Even if I didn't enjoy TCM....

....I'd probably still come to class to be around the very intelligent, wise, warm, and kind people that are my classmates. Today we learnt about the formation of blood and qi, the relationship between the liver and spleen, and the relationship between the lungs and kidneys. Then in the history class we went through about the 200-600CE era in China. In preparation for the looming exam I've breifly revised what we've done in the Foundations of TCM class so far, here are the topics we've done per week; *yin and yang *five element theory *essence, qi, blood, body fluids *heart, lung *spleen, liver *kidney, original qi, Ming men *fu organs (stomach, small intestine, large intestine, urinary bladders, gallbladder, san jioa) *extraordianry organs (brain, bones, marrow, uterus, blood vessels, gallbladder) *cause of disease (environmental and emotional) *formation of blood and qi In my Resources page there is a link to Cat's TCM Notes. There she has put up her notes from her TCM course which are much better than I could provide at this time, for anyone that's curious to discover more of what I've been learning. I can't wait to get into TCM pathology though, so I can incorporate some more ideas into my Lotus Jewel Health wellness program. Today, for example, we spoke about blood stasis causing sharp localized pain, and the relationship between the kidneys and willpower, motivation, and energy. Chronic pain and lack of energy are two common medical complaints that are often not easily or well-treated, let alone cured, but western medicine alone. I got my nose pieced yesterday, on a sort of a whim, and I've occasionally forgot about it through the day, feeling a scratching feeling in my nose. They chilli I had at lunch also didn't help things when my nose started running. This weekend I'm staying at the BF's and we have a hike planned tomorrow so I'm looking forward to that and hope be able to post a photo. Also, he bought a portable home for us this week, so I get to see it in person and I am the desingated interior designer. He/we already had a flat, rural 5 acres it's going on so that's very exciting to have this progress with this other property of ours and to be another significant step closer to our dream of self-sustainability. It's only small, but it's livable and modularity suitable for extensions over time, space, and money!

The Michelle Bridges 12-Week Body Transformation

So I've signed up to do the Michelle Bridges 12-Week Body Transformation program (www.12wbt.com).

Four weeks of preseason started this week and our first task was to list all our regular excuses and to provide solutions for them all. I have it printed out stuck right under my alarm clock! I also helps that I have a bikini-clad trip to Bali in 9 weeks. It's also my 34th birthday (it looks way older to see it written down) a week after the 12wbt round ends, so that's good motivation too. And then of course Summer starts again. And I promised myself if I deferred this year of med school that I would use the extra free time to get my fitness (and budget) sorted out. I have to be true to my own word to myself otherwise it will be so demoralising.

I put on 10kg in a rapid 3 months when I met my new BF last year. I guess love is a powerful drug. I was also under incredible stress at med school and financially too, working too much and not getting enough sleep, and I also started on Implanon (I had that removed 2 weeks ago) so there's a few confounding factors. One positive thing I learnt was I still think I look attractive even after increasing by nearly 20% of my body weight. I don't have to be afraid of ugly fatness which means I'm wanting to lose weight to go towards something, not running away from something I'm terrified of happening. I just hat show tight my clothes are right now and if I'm going to buy a new wardrobe full of clothes, they will be size 8s or 10s, not 12s and 14s.

Even though the round starts in 4 weeks, I will begin exercising and eating healthy now anyway. Today was my first day of exercise in forever. I have today off (first "day" off in 7 days but working night shift tonight), the sun was out and the weather forecast said it might rain later. I was lying in bed thinking, oh no my ego's gonna start talking any minute so I just got up and out of bed and got organised. Even though my wardrobe is organised, I really need to lay out my workout gear the night before. At least my shoelaces on my runners were undone unlike usual.

The dog was happy and we only had one incident involving an alpaca and now I have rope burn on my hand and a mildly sprained ankle. He behaves better when running as opposed to walking so that's even more motivation for me to keep the pace up. We ran about 50% and walked about 50%. We ran to nearly the first corner, so next time will be making it to the corner.

We just did the smaller 2.5km loop but it's good to be back. On the run I was thinking about doing some resistance training but then I came home and got on the computer and now that idea's completely gone. I'll also have to set up the workout space again so I can get straight into it. Also, I don't have any groceries which really sucks as I'm so hungry.

So I'll be using this preseason time to do the 12wbt tasks but also to get my routine in place so I can start the actual round in full swing. The routine I mean is the laying out of workout clothes the day before, checking the weather forecast, getting the DVD player back in the front lounge room where there's space to workout, and getting over my dread of treadmills. Also, of planning and shopping for groceries with meal plans and planning my "free" meal for the week. Also, my glass of red at night needs to be replaced with herbal teas.

I'll be labelling my posts about my journey on the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation as "12wbt" so if you're just here to read about that aspect of my life and not all the other random musings about ego and boring detail about studying biochemistry, then on the side of the screen there's a pull-out tab and just choose labels and then 12wbt.

So, I will be posting my weights here which is embarrassing but it's to remain accountable and I will post them every Sunday until the end of the round on Sunday the 26th of August.

Current weight: 67kg (BMI 24.6)
Goal weight 1: 65kg
Goal weight 2: 63kg
Goal weight 3: 61kg
Goal weight 4: 59kg
End goal weight: 57kg (BMI 20.9)
Ultimate goal weight: 54kg (BMI 19.8)

Wish me luck!

Biochem lectures on YouTube

I've found a new series of really good biochem lectures for Step 1 on YouTube.

Dr Mungli

Can't wait for more from him :D

Medical school drop-out - undo, undo, undo

Giving myself the space to think about it, I don't want to quit western med school. So, I haven't dropped out, I've deferred.

What am I gonna do - Western or TCM? I really don't know. I wish they had a double-degree in both.

Until then stay tuned as we muddle our way through this together.....

Back to basic sciences

I'm having a refresher look at my biochem book again today. It's the Lippincott's Biochemistry Illustrated Review.

It's much more enjoyable the second time around and with no deadlines to speak of. This time I'm able to understand things before I move on, without having to photo-memorise huge chunks of information and hoping to regurgitate it at the exam.

That's about it. I'm acting-up in high-duties at work so I have a few tasks to do here. My To-Do list this week is looking big so I better get going.

Website development

So my new website Lotus Jewel Health is developing nicely but slowly. It takes so much work. I spent hours on my first blog post about Statins. I wanted to make sure it was just right.

I have spoken to two people about being contributing authors so I'm so excited about that. I'm also looking at a supplement product supplier right now. So cool.

So I think I'm gonna go back to western med school. As soon as I made my decision to let it go, I couldn't. I think Jan 2013 I will go back, meaning I've had about 9-10 months off.

Stay tuned for more.

My new website

I've been developing a website over the last few days. It's called Lotus Jewel Health. It's based on the theory of integrative medicine and promoting well-being. It's basically all the stuff I love and practice and study (!) in a site which I'm hoping will be an enjoyable place to visit at the very least, informative would be good, and maybe even helps people to access their own healing by empowering them with knowledge.

Yes, I am planning to monetories it, but ethically of course! I have never monetorised this blog, but the site is a professional endeavour. But, of course, it has to be something I'm really passionate about and enjoy doing. I'm not giving up my day job just yet. Ha!

The mind is an addict

Reading something yesterday about the ego stuck with me: The mind is hyperactive and an addict. That's right, it's addicted to desire and wanting more. It's addicted to attaching meaning to things. And that's not all. It never stops.

