Not much

Not much has happened since my last post. We have been away on a family holiday before I commence back at work (ambulance) next week.

Australian internship prospects have not changed.

Being away on holiday helps to find the time to sit back and reflect on what you truely want, and to find the adventurous spirit to brave through the tougher times (such as these).

I have been researching possible alternative locations of internship and I hope to have something sorted out in the coming months. Until then its just getting back on road as an ambo, preparing for AMC2, preparing for internship, and saving in case we have to relocate (yet again).

AMC1 pass!

So, so, so happy to report I passed the AMC part 1 on first attempt in May.

The 6 weeks had off to study was all I had really. And we moved in the first week and holidayed in Tasmania for a week as well so it wasn't exactly 6 weeks full-time. I ask had the kids to think about so my days wherefore like 6 hours of study, not 12-14 hours or anything crazy like that.

I think my ambulance experience, my clinical placements and med school course work, and then my study strategy is what got me a passing score on the AMC. I also recommend AMCQBank.com (no affiliation) as that really prepared my mind for the skill of the test taking. I also learned some clinical knowledge along the way, although I'm sure its not the most reliable or authoritative source available! However, it helped me gauge where I was in terms of readiness for the exam. I recommend scoring at least 50% in the AMCQBank.com practice exams before attempting the real exam.

It also helped me realise that I can study for and pass standardised Australian medical exams. Even if in the beginning things seems tough, or I don't know everything, I can still be "good enough" to continue wiht my career. I'd love to know more and be more comfortable as a junior doctor so now I begin the processor preparing for internship.

I have applied for internships in Australia for 2019 and am waiting to see what happens. We are also considering Samoa 2019 to be able to give us a sense of predictability for the next few years, rather than just waiting another 12m months to see what happens. I'm not sure on that one.

Next month I am returning to ambulance work at a new branch. I am very excited to be back doing the job I love, getting my clinical game back on after 18 months of not seeing a single patient since having my son, and regaining my Authority to Practice. We are also a registered profession now so I look forward to paying $500 for that honour lol

So for now I'm studying my ambulance stuff, preparing and applying for internship, and just figuring out a good routine as a mum so the kids grow up happy and healthy.

AMC Prep Week 5/6 - on the road

I am in Week 5 of 6 weeks AMC prep and I am away from home visiting my parents in Tasmania. So far they have been very supportive of my study including looking after the children and cooking meals etc. I wish I had this much support all the time.

This week I have dedicated to the AMC Anthology of Medical Conditions book, specifically the images within the book as I hear they appear on the exam, and AMCQBank. There is probably about 100-150 pictures in Anthology so I think it's reasonable to at least learn the conditions/diseases presented.

I have also been told the images in Tjandra Surgery textbook are worth knowing, however that is a much larger textbook. I will have a flick through when back at the hospital library. My colleague also said each topic that appears in AMC Handbook to look up the answers online in the RACGP guidelines. That makes total sense. And is probably a better way for me to study than using Murtagh's.

I am really enjoying QBank. I was around 70% average but I've dropped to 60% since doing the normal distribution of questions, that is more adult medicine, whereas before I was focusing on obstetrics and gynaecology and psychiatry questions to supplement my study last week for which I seem to do better on exam questions. I have done about 400 questions out of 1795 so far. Actually, I think part of my drop in percentage is doing the questions at home and on holidays because the distraction level is extreme. I find I lose A LOT of marks because of simple errors such as reading the question or answer choices incorrectly. I will have to take my time on the day.

My colleague just informed me she passed the AMC with a 60-65% average on QBank so that is a little reassuring, however I would like to improve my scores over the next few weeks before I sit the exam. Of course, I'd like to do really well on the exam, and not just pass it, but I need to sit it next month as I don't have any more full-time study time available to me, plus hoping to have some results for internship applications mid-year.

I have now booked my exam for Saturday the 19th of May. I will be staying in the city (without the kids) the night before so I don't have to travel as far to the testing centre. I need to be there at 8:30am.

My current level of confidence has improved to where I can see I can possibly do this (hence I booked the exam) but I am not very confident at all. And it feels shit.

Overall, though, this prep has made me feel much more confident about possibly being an intern soon. As a supervising doctor once said to me: "You don't have to be the best, you just have to be average." Love it.

If I pass AMC then I will feel the right to feel average :)

Improving

I have been intermittently taking practice exams to see where I'm at and I'm happy to report my confident and marks are improving.

I think a lot of it is just activating my brain in this way again after such a lengthy break with the kids, not thinking about much else except nappies, formula, and whether Iggle Piggle is an appropriate role model for the past year.

