by Schenck (see below)

It resonated with me in a goth kind of way. Then, I was driving through Myrniong and it was the most depressing weather and that's where this piece was born. The white area where the sun highlights behind clouds is sort of meant to be halo-like around the bird's head. The background is meant to be a landscape.

The birds - well, birds kind of creep me out. There is a statue in the Docklands (Melbourne) that I really like and I find it a bit creepy.  Here it is:

Grays or Lesser Coverts came about from the scientific anatomical drawings you find in the old Gray's Anatomy texts and also from other biology sketches. I stuck with the bird theme again. Lesser Coverts is one of the labels of the bird's anatomy and I kind of liked it as it made me thinks of "coverting" or "hiding" but not completely. Just slightly hiding from the world, which is kind of what I need to do some times.

The flame yellows and oranges are like a wild bushfire and are moving across the canvas in this slightly engulfing fashion.

Yep, my paintings have two names. I guess that's the kind of crazy thing that an artist would do.

I would call my style a mix of impressionism, abstract, and graphic. I try my very best to draw inspiration from my feelings about things, but not to directly copy anything while I'm creating, I let my brush go where it wants to go. I use acrylic paint on canvas.

So on my bucket list, one of my goals is to have an art exhibition. Maybe this year I'll have enough pieces to fill the little local gallery. I currently have second layer of number three drying as we speak. I'm very excited about this one. It's a different vibe to the first two.

Relaxation space

My favourite room in the house

Spare room sorted

The dog thinks this is his room now. I don't blame him. The sun through the window on a winter's afternoon is wonderful.

Road trip

This is down at Cape Bridgewater in Victoria, Australia. It is called the Petrified Forest, even though it isn't really a petrified forest.

Throat chakra

Today my only goal is to finish cleaning/organizing/decluttering the spare room. It's the room where the sewing machine is and the spare bed for guests. I also have the cupboards in there full with artwork, bed linen, paints, and sewing fabric. It also houses my Band Hero drum set which I'm trying to decide whether to keep or not.

So, anyway, I've decided to give myself only an easy goal of finishing the spare room today and also to relax and continue dropping guilt. I have found out the throat chakra is damaged by thwarted creativity and guilt. Both of which have been pathological in my life, especially in the last two years while studying med. I will also try and do something purely creative tonight - maybe paint or sew. And not just sewing for repairs.

In good news, the space seems to be clearing up for me to go back to western med. My financial health is well on its way to recovery, and certainly my emotional and spiritual health is going very well on the emergence of this last shift. My personal are extremely healthy. Now just for my tonsils to clear up and I'll be stronger than ever. I guess being on annual leave for 4 weeks is also quite helpful.

I wish I could report that the Chinese herbs have cured my tonsils (it's mainly just my right tonsil) but it has not. The acupuncture is brilliant but the effects seem to be short lived. Perhaps regular acupuncture may have an accumulative effect. To be honest, i havent been 100% compliant with the herbs.

The TCM student practitioner said for every year of disease it's one month for recovery. Well, this last bout is about a year, so a month to recover, but in reality I've had this for 15 years, so I'm accepting that it might take a year to cure. I have another appointment on Friday so we will see what I get dealt this time.

Becoming one with the Dao

So I just had to submit an assignment for one of my TCM subjects - it was to reflect on the Dao of Easter.

Lucky for me, I'm fairly intellectually connected with Buddhist philosophies, and the Dao can be readily transcribed into the language format I recognise.

So what is the Dao? Hmmm well I'm not really an expert but I'll try.

The Dao is everything, it is always, it is God, it is the universe. It's our soul and it's the common thread that binds us. It's the "flow" of the universe, the ebbs as well. If you're a scientific person, don't freak out now. It is the untangable. It is what we can all feel inside of us but it cannot be touched and cannot be described. If you are thinking right now: "What is this girl on about?" - that is your mind. The mad monkey. It too is part of the Dao but is no the Dao.

Many say the Dao cannot be named and many Buddhists think God should not be spoken of. Because it adds a label, and connotation. An emotional response to all the times the word "God" has been abused. The rejection when you think "Really? A man with a long white beard on a cloud?". It is not that. Maybe scientists might like to the think of the vast space between the quarks, or other quantum physics wonders.

So why do philosophical and religious writings have to be so vague? It is like poetry - the essence is between the lines.

Reconnecting with the Dao is actually easy. So is achieving enlightenment. The process is easy, but the discipline to sit and meditate for 1 minute is difficult, thanks to the Mad Monkey. What is it then? It is the present. The now. Right now. Connect with that. That is all that is and all that ever will be.

Geez I'm starting to sound like Osho.

Ok, so in normal English language, just sit and think about this present moment. Only the present. Not what happened yesterday or what you need to do tomorrow or even after reading this. Be still. Be silent. And feel at one with the universe. This is it. Feeling it and knowing it is all there is. Welcome to enlightenment.

Ok I suck at this.