So I read an interesting article about ego and addiction here by an ex-drug addict neuroscientist. If anything, I'm a workaholic for sure. And a studyaholic. But drug addiction allows an interesting look into the mind. And the concept of "ego fatigue" mentioned in the article: I totally get that. I have always said I can either diet or balance my budget, but I can't do both at once. Follow up on  this post on what happens when your limbic system is destroyed... It seems we can't have a limbicectomy and function as regular humans :(

When I did my neuro term at the start of the year and I read about the limbic system I thought "Thats' the ego!" Hahaha. That's the back-seat driver of our mind that attaches meaning to things that says "Something's wrong" when all you're doing is sitting watching tv (ie I am too lazy, I should be doing this or that, the neighbours are too noisy etc). It's that part that causes you to break your willpower and somehow convince you it was a good idea to eat a whole block of chocolate to yourself. No-wonder the yogis starve themselves to reach nirvana - they're breaking the limbic system's control.

Well, this is my theory from a 2nd year med student.

So, yeh, the ego is a hyper-active addict. So what to do? My best advice I can give is to take notice. Notice it is the ego and not the real "you", the spiritual being. As Osho said in the link I put in my last post, the ego is a reflection of how other perceive you and therefore how you perceive yourself, but it is not your true self. Meditation, of course, is a way of doing a workout for the mind and strengthening the brain's ability to make better decisions than simply reflex reactions.

so why am I harping on about ego so much atm? I believe it is the centre of everything. If ego fatigue occurs, and I can't save and diet at the same time let alone have a healthy study habit, and my health goes downhill as a consequence, then doesn't it make sense that we deal with the ego? Maybe it doesn't because how I've written it. Also, in Buddhist philosophy, controlling our mindset is the only way to achieve happiness.

The next problem: How do we find motivation if the limbic system is the source of our motivation?

This is the question I always have unanswered: can there be great achievers in the world without ego? Or are we all going to live off our own vege-patches and be merry in our simplicity? Can we even help people without ego, because it feels good to help people?

Sorry for the rhetorical questions. I hate rhetorical questions.

I'll have to give my interim answer right now as something along the lines of finding the middle way. That would be Easterner for moderation.....

Osho's ego

Here's a really great link to Osho's description of the ego:

http://deoxy.org/egofalse.htm

And everyone should read Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth. It's a must!

Ego talking

The sky looks wonderful this afternoon as the sun sets.


I spent the first 13.5 hours of today in bed. I was catching up from the last week of working call and studying etc.


Yesterday I bought Deepak Chopra's Wii game called Leela. It's meditation and mindfulness through play, or something like that. I really like it. It's about the seven chakras and I can't wait to make it up to the throat chakra level lol I think this game would be better for XBox Kinect so you can use your whole body instead of just the Wii controller, but nonetheless I'm still enjoying it. There's a play section and a still section where you meditate - guided meditation or silent meditation. It's awesome. You even get to create your own mandala as your avatar.

So after spending too much time in bed this morning I woke up with the most massive ego. I had a friend who swore if you lay in bed awake your ego gets too much of a chance to take hold. And so it was. I felt I needed the rest but whoa! After about 2 hours out of bed it finally subsided. I tried simply observing and trying to find the root cause of the disharmony. It was perhaps a simple case of stress i.e. a feeling of not enough resources to meet the demands which came from me feeling like I didn't get enough rest this weekend because the BF was over and I was working on-call etc.

I did some vacuuming and vented to the BF a little - blamed him of course. Pointed out it was his fault and also the injustices of our relationship i.e. he should come to mine more than I go to his because I work more hours than he does. Luckily he had no idea what I was on about and knew just to give me a minute or two to calm down. About 3 or 4 strangely auto-corrected vent-text messages later, I felt completely fine. Weird. Vacuuming helped a lot too, but I was still feeling off and guilty for having a rubbish breakfast.

Then I played Leela and I feel wonderful and inspired. I even feel motivated to have a good dinner.

I asked my very wise friend who is currently living in an ashram what was going on and she said what I feel is true - my ego is at the surface now because it's under threat. I'm not feeding it as much as I used to (well, I don;t think so) so it's beginning to stalk and circle like a wolf. I know what it's doing and it's no longer in control.

Of course, I've had my eye on my ego for about 7 years now, but it's still had almost complete control of the reins during this time.

Morning tea

One good thing about night shift is that my BF makes me a cup or green tea in the morning...

Gratitude

I'm not sure if I do this enough but I want to express my gratitude to the universe and my community for allowing me the great honour of serving them as a paramedic.

Sometimes working with a negative person can make you react more strongly positive. Today I was reflecting on a certain someone I work with and was thinking "I can't believe they are not more grateful for the privilege we have of being invited into someone's personal crisis and how lucky we are to be giving opportunities sent to us every day to be able to help people". I mean, irrespective of the "It should be/shouldn't be"s, and the "what's wrong" voice we always have in our heads, I wonder how someone can't get so tired of their own complaints. I know I sure am.

A few weeks ago the BF and I were taking the dog for a walk when we literally stumbled upon a couple with a flat tyre. They didn't have the right tools to change the tyre. I was so happy to find them! I was thinking "Awesome! I get to help someone today! Yay!" It was so easy because my house was just around the corner, we had nothing planned that day except the walk, my BF is very handy with that sort of thing and certainly doesn't complain about a little hard work. It was perfect.

bother thing is, I had another nasty job the other night and it just makes me so much more grateful for the people that call an ambulance that aren't really having a medical emergency. I know it drives a lot of ambos batty, but I am glad to do the "easy" jobs most of the time and help people get to medical attention even if it's just because they don't have petrol in their car.

I have been thinking a lot about Lissa Rankins Whole Health Cairn as I try and heal myself from chronic tonsillitis and being chronically fatigued (I don't want to use the term "chronic fatigue" as I wasn't diagnosed and it wasn't affecting my ability to go to work etc just to do anything else and it was caused by doing too much). I have been thinking a lot about living ones truth and expressing oneself after watching an interview with Ellen about coming out and how she attributes her health and vitality in part to being openly herself.

I think Dr Rankins cairn is pretty-much spot-on. I would like to modify it a little to suit my own mind-map.

I know, it's pretty much identical to Dr Rankins but I was just going through it my mind before and I guess it's like a student's own notes. Mine is not as comprehensive - it's just a beginner's attempt.

So, the idea of the rock cairn is if any of the rocks underneath are unsteady, then the body with be the first rock to start swaying therefore if you begin having physical symptoms one should look at the other supporting rocks to create more stability and harmony. 

Reflections on Tibet

So, I went to Tibet last September. At the time, I was extremely unwell. Maybe it was from the altitude, or perhaps it was the fact my GP prescribed my 6x the dose of Diamox recommended for altitude sickness prophylaxis (which I learnt a little too late). Anyway, at that time I didn't blog as much as I wanted too. Also, the whole technology thing wasn't working too well in my favour.