I started out with an embarrassing 45% correct average, now it's around 70%. I would like to be hitting 75% consistently (or even greater) before I attempt the real exam.

So I've almost completed 4 weeks of full-time study prep, but in that time I did miss some days due to moving, Easter, illness etc. I plan to have another 4 weeks of part-time prep when hubby goes back to work but I would absolutely love another 6 weeks full-time study (to make 3 months total) but I simply do not have that option due to childcare.

Anyway, no time to lose worrying. Back to the books.

I'm currently doing AMC QBank as well.

Week 4/6 of AMC1 prep

Today I start week 4 of my 6-week Australian Medical Council exam for International Medical Graduates prep. I can't believe I'm already half-way.

Week 2 was a write-off due to moving. Last week I had a massive migraine with neurological signs that landed my in the Emergency Department with a CT Brain. I'm all fine but it took the wind out of my sails.

Weeks 3 and 4 have been a much reduced study load than what I set for myself in weeks 1 and 2. I really should've given myself an extra week for adult medicine at least.

This week is Obstetrics and Gynaecology. I am doing the O&G questions from AMC Handbook of MCQs, and cross-referencing them with Llewellyn-Jones Fundamentals of O&G. Some of the gynaecology questions from AMC Handbook are in the adult medicine section so I saved them for this week when I came across them in week 2 as there are only about 28 obstetric questions.

A lot I know from just having a baby myself. Some I learned at med school and from my in-hospital clinical obstetrics placement, but seeing as I was pregnant with my first during the reproductive system module and then with my second during my O&G placement, I can't say I was really on the ball during those times at med school. I definitely learned more by simply being pregnant myself. Of course its very much augmented by the fact I read O&G textbooks to supplement my own experience as a patient. I always say that its easier to remember things when your brain deems them important. What is more important than the health of your unborn baby?

Part of the issue I had such a terrible migraine, I think, was from studying at the library. The public library has only one study room and it is often booked by group of old ladies chatting about knitting or baking or some crap that really infuriates me. The other "study" section of the library has been so unbelievably noisey and distracting lately. I am a mum and a paramedic so I can work under pretty awful noise conditions but this library situation has been horrible.

Then I realised I really needed a particular textbook that I really didn't want to have to purchase so I rang the local hospital library to see if they would allow me an outsider membership. It took a week to organise and $135 for an annual membership but I am so happy to be able to borrow at the hospital library AND study in a lovely quiet space. So stoked.

Its been the Easter long weekend so neither library has been available to me and my husband had arranged some (urgent) landscaping to occur at our new house and our babysitter kind of feel through so I was unable to study which really sucked. Always, always obstacles for me. But...I just have to push through.

So far I am sticking MOSTLY to my plan of completing AMC Handbook cover-to-cover and referencing topics in Murtaghs, as well as Llewellyn-Jones O&G, Practical Paediatrics by South and Iaasacs, and I think I'll also use Foundations of Clinical Psychiatry by Bloch. A few other clinical guidelines online, and I'm really going to try and go through the photos in AMC Anthology of Medical Conditions because that's where I heard a lot of the images in the exam come from.

Ok back to the books because I have no time to waste.

The AMC prep continues

I'm in week 2 of my 6 weeks full-time AMC study prep.

We moved house last week which threw a massive spanner in the works. I sacrificed my study time to unpack and set up furniture to be able to live. It's so much more time consuming with kids, plus our new place needed a number of immediate renos. I love it though, so much character and oh boy was it a bargain for where it is. All I see is the potential. I just want to stay there but who knows where I'll get my internship next year.

I'm still studying AMC Handbook of MCQs against Murtaghs as my primary focus, then looking at some other topics that are known to come up in the AMC part 1.

My colleagues have been doing well passing their exams which makes me more optimistic, although they are a lot smarter than I am!

That's all I have to update, I have to reach my set daily study questions quota in the library before I go home. Luckily I moved just around the corner so I can go home for lunch break. Today I want to do 20 questions which should take 8-10 hours.

AMC prep

My AMC prep is now in full-swing.

My 3yo has started kinder two days a week from 9-2 and I put the baby in daycare the same times. Then I go to the library and study.

I was also doing Sundays at the library (6 hours) which was fantastic but hubby was feeling the exhaustion a little too much so I decided to drop the Sundays and hope and pray the kinder hours are enough.

Hubs has 6 weeks off starting week after next. I will be studying full-time during that time. I have broken the AMC handbook down into 6 weeks and will complete all the questions and do the necessary back-reading in Murtaghs etc. This will be the bulk of my prep.