Anyway, once you know enlightenment, you see the world as one with you. The idea of karma becomes more obvious. Of course hurting another with hurt me - they are me and I am them. Ok, sounding biblical again.

Truth

One of my TCM lecturers said the other day (paraphrasing): "When I came to Australia from China, I was surprised when I was told you (wwetserners) believe there is only one version of the truth."

So, excuse the non-linear format this blog has taken as I go through a journey this year.

I may have said in a previous post, I'm taking a year off to discover whether I want to continue with medicine. And when I say medicine I mean western biomedicine. I certainly want to continue being a healer and develop my capacity. My reason for questioning is multi-dimensional.

So, as I go through my journey, I may post a few random thoughts.

One of them reasons I've had to take a step back is to find "the middle way". Working full time shift work on call in a stressful job, doing 30+ hours overtime a fortnight, and studying a medical degree primarily by distance, and paying a mortgage, let's just say I was well away from the middle.

Ok so that's my random thought for now.

Back to watching the Q and A show with a debate on atheist versus theist. Interesting.

Road trip

Im recently back from my road trip. We had such a great time and is was so good not to think about work or study for a week. The weather was beautiful also, and I almost felt like I got the summer I never had. It is now more like winter at home.

I'll ry and post some photos later.

Update and TCM

So, what am I up to? I've been away for about a week, enjoying my leave from work and having way too much fun. I have a few days back at TCM school this week and then I'm on my long-awaited interstate road trip. I say "long-awaited" because it is a route I have not done before and I've been wanting to do it for a while. Going with the BF of course. We're hoping to do an overseas trip this year and next year so this is supposed to be a cheap getaway, but of course I expect it will be more expensive than going to Bali.

On Friday night we have a rooftop moonlight cinema at TCM school and I'm really looking forward to watching Seven Years in Tibet. I wish I owned bean bags. Cushins and blankets it will be. After that we start the trip.

I'm loving TCM. It's been really good for me to learn something other than biomedicine for a break. So far we've been learning Mandarin including pictographs and calligraphy, the history of China and TCM, and the fundamental philosophies of TCM. I'm loving learning about qi, the five phase elements, yin and yang, and the way the body works in health and illness according to TCM. And wow it's so different from western thinking. And I like different. There's also Kung fu on Fridays. <3

I've also been going to the school clinic and being treated by final year students (under the supervision of an experienced practitioner) for my chronic tonisilitis with acupuncture and herbs. I love preparing the raw herbs but I have pills for this week due to the road trip and we will be camping for most of it (unless I have a tantrum and demand we stay at the Hyatt, much like what happened in Kathmandu post the harsh Tibet trip back in September).

I'm currently reading The Web that has No Weaver by Kaptchuk and recommend that to anyone interested in TCM. The favored textbook is Foundations of Chinese Medicine by Maciocia.

And, yes, I can't wait to get back into western medicine and after my annual leave I will start my own study plan.

I'm back

So I guess it's been about a month since I stopped blogging. I've been through a shift in my life. It was unexpected but I have faith that it was part of my journey.

I deleted this blog before I knew it was coming - all I knew was that I needed to make a few changes but I hadn't intended on the changes which have happened. By bringing back creativity and healthy food in my life, my head space opened up.

And so, this blog is going to slightly change its trajectory.

Now; I'm a paramedic medical student that's pursing an interest in Traditional Chinese Medicine, and other forms of healing which are normally bundled in "complementary and alternative". I think the accepted term in western medicine is "integrative medicine", that is, not excluding western biomedicine for another form, and not simple adding onto western med, but integrating different approaches and theories. I am cautious as I go, knowing full-well there are lots of western med people out there that consider anything not western med to be, well, a sham. I don't look at it this way.

My health took a dive late last year and early this year. I got so run-down and depleted. I was worried I was getting chronic fatigue at the very least, and maybe even becoming toxic and pre-cancerous, and I had chronic tonsilitis (tonsiltiis for over a year continuously). I started adjusting things, listening to my intuition, doing practices in my day that stretch beyond simply eating well and resting adequately.

I listened to a TED talk by Lissa Rankin which explained the most important health determinants were things like happiness at home, job satisfaction, and spirituality. It made me think of how poorly we acknowledge the connection between these things and our health, and aren't all aspects of health worthy of the attention of the medical fraternity, even if it can't be viewed through a microscope with a clear cause and effect pattern?

So.... I don't know where I'm going with all this. All I know is I'm on a journey. And I feel like sharing again.

For the past few weeks I knew something big was happening but I didn't know what. I still don't know but I have settled a little into my new paradigm.

Ok so for those who are worried I am still studying med but I now have a break until August this year and I'm seriously considering deferring until Jan 2013, but I won't know until a few months time. I will update, of course, when I know.

I have taken this term off the Masters. I think that is only sensible seeing as I've enrolled In the Bachelor of Health Science (Chinese Medicine) and that I need more space in my life to find my path. The Chinese Med is only part time and I find the whole experience uplifting, but I'll post on that another time.

That's all for now. I'm excited...