This is a photo of me and my roomie Kellie. She has a travel blog Travelling Kellie. She is a travel writer so her blog is much better than mine, so see there for good info on our Tibet trip. The photo was taken at base camp on Mount Everest. This was on my bucket list. So was visiting Tibet. When I found out that base camp on the Nepal side was a two-week trek, and base camp on the Tibet side was a bus ride, Tibet started looking really good. Once we arrived at the tourist camp at Base Camp I started to feel very unwell. I couldn't eat, my face, hands, and feet were numb, I felt nauseous and dizzy. I thought I couldn't make it to the actual climbers base camp site a mere 3-minute bus ride or 30-minute walk.

I decided I would attempt the walk and take the mini-bus if necessary. During the walk with Kellie I began feeling much better indeed. Kellie was not well and it turns out she had a nasty sinus infection which, of course, with the constant change in altitude at the mountainous overpasses, the pressure in her head was causing her grief. A random black dog followed us the whole walk up. We decided he must have been a reincarnated sherpa here to see we got safely up the mountain to where you can see the photo.

The Tibet trip was with Intrepid, which I would recommend, however it is a difficult trip. The difficulty rating is 4/5 as is the culture-shock rating. I would have to agree with these. If I went back then I might be able to prepare myself better, mentally that is. Physically - it wasn't that demanding, ie you don't need to be really fit, but it is good to be quite healthy. I said at the time I would stay at better hotels, but it was then pointed out to me that we were staying at the best hotels in the towns. Yikes.

Spiritually - it is an amazing place but the sad recent history has left a palpable mass in the atmosphere. I would consider my trip great for personally wanting to visit Tibet itself, and historically it was amazing, as was the culture, but spiritually I didn't feel exactly uplifted to be honest, although visiting Potala Palace and the Dalai Lama's summer palace was incredible. Perhaps the cold weather didn't agree with me or the harsh nature of the trip wasn't exactly relaxing. It was back in Kathmandu that I was able to appreciate the Tibetian culture in a bit more of a relaxing atmosphere. I've just realised that I'm probably the only person to ever describe Kathmandu as relaxing. Ok, Kathmandu is extremely hectic and busy and a sensory over-load, but it is a democracy, it's warm, where I was staying was comfortable, and there was no problem with altitude.

Sometimes it's just about being in the right pace at the right time and in the right moment. The thangka shop in Kathmandu was spiritually enlightening for me because I spent a good hour there talking about the meaning of the Tibetan paintings. A few moments in Bhutan were wonderful even though overall I didn't really like my guide, he did say a few things that have stuck with me including how the Bhutanese are taught a great deal about trees and nature and I wondered why we didn't place more importance on that in Western schools. I also learned a little more about reincarnation and that everything, even a leaf or a blade of grass, has a soul and can be reincarnated.

Med school

So I just got asked about OUM and I thought I'd put a blanket response here now that I sort of know what I'm doing kinda. I haven't officially dropped out from OUM yet. I wonder if any of the administration staff would ever stumble across this blog. I guess I haven't fully decided. I guess im AWOL. OUM offers a Master of Medicine for students who do the preclinical modules then do a research project. I'm a little annoyed at some of what's happening at OUM right now, but the honest truth is I'm dropping out due to money and time stress. If one of these things could be eliminated, then I might consider going back after a break. I totally flunked my last module as my brain checked out too early. I have been looking a lot at IUHS. It is very similar to OUM except about half the price. They take transfer students from other WHO-listed med schools, and they also offer credits. The thing is, for example, their cardiac and respiratory module is one combined module and at OUM it was two separate ones, so the six preclinical modules I've done at OUM would at best be about 3.5-4 at IUHS. There is also a transfer fee and I must graduate within 7 years of beginning at OUM if I transfer credits. I also have to sit their module exams to prove I'm up to their standard. They allow LOA but don't have that "minimum of three out of five modules per year" like OUM does which makes it slightly intimidating. So, with all these considerations, it's very likely that I'd simply begin my med degree again from the beginning with IUHS. I know that sounds painful but in the long run id be saving a significant amount of money and losing not that much time. I haven't applied yet and I haven't been accepted, I'm just thinking hypothetically. But the reality is even with the reduced tuition fees at IUHS, I'm not sure I want to continue pouring money into that career right now. Truthfully, I think I'll stick with TCM. This is mainly for lifestyle reasons. I do love med and western med does resonate with me in so many ways. But the again if I think of the kind of work I want to do, the lifestyle I want to have, then TCM is for me. Does that make sense? Hmph. In other and good news my health and well-being is going amazing. My energy levels are up, my throat looks pretty good, I feel happy and relaxed. I am enjoying learning about TCM philosophy. I have a lot of unanswered questions and I guess my biomedical mind has a lot of questions.

Wang Qingren

Today I'm writing part of my oral presentation on the Qing Dynasty, which was from 1644-1912. It was the last dynasty of emperors in China before the modern era. A TCM doctor by the name of Wang Qingren was quite important at that tie because he was the first to illustrate the anatomy of internal organs after viewing exposed carcasses during a period of plague. It is interesting to note that although internal anatomy was born out of China spontaneously (probably, although there were Westerners in China at that time), they are still not considered of major importance in TCM diagnosis and treatment as they are in Western medicine.


Wang Qingren


I'm at work today. I also watched the movie Conviction, did some groceries, cooked up a lovely healthy lunch, and read a magazine.


It is ANZAC Day today. I kinda feel I've done of dawn services my time with 7 years in the Army, but I'm still remembering the Diggers today in my own way.


Now I'm going to transcribe some of my notes from yesterday before I go home on-call and I really want to mop my floors tonight but I also really need to do some painting too. I'm working on a blue throat chakra piece but I think I might make it a turtle theme...hmmm.....

My journey into the the history of TCM in Australia

Today I had the most amazing day researching for my TCM history essay. I'm looking at when TCM came to Australia with the Chinese miners during the gold rush era in the mid 19th century. I started at Soverign Hill in Ballarat where I had arranged an appointment. There was a lot of research done for the mock-up Chinese miner tents that are a recreation of life during the gold rush. One of the huts was a recreation of a Chinese herbalists store. What I found was very useful including some important dates and names and some interesting stories of European doctors adopting acupuncture as they saw anecdotal evidence of it working. After Soverign Hill I went to one of the sites where one of the Chinese villages used to be. It is now a housing development. I then went past Eureka Cntre, but it was closed for renovations. Then I went to the art gallery and there is kept the original Eureka flag which is amazing to see. It is huge! There are also a number of painting depicting the way Ballarat looked during the time of the gold rush and scenes from the Eureka rebellion. After that I went to the old cemetery where some of the Chinese miners were buried (although most had their remains sent home to China if possible). It had a small blue stone building for burning leafs or papers or something (excuse the poor research) and a few dozen stone markers with Chinese pictograph writing on them. So that was quite fun. Now just to write 2000 words...

Chinese in Ballarat

It's a beautiful day...

Don't let it slip away.

Missing Cambodia

This morning we had an early patient and refuelled the ambulance on the way back from the hospital at about 7am it kinda reminded me of being in Cambodia for some reason. It was mildly warm, the air was still, there were diesel fumes and the background noise of construction work.

We then stopped for coffee but unfortunately or fortunately I can't drink coffee anymore after abusing caffeine for the past two years studying. It makes me very nauseous, knocks me out like a strong sedative, and generally makes me feel ill. So I went for a lemongrass and ginger tea and wow did that smell really add to the feeling of Cambodia. The nice hotels and day spas seem to have lemongrass oils burning all the time. I love it.
--------
Since dropping out of med to do TCM I have freed up so much $$$$$ so now I can firstly repay my debts, secondly live comfortably without financial stress, and thirdly confidently plan my next holiday knowing I will have the funds.