I am still intending on taking AMC1 mid-year. I would LOVE to postpone it to end of year but I'm not sure how much more benefit I would get as I'm wanting to return to work part-time as well as my long service leave pay is about to finish.

Happily, my brain is finally able to switch into student/doctor-mode the times the kids are in care, which is fantastic. I finally feel like myself again. I'd personally prefer twice as many hours to study but that is not my current reality. I'd love to stay up at night an study when they go to bed but to behest, I am exhausted by then and bubs is still waking twice a night. I don't think I can do it. Maybe closer to the exam I'll caffeinate myself eve further.

In the past I'd watch a doctor show like ER to get me motivated when I'm feeling like a professional student and not a doctor but seeing as I haven't really watched TV since the kids were born, now when I do-so it just seems so lame. BUT, someone did recommend I read When Breath Becomes Air and that definitely sparked some motivation within me. I think I should try and get another medical memoir to read.

Having kids...it's just such a huge obstacle for mothers wanting to do anything else than be a mother. I am so thankful to have this current balance. The kids are loving kinder/daycare so mum-guilt is not very strong right now. Baby smiles and waves when he sees the educators at daycare. He happily plays with their toys and naps better than at home. I think he is benefitting from the daycare as much as I am.

In my vast experience as a mother (lol), I believe that finding the right balance is unique to each family, takes trial and error to find, and is immensely dynamic require readjusting the sails as you voyage.

I am very, very nervous about AMC, but each day I study my optimism grows a fraction. The honest truth is, I am not confident because I am simply not ready, I haven't studied enough and my knowledge is not where it is expected to be. I will overcome this by studying more and improving my knowledge as preparation is the best cure for nervousness.

AMC prep and worry, worry, worry

Hi,

I'm back!

So...what has happened since my last post...

I had my second baby. A gorgeous baby boy. He's just so sweet and handsome, calm and very very strong! Wow! We call him Hulk Baby or Bam Bam. He's just perfection. I received my medical school diploma the day after he was born. It was a strange and amazing week!

He has only just started sleeping well at 6 months old, and with having a 3-year-old on top, it means I've been the perfect example of exhausted. Complete baby-brain has prevented me from attempting any form of study, revision, AMC or internship prep, until now. Given this situation, I have deferred my internship until 2019. I hope I get something next year.

So I will be focusing on AMC prep now. I hope to sit AMC Part 1 before May/June in case any mid-year offers become available (unlikely). I think I might need longer to pass it. I'm now dealing with the consequences of only putting in minimal effort at medical school basically since my first child was born. I had a feeling I'd need a catch-up year but having a baby on top means I'm practically having two catch-up years. I worry this won't be good when I apply for a job. I plan to try and do some observer shifts in the second-half of the year to accomodate for this. I worry I won't be able to fit everything in as I also want to go back to work casually for some extra money.

My daughter commences 3-year-old kinder next month, just two days a week, 9-2. We have arranged for our infant son to attend daycare on the same days to allow me time to study. Currently, I get not more than an hour or two per day, and that is highly interrupted and unproductive. My kids sleeping patterns overlap in the middle but it means at least one is awake for 16-18 hours a day. You don't need a PhD in mathematics to figure out I'm already running on empty and can't stay up to study when they are asleep. I'm ok to live day-to-day as a mum like this, but as a doctor preparing for registration exams and needing my brain to fire on all cylinders, this is less than ideal.

My husband will take care of the kids solo on the weekends this year so I can go to the library but the opening hours are limited at only 9 hours for the entire weekend. So, to do the maths, if all goes to plan, I will have 19 hours per week allocated to study. Most people study full-time, as in 40-50 hours, for 3-6 months to pass AMC. This makes me even more worried.

So I'm worried. In a nutshell. In a worried nutshell.

Then add on top of that "mum guilt." The fighting of the biological desire to be there for my babies 24/7. The wanting to play Lego and make snacks above medicine is a strong force. Intellectually I know better. I know they can thrive on two days paid care a week, I know they can thrive on hubby being the stay at home parent while I kick-start my medical career. I know this because I've done it already with thee lest child and she is just a fantastic kid.

I know they kids will have amazing opportunities as they grow with my income that medicine can provide.

My daughter's kinder is also the school both children will attend until they are 18 (graduated secondary school). It is a very good (read: expensive) school. It makes the worry about everything worth it. I follow the school on social media and when I see the older students are in Spain or France on exchange, participate in sports such as equestrian or cross-country skiing, travel to Ireland to learn traditional dance, and that half of the students graduate with scores in the top 20% of the country (i.e. admissions access to the majority of university courses), I know it is all worth it.

Done!

On the weekend I passed my final exam for medical school. It was a 16-station OSCE formatted to resemble the AMC part 2.

All assignments submitted and tuition fees finalised (I owed for library access).

Now I sit as a medical school graduand waiting my diploma in the mail and also waiting the arrival of my second child who is due in 4 weeks!

I am off work on paid maternity leave and long service leave until May 2018. The next few weeks and months I will be concentrating almost solely on being a mum. I have decided to defer my AMC prep until Baby 2 is sleeping a bit more and I have caught my breath after the first few months of infanthood.

I intend on completing my 12-month medical internship next year. Applications are open now.

I have been so overwhelmed with everything over the past few weeks that I haven't properly processed what this journey has meant for me or all the people  who have supported me on the way. I thought I'd do a big Oscars-style thank you speech here and on social media but instead I'm just sitting here a bit numb, a bit relieved, and mostly in the fog that is late pregnancy.

Nearly done

So... I've completed all my clinical placements! Now I only have my final OSCE to do. It is scheduled for May. Wow.

Actually, I am behind in submitting a few log books so I must get those done asap.

Now I'm looking at internship possibilities, and....having a (second) baby in June!

I'm coming to terms with this whole crazy, stressful, amazing journey actually coming to a completion. And my new career only just beginning.

I must be feeling confident of my future transition as I'm started sewing a few pairs of scrubs. You can buy them but I wanted to make them from old sheets from the opshop.

I gues that's all I have to comment on at this stage. Just preaprig for my OSCE and finalising everything to graduate!

I'm back.

Sorry about my absence.

I had a little freak-out.

Ok so I feel better now. I've sorted out my social media, AND decided I don't want to be a surgeon anymore lol

I got home from my last placement, and my daughter was acting distant toward me. I hated it. I hated it more than I want to be a surgeon. I want that closeness and bond with my child that only a more family-friendly medical career can provide. So there you go. GP-land for me. Maybe ED, depending.

So right now I'm back in the student accommodation ready for my FINAL clinical rotation! Woo-hoo! Amazing! It's in O&G.

I'm just sitting at my desk cutting off the fake nails I had put on for my wedding (PS I got married). Painted nails, and espcially aartifical nails, are a real no-no, but I havent had the chance to go get them soaked off so here I am cutting them really short and hoping noone will notice. They are a natural/nude colour. I will begin the painful process of actually tearing them from my nail bed tonight and see how far I get. There are bonded on tight!

Now I need to go cram for tomorrow. Apparently we have a full theatre list of gynae surgeries and I need to revise my female pelvic surgical anatomy knowledge.

Going away again. Sorry. Byes.

Hi peeps.

For the benefit for any regular readers out there, I wanted to let you know that I'm putting the blog on private for a while. Maybe an extended while.

The reason is that I'm going to be applying for doctor jobs soon enoguh and there is a certain societal expectation of the public persona of doctors, even though I've tried to keep this blog fairly anonymous. Given everything, I really can't afford to have any extra obstacles in my way.

I've taken a few other measures on the internet to try and build a professional persona. I'm almost digustedin myself for doing it, but I believe it's necessary. I'm getting married in a few weeks and I've decided to change my name (which will be before graduation from medical school) which allows me the luxury and opportunity to start afresh.

Anyway, I'll leave this here for a few days and then I'll go private for a bit.

Good luck to everyone!

So you want to be a surgeon

I have a problem. I want to be a surgeon.

It's problem because you have to be mentally a little bit, hmmm, mental to want to sacrifice all else for a career that is tough (very tough). It's also a problem for me becasue I've got a 2-year old daughter that I love being a mummy for. It's also a problem because surgical training programs are incredibly competitive to gain entry too and I'm, let's just say, not overly competitive in where I'm choosing to study medicine.

Where there's a will, there's a way, hey?

My Five Steps to achieving my/your goal is:

1. Visualise yourself achieving your goal
2. Find out what you need to do to achieve your goal, then repeat Step 1.
3. Find people that have already achieved your goal and do what they did, then repeat Step 1.
4. Find out if the people from Step 3 are available to be your mentor, either formally, informally, online stalker-type thing, or not.
5. Actually do the things in Step 2.

I've looked at the RACS website as to my Step 2 above and Oh. My. God. just getting INTO the surgical training program makes medical school look like a walk in the park. I can't believe I've been crying about how hard medical school is. It's true! The GAMSAT was the easiest exam of my medical career. Great.

Anyhoo, challenges only make us stronger, right?

....Right?

Getting closer to graduating!