So Bali it is. I'm in the planning stage which is so much fun to do , especially at work. It's my BF's first trip overseas so I don't want to overwhelm him too much but I guess I don't know what he would find good or not. I have never been to Bali so I don't really know what to expect either. Bali's not that big. We were going to/still might island hop a little, but I'm thinking about booking accommodation for the whole trip now, so we have a base. So I'm just decided whether I can handle being in Kuta or not. Thinking not. Luckily I have lots of friends that have been to Bali before and kinda get my style/energy.

Ubud is looking good.

Feng shui ba gua

Last night I looked at the feng shui ba gua and realized my house is almost perfect already! One thing I noticed is that my dining room is the creativity area and that's where I prefer to paint although the spare room is supposed to be for making a mess. Funny.

Thoughts on TCM terminology and using myself as a case study

I was thinking just before about what the patho terms in TCM mean in western world. I haven't even begun doing pathology at TCM school but I have my diagnosis as an example:

TCM diagnosis                  Western diagnosis
Heat in lungs                         Respiratory tract virus
Damp heat in tonsils            Suppurative bacterial infection in tonsils

Of course, in ancient times before the microscope and the germ theory, a virus would be described as "heat" and pus-forming disease as "damp-heat". To be honest, I don't care what it's called I just want it to be fixed. The rest of my diagnosis is what really interests me as it described qi and blood stagnation. This is where the yin-yang balance is out and is what ill prevent future attacks.

Today my tonsils have pretty much lost the pus now and look softer and very moist and quite vascular. I am very happy to see the pus gone indeed. It was freaking me out.

TCM herbs - Chai Hu

While I cook up another batch of my prescription TCM herbs, I'm going through my diagnosis sheet and trying to learn about a few herbs. I find this very interesting. I'll try and write up a bit of what I'm studying and learning out of interest and to solidify my own learning.

Today is Chai Hu -



Other names;

• Pharmaceutical: Radix Bupleuri
• Taxonomic: Bupleurum chinense, B. scorzoneraefolium
• English: Bupleurum, Chinese thorowax root

Used for shaoyang syndrome, to spread liver qi, and to raise spleen yang.

Precautions: interferon. Contraindications: liver cancer and hepatitis C.

Chemical composition

Triterpenoids (saikosaponin A, B, C, D, E; saikogenin F, G, E; saikoside), essential oils 0.06-0.16% (r-heptalactone, r-decalactone), carbohydrates, flavone, coumarin, organic acid.

Pharmalogical effects

• Analgesic and antipyretic

• Sedative

• Anti-inflammatory

• Hepatoprotective

• Cholagogic

• Antihyperlipidemic

• Immunostimulant

• Antibiotic

Ref:http://www.catstcmnotes.com/pages/Herbs/Singles%20Catalog/Release%20Exterior/WH/Chai%20hu.html

http://www.aompress.com/book_herbology/pdfs/ChaiHu.pdf

Chinese herbs

These are my fresh (dried) herbs from the Xiao Chai Hu Tang formula for my DDx of heat in lungs, damp heat - lingering pathogen, liver qi stagnation and heart and spleen qi and blood stagnation.

So this is what normal feels like

At home and feeling ridiculously refreshed. Feel almost normal again. Tonsils looking amazing. Life is good.

Back at work

It's my first day back at work from annual leave. It really didn't feel like four weeks off at all. I came in early and all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed now that I know I must go to bed before 11pm for my spleen, and I was so uncertain of my roster I was waiting for a third person to turn up and for someone to day "Hey, you're not due back until next week!"

It feels weird today for two reasons:
1. My house mate finally moved in permanently/full-time over the weekend making today the first day at work with her at home. I don't have to worry about my dog escaping, being lonely and bored, or generally getting into trouble. I can be at work and just be at work. The HM (house-mate) works part-time atm and most of her hours are over the weekend.
2. I'm not studying western med. Normally I'd get into work and get straight into the books, always having that persistent looming feeling over my head that I have an ovewhelming amount of study to do. I have TCM study to do, but it doesn't feel in the least bit overwhelming.

Today I've cleared my inbox, organised my TCM study folder, and revised a bit on the 5 phase elements and the timings of the qi moving through the body. I'm happy I can "drop" my western med now as it will make it easier to learn the TCM stuff, although I certainly do use my current understanding of things to make sense of the new stuff, ie 3-5am is the time qi moves to the lungs and this is the time we most frequently see severe respiratory problems in ambulance ie APO.

I also cooked up my herbs and my coworker didn't mind the smell. They didn't taste too bad even after my TCM student practitioner warned me twice how bad they would taste.

Now the countdown begins to my next lot of annual leave - in 12 weeks :D

Medical school drop-out

I decided today. While driving to the cinema. To see Hunger Games. Which was worth it for Lenny. But I digress.

For 8 weeks I've been wrestling in my mind between western med and TCM. The reasons are varied and this post is the second person I've told (after the BF). So many considerations were made, but one of the biggest clenchers was I imagined myself winning the lottery and what would I do.

Most importantly I'm really happy. I was going to give myself the year to decide, but honestly I'm glad to have mad a decision so I can focus and move forward.

Maybe I'll go back one day, maybe not. Maybe I'll finish the last 4 units to graduate with a Masters of Medicine, maybe not.

I'm not against western med, it's just not the journey I need to be on right now. Maybe I'll post more of the details in reflection later. I did want to talk about how I'm leaving with my head held high, a Distinction average, knowing if I wanted to do it I could and that the decision to leave is made freely and not because I've failed or can't cut-it.

Mostly I'm proud I listened to my inner voice, my inner guide, my spirit. It took me on a slightly different path than originally planned, but hey that's the exciting thing about life. Just because I'm 33 doesn't mean I can't overhaul my ego which was "I'm a med student" for the past 2 years. That takes guts, man.

I'm looking forward to taking what I've learnt And living my calling and my dream of being a healer.

Being swayed

So the longer I study TCM, the more I'm being swayed into that career.

Frankly, I find studying western med to be generally stressful and bad for my health. At best I'd call it interesting. Of course I love treating patients and healing, and the human body fascinates me. But I'm finding TCM is satisfying much of these pursuits.

No final decision has been made on my behalf as yet.

Amusing myself

So I'm reading the June 1867 Australian Medical Journal as there was a citation I'm following on what seems to be a wild goose chase while I gather some research for my TCM assignment I'm writing (it's on the introduction of TCM to Australia during the gold rush era).

Anyway, I found a few interesting articles, but this one made me laugh:

UNREASONABLE PATIENTS
An inquest held at Richmond on the 31st ult. is significant in tis suggestiveness of the many annoyances to which medical men may be subjected by inconsiderate and unreasonable patients.


Nice.

There's also some questions from the University of Melbourne's medical degree if you want to have an attempt to answer them.....

Art therapy

So I didn't do any painting yesterday as I promised myself, but I did read a little bit of The Web that has No Weaver.

But today when I got up I got cracking on finishing the second painting you can see above, the yellow one. I call it "Grays" or "Lesser Coverts". The top one is called "Myrniong" or "Anguish".