The following is what I still need to do to graduate from medical school (it's getting closer!):

1. Complete surgical rotation (2.5 more weeks!)
2. Complete O+G rotation (8 weeks over xmas)
2. O+G exam
3. OSCE
4. Final Clinical Exam (MCQ)

I've also got a few log books etc to hand in. Pretty basic, but just time-consuming and annoying but hey it could be worse.

So how exciting!

I was able to arrange the surgery placement I needed, here at the same hospital, and got it sorted out very quickly and got asked what dates did I want, so here I am doing back-to-back with my 8 weeks IM (that I completed woo-hoo).

I moved rooms in student accommodation but it's in the same building. Last week, though, they had me in the doctors/med students house. Until that point I wasn't entirely sure why I was being housed with the nursing students, but I assumed it was something logisitcal. Now, although I still don't know why, I'm so glad I'm with the nursing students because the doctors house is horrible! I met with the lovely housing coordinator and she said "I'll make sure to have you in the nurses house over xmas" as it's summer and there's no aircon in the doctors house! Yuk!

Although I might be camping anyway....

I have just purchased a campervan :D This makes me very happy!

My lil fam and I did a campervan trip in New Zealand this time last year and loved it so much. I really wanted to get one of my own. Plus our extended families are spread all around Australia and I just love road trips. Especially while I'm a paramedic with lots of RDOs and annual leave and my fiance is a stay-at-home dad and our daughter is not at school yet. Such a greta opportunity to get away in the van when we can.

We've done a bit of camping before and lvoed it but it;s not as easy as just parking your van somewhere.

Anyway, I'm totally psyched and am thinking about a career in radiology so I can work from my laptop :D Not sure that is even a thing but the Plan B would be medical writing. Unfortunately, I don't reall ylike doing that so we will see!

So, my fam might come up and stay with me inthe campervan as it will be summer and there are really nice places to camp around where I'm doing my rotation. I am even excited about riding my bicycle to the hospital each day! I don't even ride a bicycle!

Apart from the eager anticipation of graduating, and the excitmnt over the future #vanlife, I am completely exhausted! I'm at work or placement 28 days of the month and it really not good for one's health at all. I would never, ever push on like this for an extended period of time. It's just not worth it.

So now to get an early night in my student dorm room before the ridiculously early start surgeons have (6:30am to get ward rounds done before theatre) and have a sleep uninterrupted by my little munchkin (although I miss her sososososo much).

What a journey!

Clinical placement update

Things have been going really good on this placement. The hospital is very friendly, as are the other students (both medical and nursing).

Staying in the student accommodation has been a very good experience for me. I am able focus being on a medical student and also rest when I need to (which you can't always do as a parent) which has enabled me to focus. I feel like I'm really keeping up with my local medstudent-peers and meeting expecations of the Interns and Registrars.

The Consultant and seniour staff here at the hospital have all been very forward in suggesting that I would be welcome as a doctor here, although they do all admit the frustrating obstacles with the internship bottle neck and the problem where the hospital is not an accredited training facility (at the moment). I do believe this will change in the near futre as the workload increases in regional areas and the need to invest in workforce stability pressures the government and training colleges to have a rethink. Whether this changes in time for me, I'm not sure.

Lately, I have not been worrying as much about my medical career's future as I have in the past. I'm not sure why. I think maybe it's becasue things are seeming to be working out, I'm more reassured of my level of knolwedge and the welcoming I've had at this site, and perhaps it has been a change in mindset. Maybe it's got to do with my fiancé taking over the primary carer role for our daughter. Maybe it's the fact I listen to podcasts in the car on the way up here and have created a morning routine including saying positive affirmations.

Things just seem to be going my way in all areas of my life, not just medicine.

They say to do the hard things when times are easy, or as I say "Get ahead now while you can".

I feel reinvigorated with my passion for medicine once again. I don't know why.

At the moment, I want to be a GP. I want to work 9am-3pm (school hours) and maybe train as a GP/O+G, or a GP/EM or something like that. Whatever it is, I'll be one of those "good" GPs. I want to have my office decor reflecting my aesthetic (which is quite clinical anyway) and even do housecalls. I'd like to build a relationship with my patients and be one of those old-school family physcicians. I want to keep my training up so I can handle emergencies that come in. I see so many GPs can't place IVs because they never do them, or even interpret 12-lead ECGs. I want to be able to excise skin lesions without referring to a surgeon, and really look after my pregnant and paediatric patients, and even mental health.

This is funny as I rememebr when I did my Basic Clinical Skills workshop the female GP said she was getting out of General PRactice as female GPs do "tears, fears, and smears" Which I think is psych, the worried-well/worried mums, and women's health (PAP smears). Bizarre that those are the things I, once again, look forward to providing for my patient.

Anyway, time to make dinner back in the student kitchen...

Additt to last post

For some reason I felt like I really wanted to talk about the idea of wastage when switching to minimalism.

So, here are my thoughts:

• Things taking up space and time and hassle and that are of burden to your life have a negative value. 
• Discarding absolute junk, and donating the rest as an act of charity, is good. Sell items that still have some monetary value if you desire.
• Once youve done your initial purge, you shouldn't unnecessaarily over-consume to the same extend you have been before. This reduces life-long net waste.
• If you do bring new things into your house that align with your aesthetics, try and purge the same number of items.
• When you do purchase "stuff", you are more likely to do it intentionally, thus minimising waste of money, time, landfill etc. It is much easier to do this when you have less other stuff and therefore you know what you do and do not need.
• You are less likely to duplicate purchases as you already know exactly where everything is.

I think that was it.

Minimalism

Totally non-med school related (or is it...?)...

So I've been doing the KonMarie method of decluttering since January (about 6 months) and am a bit addicted to it. I reassured my fiance it isnt OCD because people with OCD don't want their obsessions/compulsions lol

Our home/my life has been decluttered quite nicely. I did recently write a post on digital decluttering. That went well also. I'm also trying to limited my daily social media use. Sometimes I'm successful, sometimes not.

So now I'm down to wanting to go minimalist. Apparently there are "no rules" when it comes to minimalism.

I have begun with theses steps (some of them are decluttering rather than minimailsm but his is what I've been doing over the past fortnight):

1. Clearing off all surface tops, ie kitchen bench. I threw away (donated) my knife block and the knives just live in the draw now. I've donated a number of ornaments in order to welcome more space.

2. Reducing draw contents to the bare essentials and using divders in the draw for more order. I got some from the opshop! And a new white collander to relace the blue crappy one.

3. I got a whole heap of glass containers from the opshop and have begun taking the things in my pantry out of their packets and putting them into the containers. Apparently the words on the packaging creates mental clutter. I really like the aesthetics we have achieved so far in doing this. Even my fiance was very surprised and happy with how it looks. I also got a spice rack from the opshop (a nice one) and soaked off all the labels. Yep, I just have to guess which spice is which haha but it shouldnt be that difficult.

4. Pens! omg why do I have so many pens! I donated all but four.

5. Wardrobe! Totally my favourite! I begun with "defining my personal style" lol That was achieved with the help of Pinterest, and by thinking about which clothes make me feel really good and why. Many of the minimalists I follow on YouTube like to wear basically just black and white and maybe grey. One had a good tip about not buying tshirts with prints on them.

Ok so "My defined style" is like a smart, tailored casual with a good fitted sleeve and waist, and a slight utilitarian feel/slight WWII era feel. I've settled on my colour palette and it is the monochromes of black, some white (slightly high-maintenance so not overly keen), greys, and also denim blue, earthy olive drab green, and some blush nude. Nudes look fab but they washout my complexion so I need to be careful with it.

Once I decided on the colour palette I discarded any clothes in my wardrobe that weren't in-sync. This may sound extreme but let's face it, it's difficult to put together an outfit when you've got too many colours to work with. How many times do you wear something because you haven't worn it for a while even though you don't actually like it?

There weren't many that had to go except a few aqua-greens (I love the colour but again washes out my complexion), and a few other pinks that were too intense for my taste and never got worn in reality. I also realised I only like clothes that have a nice texture fabric, that have a nicely finished neckline that isn't too deep (hello, boobs), and I also avoid animal products like the plague due to ethical beliefs.

Then I listed the activities I do most often and what clothing I need for them (ie work is sorted due to uniform, med school hospital placements, hanging out at home, going on hikes and mini-adventures, and date nights with the man ie dinner and movies). I listed the items I love wearing but need replacing with the appropriate colour palette.

This was the fun part! I went to Target and Kmart (baby-free!) and went down every single aisle, considering my required colours, cut, fabric, and the clothes I actually need in my life. I didn't get distracted by "cute" clothes that weren't in-line with my desired wardrobe. For under $200 I virtually completed my wardrobe. I actually don't think I really require any more clothes now at all. I feel so liberated and free. I estimate I have around 50 items of clothing only now (sounds like more than it is: I challenge you to count your own), all of which I love. All of which go together and are real no-brainers. No stress about what goes with what, what looks good on or makes me look fat (losing weight also has helped this one), what suits me for which occasion. Seriously, who has time for that?