Myrniong or Anguish was began last Winter. I wasn't exactly in a happy head-space. I died my hair black and was feeling slightly emo. I went to the National Gallery of Victoria where they have Anguish by Schenck (see below)

It resonated with me in a goth kind of way. Then, I was driving through Myrniong and it was the most depressing weather and that's where this piece was born. The white area where the sun highlights behind clouds is sort of meant to be halo-like around the bird's head. The background is meant to be a landscape.

The birds - well, birds kind of creep me out. There is a statue in the Docklands (Melbourne) that I really like and I find it a bit creepy.  Here it is:

Grays or Lesser Coverts came about from the scientific anatomical drawings you find in the old Gray's Anatomy texts and also from other biology sketches. I stuck with the bird theme again. Lesser Coverts is one of the labels of the bird's anatomy and I kind of liked it as it made me thinks of "coverting" or "hiding" but not completely. Just slightly hiding from the world, which is kind of what I need to do some times.

The flame yellows and oranges are like a wild bushfire and are moving across the canvas in this slightly engulfing fashion.

Yep, my paintings have two names. I guess that's the kind of crazy thing that an artist would do.

I would call my style a mix of impressionism, abstract, and graphic. I try my very best to draw inspiration from my feelings about things, but not to directly copy anything while I'm creating, I let my brush go where it wants to go. I use acrylic paint on canvas.

So on my bucket list, one of my goals is to have an art exhibition. Maybe this year I'll have enough pieces to fill the little local gallery. I currently have second layer of number three drying as we speak. I'm very excited about this one. It's a different vibe to the first two.

Relaxation space

My favourite room in the house

Spare room sorted

The dog thinks this is his room now. I don't blame him. The sun through the window on a winter's afternoon is wonderful.

Road trip

This is down at Cape Bridgewater in Victoria, Australia. It is called the Petrified Forest, even though it isn't really a petrified forest.

Throat chakra

Today my only goal is to finish cleaning/organizing/decluttering the spare room. It's the room where the sewing machine is and the spare bed for guests. I also have the cupboards in there full with artwork, bed linen, paints, and sewing fabric. It also houses my Band Hero drum set which I'm trying to decide whether to keep or not.

So, anyway, I've decided to give myself only an easy goal of finishing the spare room today and also to relax and continue dropping guilt. I have found out the throat chakra is damaged by thwarted creativity and guilt. Both of which have been pathological in my life, especially in the last two years while studying med. I will also try and do something purely creative tonight - maybe paint or sew. And not just sewing for repairs.

In good news, the space seems to be clearing up for me to go back to western med. My financial health is well on its way to recovery, and certainly my emotional and spiritual health is going very well on the emergence of this last shift. My personal are extremely healthy. Now just for my tonsils to clear up and I'll be stronger than ever. I guess being on annual leave for 4 weeks is also quite helpful.

I wish I could report that the Chinese herbs have cured my tonsils (it's mainly just my right tonsil) but it has not. The acupuncture is brilliant but the effects seem to be short lived. Perhaps regular acupuncture may have an accumulative effect. To be honest, i havent been 100% compliant with the herbs.

The TCM student practitioner said for every year of disease it's one month for recovery. Well, this last bout is about a year, so a month to recover, but in reality I've had this for 15 years, so I'm accepting that it might take a year to cure. I have another appointment on Friday so we will see what I get dealt this time.

Becoming one with the Dao

So I just had to submit an assignment for one of my TCM subjects - it was to reflect on the Dao of Easter.

Lucky for me, I'm fairly intellectually connected with Buddhist philosophies, and the Dao can be readily transcribed into the language format I recognise.

So what is the Dao? Hmmm well I'm not really an expert but I'll try.

The Dao is everything, it is always, it is God, it is the universe. It's our soul and it's the common thread that binds us. It's the "flow" of the universe, the ebbs as well. If you're a scientific person, don't freak out now. It is the untangable. It is what we can all feel inside of us but it cannot be touched and cannot be described. If you are thinking right now: "What is this girl on about?" - that is your mind. The mad monkey. It too is part of the Dao but is no the Dao.

Many say the Dao cannot be named and many Buddhists think God should not be spoken of. Because it adds a label, and connotation. An emotional response to all the times the word "God" has been abused. The rejection when you think "Really? A man with a long white beard on a cloud?". It is not that. Maybe scientists might like to the think of the vast space between the quarks, or other quantum physics wonders.

So why do philosophical and religious writings have to be so vague? It is like poetry - the essence is between the lines.

Reconnecting with the Dao is actually easy. So is achieving enlightenment. The process is easy, but the discipline to sit and meditate for 1 minute is difficult, thanks to the Mad Monkey. What is it then? It is the present. The now. Right now. Connect with that. That is all that is and all that ever will be.

Geez I'm starting to sound like Osho.

Ok, so in normal English language, just sit and think about this present moment. Only the present. Not what happened yesterday or what you need to do tomorrow or even after reading this. Be still. Be silent. And feel at one with the universe. This is it. Feeling it and knowing it is all there is. Welcome to enlightenment.

Ok I suck at this.

Anyway, once you know enlightenment, you see the world as one with you. The idea of karma becomes more obvious. Of course hurting another with hurt me - they are me and I am them. Ok, sounding biblical again.

Truth

One of my TCM lecturers said the other day (paraphrasing): "When I came to Australia from China, I was surprised when I was told you (wwetserners) believe there is only one version of the truth."

So, excuse the non-linear format this blog has taken as I go through a journey this year.

I may have said in a previous post, I'm taking a year off to discover whether I want to continue with medicine. And when I say medicine I mean western biomedicine. I certainly want to continue being a healer and develop my capacity. My reason for questioning is multi-dimensional.

So, as I go through my journey, I may post a few random thoughts.

One of them reasons I've had to take a step back is to find "the middle way". Working full time shift work on call in a stressful job, doing 30+ hours overtime a fortnight, and studying a medical degree primarily by distance, and paying a mortgage, let's just say I was well away from the middle.

Ok so that's my random thought for now.

Back to watching the Q and A show with a debate on atheist versus theist. Interesting.

Road trip

Im recently back from my road trip. We had such a great time and is was so good not to think about work or study for a week. The weather was beautiful also, and I almost felt like I got the summer I never had. It is now more like winter at home.

I'll ry and post some photos later.

Update and TCM

So, what am I up to? I've been away for about a week, enjoying my leave from work and having way too much fun. I have a few days back at TCM school this week and then I'm on my long-awaited interstate road trip. I say "long-awaited" because it is a route I have not done before and I've been wanting to do it for a while. Going with the BF of course. We're hoping to do an overseas trip this year and next year so this is supposed to be a cheap getaway, but of course I expect it will be more expensive than going to Bali.

On Friday night we have a rooftop moonlight cinema at TCM school and I'm really looking forward to watching Seven Years in Tibet. I wish I owned bean bags. Cushins and blankets it will be. After that we start the trip.

I'm loving TCM. It's been really good for me to learn something other than biomedicine for a break. So far we've been learning Mandarin including pictographs and calligraphy, the history of China and TCM, and the fundamental philosophies of TCM. I'm loving learning about qi, the five phase elements, yin and yang, and the way the body works in health and illness according to TCM. And wow it's so different from western thinking. And I like different. There's also Kung fu on Fridays. <3

I've also been going to the school clinic and being treated by final year students (under the supervision of an experienced practitioner) for my chronic tonisilitis with acupuncture and herbs. I love preparing the raw herbs but I have pills for this week due to the road trip and we will be camping for most of it (unless I have a tantrum and demand we stay at the Hyatt, much like what happened in Kathmandu post the harsh Tibet trip back in September).