There are only one or two more things I'm thinking: ripped skinny jeans (I may just rip one of the pairs I own, plus I need to take int he waist band an inch to accomodate my large butt and small waist), new running shoes (might be on the xmas list), a new faux leather jacket (I have one I love but it's a bit broken and I'm on the lookout for its suitable replacement), and a blazer. I tried on one today but it didn't feel the right way so maybe that's not really what I want. I light jacket or some sort I think.

That's it! Amazing!

It will also be easier when I go to the opshop to search the garment racks with a clear vision of what I desire.

Digital declutter

*sorry about the typos - bit too busy to edit*

I am going through a major declutter this year. It all started back in January when I read Marie Kondo's book The Magic of Tidying Up. Since then, I've never stopped. I keep refining and refining. Now I'm on a mission to move from decluttered to minimalism.

A digital declutter is what I'm doing when I'm away from home (As I can't declutter my home when I'm away!). First I did my phone and deleted all the apps I didn't use. Then, the remaining apps I put all in one folder ("Apps") and moved it off the first home screen.  If I need to use an app I use the Search function.

Then, I turned off all the notifications for my apps and those annoying red update circles. The only notifications I get to my locked home screen are messages. I get notifications of FB posts once I've unlocked my phone.

I check my gmail ONCE per day now. I didn't bother emptying my inbox or anything as Gmail has such a good filter. I check FB way less often now and I'd love to get it down to once per day. I think I only check it more regualry than that when I'm bored, not because the app is controlling me.

Phone done.

Next, iPad. I did virtually the same as above, however my iPad 2 doesnt seem to have the search function so I had to keep the apps I wanted which were just the one's my daughter uses.

Finally, MacBook. I went into Finder and the Downloads and put everything in order of size. I deleted ones I didnt need. Then, with the larger files I wanted to keep (photos and ebooks) I opened Google Drive and moved them all over to there (drag and drop).

Then I organised the desktop into folders. That is all Iv'e onde on the laptop so far.

Next, Instagram. I started there as I knew it would be the quickest. First my Following list, I scrolled through and made sure I was folloing who I wanted to follow. The more people you follow, the more overwheling your feed becomes. I will just Search for hashtags and people as I wish but without following.   I am still following about 250 people.

Then, my IG profile. I changed my bio to just some symbols. Then, I went through all my photos and deleted the ones I felt no longer fit the overall theme I was wishing to create or were photos that didn't make me feel good for whatever reason.

IG done.

Now I'm onto Facebook. This is by-far the most time consuming for me.

First, I cheked my privacy settings to ensure they were as I want them to be. I tightened them a little.  Then I changed my Bio to just symbiols as per IG account.

Then I removed virtually all of my About details off my wall. I only have my Engaged To left.

Then, I went in and viewed my profile as the Public would see it. I was shocked at how many of my posted we set to Public. I didn't know where to start! I scrolled through my wall and started changing the settings to Friends Only but his is VERY time consuming. I vowed to check the privacy settings on all m y future posts as I post them to ensure this does not happen again.

Then I went into About and removed all those things such as Movie, Books, Pages Liked from my About section. On my wall I also hid my friends list.

Then,  I started going through my photo Albums. I deleted entire albums I no longer wanted, then started curating the others. I t not as overwhelming if you do it by Album. You can also download albums if you want to save them to a hardrive then delete it off Facebook. This is on my list of things to do.

On FB Timeline I regularly Hide from Timeline or I Don't Want To See this, which are options int he little arrow of top right corner of all News Feed boxes. I regularly Hide stuff that makes me feel bad in any way, anxious or disgusted, you know what I mean.

Friends list is a diffult one for me. I have a lot of contacts from work, medicine, netball etc and sometimes I want to be able to conact them via FB if necessary. I do Unfriend and Block when necessary, even if they ar a family member.

Finally, my own Profile Wall. This is by far the most time consuming. Scrolling down through year of posts takes ages to load and makes me feel motion sick. It's aslo something that if you do in small bits you have to scroll all the way back down to where you started each time. I think you can "jump" to certain years.  Some posts I delete and some posts I Hide From Timeline. I have to make sure I don't delete photos I dan't have saved elsewhere.

It is a work in progress.

Ok, I think that's my digital declutter summary.

Update and Making a come-back

Hi.

I'm on my Internal Med 8-week placement. I just got here. It's a Sunday evening and I've arrived at the student accommodation. What a luxury to be provided with accommodation!

Still need to complete the following to graduate from med school:

1. This 8-week IM rotation
2. 8 weeks O+G in November
3. 4 weeks of surg (trying to arrange)

Plus these exams:
1. O+G
2. Final clinical exam (written) <<<<scary one
3. OSCEs

I hope to be part of the graduating cohort in March 2017.


Making a come-back.

At some point, a few weeks ago, I thought to myself "What if?....I felt as confident about medicine as I do about paramedicine?"

Just allowing that thought to possess my mind for a moment opened something up to me. I realised I don't enjoy medicine mostly because I don't feel confident doing it. Yes, all my other arguments for why I prefer ambulance work are still valid, but WHAT IF?

I've just had 4 weeks annual leave and started to do some mental-game work. I've been reading, researching, watching, and listening to various sources. I found a new mentor and met her for coffee at her house. She has been a doctor for longer than I've been alive and was very, very helpful for my mind-game.

See, my problem is clinical, but it stems from my mind. It is so hard to learn if you have no confidence in your ability. Well, for me anyways.... I've been hiding. Pretending I'm not a med student. Hoping it will all just go away and I can go back to being a stay at home mum.

Then, I started to think BIG. What if..... I didn't go into General Practice? What part of medicine REALLY scares me, that I can turn around and make it motivate me to do better.

Ok, so then I had a dream about it - about what specialty really scares me. I'm not going to say which just yet (too scary). But I woke enthused about medicine again. Like the fire in my belly was fuelled once again. I think I just needed a really big goal to go for. Even though getting into GP-land would be still an amazing accomplishment, there's something about it, even the way I talk about it, that doesn't excite me, and I think I really need that excitement right now. I may end up in GP-land but it's the aiming for something bigger and scarier that is going to get me through med school.

My new mentor said something that really stuck in my mind

"You can't be a good mum, a good wife, and a good doctor all at the same time."

At first, that statement made me sad. I want to be all three. But then it transformed into something I really needed: to be let off the hook a little. It has allowed me to say to my fiancé (and daughter): "I'm sorry but I can't be a good mum and partner for the next 8 weeks." Of course my fiancé reassured me that I am a good partner and mother, but what I meant was that I have to put med school first for a little while. Even before them. Even though they mean more to me than anything.

It's sort of given me a bit of mental relief. I only have to be a good med student for the next 8 weeks.

So, I'm here, in my dorm room at the hospital. It's very comfortable. I'm SMASHING out the study. No distractions from work or home or what I "should" be doing. No watching the clock to get home early to see my munchkin. I'm here for the week and not going home until the weekend. That's that. I can completely focus on med school.

I'm realising I DO know stuff, and there is some stuff I don't know. The stuff I don't know was actually really great to find out because it made me realise that I DO know the other stuff after all.

I just hope I'm not SO far behind that I cannot come back. My new mentor reassures me that I am not That I WILL get through this and be a good doctor. I really needed someone to say that to me.

Now for 8 WEEKS OF POWER!

What if you don't want to be a doctor anymore? (Reasons I love being a paramedic)

Final year at medical school, yet SO not interested in leaving my current job as a paramedic and starting my medical career. SO NOT.

I've been toying with the idea that I don't want to be a doctor anymore. Well, at least, I'm not sure I want to ever practice clinical medicine.

Overall, I've really not been enjoying my placements. I find medicine "cool" and really interesting to learn about, but the reality of the "job" of being a doctor is much less desirable than my current role as a paramedic. Her are the reasons why I love being an ambo:

• you work autonomously (with your partner)
• you get "out" on the road
• you have the priveldge of coming into someone's home during a crisis
• you get to see someone in their natural habitat and how they live
• you get to drive fast with flashing lights
• you get fresh air
• you have a compltely new environment every shift/case you attend
• you have NO idea what your day is going to bring
• people trust and respect paramedics more than doctors (according to news polls)
• generally, it is one patient at a time and they get your full attention
• you only get "stuck" with patients for around an hour at a time or less (usually)
• I like wearing the uniform
• I feel more like myself at work
• other paramedics are generally really good people to be around
• the roster provides a better lifestyle for me (5 days on/5 days off)
• the annual leave is amazing (10 weeks per year, plus the ability to timebank)
• the wage is good compensation for the work we do and provides a level of living that I am happy with
• I'm happier at work than on placements (this may be due to being a student doctor)
• I'm good at my job
• I know my job so well now that it is easy, yet still stimulating
• I like having to use the level of inititive that can only be required in the pre-hospital environment
• pre-hospital medicine is an evolving field that has really exciting prospects for the future
• you get downtime
• I can get other personal errands done at work
• the work does not come home with me (although my pager sometimes does on-call)
• minimal paperwork
• recent pay increase
• you can go as deep into the clinical side of the job as you want (or not)
• I can work-out during work time

That is all for now.