I'm currently reading The Web that has No Weaver by Kaptchuk and recommend that to anyone interested in TCM. The favored textbook is Foundations of Chinese Medicine by Maciocia.

And, yes, I can't wait to get back into western medicine and after my annual leave I will start my own study plan.

I'm back

So I guess it's been about a month since I stopped blogging. I've been through a shift in my life. It was unexpected but I have faith that it was part of my journey.

I deleted this blog before I knew it was coming - all I knew was that I needed to make a few changes but I hadn't intended on the changes which have happened. By bringing back creativity and healthy food in my life, my head space opened up.

And so, this blog is going to slightly change its trajectory.

Now; I'm a paramedic medical student that's pursing an interest in Traditional Chinese Medicine, and other forms of healing which are normally bundled in "complementary and alternative". I think the accepted term in western medicine is "integrative medicine", that is, not excluding western biomedicine for another form, and not simple adding onto western med, but integrating different approaches and theories. I am cautious as I go, knowing full-well there are lots of western med people out there that consider anything not western med to be, well, a sham. I don't look at it this way.

My health took a dive late last year and early this year. I got so run-down and depleted. I was worried I was getting chronic fatigue at the very least, and maybe even becoming toxic and pre-cancerous, and I had chronic tonsilitis (tonsiltiis for over a year continuously). I started adjusting things, listening to my intuition, doing practices in my day that stretch beyond simply eating well and resting adequately.

I listened to a TED talk by Lissa Rankin which explained the most important health determinants were things like happiness at home, job satisfaction, and spirituality. It made me think of how poorly we acknowledge the connection between these things and our health, and aren't all aspects of health worthy of the attention of the medical fraternity, even if it can't be viewed through a microscope with a clear cause and effect pattern?

So.... I don't know where I'm going with all this. All I know is I'm on a journey. And I feel like sharing again.

For the past few weeks I knew something big was happening but I didn't know what. I still don't know but I have settled a little into my new paradigm.

Ok so for those who are worried I am still studying med but I now have a break until August this year and I'm seriously considering deferring until Jan 2013, but I won't know until a few months time. I will update, of course, when I know.

I have taken this term off the Masters. I think that is only sensible seeing as I've enrolled In the Bachelor of Health Science (Chinese Medicine) and that I need more space in my life to find my path. The Chinese Med is only part time and I find the whole experience uplifting, but I'll post on that another time.

That's all for now. I'm excited...

Last post

So, this will be my last post before I delete this blog.

Basically, I'm trying to spend more time away from the computer and doing other things like getting back into my artistic side, gardening, and getting my health back into the optimal range.

Originally this blog was to chronicle my journey through med school, especially for anyone else who was interested. But due to the monotony of med school (!) I am bored with my own posts atm.

Everything is going really well in my life in all areas and things are looking even bettering the future.

Ok thanks for reading and good luck.

Take care!

How to juice

How to juice with Joe Cross

So after just watching an interview with Joe Cross, he mentioned something that I never really considered before - if you get your nutrients and even calories without non-soluble fibre, our bodies will flip into the "famine" state. Interesting. Above is a link on "how to juice" but I think it's fairly easy to figure out on one's own.

This is based on the theory that our bodies are designed to store energy (as fat) in times of feast, and to use energy (burn fat) in times of famine. So if our bodies think we are in famine, we should lose weight.

Also, I only have a blender and checked that blenders and juicers are not the same thing. Juicers extract that non-soluble fibre I just mentioned. So I just ordered the cheapest one I could find online at  http://www.appliancesonline.com.au/  and it should arrive on Monday.

New phone

I dropped and killed my Samsung Galaxy II. I was so looking forward to getting the Nexus, but it's $735. I recently took my insurance off my phone plan to save money. Doh. So I asked today (on my fatigue break I drove to the major town) what was the cheapest smart phone, and I can't believe the Samsung Galaxy Mini (pictured above) was only $135! Wowzas!

Happy outcome.

Also while I was up there I dropped into the organic cafe which has a mini grocery dept as well and picked up some organic fruit and veges and a few other bits and pieces. I tried not to spend too much. I thought I would eat everything and then if I needed more I could probably drop in and grab more stuff after taking patients to the hospital near by. I'm trying not to waste so much.

I couldn't do my quiz again last night but I'm not expecting to be able to any more. I have been asked to take my computer into to be checked that it isn't faulty. As it is a brand new iMac and works perfectly for everything except the proctor, and I have spoken to and run diagnostics with the proctor company several times, I don't think I will be spending my money on this before the end of this term anyway. I kinda need my computer for, like, classes and writing my presentation and study and....

The turn around

Here's the run-down of what I did today:

• Sat at the work desk in a numb state for about 4 hours. Did about 3 pages of reading. Felt no challenge in it whatsoever.
• Got a phone call from my academic advisor and vented to her about my frustration with the proctor. She said she would try to help me but she must take grades off me for not attending the classes. Felt like I was on the verge of crying re both issues.
• Did a bit more study out of shear force - have no passion for it at all. Wonder to myself what on Earth am I doing wasting my time and money.
• Decided I desperately needed a creative outlet asap and couldn't wait until the end of term. Did some sewing at work and released the right hemisphere of my brain. This immediately inspired me.
• Got distracted looking at some weird hippie websites and found one about Automatic Writing. Had a go at it and think it went well thanks mainly to my experience in meditating. My answer to the question "Should I become a doctor?" and "Am I dong the right thing with my life?" was "If it is what you want to do". Hmmm... thought it wasn't supposed to be wishy-washy. Then I asked "What should I do with my life?" and the answer was "Be a good doctor and a good person". Interesting. Had a feeling then that I knew what I needed to do - be a good doctor and a good person. Also had a creepy feeling of presence in the empty work building. Thought I could see shadows and light bending, and the lights above me began flickering on and off. 
• Got freaked out and told my spiritual guides I wasn't ready to meet them yet. I'm scared the wrong people will come through due to me being a paramedic. I think I might need to find some assistance with this in the future.
• Decided I needed to tap into my spiritual side a bit more (but without communicating to "the other side") - found out about a movie called May I Be Frank. Also watched this YouTube clip about the same guy. Realised I am detoxing a lot of emotional baggage due to changing to a vegan diet. This explains a LOT.
• Feel rejuvenated. I know I am on the right path with veganism and the way in which I wish to live my life in the future.
• Told the BF what happened to me today and he joyfully reminded me that he did say over the weekend that I was feeling restless because I hadn't eaten meat. He felt satisfaction in being right. I felt satisfaction in him being able to gauge my feelings so accurately, even if he didn't really know what they were.
• There was also a part in the second video about Frank saying the hippies at the cafe really "saw" him (in the Avatar "I see you" sort of way). This reminded me about the feelings I had in Cambodia where helping people came so naturally and easily. I can't really explain how at this stage. Maybe because my life there was not so superficial. Or maybe because the Khmer people felt I saw them...?
• There was also a part about being human, ie not super-human, which reminded me my BF always says "You're not Vulcan". 

So what does this all mean? Well, for my personal life, it means I am on an extraordianry journey. In my professional and study life it means it is easier to do what I do when it comes from the right place. I feel less pressure on myself in med school because I am not doing it (entirely) for myself.

I'm not sure I can eloquently put into words the "shift" feeling I'm having right now, but I do intend to build upon it and keep going.

Still over it.

That is all.

Over it.

Had a lovely morning being Valentine's Day - it is all about who you spend it with for sure. As the BF and I are saving to build our new house and want to do a bit of travel soon and we don't want reject materialism/consumerism, we tend to do "quality time" activities instead of buying gifts. This morning was breakfast in bed and a nice massage for me before work. Lovely.

We also did some cool stuff in the city as our sort-of V-day-weekend. We went to the National Gallery of Victoria (free!) and walked the city streets on the warm Summer's night to a short-film festival put on by the United National Association about sustainability and transitioning to a greener world. We then went down Chinatown and had an interesting(!) cheap meal there, which my positive spin was something like "Well this mutton stew will be good practice for us when we go to Mongolia!" lol

Ever since one of the BF's horses bit him really hard on the arm, I've been scared of them. I'm scared of his cows too. I can handle the Shetland pony mostly. When we walk around his property I just anxious if I realise I'm in the same paddock as them and if they start walking or running towards us I freak out. When I hear jobs on the work radio about people being injured and even killed by their livestock I shudder. I have no idea how I'm going to handle living on a farm.

Veganism - I have been caught a few times "forgetting" that I'm vegan. I even nearly ate meat on the weekend - the chicken sandwiches looked so tasty! I managed to get a vegetable sushi roll but as I got halfway through it I realised there was mayonnaise in it. Darn. I'm back at home now so it should be easier again.

And my study - well, my motivation and enthusiasm is at an all-time low. I have 3 weeks left and I really can't be bothered. I am at risk of failing if I don't get my act together. I'm just so annoyed all the time at the remote proctor not working and the issues I have with trying to communicate with the faculty staff. I'm annoyed at the lectures being compulsory and my internet being unreliable and stressing about losing grades. I'm annoyed that the lectures are mostly the students talking and the stress of being put on the spot to answer questions I may not have read about as yet. I'm really annoyed that the quiz questions are commonly poorly written and so dis-jointed and often don't reflect the learning objectives of the week making me suffer losing valuable marks. 

Yeh, I'm over it.

Horn cabinet

This is my most excellent Horn cabinet Mum gave me. I set it up in the spare room and I have a new "For Mending" box. When this term is over I want to go through my wardrobe and change the things I never wear into things I do.

Vegan nutrition and a horrible day at the office

Well apart from a few accidental slip-ups including eating honey and stuff that contained whey, I think I've done pretty good for my first fortnight of veganism.  In fact - it's been really easy and really enjoyable. I feel really really good. It has helped me a lot to think about what I'm actually eating and to stop and make good nutritional, and where possible ethical, choices. I do wish I had more organic fruit and veges available to me, but I'll do my best for now.

-----
I had my most horrible day in ambulance yesterday ever. We were driving back to branch when a dog got run over in front of us. I don't know much about canine medicine but he seemed to be decerebrate with obvious head trauma, was not reacting to outside stimuli, and had no pupil or no corneal reflex in my physical examination. He was still breathing though, but it seemed to be a sort of reflex. His owners came out - a lovely elderly couple - and they were very upset indeed. There is no vet in town and the dog was very old. I gave the owners the option of me calling the local copper to put him down using a bullet to the head. They decided to take that option. I was so upset. Much more than by human death. I had a nightmare last night as well. I went home and hugged my dog so tightly and I also couldn't help thinking about that baby emu my BF and I found with a terrible open leg fracture and also that worst night of my life when I agreed to go shooting. I have realised how much I love animals and reinforces my decision to go vegan. My BF is a little confused by this turn-around as it wasn't that long ago we were talking about raising our own cattle for food. He is supportive and has accepted the compromise that he can still eat meat, although he has really enjoyed and even requested some of my vegan dishes.

-----
I was driving home from the hospital in the ambulance late last night thinking about being vegan and thought to myself "why on earth didn't I do this earlier?" I guess I thought it would be really hard or I had somehow been convinced that I needed to eat meat to be healthy, but really as far as I can tell it's only vitamin B12 that I need to take as a supplement (which I have an awesome liquid multi in my fridge which I have as my little treat in sparkling mineral water and the body can store quite a lot of B12 anyway).  Other potential dietary insufficiencies include:

• Omega-3 - luckily for me, I absolutely love olive oil and avocados and attribute them to curbing my fat cravings and improving my skin.
• Protein - we only need about 100g a day which can easily come from the amount of tofu I seem to be newly addicted to. Other sources include: legumes, nuts, seeds.
• Iron - non-haem iron seems to be ok, especially when combine with the absorption enhancer vitamin C. Sources are again legumes, nuts, and seeds. Also, thankfully as I love it, watermelon has both iron and vitamin C.
• Vitamin D - sunshine or supplements.
• Iodine - as much as any other person - try to get table salt with iodine in it.
• Calcium - again soy, nuts and seeds and figs! Also in some fortified wholemeal breads and cereals.

So it looks like I'll be consuming a lot of soy from now on! Luckily, like I said, I'm addicted to it!

Change re lectures :)

Oh ye-ha! OUM just announced that, as of next term, the clinical lectures will not be compulsory to attend live! Yays!!! No more stressing over getting out of shifts, no more silly loss of marks due to work clashes, no more stupid, stupid 4am lectures!!!! Oh, my prayers have been answered.

The lectures will still be compulsory but students will have the option to watch the recordings at a time convenient for them! Wooo-hoooooo!!!!

They also formalised that MD students must get >75% to pass in each module. Less than 75% = failing and repeating. It will also state "fail" on the academic transcript which is scary. Thank Buddha that it's not >75% in the exams otherwise I'd be having a cow right now (although it seems I should really be trying to get >80% in the exams if I want to pass the IHE: In-House Exam which is the OUM hurdle before Step 1).

Oh yeh. Life is good.

PS Can't get into my quiz again. This term my success rate is 25%. Awesome (not).

Studying at work

Getting through Alzheimer's and other neurodegenerative diseases at work this week. Nb: I've changed desks because someone else needed "my" desk in the office. The change of environment has been enjoyable (but not quite as good as a holiday).

I'm also revising through FA Organ Systems which is getting more and more helpful as I have learnt more and more of which I can then revise. Funny that.

The QBank qs I looked through earlier weren't that helpful as my med school's exam questions seem to be getting less and less like the USMLE-style. Oh well, I'll use QBank next year when I'm studying for Step 1.

The honey problem

Today I was going to be so happy to have made it to two weeks as a vegan... until I remembered that I had been eating honey! D'oh! I didn't even think about until it at the time. I am a fan of maple syrup but I ran out and there was honey at work so..... Dang.

Other things that have tricked me - whey is a milk by-product - of course! Doh again. Gelatin has snuck into my lollies - geez. And apparently wool is a no-no too, which, I guess makes sense. Luckily I love cotton.
------------
Last night we did get called out so I only got to bathe and vacuum - no workout, study or quiz attempting. I couldn't get out of bed early enough to attempt it this morning during the end of my on-call period. Tonight is the night.

Better but nauseated

Well I am feeling a bit better today after deciding not to go too hard on myself or dwell in the past and to get my bum into gear and do some hard-core study this week. I also remembered that since we only have 6 case studies per 8 week term now (instead of the previous 8) that I actually have 2 whole weeks for revision before the final exam.

I have actually enjoyed, as usual, my studies today and yesterday. I am not enjoying the constant pressure of the lectures, quizzes, mentor meeting etc. I guess I can compare it a lot to when I was a paramedic student and graduate paramedic, and geez I really feel like I need a break. Holidays are in about 6 weeks so I can't friggin wait (not that I'm going anywhere).

After studying all day at work (I read about the different types of dementia and about the limbic system) and having some interesting patients, my plans for tonight at home are (if I don't get any call-outs) to do a quick work-out and vacuum, and then attempt this quiz even though the thought of it makes me feel nauseated.

I might even do some QBank if I feel as good as I do now (and the ongoing issues with the remote proctor doesn't suck the life out of me)...

Code Red and ravenous

I'm at Code Red. I feel anxious and stressed. I worked until 3:30am this morning and just couldn't attend my lecture. I was also under-prepared and so friggin tired from the weekend. I feel like I've lost the plot and I don't know where to start.

It is really not helping that I've been on a diet. Cutting out refined sugars is NOT helping! I know it will be better for me in the long-run but I wish I had waited until after the end of this term. Now I've done really well to get my BMI from 24 to 23 I don't want to undo all this hard work.

I'm quite ravenous after my morning run, lack of sleep, and lack of food (I had watermelon for breakfast). Completely cranky. I should really end this rant here.
------------
Off to go figure out my damage-control plan for this term...


EDIT: Sorry for this terrible post. I had some more breakfast and feel much better. I shouldn't be allowed in public so hungry.

Reality: I only missed one lecture. It's best not to miss any, but it's no the end of the world. I normally miss 2-3 every term and I have decided previously that this is acceptable collateral damage to continue working full-time. Also, I normally have lulls in each term, that was mine. Now to stop complaining and start taking action.

Back to reality

Back home and it's back to reality. My time with the BF was basically like a big party as per usual. As the BF pointed out though, we only party on my two weekends a month so somehow that makes it ok.

I'm at Code Organge. I feel so behind, do disorganized, and so at risk of getting very bad grades. My plan is to look at FA for the Step 1 tonight and get my act together for next week. Next week is only week 5 so it's not a complete disaster...yet.

Weekend

Another awesome weekend at the BF's. Currently doing some neuro reading on the couch while he watches Valkyrie.

Had the most hilarious and random night last night at one of the old local pubs here. It has been purchased and run by an old Greek couple that don't really care if they make money or not as they are just land-banking for their kids. The BF and I were the only two people in there and we were priviledged to some Greek home-cooking tapas and stories of how they met in Greece in the 50's and their 31-day boat trip out to Australia in the 60's, amoungst other great stories.

Ok back to spinal cord reflexes.

Failure to launch

So I trundled my little hybrid bag all the way to the station only to find out my fare would be $48!

I've decided to drive...

Samoa's private hospital

In Apia, the capital of Samoa, there are two hospitals - the public and the private. When you are a tourist, or one of the few wealthy Samoan, you definitely want to use the private hospital. It seems the private hospital, Medcen, is having a little difficulty right now.

Samoan government plans to use the private hospital to avoid overseas treatment
Private hospital collapsed due to patient debts

FML

Well I did end up doing a workout last night as well. I also watched tv (Fashion Police) and didn't do any study at all.  I tried to do my quiz this morning but my internet wouldn't work. I still have it hooked up to the LAN (that works) and I haven't figured out the wireless router as yet as it works on my phone and iPad. I run a diagnostic and it asks for a PPoP address or something like that - I have no idea what it is asking for. Ugh...

I had my mentor meeting and I felt slightly more prepared than last time but still feel like I don't know anything at all and like the biggest dumbass medical student she has ever come across. My motivation in waning and I'm day-dreaming of the end of this term.

I also had my first time of going out for food as a vegan. I had called ahead, but it turns out the gnocchi has egg in it, so I had to have a change of plans. The beef salad without the beef or dressing sounded so incredibly boring after I had planned for the extra calories for the week. I ended up going with a vege coconut curry and rice which was delicious. I used my new My Diet Coach app and nearly fell off my chair when I calculated the calories. Holey-moley. That, with a glass of Coke, means I am over my daily calorie budget. Great. I can workout for an hour and not eat for the rest of the day and get back to 0 balance.

Kitty managed to get her arm (yes, I do refer to the front legs of quadrupeds as "arms") stuck through her collar which terrified me into thinking she might do this and get stuck somewhere never to be seen from again. I will try making another smaller hole to tighten the collar a bit more. Poor Kitty.

Well, that is all. I guess I better stop complaining and get back into trying to study. FML.

Furniture mahjong

Just moved and thoroughly cleaned a whole bedroom on my own. No need to workout today.

The BF

So.... I said I'd never talk about my love-life on here, but someone has become a major part of mine and it's hard to keep things separated. I've typed then deleted a number of posts mentioning him which never got published, but today I had to re-jig my schedule to accommodate my BF. Typical. LOL

My darling BF (boyfriend), who is atm in my mind the most wonderful person in the world, lives some distance from me. We have been seeing each other about 7 months now and we've just decided to try and spend our weekends together every week, in sort of a part-time living together arrangement until other arrangements have been made. This does severely impact my study schedule, but for two months I've been trying to get my study all done during the week and it seems to have been working well so far. I've also attended online lectures at his place and studied there as well, and he is so sweet and doesn't mind watching a some revision videos on the couch with me at home. Cute. He totally gets how important medicine is to me and wants to be as supportive as possible and not selfish like so many blokes are.

He is a social worker and works in Child Protection for the Government and is wanting to do post-grad psychology and become a clinical psychologist. He grew up on a farm and has those lovely country good-values and utter brut strength which is so attractive in a man (as well as his pure good-looks). So that is him.

It's all shiny and new and wonderful.

But I digress.

I can either drive or catch the country "fast-train" (in Australia, the fast-train is about 0.30x the speed of the Japanese Shinkansen) to his. Driving is a tiny bit quicker and both probably cost about the same as my car is so economical on fuel. I personally prefer the train because I can study on it, eat and drink, there's a bathroom on board (it's a long trip), and I can even sleep on it if I need to. I find it less exhausting. Remember that I drive long distances for a living!

Anyway, I've had to change my study schedule, but like I said, it is fluid as is life - things are constantly changing.

Also, I'm glad I can talk about my BF now because we are planning to build our sustainable house on his land that he already owns - 5 acres in the bush. The project is moving slowly but we have a long deadline of the end of next year which takes a lot of pressure off. Currently we are up to having it surveyed etc so I am sure I will start another page on here about the progress of the house once we break ground.

And.....lastly, my new housemate is finally sort-of moving in this weekend! Well, she is setting up her room and will be staying here on the weekends I'm away at the BF's, which is two a month. I have to clear out that room (it's currently my guest room. My gym will be the new guest room and the front living room will double as work-out space) today - there's not much in there, just two single beds and extra bed linen etc in the cupboards. She will move in permanently when she sorts out her job and hours etc.

The dog is very excited to have his best friend, my housemate, alternating weekends with his other best friend, my BF.

So, as usual, it's all very exciting! I love my life!